Goal: Deep Cover
It was a bright shining day in Ponyville, mostly due to Pinkie Pie's experimental glitterbomb two weeks ago. How and why she had created a massive explosive for the distribution of shimmering dust particles had yet to be fully explained; the fact she'd used edible glitter, though, was something that everypony was thankful for.
Sazzix was especially grateful, as the glitter had somehow disrupted a changeling detection spell and netted him a place in the town without suspicion. In fact, he'd been so warmly welcomed by Pinkie Pie and her obligatory "Welcome To Ponyville" party that he'd almost missed the beautiful pegasus watching from the table. Ah, Sky Ribbon... they'd hit it off almost instantly, the white mare falling for his charms and actually managing to tweak his curiosity in turn. Of course, she didn't know Sazzix, only Spark Dancer the unicorn. But...
Over the course of two weeks, the poor changeling drone had felt something within him that he didn't recognize initially. He'd thought himself ill at first, unable to understand why he always felt a warmth streaming up his throat to wrap around his cheeks when he talked with her, or how his vascular pump jumped up when she flicked her violet mane. He'd hid it carefully enough befoer finally going to a pony doctor, claiming that he seemed to be having an allergic reaction to the glitter.
The doctor's prognosis had been incredible. He was in love.
He'd demanded a second opinion, of course, and it was much worse; he was in denial about being in love.
Well, why wouldn't he be? Love was for long-term sexual partners, not changelings (who considered sex to be a five second tax the queen took). Love was for two ponies or goats or whatever that depended on each other, not the communal hive that raised all nymphs equally. Love was food for crying out loud, om nom nom. Being in love was about the same as being told that his stomach was leaking.
That had been three days ago. Yesterday, he'd asked if he could meet up with Sky Ribbon. And today.... he would die.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
K'larra giggled to herself as she prepared for the day. Spark Dancer had finally asked her out! She'd had her eyes on the yellow unicorn as soon as Pinkie threw him her now traditional party, and, well, things just worked out pretty awesomely. True, she couldn't possibly go back to the hive after the failure in Canterlot, and that meant she was stuck living as a pony for the rest of her days, but things could be so much worse.
And hey, Spark Dancer was smoking hot. Woo!
Okay, so she'd gone a bit native during her years. But who could blame her? Becoming the mask was something expected to some degree, and what with all the craziness of Ponyville she couldn't be bothered to pull herself back to normal. And now, there wasn't any reason to. She was free as a bird, well, so long as nopony found out she was a changeling. Just because her species was now doomed to extinction didn't mean she couldn't enjoy her life.
And she'd start by enjoying Spark Dancer. His love was just so incredible, and he always made her feel a bit giddy. Which was weird, maybe something about finding a good love source just made her happy. But on top of that, well, he was a cutie pie with that thick red mane and his halting way of talking. She'd always liked nervous prey, they were so adorable. That's why she leapt on any chance to meet up with him.
A few of her pony "friends" had suggested she was in love. She'd played along, but it wasn't very likely, in her opinion.
K'larra preened in the mirror, making certain her violet mane was just so and that her white-clad figure was trim and perfect. Unwitting, Sazzix was doing the same. In but half an hour... they would meet.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Sky Ribbon and Spark Dancer sat across the table from each other, looking deep into each other's eyes and sipping from their respective milkshakes.
Spark Dancer eventually sighed. "Sky... there's something you should know."
"Oh I already know."
Spark jumped in his seat. "Y-You do?"
"Oh don't you worry your little head." Sky giggled. "I don't mind."
"Oh, that's... good." Spark settled down, flushing a bit. "I... well, honestly, I was afraid you'd be mad."
The pegasus rolled her eyes. "Hah, mad, about that? If anything I should feel flattered."
"Really?"
"Somepony like you working up the guts to go after me..." Sky Ribbon sighed. "It's just so romantic."
Spark Dancer stared at her for a bit.
"...what?"
"I... think we need to get you to a hospital or something."
"Oh come on," Sky chortled, "you're not that bad."
Spark Dancer slowly stood up. "I... I'm sorry, but if I'm affecting you like this, I need to stay away for your own safety."
"...what?" Sky Ribbon blinked. "Affecting me?"
"Yes, well, I thought it was a spell, but--"
"Wait, what spell?"
Spark bit his lip. "Well... I don't remember casting anything, but I guess my kind might just do it subconciously--"
"Your kind?"
"Um. Yes." Spark gave her a look. "You, uh, know."
Sky Ribbon stared at him in confusion.
"...you're going to make me say it, aren't you."
"...Adorable nerds that get nervous around beautiful mares?"
Spark facehooved. "...Changelings, Sky."
The pegasus's eyes darted left and right. "Cha... what do you mean, changelings?"
"...I'm a changeling, Sky."
Sky Ribbon blinked twice. Then she burst out laughing. "No you're not."
