• Published 20th Jun 2014
  • 2,748 Views, 74 Comments

Applejack Gets a Warthog - Word Worthy

Since when do M12 LRV's rain gracefully from the sky?

  • ...

Bonus Chapter!

Moonlight was still hanging over the land as Big McIntosh cruised across the grassland and fields between the town of Appleloosa and Froggy Bottom Bog in Applejack's Warthog.

Normally, Big Mac was of the quiet and composed type. Tonight however, the earth pony was filling the air with whooping and cheering, as well as a considerable cloud of dust. The Warthog had managed to charge through the undergrowth of the Everfree Forest with relative ease.

With many ponies happening to still be awake in Dodge Junction and Appleloosa, it was likely that Princess Celestia or Luna would be hearing of noise complaints from Big Mac's joyride the following day. As noisy as it was, the Hog couldn't possibly match the ruckus and rumpus that was about to come from high above.

McIntosh first noticed it in the corner of his windshield. It looked like a meteorite, but the object was travelling in a manner too odd to be a normal piece of falling cosmic debris

"What in tarnation?" Big Mac murmured to himself. Curious, he immediately spun the vehicle around and attempted to track the incoming object.

The 'meteorite' was descending from the sky like a brick. McIntosh could see the object in clearer detail as it neared the ground. It was a large, grey, metallic box-shaped structure, and it appeared to have been detached from a larger object. Strangely enough, it also seemed to be slowing itself down. Big Mac reached where he guessed it would crash, just as it did so.

Despite having decelerated, the object's impact still kicked up an almighty dirt cloud, one which Big Mac felt shake his bones and had to impatiently wait to pass by before investigating the things beyond. He was amazed when he was finally able to get close and see for himself what had fallen to earth.

In fact, McIntosh was so surprised that he set up camp around the Warthog for the rest of the night, just to keep watch over the site and everything in it.

In the morning, Big Mac decided to reveal his startling discovery. He brought Braeburn and the rest of the nearby Apple family, as well as his sisters over to look at his findings. With half of Appleloosa swooning over the Warthog, and the other half chatting up a storm over Big Mac's find, the Royal Guard was soon called in to officially look into the matter. The large gathering also managed to attract Pinkie Pie, who arrived there in tumbleweeds blowing from the East.

"So, let me get this straight…all this fell from the sky?" A guard asked with a hint of disbelief, peering over the site.

"Eeyup," Big McIntosh replied. "Like a meteorite that's drank too much fermented cider."

"Well saddle me up and call me a draft horse, cousins!" Braeburn exclaimed, following the Royal Guards' gazes. "This here must be a full up arsenal you've up and found!"


"Ah'm positively dumbfounded," Applejack said. "One falling from the sky made no sense to begin with, but now…" she chuckled. "Ah dunno what to say, fellas."

Spread out in front everyone was a collection of twelve idle Warthogs tied down on a large metal platform, still neatly arrayed in rows of three despite their tumultuous arrival. Off to the right, five smaller four-wheeled vehicles stood. Lurking in back was the imposing figure of a main battle tank, its turret and chassis secured in a manner similar to the Warthogs'.

In addition to the mass of vehicles, several stacks of heavy-duty crates, jerry cans, and barrels were lined up on the platform as well, nestled under cargo netting.

Some of the Warthogs had alternating paintjobs from the standard forest green Applejack's Warthog possessed. A rather eclectic group must have claimed ownership of them previously, as some sported everything from flames to rainbows. One had the words "¡Viva la Meta!" spray-painted on its hood. In addition to the custom paint, some of the Hogs had additional armor welded on, and others possessed a turret with a single slender barrel instead of the standard tri-barrel chain gun on Applejack's.

"What the heck are these vehicles called, exactly?" Another guard asked. She and two others approached the nearest Warthog, appraising it.

"Warthog," Applejack answered proudly.

Braeburn looked perplexed. "Warthog? Looks mite more like a Puma to me."

"Nope." Big Mac replied.

"Just a Warthog." Apple Bloom said with a grin.

"Miss Applejack?" a Royal Guard asked, catching her attention.


"We found something. Since you apparently have experience with these things, can you identify this?" the stallion held up a data pad.

Recognizing the device, Applejack took it and nodded. "Yessir, that there's a mini computer."

"Portable computers? What are these from, the future or somethin'?" One of the other guards asked.

"Time travelers!" Pinkie Pie blurted out.

"We're still at a loss." Apple Bloom responded, shrugging.

Applejack activated the data pad, expecting to hear another recording.

Sure enough, an audio log began playing. The speaker sounded heavily inebriated, and spoke with a discernible slur. "Capitán Eduardo Sparrow, freighter ship Handle With Care. So, first mate Hamburgers wants to play the mutiny card, does he? Well this old captain still has a few tricks up his sleeve. Not only did I remove the 'L' from the ship's motor pool signs, I also jettisoned the entire aft hold, so all their Insurrectionist contraband: Mongooses, that old Elephant, Sweet Williams, Warthogs, HAVOK nuke, hit Mariachi singles, et cetera, are headed straight down to that uncharted backwater right about now. That'll show those pinchazos not to screw with El Gorrión! Wait…Mariachi hit singles? Oh crap!"

