Chapter one revised
Chapter one
It was a seemingly pleasant evening in Equestria, with the majority of the population starting to doze off for the next day, with the rest getting ready for their nightlife activities. For once, there were no attacks on the capital, no great danger coming from the moon or from a statue in the royal gardens.
For once, everything seemed to be just fi-
A loud shout coming straight from the palace broke the quiet night and caused many to turn their heads and wonder what their princes were arguing about this time.
They were all well accustomed to this sort of thing, and a few even had bets on which of their diarchs had started it this time.
As it happened, it was Solaris who had started this little fight and all things considered, the alicorn of the sun could have started this conversation a bit better.
The pony had seen his younger sibling often locked in their study room, barely spending any time with his little ponies since his return from the Moon those three years ago. The elder of the two had to practically drag the younger one out by the tail, and give them a lot of promises of a pleasant and peaceful night for their festival each and every time.
That made him think of the first Nightterror Night that his sibling had experienced with some regret. The Element of Laughter had certainly not been the best pony for the nervous and self-conscious alicorn, and he had been meaning to talk to both his most faithful student and the party pony about their actions on that night but things kept occurring that made him put it off.
Blaming Arty for getting mad about constantly being painted as Nightterror Knight when he was trying to step out of that horrid parasite’s shadow on a night that was meant to be for him was something that had greatly disappointed Solaris, but he was unsure of how exactly to approach the topic at hoof. There was no true malice behind their actions, just not thinking about other ponies’ feelings. Not overthinking things was something Dusk Shine had a great deal of trouble with, and any type of reprimand would set all that hard work back to square one if not done exactly right. And Bubble Berry wasn’t a mean stallion by any stretch of the word, just overzealous in his celebration of Nightterror Night and thinking that his little brother was aware that being scared was part of the fun of the festival.
He was still regretting not being there for his little brother on that night, but he was pretty sure he would have had his flank kicked from Ponyville to the farther griffon lands if he dared to show up and overshadow his brother on his big da- night, which Artemis would certainly have done if he was spotted in Ponyville. That would have caused a fight between the two, and none of his little ponies were ready for an alicorn brothers brawl just yet.
Still, this conversation could have gone better, considering how red the dark blue alicorn was getting from shouting at him.
And he had tried to get this important conversation just right, cringing from the onslaught of the verbal blows.
Maybe he shouldn’t have said moping...
“Dear sister, may we ask a question before we answer your question as to why we art still moping, as thou sayest?” Luna, the princess of the night, was not glaring at her sister which worried Celestia greatly as it meant something bad wa coming.
“Of course, Lulu.” She smiled gently, annoyed that she had not done her best to address this situation. Luna was still locking herself in her study, trying to read and understand the modern Equestria, with that Nightmare Night a few years ago being a fiasco that lingered even now. While Twilight Sparkle might be trying to learn the magic of friendship and doing an extremely good job at it, the mare still needed to learn that sometimes you had to get annoyed and berate a friend when they wronged another pony. Trixie Lulamoon stood out as an example of this; another black mark that disappointed her in how she’d taught Twilight. Getting annoyed with a boisterous showmare was one thing, but showing little sympathy to her when said mare had lost all her belongings and home was something truly else. Didn’t Twilight understand that showponies were supposed to be a bit arrogant?
“From the time that thou banished us,” her sister flashed her eyes at her, causing the elder mare to gulp a bit. “Did thou deny we were gone? Did thou become enraged in our absence? Did thou try to bargain for our early return? Did thou become consumed by –”
“Yes, Luna,” she moved to hug her sister, understanding what she was asking; the five stages of grief. It had been a semi recent study for Luna, but she had put it to the side after she discovered another topic that had caught her eye. “I did go through them all, and I’m so-”
“We art not finished,” she snapped coldly, stopping the mare of the sun in her tracks. “Thou had a thousand years to cope with what happened that night, a thousand years to come to terms of what thou and we did, did you not?” She turn her steel gaze at Celestia, slipping out of old Equestrian to make her point clear, whatever it was.
“Ye-yes Luna,” she muttered dumbly, trying to understand what angle Luna was going for. “I –”
“And thou did question me to why we art still saddened by what we did, still torn apart by our deeds as Nightmare Moon, did you not?” She moved towards her sister, anger flowing off her clear as her day. Celestia could only move backwards from this, instincts old overtaking her body.
