Trials - A Dash of Loyalty
Nightmare Moon's Tiny Adversary
-
Chapter 4
Part 4
“Raaaainbooow…” a shadow said, its voice echoing in the fog-choked clearing.
“I ain't scared of you! Show yourself!” Rainbow Dash challenged as she stood on her hind legs and punched the air. Behind her was a massive gorge that separated her from the rest of the group, the rope bridge only halfway tied to the wooden posts dug into the hard ground.
“We have been eagerly awaiting your arrival, oh the best flyer in Equestria,” a second shadow continued slyly.
“Who?”
“Why you, of course,” another shadow added.
“Really? I mean, yeah, of course it’s me. Hey, uhhh, you wouldn’t mind telling the Wonderbolts that, would you? Because I’ve been trying to get into that group for like… forever.”
“No, Rainbow Dash,” the shadows whispered, before finally revealing themselves from the magical fog, clad in a dark, imposing counterpart to the Wonderbolts uniform. “We want you to join us… the Shadowbolts!”
The shadows watched closely as Rainbow Dash pondered their offer. It was a last ditch effort to stop this inexorable group of ponies from getting any closer to their mistress, especially since it was the last substantial obstacle before the castle, and Rainbow Dash had managed to save the rope bridge.
The leader of the shadows repressed another scowl. They’d cut both ends of the rope bridge, and still, the pegasus mare before them had flown fast enough to catch up with it even though it was already falling by the time she noticed. A massive setback, to be certain.
It became clear that they needed to sweeten the deal. It was taking too long for Rainbow Dash to make a decision, and they needed her answer now. “We are the greatest aerial team in the Everfree Forest, and soon, we will be the greatest in all of Equestria,” a Shadowbolt said confidently.
“But first…” the leader said, “we need a captain.”
“Whooo! Sign me up!” Rainbow Dash said excitedly, flying a backflip in joy, but to the Shadowbolts’ dismay, the pegasus then turned towards the damaged bridge. ”Just let me help the girls finish our mission, and we have a deal.”
“No!,” the Shadowbolt shouted as it blocked the way. “It’s them, or us.”
***
“What’s taking her so long?” Twilight asked as she climbed onto Applejack’s head, her attention focused on the two wooden poles on their side of the chasm, bits of rope still tied around them. She tilted her head to the side, furrowing her brows in confusion. “That’s odd. I’m certain there wasn’t any fog covering this area just a moment ago. At least, not nearly so dense.”
Rarity nodded. “It could very well be unnatural. We could see Rainbow Dash when she pulled what remained of that rickety bridge to the other side, but now, we can’t even see halfway across.”
Overwatch’s ears perked up, swiveling side to side as she focused her gaze into the fog. “Well, that doesn’t seem right…”
The group turned to Overwatch, who waved a hoof at her fellow guard without averting her eyes. “Steelie, could you be a dear and check up on Dash? I may not be an expert on fog, but it doesn’t take one to tell that this one has come in at a rather convenient time. I’d ask to come over with you, but we need a guard here with the rest of these mares. Just make sure she isn’t being ambushed or foalnapped, would you?”
Steel Blade turned his attention to Twilight, who nodded in assent. He spread his wings and, with a quick salute, he propelled himself forwards into the fog.
“I hope Dash isn’t hurt. This forest is v-very dangerous,” Fluttershy said, steeling her trembling legs.
“Dash hurt?” Applejack scoffed. “That pegasus’s skull is way too thick fer that to happen. Bet she’s jus’ takin’ her sweet time, is all.”
Twilight snuck a quick glance at Fluttershy, wondering if the overprotective monster tamer had it in her to fly them all over the obstacle, or at least help Steel Blade move everypony over. She quickly filed that thought for later, turning back to the fog and tapping her chin. “I wonder if she decided to fly back to Ponyville,’ she murmured to herself.
Rarity raised an eyebrow at that. “And why would she do that, darling?” she asked curiously.