The recording stopped abruptly. Before anyone could say anything, one of the guards accidentally activated something. All the radios in the Warthogs began blaring foreign-sounding music. "Gah, what is that? It sounds like what those Burronisian Donkey bands play over in Foaledo!"

"Yeah…this is something the bloody army should handle," The guards' commanding officer said quickly, putting some distance between him and the vehicles. "We're just gonna…go now." His comrades were grimacing and desperately trying to cover their ears. "Toodles!"

All the guards galloped off in random directions or took to the skies. As they fled, the foreign vocals and guitar made way for rather whimsical and upbeat accordion music. Big Mac, Braeburn, and Apple bloom rushed towards the Warthogs, trying urgently to figure out how to turn the music off. Pinkie Pie seemed to be enjoying it.

Applejack meanwhile, simply shrugged, and curiously began poking through the crates and barrels, with Pinkie joining her. Most of the non-crates were just water, but the crates themselves yielded fascinating finds, like a giant soccer ball, assorted household items, cartons of cigars, and military hardware.

Big McIntosh and the others failed to turn the music off, but Applejack found something that put a grin on her face. She stood up and carefully brandished a shotgun, pointing it at open air away from anyone and imagining she were a sheriff in an old Western, trailing outlaws out on the wide San Palomino desert.

"Put em' in the air before Ah smoke ya, dirt bags!" Applejack shouted at the imaginary desperados, dramatically raising the brim of her hat and glaring.

"Look, there's some! I see some outlaws!" Pinkie Pie joked, grinning and pointing at a clump of tall cactuses a few feet away. Applejack nodded and trained her sights on the nearest one, firing a shell. The cactus exploded, and the sound caused everyone to jump in surprise. Applejack started laughing at how startled a lot of them looked.

"Whoa there, Applejack!" Braeburn said, smiling but looking a bit flustered. "Remind me never to get on the business end of one of those in the future."

"Woah, that almost beats my Party Cannon!" Pinkie Pie observed. "Poor cactus."

Applejack lowered the gun and looked back at the cargo platform inquisitively. "Ah wonder what other surprises this thing has in store."

A silhouette of a massive treaded vehicle appeared through the clouds. The massive tank-like vehicle landed awkwardly twenty feet away from Applejack, covered in a ton of dirt and sand but otherwise looking in mint condition.

"Surprise!" Pinkie Pie shouted gleefully. She ran over to the large vehicle and climbed aboard, examining it.

Soon, the Royal Army arrived. Three jeeps and a transport carriage pulled by pegasi sped towards the area from the direction of Appleloosa.

"What in Tartarus' Kitchen is going on here?" General Buckshot demanded, viewing the scene from under his massive green helmet. Only his stubbly muzzle and a lit cigar were visible underneath as he and a pair of Military Police climbed out of the leed jeep, turning the engine off. His coat was roughly the same color as the sandy ground he stood on. "We got word from the Guard that military property has supposedly been fallin' from the sky!"

Accordion music had stopped and now a lively tune consisting of trumpets, guitars, violins, and a few other instruments began to play. Two squads of infantry poured out of the carriage and stood at attention. Some of them took off their green and silver helmets, unequipped their rifles, and scratched at their manes when they saw the rows of sleek military vehicles.

"Sir," Applejack began. "You heard right, this here must be the second time we've had something of this type fall out of the sky. Ah thought maybe these belonged to the army or the Royal Air Force, something new your eggheads whipped up or some such thing, and some pegasi botched their deliveries."

"Maybe ma'am. That would be on a need to know basis. With that said, I personally don't bother with trying to understand the ways of the egghead."

"Mister General, what'cha going to do with all this stuff?" Apple Bloom asked, noticing the two stars on the stallion's helmet and assorted decoration on his uniform.

"Well, first thing we'll do, is get all these here heavy munitions away from you civvies, that's for sure." Buckshot took a look at the massive treaded tank behind Applejack, as well as the vehicles on the platform. "I don't think you farmers are going to need mechanized cavalry anytime soon, or anti-aircraft guns."

Before Applejack could respond, Pinkie Pie interjected. "Hey guys, look! I found a giant funny looking drinking flask!" she declared enthusiastically, poking her muzzle into one of the giant crates and pulling out an object shaped like an artillery shell.

"Uhh…nope." Big Mac replied nervously, instinctively taking several steps back from her, pulling Apple Bloom with him.

General Buckshot's green eyes bugged out from under his helmet when he noticed the symbols painted on the side. Applejack and all the other nearby ponies followed suit, recognizing the symbols as well. "Dear alicorns almighty! That's no friggin flask!"