“Ye-yes-”
“Did it not occur to you that I would need time to come to terms for what I did‽” she snapped at her, flaring her wings widely in an old pegasi intimidation technique . “Did you expect me to really just slide off what I did as that monster like a shoe‽” She took a step forwards, causing Celestia to tremble. “Did you expect me not to be ashamed of my actions, just to accept that the past is the past‽ Did you expect me to just sit on my plot and do nothing to reclaim my dignity and honour‽ Can you even comprehend how insulting and demeaning it is to hear from you to stay our hoof from our duties, and how much it burned us to accept thou request as we are terrified of allowing another qualm to tear us apart‽” She jabbed a hoof at her sister’s form. “‘Twas like a stomp to our heart when thou patted us on the head when we told thee of our uncertainties of Nightmare Night and the creature’s words to us.” Luna had come to her bedroom, and told her all about the night with glee, with her smile only fading when she asked if she was truly in error with getting angry in how Pinkie Pie acted towards her. Celestia had simply brushed it off for the moment, not giving it too much thought until breakfast and there was no easy way of addressing the problem without Luna bringing it up first now. “Art we thy sister and equal, or art we thy foal and stooge to make thee laugh and dump thy insultingly simple work on us that thou art too lazy to bother with‽” The blue alicorn was starting to tear up now, panting a bit.
“Luna, that’s not true, I-” Celestia tried to stop this, trying to stop this from going any further.
“Oh, shove it up your plot!” Luna all but shouted at her, her horn glowing. “You have been the biiiiiig mother to all our- your! ponies so long that you cannot see anypony else as a bucking equal!” She was hovering above the princess of the sun now, body heaving as she breathed heavily. “Celestia, ali-”
“-corn of the sun,” Artemis glared down at him, his eyes starting to glow now. “I HATE YOU!”
The power of his voice sent the elder of the two backwards, just watching out of the corner of his eye as his brother teleported out of the room.
The guards of the day and the night poked their noses into the room, the mares dropping their stoic features in favour of actual worry and concern. They must have been aware of Arty’s growing resentment with him and they were worried about the two having a fight, considering their returned prince’s past.
“Prince Solaris, do you need a hoof?” One of his guards went to his side, his trusted Captain of the Solar Guard, helping the alicorn upright.
“I- I-” he stammered, stroking his beard without realizing he had done so. It was a habit he was trying to get rid of with little success. Before he could say anything constructive, the castle started to shake as the loud punk music that Artemis enjoyed was belted out. He had gotten it from a DJ named Col-7 after trying out the Canterlot nightlife one time, with his bodyguards actually letting him go into a club without any previous scouting of the building. Solaris still wasn’t sure if he should have punished them or given them a raise after he found out, considering how introverted his brother was.
Artemis normally tried to keep the punk music in his room with sound muffling spells for everypony else, but it was like his brother wasn’t even trying now.
…Which was probably the case.
Folding his ears back at the loud noise, as it was certainly not music, the alicorn shook his head. “I’ll go to him; tell him to lower-”
“With all due respect your highness,” the Solar Guard Captain said, shaking her head with the rest of her ponies as well as the thestrals. “Don’t go to him yet. Prince Artemis is very upset with you, and I don’t think seeing you right now would be wise for him, or you, at all.”
“Steel Barricade,” he frowned at her, wishing she would wilt for once like the rest of his little ponies when he talked to her. Then again, she was one of the few mares, Gleaming Shield aside, that was able to actually talk to him like an average pony, and as such, she was a close confidant of sorts. “My brother is acting like an angsty little teenager. It’s hardly appropriate-”
“Sire,” the mare frowned back at him, causing him to pause mid sentence. “I’ve got a couple of younger siblings; one brother!” she shouted over the noise stemming from Artemis’s room. She placed a hoof on his side, not reaching for his shoulders despite her height as an earth pony. It was enough from a guard of her rank though that it was fine. “What Prince Artemis did was healthy, venting outwards instead of bottling it up!” Her lightened frown was quickly carried along the other mares in the room, with them smiling, causing some sort of male instinct inside of Solaris to activate, urging him to either accede to their whims or flee and never look back. “Right now, the best thing is to let him get it out and let him come to you, and be understanding. Don’t brush him off, listen to what he says and accept his requests.”
“There will be some doozies sire!” One of the thestrals giggled, causing her fellow guards to glare at her. She gulped and became silent, shifting on her hooves.