Twilight shrugged. “Because we’re risking our well being in this dangerous forest by trying to help Nightmare Moon. Maybe a monster attacked her and she decided that helping a corrupted princess isn’t worth the trouble.”
Overwatch let out a giggle, drawing the tiny mare’s confused gaze. “You speculate too much. Have some faith in your number two fan.”
Twilight blinked. “Fan? Rainbow Dash isn’t my fan.”
The female guard rolled her eyes. “No, of course not.”
***
Rainbow Dash looked at the other side of the chasm, though there wasn’t much to see besides the dense fog separating her from Twilight and rest of the group. She turned back to Shadowbolts with a smirk. “So let me get this straight. You’re giving me a choice between helping Twilight on her mission… and becoming your leader?”
The shadows looked at each other uncertainly before one stepped up to answer. “Of course we are. Chasing after Nightmare Moon with your so-called ‘friends’ will only get you killed, and we don’t have any use for a dead captain. We hope that you’ll make the right decision.”
Rainbow Dash let out a laugh. “Ha! That’s a good one. So I can either become the leader of your flying team and go on to compete against the Wonderbolts, or I can stick with the super awesome tiny unicorn who could kick all of your flanks singlehoofedly.”
The rainbow-maned pegasus stomped a hoof into the ground towards the Shadowbolts, causing them to flinch back. “Which should I choose? Should I stick with Twilight, a pony who knows Spitfire and the Wonderbolts who risked her life to save everypony in Ponyville? Or should I go with a suspicious group of pegasi who waited ‘til I was in the middle of the Everfree Forest before they recruit me? Wow, that's a tough one," she snarked, spreading her wings.
With a jump, Rainbow Dash took a brief flight over the heads of the Shadowbolts towards the bridge. “Sorry folks, but there are ponies who are counting on me. No offence, but my friends are way cooler than you.”
Rainbow Dash was about to tie up the bridge when the Shadowbolts tackled her, dropping their disguises. “What the—”
The summoned spirit’s expression was cold when it looked into the pegasus’s face, though Dash could hardly tell from looking into its dark, transient features. “Our mistress told us not to kill anypony, but if we knock you out—”
The shadow’s sentence was abruptly cut off when an armored hoof slammed into it, the timely arrival of a pegasus guard in not-quite-so-shining armor giving Rainbow Dash the opportunity to stand up.
“Well, I guess that answers why it took you so long,” Steel Blade said, spreading his wings and preparing for combat as he glared at the three foes in front of him.
“Sorry, those three shadow-thingies tried to convince me to ditch my friends and join their imaginary Shadowbolts organization.”
Steel Blade smirked. “Well, it didn’t look like they weren’t trying to initiate you when I arrived, so I’m guessing you refused?”
Rainbow Dash snorted as she took a battle stance. "Well, no duh. Like I’d abandon my friends for these losers.”
Twilight beamed with pride at the cyan pegasus from her spot on Rarity’s back. “Thanks, Rainbow Dash. I’m glad you didn’t leave us to realize your dream, even with the inherent dangers in our mission,” she said, before rubbing her hoof nervously and adding, “especially considering who we’re trying to help here.”
“I wouldn’t abandon you even if Wonderbolts themselves asked me to,” Dash said as she pat herself off, a couple small bruises fresh on her body. “I may have dreams to realize, but my friends always take priority.”
Twilight could only smile at that. “It’s nice hearing that from you, Dash,” she said before raising her hoof to exchange a hoof bump with her friend, who in her excitement pushed her harder than she expected. The little mare balanced herself on Rarity’s back before she could fall off and added, “Now, we still have to get to the old castle. Overwatch, how much farther is it?”
The female guard looked up from her examination of Steel Blade’s armor, which had accumulated a few more dents and scratches from his last fight. “Well, umm…” she said uncertainly, before spinning a little circle with her hoof. “If you ask Rarity to turn about ninety degrees, you’ll see exactly how far away it is.”