Most of the Appleloosans began leaving the area, Braeburn included. Pinkie Pie herself looked confused for a second, but then she finally noticed what they were talking about.

"Ooh. So it's kind of like a rainbomb, or fireworks!" Pinkie gently set the explosive back in its case. "I thought it looked a bit too silly to drink hot cocoa out of!"

"Yeah Pinkie, a really, really big firework." Applejack said, sweating from the ordeal. She sighed with relief as the party pony shut the container and moved away from it. One of the squad of soldiers quickly took her place and began guarding the bomb.

"That's it, we're getting all this back to base, pronto!" General Buckshot ordered. He puffed some smoke from his cigar, and then put it out on the ground. "Call for heavy lift gear; secure, and move out!" While Buckshot's radio operator got to work, Applejack caught the earth pony general's attention again, waving him over. She whispered something in his ear.

"Uh huh," he said slowly. "Alrighty…" She continued whispering. "Ok. Wait, Element of Honesty? Well I'll be damned!" Applejack finished and smirked at him.

"Alright, since you Apples seem to be the trustworthy sort, and have a fine taste in music," he smiled at the Warthogs, whose foreign music was ending with a passionate guitar solo. "Ya can keep these Hogs as ya call em'. All the other vehicles too, even the tank. Princess Twilight can add em' to her armory, maybe. But, only after we've checked for any more weapons of mass destruction. And, I want you to promise to make sure that that pink one of yours doesn't ever touch anything more powerful than a firecracker, ya hear?"

"You have mah word, General," Applejack assured. "Thanks for understandin'!"

"Of course. You owe the Royal Army one fresh apple pie and a barrel of cider, now." Buckshot called back, following the Military Police to begin inspecting the platform.

Applejack nodded and waved, then joined Apple Bloom, Pinkie, and Big Mac at their own Warthog. "Time to go home," she paused. "Uh, this here only seats three. Somepony's gonna have to sit in the other's lap, unless ya want to wait until another 'Hog is cleared to drive."

"I got shotgun!" Pinkie Pie cried.

Comments ( 27 )

They get to keep the Scorpion? Better keep Pinkie Pie away from it. FAR away from it.

4722321 Oh god... Pinkie Pie is the new Caboose!

4722321 Too late, she has it painted pink and shooting confetti and party implements for 50 miles in any direction.

4723759 Yay! :pinkiesmile: Ninety-nine millimeters of confetti-laced munitions for everyone!

hahaha breaburn saying it looks like a puma nice reference!!


Yay! :pinkiesmile: Ninety-nine millimeters of confetti-laced munitions for everyone!


Awww I was hoping for the shotgun scene at the end of this

"Fuck (buck?)"
"Shotgun's lap!"

All the radios in the Warthogs began blaring foreign-sounding music.


Ok last time I checked they rained from the sky

1 when the pillar of autumn crashed
2 when the pelican in the mission covenant in halo 3
Was shot down
3 when the forward unto dawn crashed
4 every warthog drop off in halo history

XD Pinky and nukes are a very bad combenation

Grif, where in Sam-Hell is mah shotgun?!
I don't know! Ask Simmons!
Shaddup, dirtbag! Simmons! Where is mah shotgun!
It's in the Warthog, sir!
And where's the Warthog?
I... Don't know.
Goddamnit, Grif! You had one job. ONE JOB!
Hey, I'm on break. I can't take responsibility for this!

Oh good lord this needs to continue, armor should drop next, would be neat to see how they'll adapt ODST Armor. Marine armor would be easy to adapt. Spartan Armor... that would be interesting :pinkiehappy:

There needs to be a sequel when rainbow dash gets a ghost.

5547006 Thats...actually an awesome idea.

5547017 glad i could spark some inspiration

5718670 no granny smith should get the mammoth

6033753 Thanks for pointing those out :twilightsmile:

...everypony, RUN!!

words "¡Viva la Meta" spray-painted

Shouldn't it be "¡Viva la Meta!"?

Pinkie takes one of the 'Hogs and paints it bright pink, with exploding confetti cannon installed in the passenger seat.

Fun and destruction combined!! :pinkiecrazy:

Applejack Sarge.

Applebloom Simmons.

Rainbow Grif.

Sweetie Lopez.

Spike Donut.

Fluttershy Doc.

Twilight Church.

Diamond Tucker.

Pinkie Caboose.

Agent Rarity Texas.

RED VS BLUE: Ponyville Chronicles.


Applejack: Howdy Queenie, like my new ride?

Queen Chrysalis: never mind

Hmmm… Reminds me of a quote…
“Usually the good Lord works in mysterious ways. But not today! This here is sixty-six tons of straight up, H-E- Confetti spewing dee-vine intervention! If God is love, then you can call me Cupid!”

Also “Oh, I know what the ladies mares like…”

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