“As my colleague so eloquently said it!” The Captain of the Solar Guard rolled her eyes, huffing in annoyance at the lack of properness. She made a mental note to speak to the Lunar Captain about this. She then let out a tiny sigh of relief as there was a lull in the loud music coming out of the room of the second diarch of Equestria. “Also, sire, I think it would be in everypony’s best interest if you stopped being so protective of him and let him do some of the heavier royal duties and meetings. It will allow you some free time as well as cement Prince Artemis’s legitimacy in the courts.”
Letting out a tired sigh, the prince of the sun let the wisdom of his ponies seep into his head. “Very well,” he groaned, rubbing his head and fixing his crown. “So I should let him have his little ang-” blinking, he stopped himself among the glares from the mares in the room. “I mean, I should let my brother have his personal space right now, vent with that music,” he twitched an ear, slipping out a sound dampener spell around the room as the next track came blaring out. “And in the morning, I’ll have a more… mature conversation with my br-,” he paused again, catching himself slipping into his old ways. His brother needed to see his older brother treating him as an equal, not as a sibling, a younger sibling. That was one of his points: that Solaris was treating Artemis like a colt instead of a stallion, like Arty was his own foal instead of his brother. It still stung to realize how hurtful it must be to be treated like that, and his mind was still unravelling the deeper meanings to it, making the ball of guilt in his stomach grow. Solaris was sure it was there, Artemis rarely spoke plainly. “With Prince Artemis.” He looked around the room, getting nods of approval from the mares around him.
“Understood, Prince Solaris,” the guards replied with their captain, nodding their heads and moving to leave the room. The large earth pony paused, turning her head back to the prince. “Is there anything else you need, sire?”
“No, Steel Barricade.” Shaking his head, he gave out a yawn to let them think he was tired. “I wish to retire to my chambers.” He let out a real yawn, feeling drained from everything so far. “As much as I do admire Prince Artemis’s night sky, I need to rest my head.”
The guards nodded their heads again, all in agreement with that. While Solaris had done a fairly good job at keeping the night sky routine for the last thousand years, Artemis had gained a silent but quickly growing admiration from the mares of Equestria at how romantic and beautiful it was under his hooves. It would only take one Hearts and Hooves Day for Arty to see how much the mares truly appreciated their new prince.
With a silent hmm and making sure to make mental note to discuss the matter with Bolero, knowing that his nephew could easily help organize things in a genuine manner to get those mares to send those cards, he went to his chambers to get some sleep, casting another silencer spell as he went past his brother’s doors so everypony else could sleep as well.
Princess Luna blinked herself awake in her private dream realm. She was rarely here at this time of the night, usually going out to guide and aid other ponies with their dreams, but she just needed a place to vent her anger properly without causing any lasting damage in the real world.
Besides leaving on that wonderful music that DJ Pon-3 had given her, she corrected herself with a laugh. Celestia hated it, which certainly made it bet-
She stopped her thoughts, ears going straight up. The laughter had echoed…
Prince Artemis blinked himself awake in his private dream realm. He was rarely here at this time of the night, usually going out to guide and aid other ponies with their dreams, but he just needed a place to vent his anger properly without causing any lasting damage in the real world.
Besides leaving on that wonderful music that DJ Col-7 had given him, he corrected himself with a laugh. Solaris hated it, which certainly made it bet-
He stopped his thoughts, ears going straight up. The laughter had echoed…
Two beings turned their heads, each noticing the other with growing, wide eyes. Both of them leaped backwards in surprise, and then dove towards the other.
They both grew in size and stature, their dark blue coats becoming ebony black. Their teeth became sharp knives, black crowns and torcs became helmets and armour. Moon sliver shoes became gauntlets, and their eyes changed from teal to cat-like orbs.
The two of them flew to each other, stopping with a small distance between them.
Both bellowed in unison, “WHO ART THOU!!”
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They need to get drunk together and compare stories.
4566009 They will do one of those two things in the next chapter, with a line about drunk sex with a certain draconequus and a tuba. Thanks for the fav, by the way.
Impressive story so far
4566068 Thank you.
the rule 63 of DJ Pon-3 is Record Scraps AKA DJ-col7
4566163 Ah, thanks.
4566186 no prob bro
This looks quite interesting. I am extremely curious to the next chapter! Good job so far.