Rarity looked a bit confused at the suggestion, but obliged anyways, and it wasn’t long before…
“Wow. Seriously?” Twilight brought a hoof to her face, realizing that the only reason she hadn’t been able to see the castle ruins at the apex of the very prominent hill before her was because Rarity’s neck was in the way.
Now with that obstruction out of the way, it was clear that the castle had seen better times. What was once immaculate, gleaming walls were now covered in moss and vines. Twilight looked with pity at the large holes that spotted the structure and the piles of rubble strewn about, which made the castle look less like a seat of authority and more like a battle-torn fortress, worn through countless sieges. Strangely enough, the humongous statue of a gargoyle seemed mostly unharmed.
The little mare quickly resisted the temptation to teleport onto the statue to examine its every detail. It was, after all, a very detailed statue of an extremely rare species, and she had almost no information on gargoyles from any of her books.
“Right, we need to go in,” Twilight said, a determined expression on her face. “Spread out and find the Elements of Harmony. Look for anything that might be construed as a magical artifact and hopefully, we’ll be able to find it before anything finds us. Something of that power should be hidden particularly well, so look everywhere!”
The group made its way to the massive front door at a brisk pace, Fluttershy suddenly very wary at the mention of something finding them. Twilight used the time to remove some of her bandages from the encounter with the manticore, noticing with some surprise that most of her wounds had mysteriously disappeared, leaving only faint bite marks. While she found it unusual for the regeneration she was used to, she set it aside when her party finally cracked open the doors into the entrance hall and filed in.
Rainbow Dash immediately spread her wings and took to the air, hovering near a hole in the ceiling and scanning the area. She looked around only briefly, paying slightly more attention to a nearby damaged tower before announcing, “No magical artifacts from here. Found anything Applejack?”
“Nope,” the farm mare said as she stepped lightly over another rock. “Nothin’ but rubble. How ‘bout you, Fluttershy?”
The shy pegasus was crawling backwards away from the entrance, her hooves shaking as she watched for any potential followers. She turned around briefly to shake her head before continuing her vigil.
Pinkie Pie, however, had taken a moment to peek under the long rug that stretched across the decrepit hall before immediately moving to check behind a few intact paintings.
“Pinkie!” Twilight called. “We’re searching for magical artifacts! You won’t find them there!”
The cheerful earth pony let out a giggle, moving on to the next tapestry and sticking her head behind it. “Oh, silly Twilight. You gotta check every spot when you’re exploring a dungeon. Those secret passages aren’t going to find themselves!”
Twilight took a moment to facehoof before she turned to Rarity. “What about you? Found anything?”
“Oh, I found something,” she said, gesturing grandly to the tapestries before her. “Even after hundreds of years, these pieces of art are still simply marvelous! The quality of this cloth is awe inspiring!”
With a roll of her eyes and a groan, Twilight hopped off her ride with a soft clop of hooves on stone, trotting off to explore on her own.
“Oh right, the Elements. I am getting far too easily distracted,” Rarity said, shaking her head. She turned to look at her back, panicking a bit when her passenger was nowhere to be found. “Twilight? Twilight? Twilight, wait up!”
“Hey Twilight, over here!” Overwatch shouted, her voice echoing from the room ahead. The little mare turned towards the source of voice, increasing her speed. She galloped into a large, empty chamber, immediately noticing what looked like a fountain at its center. Six arms extended from the central structure, each except one holding a large stone sphere on a small disk.
Twilight blinked in confusion. “You sure this is it, Overwatch? Those spheres don’t look anything like the magical gems displayed in the reference guide.”
Rarity trotted in soon after, breathing a bit more heavily. “Yes, those things are so… drab. Not at all the beautiful gems they’re supposed to be,” she said as the other ponies in the group cantered in, having heard the guard mare’s call.
