• Member Since 18th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen Jul 1st, 2014


If you like my stories good for you if you dont then shut up i may be a brony but dont love and toleratte all the time so yeah.


1000 years ago a evil took over the Crystal Empire and some tried to stop this evil. Armies have been sent out to defeat him but 3 particular ponies in a squad will have great effect on the war.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 14 )


This is a joke, right?

4568447 listen whats wrong with the story i wrote because i was bored as fuck and never written fan fic and if its not that good get the hell off my back unlike some 500 pound bronies i do not write fan fiction for a living so if you your going to comment on my FIRST story leave a comment telling me some tips or what i did wrong

4572278 You want some tips? Alright, here goes...

Use proper grammar. Bad spelling/grammar makes even the best-planned stories look like trollfics. Another thing that cleans up a fic is spelling out small numbers.

Put some effort in. Also, just because you wrote it doesn't mean you have to post it.

Finally, it's the internet. People are not going to go easy on you, so brace yourself for hate, deserved or not.

4572278 What you did wrong was post this fic with the premise that you can play it off as something done with no effort. If you're not going to put an effort into something you do then don't put it on the internet and not expect negative feedback.

Your second mistake is not being able to take a negative comment and resulted in lashing out by badmouthing the fandom. This being your first story does not give you any special treatment, you will be held to the same standards as any other writers. :ajbemused:

i do not write fan fiction for a living

That "i" needs to be in capital by the way. And that is the poorest excuse I have ever heard, hundreds of well known authors in this website write as a fun little hobby. Next time you write a story, make an effort, and learn to take some negative comments.

4568447 no.......................................................................................................................................
P.S. JKD....... Myabe :pinkiecrazy:

4572455 you guys are uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupset... :pinkiecrazy:

4572455 Hey if you read my authors note you would see that i don't love and tolerate i said i would like constructive criticism ar-tard if you read my authors note not people just bitching that i am not a good story writer so thank you for the info i can use for later stories.

4572455 Plus mr. ever writer is the same unlike some people on here i don't have the time to write a piece of resistance. I know people wont treat me differently for being my first story but some people do and some others such as yourself who expects the same from all new writers and old ones and do you know how long it took me to do this hell i was planning on making an account 3 weeks ago but things get complicated in real life and on the computer i mean hell steam has amazing sales so i got new games so i made the account wrote the story posted it BECAUSE i wanted some feedback on how i can improve me writing and now i am going to look through your stories and hold you up to the greatest writers this fandom has to offer.

4576622 Your grammar and your sentence structure need some improvement, if you want a more detailed explanation then I recommend finding someone to pre-read your story and help make appropriate edits. Then you can compare pre and post edits in order to see what is different and learn how not to make the same mistakes.

I’m in amazement I am being able to write all this since we are almost always on the move because the princesses say we need to gain ground and never give King Sombra a chance to recover but in the last week some of us have barley slept and cant even walk without falling over and some have even gotten very sick, all the alchemist are doing their best to create potions as quickly as possible but with everypony on the move and so many of us they are having a tough time doing it.

This is a very long sentence, try to add some more pauses. Also, try to read what you write out loud, Even if he is writing this in a journal it's just not how someone would talk. If English is not your first language than errors like this are understandable.

Is this the kind of feedback you're looking for?

P.S. I can take a negative comment on my own fics.

This is one of- if not the most downvoted stories on fimfiction right now, of course the author will never know this because his profile is dead and no one is commenting on this story anymore. No use poking a dead horse I guess.

I like this story. I really do. It's a great idea for a fanfic. The only faults I can find are the spelling and paragraphs. Please keep writing this story.

You know, Autum Breeze takes offense to your comment. He has no grammar whatsoever, but he's making an effort.
But then you died. So YEAH.

Login or register to comment