4566191 It's the only way I can make it better if people like you help me with stuff like that, so thank you again.
4566212 Thank you, and it should be done shortly
Ooo, a good start so far.
One minor quibble: Blue Berry? Do you mean Bubble Berry, aka Pinkie Pie's rule 63 counterpart?
Tuba? How did you know I play the tuba?! *waves hand* you heard nothing!!!
4566237 Thanks, I goofed on that one too.
4566253 But I can read what you wrote.
Darn it! Course you marvels of technology!
4566298 Yuuuuuuuup!
Blue Berry? Really?
It's Bubble Berry. And there are a number of typos in the chapter, such as "then night" in a couple places.
It's an... interesting premise, I suppose, but in order for this to work, you're going to have to explain why/how their realms are crossing NOW, when they didn't when they were younger.
4566391 I fixed it, and read my author note.
And I will adress that later.
Nightterror Knight? sounds pretty badass.
Prince Artemis blinked himself awake in his private dream realm. He rarely was here at this time of the night, usually going to guide and aid other ponies with their dreams but he just needed a place to vent his anger out properly without any lasting damages in the real world.
Besides leaving on that wonderful music that DJ Col-7 gave him, he corrected himself with a laugh. Solaris hated it, which certainly made it bet-
He stopped her thoughts, ears going straight up. The laughter had echoed…
just wanted to point this out to you as its the only error i found and only a minor one :) fantastic story :D
"Who art thou!? And thou are I! ...From the sea of thy soul, I cometh!"
Gah, too much Persona on the mind. XD
Look I know you're doing the genderflip thing, but it makes no sense for rule 63-equestria to have all-female guards. Like it or not, males are bigger, stronger, and handle aggressive, dangerous situations better. Only a foolish ruler would put females on the front line like that.
Well this should be interesting. Celestia at some point will wonder why her sister is spending more time alseep than awake.
4610543 well we ARE talking about equestria, the land of fuck sending guards lets just send these 6 random mares to fight somekind of World ending danger.
i dont Think the gender of the guard matter for jack shit to be honest.
Gender Flipped Nightmare moon is Anarchy Apollo.
see On a Cross and Arrow and its Sequel for the full compliment of names.
Your grammar is atrocious good sir, I would highly recommend you go back and re-check everything you have written. The following is one of the, at least, half dozen errors,
"While Solaris had done a fairly well job at keeping the night sky routine for the last thousand years, Artemis had gained a silent but quickly growing admiration from the mares of Equestria at how romantic and beautiful it was." A fairly well job? Seriously? If you are grade 5 or lower I can understand such errors, if you are an adult, we'll you really need some work. Mad love, neat story, reading more.
4777843 Well, I went to fix that one mistake, which I am quite pleased to make note was only a poor choice of words and what I feel was an overreaction on your part. Regardless, thank you for pointing that one word out for me.
Hmm, I suppose I was more than a bit overly critical with my post. I apologize. Any author who is that quick to not only respond but to make such a correction obviously cares about their work. Would you like me to go through this chapter and reference the errors for you? I'll admit I can be a bit of a jerk. :/ It is part of my extremely blunt personalty.
I really like the concept, and I like a lot of what you've done with this so far. The switching back and forth between the two universes is handled very well, for example, and your characterization of Luna and Artemis is quite interesting. But the grammatical errors are really, really, really distracting, and I am having a hard time getting into the story.
I wish I had the time to do a proper editing job for you, but unfortunately I'm fairly busy these days. I really suggest finding a solid editor who has a strong background in grammar and is willing to be super nit-picky.
Also, just my thoughts on this.... I recognize why you use "they" for the first few paragraphs, but I think that it comes across as very awkward and contrived. Anybody who's read the story description will know that the gender-flipped versions of the alicorns are in this story, so there's no actual mystery there, and when you finally drop "they" and start using gendered pronouns, there's no sense of surprise or discovery. To me, at least, it isn't adding anything at all, except adding to the difficulty of getting into the story, because it feels so contrived.
I don't think they would appreciate if he intruded during those moments, but i am sure the dreams that come during hearts and hooves day would be lovely
No offense, and I'm NOT calling females weak but why is solaris acting nervous to the guards ire? He's the Prince, he should be considering what their saying not getting nervous under their glares and vice versa for celestia because she's probably in the same situation..................... Also "male instincts"?
Good story otherwise 😁