Overwatch shrugged. “Well, there are only five rocks, but the book said something about how the sixth will be revealed when five are present, so this little fountain-shrine-thingie drew my eye. Beyond that, upon closer examination, it looks like something’s been carved into each rock. It’s been worn out over the centuries, so I can’t quite tell what each symbol is, but this is probably the closest we’re gonna get to an ancient artifact in this place,” the female guard stated briefly. “Plus, it doesn’t look like this room’s being used for anything else. C’mon Steelie, help me get some of these buggers down.”
Twilight frowned, but examined a few of the rocks closely as they were being taken down, finding the aforementioned grooves on the surfaces of the spheres. She took a deep breath before turning to the party behind her and saying, “Okay everypony, I think we found what we came here for!”
“So what’s next?” Spike asked, approaching one of the stone spheres to look at it himself. “It doesn’t look like these things are going to be doing anything at this rate.”
“That’s why we’re going to try to activate them,” Twilight said with resolve, puffing out her chest briefly before deflating into a more contemplative mood. “Or just me, I think. I have the most magical knowledge out of our group, so I’d have the best chance at cracking these Elements. I’ll need some time and space so I can concentrate. Could you ponies please guard the entrances? I cannot be interrupted.”
Overwatch and Steel Blade immediately perked up, looking first at Twilight before exchanging a knowing look and a surreptitious nod to each other.
“Oh come on, Twilight, seriously?” Spike said in disbelief, crossing his arms.
“Yeah! There’s no way we can leave you alone in a place like this,” Rainbow Dash said, flapping her wings in agitation.
“What if something happens to you? Or if an animal comes in through the window to try and eat you?” Fluttershy asked with a worried expression.
“Ah’d feel better ‘bout this plan if ya'd restore yerself t’ full size first, or at least let one of us stay with ya fer protection,” Applejack said in earnest.
Twilight looked between her friends and the artifacts. “Yes, but I can’t afford any distractions at all with something of this importance, so I need you all to guard the entrance and make sure this place is as abandoned as it seems. No arguing. Time is of the essence. Besides, if I get in trouble, I can always signal you girls or something and you’ll all be able to come rescue me within seconds anyways.”
There was a bit of grumbling, but with some urging by her guards, Twilight was finally left alone with the Elements of Harmony.
She took a deep breath and steeled her nerves, staring intently at the stone with a renewed determination. There was no question. She had to save Nightmare Moon and reunite her with Celestia.
There was no turning back now.
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The Shadowbolts are a bit violent... That's a bit unexpected...
But still, another great chapter to a great story. Hope to see the next one soon.
So I take things seem to be coming to a close. All in all, I think you did this part better than in the original. It still seems kind of strange that Nightmare Moon would only send relatively harmless trials at the Mane six, but it is definetly an improvement to the show's episode and I guess you can do so much if you want to stay linear to the canon story. However, knowing you and with your Nightmare Moon definitely characterized differently that in the show, I wouldn't be surprised if you came up with some clever plot twist, that explained this.
I am definitely looking forward to the next chapters.
5187431
Thanks. While Twilight in my story like to make friends much more than the one in the show, her dislike to the way ponies like Rarity act would set her against the wanna-be-noble if I can say that.
In the end they resolved this issue when Rarity proved herself, though probably many still dislike how Twilight treated Rarity in the first place.
5187606
Maybe you are right, maybe you are wrong. I hope you like this character regardless.
5188278
I am afraid that it will take a long long time before I will get to Great Galloping Gala.
As for Overwatch, I hope you like her as character, regardless do your predictions are true or false.
5193871
Well. Their mission is to stop any intruder form reaching the castle. The only reason they do not go for the kill is because Nightmaer Moon said so.
5193909
I personally really disliked the whole "Nightmare Moon trials" thing. Nightmae Moon knocked 3 guards in 3 seconds. She could easy enter library and beat everyone or directly defeat main 6 whenever she wanted. While her trials may seems dangerous, they were more of an attempt to scare of main 6 rather then defeat them. If she wanted, she would win anytime.
In my story, i try to put a better reason why trials are harmless rather then Nightmare Moon putting a very poor efforts to stop her enemies form defeating her.
