Big Mac's Biceps, Now in Bulk

by gingersassy

Chapter 5: We'll Be Here All Week

Big Mac’s Biceps, Now in Bulk
Chapter 5

This morning Big Mac had discovered that his cousins had not, in fact, come to town, but they had such a big harvest this year that they decided to send nearly a whole crate’s worth of “Oranges and Orange Accessories” as it said on the side of the crate. “Good morning Big Mac, see you later Big Mac,” Applebloom yelps, pastry-in-mouth, “I got some crusading to do before school starts!” He sighs, just being glad that nopony, besides Caramel, that is, knew the real reason he got his cutie mark and what it actually symbolized. After all these years he could still visualize the image of that tasty body paint all over Caramels body, partly marred by dirt that truly just happened to look kinda like apple seeds on his rear. Only he and Caramel knew that his cutie mark truly symbolized chasing stallions. It literally represented that his calling in life was being a colt-cuddler. Big Mac stops reminiscing about his foalhood, and gets to work on the farm.

Just as he had finished up his chores for the day, he notices Applebloom walking onto Sweet Apple Acres, with her head hung low. She spots Big Mac, and walks up to him and asks, “Big Mac, what’s a colt-cuddler? Diamond Tiara told me that being a colt-cuddler was a bad thing, and that you and Caramel were both colt-cuddlers. Is that true?”

“It’s one third true. I’m a colt-cuddler.”

“So that means Caramel isn’t a colt-cuddler?”

“Eeyup”

“And it’s not a bad thing?”

“Nope”

“So what is it?”

“It’s a stallion who dates and marries another stallion instead of a mare.”

“Why is that a bad thing, it’s not like it’s anypony’s business, is it? Why would anypony care?”

“Dunno, ask your sister.” He coolly states as his other sister walks up towards them.

“Ask me what?” AJ mutters, “If this is about certain changes when going up, Big Mac lost that bet. It’s his responsibility.”

“What? No. Big Mac told me to ask you why some ponies hate colt-cuddlers.” Applebloom retorts.

“Oh you are one sick, cruel and twisted pony, you know that.” She huffs at him.

“Eeyup.” He states, grinning ear to ear.

The rest of the day passes with nothing out of the ordinary.

---

“Clearly only one of you actually heeded my advice to practice. Good job Sno- I mean, Bulk, take a breather. The rest of you whelplings give me fifty wing-ups!” Rainbow creaks that last word, Spike glaring at her. “No offence to any actual whelplings out there.” She stammers, looking down at the young dragon (which dragons of age call whelplings) below her.

“None taken, at least it’s not like you said moltlet in front of a griffon.” Spike reassures her.

“Isn’t that the truth, I made that mistake once, ONCE! Gilda wouldn’t put out for a week!” Dash says, her cheeks beginning to turn a deep shade of red at the realization that everypony here heard her say that, and they were all looking at her. But then almost immediately their attention turns to a certain dark grey pegasus stallion.

“Damnit!” Thunderlane says, apathetic to the stares he was getting “And here I just bought you the tastiest flowers that set me back at least a week’s wage in bits, hoping to ask you out, only to find out you’re not only a filly-fooler, but also griffon-chaser. Not that I really care about that, except that it’s you, and I’ve turned down like a dozen mares because I was hoping you’d go out with me. Now what am I gonna do with these flowers.”

“Twilight could probably use some seeing as the stallion she’d had her eyes on for months is a colt-cuddler.” Spike says, immediately regretting the consequences of what he just said.

“Spike!” Twilight yelps, redder in face than Dash. Bulk looks sheepishly around, shuffling his forehoof in the dirt. Twilight was suddenly blinded by the sight of some very tasty smelling flowers in front of her face. “Wait, what—”

“That was pretty brazen of the brave little guy, seeing as you’re so good with magic that you could probably banish him to the moon without the use of those Elements. But he has a point. I mean, we both found out that the barn doors of the people we had a crush on don’t swing our way. Wanna grab a bite to eat after this?” Thunderlane raises an eyebrow.

“Uh, yea, sure, that’d be nice.” Twilight blushes.

“Alright, stop gawking everypony and give me those wing-ups.” Rainbow Dash scolds “That means you too Thunderlane.”

The rest of the practice goes just fine. After it was all said and done, Bulk Biceps watches as Thunderlane and Twilight walk off together, or rather, Thunderlane hovering alongside her. He turns and walks back to his house, ready to tell Mommy how his day went like every time she’s home when he gets home. He didn’t know what he’d do without his Mommy. He knew everypony had to die sometime, but Mommy wasn’t all that old, so he didn’t have to worry about that for a long time.