"I totally am! I'm feeding off your love and everything."
"Hahaha, no. Trust me, I'd know if you were a--"
One burst of green flame later, Sazzix was giving her a flat look.
"...cha...nge...ling."
The drone nodded sadly. "...I... I can understand if you feel freaked out by this, and, well, if you want me to leave that's--"
"No, wait, that's not it. This doesn't make sense."
"I'm... sorry for leading you on about--"
"No, wait. You love me, right?" Sky Ribbon was peering at him. "Like, real love. Not borrowed love."
Sazzix blinked. "Y...yes. I was a bit surprised when I figured it out, but--"
Sky Ribbon leapt forward, pressing her ear against his thorax.
"Sky, what are you--"
"Shh shh shh!"
After a few moments, she began to pat him up and down with a focused expression. Sazzix was leaning every so slightly away from her, almost about to bolt. Eventually she seemed... well, not satisfied, but at least mollified. She sat back in her chair.
"So... just to be perfectly clear here... are you feeding off my love?"
"...yes."
"Right now."
"...yes."
Sky Ribbon stared at him for a few seconds. Then she sighed, burst into green flames, and became another changeling drone.
Sazzix stared at K'larra.
K'larra stared at Sazzix.
They stared at each other.
Then they both screamed.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
"Ish jush...." Spark Dancer swirled his glass. "How? How does this make... any sense?"
"I dunno." Sky Ribbon shrugged. "Ish like, like... we aren't supposed to be able to feed off each other. If we can then... why the ponies?"
"Our whole purpose in life has just been rendered completely unnecessary," Spark Dancer agreed. He sipped at his drink. "Thish ish good wine."
"Thanks. Were the milkshakes good?"
"Yeah."
"Cool."
They leaned back into the couch.
Suddenly, the unicorn started giggling. "We're in love, though."
The pegasus blinked, and nodded. "Yep. We are."
"Ish.. nice."
"Yeah... yeah, it ish. Very nischy." Sky Ribbon slid closer and nuzzled him, recieving a blush for her efforts. "Hee hee, lookit you! Shoooooo cuschy."
"Nonon, I'sh the nerdy one. You ish the cusche one." Spark Dancer peered into her eyes. "You'she beautiful."
Sky Ribbon giggled, dropping her disguise.
"...schtill beautiful."
"Awwwwww." K'larra smiled. "I'sh gotsh an idea. You be changeling too. Then we have shecksy, caushe that's how love works, right?"
Spark Dancer screwed up his face. "Uh... well--"
"You'she never done lovesexsh?"
He giggled awkwardly, glancing away. "I wash jush flirting with pones. Never, you know... no."
"Ahahahahaha! Virgin changeling hahahahaha!" K'larra rolled on the ground laughing. "Oh geezh. Hahaha."
"Hahaha..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"...SHUT UP!" Sazzix lunged at K'larra and missed by a mile, banging his face against the floor. "Ooooow."
"Oh no, oh no, ish you hurtsh?" The femal changling rolled over, poking at him curiously. "Ish you liksh hurtsh and schtuff?"
Sazzix started sobbing. "Ish all sho pointlessh! I'm a bad changling, schept, schept being changeling ish pointlessh!"
"Hey. Hey." K'larra dragged herself on top of him. "We can be pointlessh together."
Sazzix sniffed. "Really?"
"Yesh!"
"...yoush sho nische..."
"I'm not," K'larra mumbled. "I'm really not. I, I, I.... I'sh a shpyyyyyyyyyy!" She broke down crying.
"...sho?"
"I'sh been lying to you shinsche day one!"
Sazzix tilted his head. "...Sho have I? I don't get it."
K'larra blinked. "Oh... oh yeah." She nuzzled his ear. "Yoush sho nische."
"Thanksh...."
They sat there for a while.
"...sho..." K'larra mumbled. "What now?"
"Um." Sazzix tried to focus. "...schleepy?
"Schleepy, yesh..."
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
K'larra groaned as she woke up, her head pounding and her mouth dry. "What..."
She looked down, finding Sazzix was still under her, remembered everything, and groaned again. "Well, chitin. Wake up, you."
Sazzix snored.
"Oh for the love of--AAAAAA! CHANGELING!"
The male jolted, looking around quickly as he slapped on a disguise. "Who-what-it's not me!"
"Glad to see you up." K'larra slid off. "Pink feathers with an orange coat, really?"
Sazzix glowered, flicking the disguise off. "So I have a bit of shiftlexia. I don't usually take a disguise so quickly." He winced. "Oh, my head. Is this a hangover?"
"It's totally a hangover."
"I didn't know we can get hangovers."
"We apparently can get hangovers."
Sazzix nodded. "Ow. Um. So... are we, like, dating?"