Not yet. There is still much to happen, I guarantee you that.
Some say that in a story, destination is not as important as the jorney. Even if events seems similar to the canon ones, the jorney is diferent, and who knows, the destination may be diferent too. You may never know.
Explained what exacly?
yay update
Hurray for updates! Hope to see another soon!
... Six rocks?
Wait, so how is Twilight going to get her element to fit her?
5194727
Oh snaaaaaaap, I dun messed up.
5194775 Maybe some string and bubble gum will do the trick.
5194775 It'll be like The One Ring; it will change size to fit it's wearer.
Nice turn on Dash's time with the Shadowbolts
5195451
5195337
Props to both of you for making both logical and hilarious answers! ...Although the string and bubblegum would make the most sense for Twiny to get stuck needing to use, I believe that our author would go with the "one ring" method. Sadly, of course.
5195689 Maybe it will just be replaced with a cupcake wrapper, kinda like the green boot from Mario.
Awesome!
Too tired to leave my MOAR comment...
5194405
I doubt it.
5194727
6 rocks = 6 elements. Pity Maud isn't there. She would surely like to examine elements in their stoned form.
5194775
You will need to wait and see.
5195337
Lol. This would look awkward.
5195665
Thanks.
5195689
What do you mean by saying "sadly" ?
5194727
5195077
What do you mean.
Should I write "six stones" instead, or is it something else?
5196061 They mean that there was 5 rocks; the element of magic was missing, remember?
5196144
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130103015413/mlp/images/thumb/a/a4/Main_6_ponies_found_the_Elements_of_Harmony_S01E02.png/640px-Main_6_ponies_found_the_Elements_of_Harmony_S01E02.png
6 stones.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130117033610/mlp/images/thumb/0/03/Nightmare_Moon_and_the_elements_S01E02.png/640px-Nightmare_Moon_and_the_elements_S01E02.png
5 stones,
To be honest, I don't know do they were only 5 stones and at the begigning it was an animation error, or do they were 6 stones, but only 5 activated.
I will need to discuss it with my editor before doing any changes.
Sorry to disappoint, but the Elements were only five rocks. Magic (the sixth) would not appear until the spark.
Just thought you oughta know.
5196163
Didn't Twilight specifically say that the sixth element was missing, according to the EOH Manual? Wouldn't be surprised if that sixth stone really was an error.
And RD fangirling over Twi is a nice touch. And it's hilarious!
Edit:
Yeah, animation error. After that one scene we only see five and it's even stated "There is only five."
Here, part of the dialogue transcript:
5196169
I will see what I can do. But I need to make sure that the change will not contain any mistakes, so it may take a while before I will fix this mistake.It must be aproved by my editor first.Fixed:
5196171
Dash have a long history of entering fangirl mode. First the Wonderbolts, next Daring Doo.
It only makes sense that Twilight would land on this list after what she displayed.
5196171
Fixed:
This paragraph is repeated.
Alright, cool, let's--
Nvm, someone already said it, lol
5196734
5196523
Fixed.
5196057
Imagine Twiny wearing a normal sized Element, for her size that is. Now imagine Twiny wearing a full sized one where she supports it using bubblegum and string. Whichever one seems more adorable is up to you.
5195742
That's just brilliant! And adorable....
i loved it
Please Sir. May we have some more?
i.imgur.com/In4aYuU.gif
5197377
5217257
It is up to my editor, and he is kind of busy lately.
5228743
I am glad you enjoyed it. I didn't like the way they handled Nightmare Moon in the show to much since Nightmare Moon seemed far to bland and one dimentional to me, so I decided to change it for my story.
As of the moment, I have an anatomy lab practical tomorrow, a problem set due the day after, a combined biochemistry lab report due the Monday after, a biochem exam the day after that, and an anatomy exam the Monday after that. I'll have time to edit, but I'll have to come in sporadically between cramming and panicking.
I'm finally caught up with this story.