---

Big Mac grunts. It was Tuesday. The day was almost over, but that didn’t matter. Tuesdays never passed quickly enough for him. Ever since Granny Smith realized that she was getting too old to do the bookkeeping (and even before that, to tell the truth, he’s had to double-check the books for years) it fell on him to do them. Granny Smith had taken back up the book keeping after Pa died, and Ma fell ill, but now the torch had been passed on down to him. He hated it, not that it was hard or anything, just tedious. Sweet Apple Orchards produced thousands of apples a week, and only their buyers in Manehatten, Phillydelphia, Maripony, and Canterlot ever bought their apples in bulk. Ponyville was too small for any wise pony to open a grocery store, so they had to sell their apples in the market, just like all the other local farmers. It wasn’t bad selling in the market, but the damned RISER ponies (Royal Internal Service of Equestrian Revenue) requires every business to document where they got their revenue, including the names and dates, as well as how much was purchased, and the price of the products. He understood where they were coming from though, after all of the money laundering schemes that had been happening. He blames the donkeys. Even though that white powdery stuff that looked like sugar that they made from the ‘coca’ plant is not strictly illegal in Equestria, its import is heavily taxed, and those donkeys didn’t like how much they had to pay to get it across the border, so they snuck it in, sold it under the table, and tried to pawn off the earnings as “legitimate” earnings from some other company in Equestria.

After ten grueling hours, he was almost done, just one more number to add. They were one bit short of what they should have had, but a single bit out of these thousands really didn’t bother him, and it wasn’t like he was over either. The RISER didn’t like when they were over, but tended not to mind if it was under 100 bits, their policy being to ignore anything under .01% of profit or 100 bits, whichever was larger. This, however, had only happened at Princess Celestia’s behest. She would rather see a small amount like that be smuggled in illegally, than to hurt the businesses under her rule. Besides, the largest company in Equestria still only had about a 1,500,000, which, by the Apple’s standards was quite a bit, but compared to the whole of the Equestrian economy, was really not all that much, and that business was smack dab in the middle of Canterlot, and everything it does is watched closely by the royal guard.

---

“You’re all a bunch of slackers!” Rainbow Dash lamentes. “We only have two more practices until the big day, tomorrow and Thursday. Could you at least bring your a-game tomorrow? I still want to beat the record, don’t you? Dismissed!” The tired pegasi wander back to their respective homes, Bulk Biceps being no exception. He wanted to quit so badly, but he can’t. He will not let Big Mac see him back down. A little birdie had told him that she heard Big Mac telling Applebloom he was gonna come watch. Well, actually the little birdie told Fluttershy, and she translated for him. He didn’t understand pigeon. Mommy had made him take a course on bluejay in school, but that’s all the bird he ever learned, and he still wasn’t too great at it. Once he gets home, he eats, and tells Mommy that day’s events, and then went to bed early, two more days to prepare before Big Mac watches his performance.

---

If Big Mac was going to work, he preferred manual labor, It left him to his thoughts, and let his mind wander. Monday, after Applejack had a talk with Applebloom, she had come up to him, and given him a big hug, and asked him, since he said Caramel was straight, if he had a colt-friend. He divulged, telling her about Bulk Biceps, and how they have their first date on Saturday. She then told him that he should go watch the pegasi refill Cloudsdale’s reserves, that way she could go too, maybe she could get her cutiemark in tornados or storm watching or something. He decided that she was right, or half right. He should go and watch, but there was no way he was going to let her go anywhere near there, she was too small, she’d be sucked up by the winds, and he didn’t want to have to worry about her safety. She had moaned and complained, but he was adamant, and she accepted.

He was kinda looking forward to watching Bulkie (hehe, he just couldn’t get over how cute that nickname was, way better than Snowflake) fly. For the life of him he couldn’t remember ever seeing Bulk fly, or even use his wings for anything like most pegasi do. As the day’s workload came to pass, he stays out in the field working on getting at least one more day’s worth of work in. Normally he spent Fridays putting in two days’ extra work so they have enough stock to not have to work the weekend unless Caramel was helping that Saturday. But since he was out of town this weekend, and he wanted to spend Friday watching the tornado, he had five days’ work to do between today and tomorrow.

---

“2.3? 2.3?! That has to be some kind of mistake! I worked so hard!” Fluttershy says, clearly distraught.

“Fluttershy, that's a huge improvement!” Twilight commends.

“You did awesome, Fluttershy” Rainbow Dash chimes in.

“No, I didn't. I thought I'd gotten over my nerves, but they still got the best of me! There's no way I'll fly with 10.0 wing power tomorrow! Even Bulk Biceps reached 10, and he can barely even hover like me.” She decries.

