I'm dying.
Soon I will leave everything and everypony behind. No more picnics with my friends or tea with Celestia.
For now all I can do is say goodbye.
Chapters (1)
apaulingbrony
Joined 21st Jan, 2013 ·
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And this one... is actually an interesting concept. And Rarity pretty much summed it up: it's basically expected that due to ascension, Twilight has been gifted with immortality.
... but fact is, was she really? And even if she was, it was with immortality, not invulnerability. And though one would expect it would mean falling in combat or in an accident... people often forget about diseases and how unforgiving they can be.
For an immortal to come to terms with eternity and for mortals to accept that they'll grow old while their immortal friend will remain young is one thing. But to see the supposedly immortal kneel over and die before the mortals... it's surreal and in a way, insanely tragic. Those who claim that "mortality is a blessing/immortality is a curse" have not watched loved ones die. Being mortal does not make it any less painful.
If the other Mane Six came to terms with the fact that they'd die before Twilight and that Twilight came to terms with how she'd end up outliving her friends, such an event is likely to be especially devastating. There is a reason that the death of children and younger people is so painful for older people ; watching a loved one die at the end of its life is one thing. Watching it be yanked out of life before its time is another.
In short, this is a nice inversion of the usual case and I'm definitely curious about future chapters. I do feel the prologue is a bit abrupt ; for example, it didn't make clear what exactly is Twilight's disease or injury and what it might be that it's 100% lethal but it's certainly decently writen and I'm intrigued so far.
4589591
Part of the reason I do not out right say what she is suffering from is to allow the reader to apply his or hers own experience in illness or disease to the story.
Thanks for that. It's great to hear positive feedback like that.
As for not knowing what Twilight is dying from, I honestly haven't decided whether or not to leave it ambiguous or not.
So in short I may or may not actually tell you that.
Thanks
For being so thoughtful have a mustache
4589626
I'm glad you liked my comment!
As for the illness... you should probably come up with something, if only so the story has more coherence regarding Twilight's symptoms. It's not forced to be based off a real disease and can be magical but generally, I'm of the school of thought that the 'vague incurable cough of death' is not interesting to read about ; it feels cheap, like the character is not really in pain and is dying because the plot call for it to do. Okay, so the premise is pretty much "incurable disease" but... I hope my point still made sense.
My own theory/suggestion would either be a side-effect of magic overload (Twilight, as a mortal, was already insanely powerful. Then as an alicorn, she was boosted further. Then during the Tirek story arc, she ended up with the magic of basically the *whole world* inside her. My theory is that trying to shove that much magic into a single initially mortal body did the equivalent of trying to shove an elephant in a barrel: the pressure cause it to explode). Basically, her body is breaking down, with organ failures practically everywhere, her magic leaking, and generally Twilight's internal organs starting to look like swiss cheese. Due to her power, it cannot be reversed and even it it could, the sheer damage to her body means various vital organs are either failing or have a few years of life at best.
Now, I'm thinking it would be interesting if one of the characters to react to this will be Celestia. It's probably to be especially painful to her ; while the others simply expected Twilight to outlive them, Celestia was basically investing herself emotionally into Twilight fully, gifting her with immortality with either the intention or her realizing it meant they'd get to be together... only for fate to basically punch her in the face and make Twilight die anyway. Given Twilight is practically her adoptive daughter and how deeply she love her (especially when you take in account how much of a fiasco her last personal student turned out to be), this can't possibly feel good for her.
4589697
Whats funny is that is exactly what I was thinking for the disease if I had to explain it!
Thanks
I really liked the concept. It would be a really tragic story, but the annoyingly large amount of run on sentences have taken my attention away from the story.
4644872 yeah I'm not exactly the best writer, and I need an editor. Thanks for the feed back though!
4649008
I would have said it even if you asked for it.