5247012
What about side story "My Little Medic" Did you read it?
Also, what do you think of both tiny student and tiny librarian?
5247976 Haven't read the side stories yet, and like both of them. I'm a huge Twilight fan, and you've written her character very well. In the first story, I enjoyed all of the adventures that you put her through, and the characterization amongst everyone was beautiful. Two major points in CTS for me personally, are the development of her guards, and Blueblood. I've always loved stories where Blueblood isn't a prick, and you've done so quite well. The highest two points so far in PTL, are the fact that twilight didn't trust Rarity at first due to her obsession with royals, and her interactions with Nightmare Moon, (mostly just Nightmare Moon in general). I love a villain with standards that can sit down with their enemy and have a casual chat with them. It just brings a whole new level to them that is sadly underutilized in most modern media. In all, these two stories are Alternate Universe done well. I love it how you've keep mostly to the story line of the show, but added subtle differences that sculpt it into its own world.
Since I feel weird only praising a story I'll say the only thing that bugs me, (and it's very small, like seriously it's not a big deal and applies to me only). I don't like Celestia as much as I could. I absolutely loved her in the early chapters of CTS, but when it got down to the stuff with planning and such you started to lose me. I personally have read a ton of Twilight based adventures stories, therefore while the caring, motherly Celestia is kinda refreshing to me, the manipulative, flippy floppy, "I'm emotionally torn" Celestia is a bit overdone (for me). This probably isn't a problem for most people and find her character to be fascinating and endearing as I did the first few times I came across it, but now that characterization of he just comes off as kind of a bitch to me. Now I don't not like her character, especially since she still has awesome, mommy Celestia to fall back on. So yeah. Oh, and one last thing.
I noticed that this story is in my group, The OP Group of Overpowered-ness, and I'm wondering if you added it because when Twilight gets big, (assuming she does) she becomes ridiculously overpowered or I noticed it's under the folder "why won't you die" so was it added because the princesses are darn near impossible to kill? These are important questions.
5248254
My top editor would be pleased. Overwatch is his OC character, and I gave him Steel Blade as her partner (because two are better than one), so he is responsible for their development. I decided that since Tiny Twilight is major focus of the story, as well as her struggle to stay alive while being tiny (and because Celestia cannot always be by her side), she will need two guards to keep her safe.
I always disliked in the show that royal guards seems complitely useless or unused, so I used this opportunity to give some screen time to two of them.
I am glad that Overwatch and Steel Blade proved to be a fun to read as they accompany Twilight through her life.
As for Blueblood, I disliked his personality in the show. It was way over the top and seemed to serve nothing else but to be antagonist for Rarity. Do not get me wrong, he is a prick in his own way, but it is result of getting bad examples from those he hangs up with. Since in this story he becomes Twilight's friend, he get a chance to learn and develop.
While Rarity is a character most can relate too, it doesn't change the fact that she have big flaws. Despite her generous character, strong will to accomplish her goal and hard work she put into her work, especially when friends asks her for clothes, she fall into the same trap what most characters with high standards and manners. Like many nobles or characters that act like nobility, Rarity is self centered, manipulative in her own way, look down upon farmers and common ponies while praise so called higher class. Characters like this usually fake their friendship and praise to get what they want, and in many other shows, Rarity would end up as a villain. Also, Canterlot nobility seems like self centered money wasting mob who are interested only in apperance and politics (Fancy Pants at least have some redeeming qualities, so he is fine). I just decided to play on Twilight's hate towards nobility, and it resulted in Twilight pointing out Rarity's flaws in her face.
I do not say I dislike Rarity as character, but I wanted to give her sort of redemption ark where she at least try to deal with her flaws.
I found Nightmare Moon in the show to be a poor repetitive villain. Evil laughter, monologue, thunders behind her back, arrogance, being evil for evil sake. That is why I like fanfics that give Nightmare Moon some character, especially fanfics from group "Hero Nightmare Moon" where she play more of anty-hero role (I like anty heroes, they are very interesting and unpredictable).