“Yeah!” Bulk Biceps beams, not realizing the nature of the conversation.

“So you won't fly with 10.0 wing power. Every bit counts!” Dash adds.

“How would you feel if everypony else was flying with 10.0 wing power and you were flying with 2.5?” Fluttershy retorts.

“Actually, it was only 2.3, and– ow!” Spike starts, before being slapped upside the head by Twilight, clearly not getting it either.

“Well, uh... I'd feel... um...” Rainbow stutters.

“Exactly! Humiliated!” Fluttershy cries, “I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, I just can't do it!” she finishes before flying off, feeling humiliated.

“It's okay, Rainbow Dash, you've still got plenty of wing power for your tornado. You'll be able to lift tons of water up to Cloudsdale!” Spike consoles.

“Yeah!” Bulk exclaims, tuning the rest of the conversation out deciding to go ahead home, before Rainbow Dash ends the practice officially. He knows they’d not be doing anything else today, and he wanted to keep his sleep up. There was only one more practice session left before the real thing.

---

Big Mac had managed to squeeze in an extra one and a half days’ work yesterday, so he had to get in another two and a half days’ work today, the same amount he managed yesterday, so he wasn’t worried. He also wasn’t worried about three little fillies being anywhere near the tornado. Before he went to bed last night he had asked Zecora if she would be willing to watch them for the day, and show them how to make some of the safe potions with safe ingredients that she had learned growing up as a zebra in her zebra homelands, paying her in advance for the price of the ingredients.

He had a strange gut feeling that that was what those three should be doing, and of course he had asked permission for them, though he didn’t know Sweetie Belle’s parents so he had asked Rarity for permission, and, well, the orphanage was glad to keep Scootaloo out of their way. He hated those ponies, and he seriously wanted to go adopt her himself. While he knew it would be hard, and those three could get dangerous when together trying to get their cutiemarks, having knocked down the barn twice, he’d rather deal with that than try to keep turning a blind eye to the orphanage’s antics. Unfortunately, the law mandates that single ponies can only have one adopted child. When their parents had died, Applejack had applied for emancipation, successfully, so Big Mac could adopt Applebloom. Granny Smith wasn’t allowed to legally adopt because the government determined that she was unable to care for a child, so he had to do it himself. But maybe, just maybe, if this thing with Bulk Biceps turns out good, he can get married a little early in their relationship so he can adopt her, but he couldn’t get his hopes up to high. He finishes work around midnight, and goes in for some much needed sleep.

---

This was it, the big day. Yesterday had gone without incident, and he was glad for it, after that practice he felt ready. Bulk Biceps adjusts his goggles, ready for flight. He hopes they can manage the tornado with so many ponies down with the feather flu, but he couldn’t worry, he had to focus on doing his best. He looks around, hoping for any sight of a certain red earth pony. The most interesting thing he sees, however, is Rumble asking Twilight something, she thinks about it, and nods. He still doesn’t see him, and it’s time to start.

Every pegasus takes off, and starts the tornado. Hehe, spinney spinney spinney, Bulk thinks to himself, this is fun. Uh-oh, this isn’t working, this isn’t fun anymore, he thinks, it’s scary. Suddenly, all the pegasi are thrown out of the tornado. This wasn’t fun anymore. He’s rocketed out of the tornado, scared, hoping he wouldn’t hit a tree, when suddenly, he slowed down, he’d landed in something warm, something hard, something muscular, something red. “Big Mac?” he asks, gently being released from his embrace.

“Eeyup.”

“I’m glad you were here to catch me, thanks!” he smiles, blushing.

“Eeyup.” Big Mac smiles back.

“No! One more time! I've gotta know we gave it our all! If I'm going down, I'm going down flying! C'mon, ponies, let's make this happen!” he hears Rainbow Dash yell.

“Yeah!” he shouts in agreement, looking back at Big Mac, both smiling like idiots. Suddenly he hears the horn calling for them to start one more time, he averts his gaze from Big Mac, and flies back up as macholy as he can to start the tornado once more.

Once in formation he drops the macho look, and focuses, putting in his all. It starts to break up again, he hopes Big Mac’s there to catch him again, but suddenly, a green and pink blur starts spinning around too, Fluttershy? This time the venture was a success, and when they finished, everypony was congratulating her. “Fluttershy! Fluttershy! Fluttershy can really fly!” He joins in for a few rounds, but then turns, looking for his warm savior. Big Mac was nowhere to be seen.

---

Somewhere in the middle of the dangerous Everfree forest, a certain hut lights up brightly, a brief flash emanating from the inside. The flash subsides, and all that’s left is the squealing of three little fillies, two of whom were blank flanks.