Minty's Misadventures in Ponyville!!

by TheFanficFanPony

Chapter 4: Waterfall- First Stop!

Chapter 4: Waterfall- First Stop!

Minty yawned as she woke up. A party can take a lot out of you!

"Waugh!" A tiny voice called out.

"What! Huh!" Minty called out, looking around frantically.

A small yellow figure slammed into Minty as it screamed more. She picked up the small yellow Breezie that had slammed into her.

It's mane was cream-colored, and antennae was sticking out of it. Its cutie mark was a small yellow flower.

"ZipZee! What are you doing here?" Minty asked a frazzled ZipZee.

"I found this gigantic flower that Lily Lilacs was growing. It was so beautiful, I had to get a better look! I flew in to sniff it, but then my allergies kicked in. The flower was so big, and my allergies went into overdrive. I sneezed such a big sneeze that I blew all the way to Ponyville!" ZipZee explained.

"Ha ha!" Minty laughed goodnaturedly.

ZipZee straightened out her small, bug-like wings as she gave Minty a fake grumpy look. She stood up and flew in the air, crossing her hooves.

"Are we gonna garden or what?" ZipZee said, giving Minty the "evil eye".

"Whaa...." Minty said, confused. Did she forget something?

"Well, I just thought maybe we could garden, I am a Breezie" ZipZee said, her voice becoming less grumpy.

"Well, maybe Wystie can help. She knows you the best of all the ponies in Ponyville!" Minty smiled sweetly.

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"Well, hello, ZipZee! I didn't know you were coming to visit!" Wystie smiled as she watered a bed of pink flowers similar to the ones on her cutie mark. "What're you doing in Ponyville?"

ZipZee explained, adding that she wanted to get back to Breezie Blossom quickly to help with the biggest flower contest.

"The what?" Minty asked ZipZee.

"Oh, it's a contest between the best flower tenders in the Blossom to grow the biggest flower ever!
Whoever wins gets all sorts of cool gardening tools!" ZipZee explained.

"Wow. Hey Wystie, you should join!" Minty exclaimed.

"Sorry, Mint, but I'm not a Breezie!" Wysteria said laughing.

"Well..." Minty thought hard about Breezies. Breezies can make a little bit of magic, maybe enough to turn Wystie into a Breezie!

"Minty, do you want to turn me into a Breezie? Well, I can't. I'm scared that I might not turn back if I do!" Wystie explained to a downhearted Minty.

"Well, we have to get back to the Blossom, or I'll miss that contest!" ZipZee huffed.

The 2 ponies and Breezie set out, each pony with saddlebags in tow. There was a nice road leading out of Ponyville, so the girls used it.

"Woah, what a view!" Minty said as they reached the Rainbow Waterfall. The girls had to take a detour through Butterfly Island in order to get to the Blossom. The only other option was the caves under the castle, and nopony had ever been down there in quite some time.

Minty was the first to jump through the waterfall. Although the waterfall cascaded down on her, she still managed to jump through.

But Wysteria wasn't so brave.

"Come on, Wystie! We've gotta get back NOW!" ZipZee encouraged Wystie, a little pushy in doing so.

"I don't know, ZipZee. I doesn't look very safe..." Wysteria said shyly.

"Nonsense, Wystie! Even Rainbow can do it, and you KNOW she hates getting her mane wet!" ZipZee encouraged, pushing her a little towards the waterfall.

"I... I'll try!" Wystie said nervously, inching slowly towards the waterfall.

She lept forward, bracing herself for a hard blast on the back. But surprisingly, the waterfall was gentle, and she landed on the other side.

"Why did ya take so long?" Minty asked.

"Well, let's say I was a little scared of nothing." Wystie said jokingly.

Comments

[TheFanficFanPony]

Also Mister/Miss Alwaysdressesinstyle, I am checking ou TVTropes.com and am wondering if you have any suggestions for chapter structures and stuff?

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

4568143

I really should've picked a better, more easily abbreviated screen name.

As for chapter structures, I don't really have much advice. If you slow down the pacing (this latest chapter is your longest yet so you're making headway in this - keep up the good work!) it'll give you more to work with. Build up some character development in the dialogue between (or the thoughts of) the characters, be more descriptive of the locations and actions, and you should try to end each chapter with an unresolved conflict.

Using some Minty examples of the last one:

-Minty breaks the Here Comes Christmas candy cane. (Oh no! How will she fix this mess? I have to wait? Nooooo! Come on, author, hurry up and write more!)

-Minty's balloon is crashing. (Will she survive? Find out in the next thrilling chapter!)

-Pinkie Pie catches Minty in the middle of her living room in the middle of the night and she has some explaining to do. (Whoa nelly, Minty... breaking and entering... is Pinkie going to be mad?)

Build up suspense that will be resolved in the next chapter (or even a few chapters down the line) to help keep the audience interested in reading further.

I hope this helps! And please, keep more coming. I'm enjoying this story so far.