I really wanted to give an explanation why she refused to lower the moon, show that she isn't so unbelievably stupid to not know that enthernal night would kill everypony she want to love her, and finally, I wanted to give her a character.
For me, Nightmare Moon is the most suitable to be a black knight. Mercyless to enemies, but honorable and mercyful to innocent and defensless. Also, since considering colour of crystals that Celestia and Luna used in S4E2 flashback, and colour of main 6 elements. I noticed that Luna posses Honesty, Loyalty and Laughter.
Since Celesita in the show prove to be a manipulative teacher type, I decided that Nightmare Moon must be brutaly honest (while loyalty to her sister, and ability to spread laughter passed away after thousand years on the moon and feeling of betrayel, honesty is still strong in her). I hoped to make her honest nature be in conflict with Celestia's manipulative personality, as well as use so called ethernal night as a tool to weaken Celestia rather than to force ponies to admire her work, and I am glad I succeed.
As for her interaction with Twilight. I told myself "why not."
Twilight like to observe stars and study the sky, and if she is meant to be a princess of friendship, what characters what spread friendship do? They negotiate and try to find good in everypony, even enemy. I really wanted for those two to have a conversation because I was sure it would be an interesting one.
As for Nightmare Moon, in the show she just make her speach, knock out 3 guards in 3 seconds, but instead of attacking and beating up main 6, something she could do very easy, she just try to scare them of. She even targeted the elemetns instead of main 6, and just stood there when elements were being charged. Many call it arrogance, but I think she just hated the idea of hurting her subjects, or else she could beat main 6 with ease. In my story I decided to expand on this theory and give a good explanation why she didn't attack the Element bearers to get rid of them. Instead I had her have a nice little chat with Twilight, they learned much about each others and gained each other's respect, next I had her fight against Celestia and royal guards to attack her. Now she respect Twilight and is very tired and cornered, a good explanation why she is not attacking Element Bearers, and also why her shadow minions do not try to kill main 6, but instead scare them off.
Sorry if my reply was to long.
5248254
Sorry if you didn't like this part, but it was unavoidable. The show itself proved over and over that Celestia is very manipulative in her ways, always witholding informations and sending her student into deep waters. Why overdone, it is overdone for good reasons, this is part of her character I couldn't ignore.
The only thing I could do is to set her up into redemption ark, have her consider do manipulating others is not a wrong thing to do.
While I had no problem to show Celestia's motherly nature when she raised tiny Twilight, back when she was itty bitty defensless little filly, but as Twilight grew up and got used to life in a land of giants and time to Nightmare Moon's return was running out, this is when I had to focus on Celestia's manipulative nature. Do not get me wrong, she is still a motherly figure, but it is not easy to let it surface when Twilight is no longer young and defensless.
Look on the bright side. There is a diference between Celestia being manipulative, and how many viewed her actions as her being a troll. All I can hope is that future chapters will win you respect for Celestia back, but no promisses.
First off, if you take a look at members, you can see that I'm not part of the group. I think one of members of this gorup added my story there.
Now, do not get me wrong. I always was confliced that in the show, in some episodes, Twilight is a power house. She can teleport in an instant, passing great distances. She can levitate humongous beast, thousands of apples and even fix the dam, but in other episodes she forget she can teleport when facing humongous Hydra (funny fact, Fluttershy in this episode forgot that she is afraid of high, and forgot that she could use wings), she barely did anything in episode with Daring Doo, and often her magic backfire or she forget that she can use her magic to fix a problem in the first place.
I understand that the writters of the story not want to make her OP for the sake of the conflict. The reason why Twilight is tiny in my story is that this way, she can show her power and develop it without affecting the conflict. She don't need to forget that she can cast spells, use magic and levitate object 700 times her own mass for the sake of the conflict, because she is greatly limited by her size.
