[2nd Person Perspective]
Working as a waiter at Canterlot's various social gatherings is a nice job. Especially since you began chatting with the cello player of the usual quartet, Octavia. You've gotten to know a lot about her, but one night there seems to be something on her mind. You offer her a drink to ease her nerves and you bring your glasses together in cheers.
Next thing you know, you wake up in a strange hotel room in a town you've never been to next to a certain gray mare.
Art by John Joseco
Chapters (10)
Yes, I ended on the cliffhanger I warned you about.
BUT! I have a reason for doing so!
You see, I've been having trouble getting myself motivated to write. I had this already written, ready to go and with it I'm hoping to get some feedback along the lines of people demanding more, thus driving me to write more. You guys are the reason I do this.
If you read my journal, you already know what happens next. Although, I'm sure you want to see it more in depth, so I'll try to get the next chapter done as soon as I can.
My shutter shade vision spotted this:
"The movement is slight, but you see it when it happens. Her tongue pokes out, just a bit, pointing up and then rolling downward before disappearing back behind her lips."
Is this perhaps a non-poker "tell" that you're trying to communicate to the readers? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tell_(poker)
Very well written.
2nd person view? I LOVE STORIES IN 2ND PERSON VIEW! Thumps up on you mister!
Hmmmm... I love a good cliffhanger...
It may just be a prolouge but you've earned my thumb and track... Not many can say they have... And I've read a shit load of stories...
Cheers,
-Dashie
425462 I got a series of second person... Not the best of the litter but if you're looking for them then you know where to look.
425477 well um you haven't published anything...
425477 and btw you are not the author of my little dashie, right? its just a name, right? :3
425537 No I'm not the author. That ROBcarakeron (IDK how to spell it) And I have 5 published fics just click my name. Don't bother with the first three just read 'The Life of Tragedy Series' thats the first three combined and then I'm branching off it.
-Dashie
P.S. Author you might want to delete these comments later...
425145
It is, in fact. Licking of lips was explained earlier as a sign that one might be thirsty.
425580 That'd be an interesting character, someone who could perceive almost unnoticeable tells like gaze twitching into another direction for a split second when one lies.
425589
Hmm. Well I was planning a little bit of that, it wasn't going to be to any sort of extreme. Could definitely make for a good story, though.
425589 Sherlock Holmes much?
As for the story, in my (rather unexperienced) eyes (when it comes to literature) this is well written (no typos or grammar mistakes). I am intrigued as to how they ended up in the same bed.
Not a bad start, I'll keep an eye on this.
425589
Sounds like "Lie To Me". Great show.
Please continue I really wanna see how this turns out.....and if you don't Fluttercry will be sad
....And we don't want that now don't we
Night Train - Guns N' Roses
OH FUCK
that is not something you want happening
well maybe it is but not in that way
Amazing! Simply amazing. I commend you, great author, upon your achievement of such satisfactory literature. Please, do continue this magnificent tale!
Lol relevantheavymetal posted a song link on my story too. It was annoying at first, but as I see him doing it to other writers, I find it hilarious. Please check out my stories, by the way. I get lonely.
And nice character description. He is obviously a good bartender/waiter to be able to see the telltale signs of somepony wanting a drink.
This looked good. But then I saw "The bass player". I was like "Nope"! I will read and favorite if you change it to cello! and only then!
426024
Oh, dammit! I had poured over the chapter multiple times to make sure I didn't make that mistake, and... UGH!
Thank you for pointing it out. It's fixed now.
DUN DUN DUNNN
426052 Yay! Will read and favorite!
426052 Read and Favorited, very well done.
425462 If you love second person, then check out what I've written. Four stories, all in second person.
Woo, new story by Whirring Gear. Pinch me!
Good start, with cliffhanger as well
Loving it, looking forward to the next chapter. Again, nice character description and integration.
All-in-all, a great story. This is number one on my top favorites list. Love you man, for letting us see your masterpiece. This beautiful piece of literature.
Nice art, too. Is that custom?
Checked the source. There should be other 'good morning' pieces.
426024 There are plenty of pieces of evidence that show that Octavia plays the bass, and not the cello. One, the cello is not played standing up like that. And two, check out this video: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/09/ponies-still-wondering-cello-or-double.html?m=1
It's the right height to be a double bass, and Octavia's standing height is tall enough to play said instrument. Please do check out the video. It makes me sad to see people mistaking Octavia's instrument for something it isn't. I apologize if it was intended to be a cello in the show, but the math says different. Just thought I'd add my two bits about this debate. Ciao!
I'm interested..
I'll be watching.
Just can't wait for the sequel. I'll be watching. This story is a prospective hit.
Lol! I just realized that I know someone who lives in an apartment building, in room 213!!
I NEED more....
Moar. Please? For the love of Celestia, moar! This is good stuff. Well written, and I certainly like Octavia.
I need a sequel, soon. I'm sorry if it feels like I'm rushing you, but I'm freaking desperate!
I know that you can't rush art, but I'm dying here.
this is pretty interesting. other than that, all i gotta say is:
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/279/040/d98.png
Thanks to Quantumfire, Slashe, Armada, and Timebomb for prereading this chapter!
It is most Le Cute
awwwwww yeah!
this fic is beutiful written, and octavia is my favorite character
431454 Just wanted to add my two cents to this conversation as well but this debate was pretty much settled at the beginning of December.
From EQD:
One of the pre-readers actually sent an E-mail to William Anderson (The FiM Background Music guy) and came out with this:
"david,
i am not sure how accurate the visuals are, i thought it was two violins, cellist and harp.
i believe that's how i wrote it as well, violin I, violin II, cello and harp. i think i arranged a mozart string quartet for this instrumentation?
i just get the picture and score it!
cheers,
wil"
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/12/sweet-and-elite-episode-followup.html
===========================
Interesting video that you posted all the same brokemaniac.
On to more pressing issues...
I am truly enjoying this story so far and I greatly look forward to more chapters. Keep up the awesome work Whirring!
keep going! the fic flows great, but manages to keep the reader off balance, not knowing what to expect. i like it.
I've woken up with headaches like that without drinking...normally my nose is just clogged up, and I don't really understand how that causes a migraine. Oh, and nice work on the chapter. It was pretty darned amazing. Keep up the good work!
D'awww....
More!
Loving this, it's nice to see some Octy love that's not with Vinyl Scratch :D. Octavia's my favorite character, too, so bonus points!
456235 I'm sorry that I didnt notice that article on EqD. I know now that it was intended to be a cello, even if the visual evidence doesn't support it. Thank you for enlightening me. I am going to continue thinking about it as if it was a bass, though, if that's alright.
456947 Of course that is quite alright. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs. :)
D'awwwwwwwww. That's cute.