• Member Since 12th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen July 11th

ThatOneWriter


I ship it like FedEx.

T
Source

My name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm the last living princess of Equestria. I've been hiding in a cave for a while now. Celestia, Luna, Cadence, even Shining... they're all dead. The Elements aren't working for some reason. I fear that there may be no hope for us.


Pre-read by Don't Look at My Name Bro

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 18 )

You, sir, are absolutely depressing. Good job!

Weird. Cool.

This was pretty good, and that's alot coming from someone who normally hates sadfics. Have a like and favourite.

Celestia, Luna, Cadence, even Shining...

Sin Counter: *ding* Twilight lists off her loved ones and mentors, but fails to mention the child who showed her more loyalty and devotion than anyone else alive.

I could've enjoyed this beautifully depressing narrative if it hadn't been the millionth damned example of fans (and by extension, characters) not giving a shit about Twilight's closest friend. In the end, it left me feeling frustration and annoyance, and nothing more.

the unknown entity that destroys Equestria has been done. I'm pretty sure there's even been Twilight hallucinating her friends done.

At least create an identity for whatever was coming after them

5206038
Thanks?

Since this is in the comments of a sadfic, I'll just assume that was a compliment.

5206147
Thanks! Glad you liked it! :pinkiehappy:

5206292
Honestly, I'm just getting tired of Spike complainers. I like the character, but forget him ONE TIME and you are literally the antichrist. I just double-checked. In every story I've published, he either is covered or has no reason to be there (whether that's because Twilight's not in the story or because he's not interested in what she's doing).

If that one detail is enough to ruin the story for you, I dunno what to tell you.

5206938
I considered doing so, but the focus was never on the shadow things. The story was about Twilight and her friends. But mostly Twilight's reactions to their deaths. The explanation really only bogged down the pacing and left things a total mess, and it wasn't terribly important anyway.

5207449 It was a complement, don't worry.

Oh wow. Only eight comments?

That ending was incredibly depressing, and I meant that in the best way. I was expecting some big thing with them saving Equestria from the entities, but then it just ends. And she's completely resigned to it. Not desperate, not trying to escape, just... Resigned. She's only thinking about her friends. It's the best ending that this could have had.

TL;DR: It was perfect.

5211106
Heh. I can't fairly comment on whether it was perfect or not, although I would probably say no but thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

I do like the idea of what I did. I just fear that I may have made some amateurish mistakes in execution. I'm still quite new to darkfic, after all.

I must give you a medal. You did something that nearly nobody ever have done. Made me fell a tear, like 2-4 but that's more then I have ever felled from somebody I don't really know in like 8 years:fluttershbad:. You are pretty much the first too even make me sad for sadfics. It was brilliant, using one's fear for extinction and death for loved ones against one self. You like slapped me after each night right in my face. But I still continued. And then the elements malfunction. That can be for the fall of hope, without hope there is no faith. With no faith no ambition. And with all that. They all fell apart. What crushed me the most was pinkie pie. It was like some body stole her only to torture her with knowledge off everyponies death, including her friends. And the final stages. Acceptense, all hope lost and no way of returning it all back. Then why not give up and speed things up. When do you want the medal??

5257886
Heh, I'll take the medal whenever it's available. Honestly, though, it's just really nice to get such a glowing review. :twilightblush:

Thanks for reading, and thank you for your comment! (And the medal too!)

5258211 though, isnt the creature's zombies?? I know no other creature with that kind of behavior, and deamons could have fit. But they dont hunger. Theyarf bloodthirsty. So what happened?? Did a virus break out? Spell malfutnoing??

5258332
That wasn't really the focus of the story, so I didn't really develop the monsters too much. At one point, I was going to have them be basically death incarnate (a mythological race that only appears in times of massive tragedy or whatever), but I decided that I didn't like that idea, so I dropped it. I couldn't really come up with any satisfactory backstory, so essentially, you're free to create your own. That's probably the biggest weakness of this story, honestly. I'm still not that good with dark story writing.

5206292 Then why don't you go off to another story with Spike in it, 'stead of complaining here?


Sometimes the details are the thing that ruins the story. Try to make a short story with a single focus and it is inevitable that someone will dislike just because of that one thing that wasn't explained fully. Sometimes the author will leave out a couple points on purpose as to further emphasize on another. I really think that some people just don't know how to appreciate a story and read it how it is supposed to be read.

Here, the writer has emphasized on Twilight and her friends. The whole thing is about them and their end. The ending is left open to suggest that Twilight was either somewhat resigned to her fate, or to allow for some creative thinking on the reader's part. It appears to be focusing primarily on the commitment to friendships and how we deal with their endings. Twilight here does not seem to show that much fear of her death, but ultimately questions herself, her end, and what may/may not come after. It is again on the topic of friendships.

The situation is obviously going to end one way, it was practically thrown at us from the beginning. Though I do like that it wasn't so in my face about it as some may be, which makes it seem all the more sureal. This here really is a sad piece, and despite the slightly unfair ratio of downvotes, I do believe this story deserves some more praise.

5360755
I suppose it wasn't a bad story overall, but it was a failed attempt at darkfic. I had to prop it up with sad, and I screwed up most of the dark elements. I don't really blame people for not liking it, because most of the disappointment is because of that.

Looking at it as a sadfic, it's probably at least decent. Iunno, I intended it to be dark, so I can't really help but side with the people who view this as a failure. That's not necessarily bad, since I never intended to be heavily focused on darkfics. I just wanted to try it. If I ever decide to try again, at least there's plenty here to work on.

5361033
I do agree, it's not the greatest writing i've ever seen. But then again, its not bad either. Overall it's reasonably well written, and as I said in my other comment, all the right things are emphasized. So it get's a like and fav' from me.

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