• Member Since 16th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen May 4th, 2018


On and off.


My 1st FanFic! Just another AppleDash Fic, nothin' special. Rated Teen for safety, no real sex or anything! Not my drawing/ cover art.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 24 )

Great story!:ajsmug: But maybe you should tone Applejack's accent down a little

Rule numero Uno:

DO NOT put "First Fanfic" in your title. Not too many people will look at it if you do.


Rule numero Dos:

DO source your cover-art, if possible.

Thanks for the advice! I'll be sure to keep that in mind, and I can't find a cover art source, so if anypony can help, that would be awesome!

Also, if you dislike, don't put hateful comments. If you have any ways to improve, that would be great! Just leave the comments for comments, not taunts! ;)

Interesting concept, a slash. Hadn't even crossed my mind there would be those out there.

Pretty good read, I agree with Izzy, tone down the accent just a weeeee bit, maybe just obvious accent words, like "y'alls" and stuff should be acknowledged via accent.

Please check out my Bourne Identapony when/if it approved!!!

Thanks, and keep up the writing!

5 dislikes!!! :fluttercry: Guys, maybe have some more people read my Fics?

that was pretty good accept the accents are pretty weird:derpytongue2:

4557092 Seconded. Also...

Rule numero Tres:

DO put some actual description of your story in the descriptions.

" Wha, thank ya Rainbow Dash.

That is swait!" Applejack replied.

Please, don't try to make Applejack sound too southern.


I'm sorry but I couldn't get past AJ's accent in this fic, :twilightblush: I almost laughed out loud when I first read it. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild:

It's ok, as I see that is a growing issue. I'll be sure to work on it!

You need to tone down AJs accent ASAP. It's really way too much. Also, you should pace it better. Divide your story in the important scenes, and add more information or make the in-between longer, so it doesn't look like "AND SO THEY DID THIS, AND THEN THAT AND THEN THAT OTHER THING AND" make it longer, and slower. A good technique could be saying "Ok, I'll do 1000 words chapters". And then, add only 2 key scenes per 1000 words, not your whole story. That'll help making it longer, more paced, and also get tips from the readers faster. Not to mention chapters make people watch you and follow your stories more.

Tone down the accent on Applejack quite a bit, I'd say. Much too strong.

Ok! But how do I change it after publication?


I'm not saying it needs to be edited that much, but you can still edit a chapter once it's published - just use the same method you would normally use when writing this story.

Yeah, the accent for Applejack is a little confusing at times. But i really like die story!

I read Applejack liked rarity spoke when she turned country to impress that one stallion.

Whoz our neyxt mohdayal

Out of curiosity I thought I'd go and read your first story, and it's not bad. Not a lot happens, but it's cute. I'd agree with what the others have said — Applejack's parts are a little hard to read.


Yeah, I learned that- it's pretty bad.

In my experience it's easiest to just write Applejack as speaking normally. You can still use her speech patterns like calling people "sugarcube" or saying a situation is "madder than a mayfly in March" or whatever. But the reader is perfectly capable of filling in her accent mentally.

I still enjoyed it overall. :ajsmug:

PS: I'm going to keep pestering you with comments until you reply to my PMs.

PPS: Notice me, kohai.

I don't know why everyone is going on about the bad things for. Im just going on about how good of a story this is:derpytongue2:

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