However while this limitation worked for many readers and fans of this story. Some didn't like it or saw Twilight as OP character. (To be honest, in my story, all characters are OP in some way, but it is because in the show, we saw that ponies are super strong and tough, I just carried it into the story). Many see Twiny as overpowered character, because how much she can do despite her size disadvantage.
In your group, my story is in folder "why won't you die". In my stories, Twilight faced grave danger many times. She was stomped by her own mentor and it didn't flattened her. (While it is result of protection spell and Twilight's harsh life that toughtened her, it not change the fact that Twiny is very dificult to kill).
I doubt it. In season 4 finale, we saw that Tirek pierced Twilight through entire mountain, and her forcefield didn't had a scrach. 1/3 of this power and endurance belong to Celestia, so I have very good reasons to make the princesses very hard to kill. If characters can shot beams that cut castles in half, they also need to have bodies that can survive it. If the princesses were glass canons, Nightmare Moon laser beam that hit Celestia in the flashback would pierce her, but Celestia stood back up and used elements.
PS: Also, on side note. As you noticed, the updating between chapters is going very slowly because my top editor have very little time to edit my story, and he always focus on quality over quanity.
If you would like to pre-read unedited chapters for me and help me improve them while not being bothered by mistakes and typos, PM me.
5248906
Your reply wasn't too long, it was as long as it needed to be to say what you needed to say. Also, who's your editor with the Overwatch oc so I may view their adorable character and most likely good stories?
5249013
I know that manipulative Celestia is necessary, and I do like the character, just not as much as I probably could. (it was an extreme nit-pick)
As for the OP-ness I can see what you mean, the characters in the show are already kinda op.
lastly, So, your asking if I want to be a proofreader for content not punctuation and grammar? I'm totally game for that. I'll send a pm to confirm.
5249152
She's an OC of mine, but any stories I've actually written with her aren't that related to MLP and kinda petered out after a lack of enthusiasm from any readers I had. I might take up writing again once I get the time, but I'm actually going to have to think of an interesting plotline for my characters to live through instead of just using this storyline as a medium to express Overwatch's personality and quirks. I do write pretty much every line that comes out of Overwatch's and Steel Blade's mouths, and it's nice to hear any compliments towards the two!
5249152
No MLP fictions wtih her I'm afraid. Only in the story he is editing.
Pretty much. Well, you may answer comments I left, and eventually put a missing "a" or missing "the" if you will come across situation where you find it missing, but it is not necesery. Just content and advices for improvements or info what is missing or wrong will do.
5250952
If you want, I can help you come up with an idea for MLP Overwatch story. Or it can be side story to Celestia's Tiny Student from Overwatch's perspective.
Also, any idea when you will find time to edit? It's been a long, long while since you even logged on the document.
5251261
Well, the Biochem test was been moved back to Thursday, so I have time to study for it. Still, I can't guarantee anything in terms of when I can actually edit. I can't afford to even do poorly on either that test or the anatomy exam next Monday if I want a chance to get into med school.
I'm not particularly fond of the idea of retelling "Celestia's Tiny Student" from Overwatch's point of view. It doesn't leave enough for her or Steelie to stand on their own, and readers will feel obligated to go through your story first to get to that one. I was thinking more of a "before Twilight" time period, like any events during guard training.
5251967
Makes sense.
Woohoo!
Finished all your stories within 2 weeks , gotta say, love what you're doing.
Keep up the good work!
Shouldn't one be empty?
I like how you skipped through those trails with Rarity and Pinkie Pie cause it's pretty much the same as the episode premier save for the fact that Twilight is tiny and Spike and her guards are there
6883732
Also, "arms", when they're practically unknown to Equestria.
Nopony has "arms" (rather, "legs"), so why would they use that word to describe anything? Really, its only use is to describe a dragon's or minotaur's upper limbs, and neither species is all that common (well, before Twilight's Friendship School and immigration, anyway).
9997406
That isn't very valid, that is like saying why do we call things wings when we don't have them. It might just be the word for that type of object.