Eight
“Alpha!” a familiar voice hissed. “Are you awake?”
She rolled onto her side and looked into the dim light that filled her doorway, and the stallion's silhouette within it. “Yeah, I'm awake,” Alpha said uncertainly. “What do you need, Fae?”
Fae took two steps into the room and hesitated with her pale amber light on the doorknob. “I don't want to be alone tonight,” she mumbled, barely loudly enough for Alpha to hear.
Alpha ducked her head. “To be honest, I don't want to be either.” She lit a pair of candles, casting just enough light for Fae to find her way, and slid toward the edge of the bed. “Come on in.” Fae darted into the room before she had even finished her sentence and closed the door behind her with a soft click. “Here; you can have the bed. I'll sleep on the sofa.”
“No, you take the bed,” Fae said gruffly as she stuck her head into the linen cabinet. “I don't want to wake up in my own body with a sore back.”
Alpha looked down at the expanse of the mattress, which must have been large enough for the Princess and two more. “We could share the—”
“I am quite happy on the sofa!” Fae barked over her attempt at a compromise. She crossed the carpet, tossed two pillows and a sheet onto a loveseat not far from the bed, and flopped heavily onto it with a sigh.
Alpha watched her with the barest hint of anger burning in her throat. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, perhaps more sharply than intended.
“No,” Fae growled, “I want to sleep.” Alpha's head fell. After a moment Fae shook her head. “I'm sorry, Alpha,” she muttered. “Did you?”
“It can wait,” she sighed. She shifted onto her back. “Except...”
“What is it?”
Alpha twisted her forehooves and cleared her throat. “Fae, what happened tonight got me thinking about a lot of things... A lot of it was about me, whether I'm crazy or strange or mare or stallion, but I also... I also started thinking about us.”
Fae's wide eyes shone in the dim candlelight. “Us,” she said carefully.
“Yeah.” She looked down at the coverlet. “We're... We're just friends, right? No matter what anypony else says?”
“Right!” Fae agreed, her own eyes on her hooves.
“But you tease me all the time,” she pressed. “You're always flirting and touching me.”
“Oh, Alpha, that's just my nature,” she apologized. “If you feel that I led you on...”
Alpha shook her head. “I don't, but... But sometimes you do things that go a bit too far. That's part of why this has been bothering me so much for the last few years. Don't get me wrong, Fae,” she said hastily, “I love hanging out with you, but when you do or say something like you did last night...”
“I shouldn't have touched you,” she admitted. “I felt terrible about it, and now that I understand why it hurt you—”
“But Fae, what would you have done if I had let you open my legs?” she asked.
Fae ducked her head. “I knew you wouldn't.”
“But if I had?”
“I don't know,” she said with a shrug. “I know you're gay, Alpha. You don't have to hide it. I've known for years. That's why I'm so comfortable talking to you about things like boy trouble and fashion and...”
“Filly things?”
“Exactly!”
“I'm not gay, Fae.” Alpha smiled sheepishly. “After all, it wouldn't be fair for me to be picky about what a pony looks like from behind when I am the way I am, would it?” she chuckled. “I can find something to appreciate in almost anypony, male or female or anything.”
“But you and I have been best friends for years and you've never, ever flirted with me,” she argued, “even though I've been teasing you since the day we met! Why, any other stallion would have been happy to have a mare's hooves pry their hindlegs ap...” Her eyes widened. “Oh my stars. What have I been doing to you?”
Alpha's ears wilted. “It's not because of you, Fae. It's because I don't want... that,” she muttered with a glance at Fae's hindquarters, “to ruin the experience.”
“Ruin the experience?” She looked down at her borrowed form. “There's nothing wrong with it, is there?”
“It's wrong because it's there!” she barked, making Fae jerk backward. “All my life it's just been dangling there, getting in the way and making a mess of my bedsheets and—” She shuddered. “It's so... ugly. It's thanks to that thing that I'm not allowed to wear dresses, or hit the showers with the other girls. It's thanks to it that I'm stuck being a stallion.”
“So anypony else is allowed to have one, but you can't because...?”
“Because that's not what's supposed to be there,” she nodded. “I truly feel that I was supposed to be born a filly but something got messed up along the way.”
“Alpha, can I be frank with you?” Fae asked. Though a sudden nervousness rushed down her spine, Alpha nodded impatiently. “Being a mare isn't all fun and games. Some days during my cycle I want nothing more than to be rid of my marehood. I don't understand why you would want to suffer through that.”
“What's a little pain here and there?” she muttered.
“'A little pain'?” Fae shook her head.
“It would be worth it if it meant I could be the mare I want to be,” she continued. “And... and I could have...”
“Sex?” she asked. “But if you want to be with a stallion, you could just...” She trailed off and wilted under the heat of Alpha's stare.
“No, Fae, not sex,” Alpha spat. “Foals.”
"But why can't you have—" Fae cocked her head at Alpha with an expression of confusion, but it slowly coalesced into shock. “You want to be a mother?” she said finally.
“Yes!” She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her teeth. “Yes, that's what I want!" she exclaimed. "I want to be a mother and a wife someday, and have a family who loves me and who I love. But even if I can't be a mother, then... then at the very least I might be able to pretend, someday, because I want those I love to see me as the mare I am on the inside.”
“O—” Fae cleared her throat. “Oh.”