K'larra shrugged. "Maybe. I dunno. Sure." She shook her head. "This is so... freaking weird. You know what? Yes. We're dating."
Sazzix smiled a bit. "Yaaaaaay."
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A'w this is so cute!
4576191
Seconding the 'daw!'
I was greatly amused.
Changeling love is the best love.
You failed.
This is in no way bad.
You, sir/madam, have done exceptionally well with this story. Keep up all the good work you do.
4577522
but I was trying to write BAD fanfiction...
4577540 oh. Then it sucks.
You need to make an entire 100k word long sequel to this, where the hive learns about this and revolts against the queen and stuff...
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
4577540 It's too well-written and cute to be bad.
OMG This eesh so cute
If you try to be bad and you fail, is it a success?
Either way, funny story. I personally enjoyed it.
4577540 See, the problem is you forgot to include the framing device of it being a bad fanfiction, small summary aside.
Well, I don't think it was high-quality, but I don't know that it was necessarily bad. Except for the part where they're drunk. That part was bad just because the dialogue was a pain to read/decipher.
Go home Masterweaver, you're drunk.
I like it!
Exactly 2k words? Weaver, thou art a wizard. A funny, evil, fuzzy two faced cat, amazing wizard.
Me gusta.
Remind me of this
derpicdn.net/img/2012/6/21/13167/large.png
But srsly that was good funny one continue please
hi hi
Umm... you failed at failing? Congratulations? I'm confused...
You know what i like it this could totallywork as a full GOOD story if you tried
I had no idea what i was reading halfway but i liked it
Unfortunately, you failed. It's not bad.
It's actually a pretty original idea, and a fun one. And while it's not Shakespeare, it's pretty decent!
You don't need to continue this. It probably wouldn't suck to see a little more though.
This is actually kind of hilarious. And now I'm curious as to how a pair of changelings might get on with their lives after realizing they don't actually need to feed on ponies.
If you want a backstory explanation for the ability, it could be postulated that changelings don't feed off each other en masse because it's just energy exchange with no input - if they keep doing it they'll starve each other. However, living in Ponyville (as opposed to the hive) provides other sources of energy input, including pony food and the general friendship/love of the townsfolk in general permeating the area. Directly feeding on love one-on-one is simply a more efficient process, which is why the changelings tended to use it in preference (not to mention not having many other sources of energy).
Friendship might be magic, but love is power - as Cadance and Shining Armor know all too well. Even the Royal Sisters have access to the population's love for their rulers and their appreciation for the day, night, sun, and moon.
when ever i see twilight and a changeling, this is all i can think aboutfc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/172/f/1/twilight_x_changeling_by_hotshotwins1337-d7nb2pm.jpg
Huh. I never thought of using that game as a source of writing prompts. Hmm. This may merit further consideration...
In any case, a fantastic sample from the shipfic folder. Thank you for it.
4577540
Now I'm confused... should I up-vote because I enjoyed it; or down-vote because you failed at writing a bad story?
I agree with most of the other people, you really did fail at making a bad story.
I quite liked it, it had some funnies which is my favorite part of a story.
Here, let's put the upvotes over 100
As others have said, this is adorable.
existential crises
existential crises
Did you get that from where I think you got it from?!
4582216
Probably not.
4582329
Aww, dang it....
Oh well....
The funny thing is that this could actually be a really good fic if you continued it. I'd read it it was really good and one of the more funny fics Ihave read in a long time. way to go!
4577540
This is quite possibly the best failure to ever happen, in the history of the universe.
Also, drunk pones...er...changelings....you know what I mean.
Tenth highest rated story for the week.
Only one of said stories I didn't downvote.
Probably not that bad.
Good Fanfic write more.
The goal was to write a bad fanfiction? Well I have some bad news. You failed.
4584408
Failing to fail... A win? Yes.
I like this story.
4577540 I'm really not sure if I should be happy or sad for you. For one thing, you've written a great thing here while trying to write something bad. On the other hand, you had a reason to try to write something bad, and wrote this instead. So... Congratusorry?
4577540
The drunk talk was a bit off, but aside from that I regret to inform you that this was actually pretty good.
Reminds me of the time a guy showed up for Friday Night Magic after building a deck to prove that he couldn't play aggressively, no matter how hard he tried. He got second place.
:I
Reminds me of someone
4578888 Seems legit.
PLEASE MAKE MOAR!!!! I'LL DO THINGS FOR YOU THAT I MIGHT REALLY MIGHT REGRET LATTER BUT IT WILL BE SO WORTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, I definitely enjoyed this in a good way, so you failed. Bad.
AND THEN SEX HAPPENED... More please? Whatever kind of more you want...
I love this. :)
Heh. This was pretty cute, actually. Good luck in the contest, fellow writer!
The worst part Is now I want more.
Could you put a Flashlight romance in your story?
> shiftlexia
Good luck in the competition, fellow entrant!