“But instead you seem to see me as just another stallion to play with and throw away.”
“No!” Fae cried. “I would never throw you away, Alpha! You mean the world to me!”
“A-and not just any stallion, but a broken one,” she continued. “Mad or strange, you said.”
“It won't change our friendship,” she promised. “If you're mad, you'll get better! If you're strange, I-I'll get used to it. I meant it; you're still my Alpha! So what does it matter?”
“It matters to me because even I don't know anymore.” Alpha's voice shook with uncertainty and her vision blurred once more. “I've known I was different for a long time, but sometimes I catch myself thinking thoughts that no sane pony could ever think. Thoughts of... correcting the problem through black magic, or... or self-mutilation. Thoughts of taking what I want by force. I don't know if I could have stopped myself tonight even if you hadn't said you'd be okay with it,” she admitted. “You're my best friend and I love you, but sometimes I wonder if that's enough anymore. I don't know, sometimes, what's more important: my dreams or the lives of others.”
Alpha watched Fae's silhouette watch her. Fae's mouth hadn't stopped moving, but no sound emerged. “I'm sorry,” Alpha sighed. “I didn't mean to scare you.”
“I know you wouldn't have done such a thing, Alpha.” Fae climbed off of the sofa and took a few steps closer. “Even if it were your only chance, you wouldn't have done anything of the sort. You might have been in pain, Alpha, but I know you would never intentionally inflict that pain on anypony else.”
The two smiled at each other wordlessly. Alpha swallowed down the last of her tears and cleared her throat. “Thanks, Fae,” she croaked.
“Alpha, when when I said...” Another step forward and she hesitated, one forehoof raised and her tail flicking in agitation.
Alpha's heart fell. “When you said what?” she asked softly.
Fae twisted sharply to her right and cantered toward the door to the washroom, lighting a few candles in bursts along the way. “Never mind, Alpha,” she exclaimed. “I am going to freshen up.”
“Fae...”
“I said never mind!”
The door slammed loud, leaving Alpha alone with her thoughts in a haze of uncertainty. “What did you say?!” she called, but there was no answer from Fae. She fell back onto the mattress and glared at the door. She said I was either strange or mad, but if she already told me that much, then what's changed? Has she decided?
Her hooves crawled up to her muzzle and pressed upward into her cheeks. She thinks I'm mad, she decided. But what does that really mean? Does it mean I'm dangerous? Does it mean I can no longer be trusted on campus?
“Alpha?”
Am I truly mad, or merely misunderstood?
“Alpha!”
She twisted onto her haunches and immediately shot out of bed to press her ear to the restroom door. “What's wrong, Fae?”
“I-I can't make it work,” she said hesitantly. “It's... stuck.”
“What?”
"I can't— Alpha, your... It's not working!"
Alpha blushed softly. “Oh.” She could hear the faint sounds of Fae straining on the other side of the door; the thought of watching Fae struggle would have made her laugh in any other circumstances. “Um... Have you tried relaxing?”
“I know how to use the potty, mother!” she growled.
Alpha rested her forehead on the door and took a deep breath. “Alright, Fae. Hold on.” The handle clicked beneath her hoof and the door swung open.
The restroom was just as Alpha had expected it to be. The walls and floor were tiled in a marble of a creamy brown streaked through with dark swirls and swatches that almost looked like a natural growth, like ivy climbing up the walls. The room was well-lit by three glass-and-brass candelabras despite the late hour. A wide mirror took up a large portion of the wall to the left of the door; at its base stood a pair of brass-and-marble hoof sinks, each stocked with fresh toothbrushes, scissors, and various toiletries. A brass bathtub large enough for four ponies and almost deep enough to get lost in was set into the floor, its lip flush with the surrounding tile. Even the toilets were of solid brass from the bowl recessed into the floor and the wall to the end of the trough.
Fae stood over the trough with her backside a safe distance from the bowl, just as she'd learned as a filly. Her dress was pulled forward, her tail held high out of instinct, and her eyes damp with shame. “Alpha!” Fae jumped to the side and spun toward her, forehooves prancing anxiously like a cat kneading flesh. “Get out!” she whined.
“Hey,” she said calmly, and she stretched out a placating hoof. “It's okay, Fae. I'm going to help you, okay?”
She leaned back on her hooves. “You don't have to be in here to do it...”
Alpha took a slow step forward. “Come on, Fae. It's just like the Princess said. I've seen it thousands of times before; tens of thousands, even. Seeing it again won't change anything between you and me.” Fae lowered her muzzle but her eyes never left Alpha's. “Besides, it's not the first time you've been in the restroom with... other girls, is it?”
She swallowed and tried to steady her shaking legs. “That's different.”
The words squeezed her heart in a vice and swatted her gaze down to her hooves. "Do you need me to leave?" Alpha said glumly. "It's your decision."
Fae recoiled when she saw the despair take its hold in her once more. "Please don't be mad, Alpha," she said hurriedly. "It's not that I think you're wrong about the way you feel. It's just... strange! You understand, don't you? All my life you've been one of the boys, and now you're in here with me..."
"I was never one of them," she sighed. "I was never one of you girls, either. I just want the chance to belong somewhere, Fae. All my life, I've only ever wanted to belong."
Suddenly Fae began to laugh. Alpha's ears fell back and her lips crumpled into a grimace, but she froze when Fae hopped over the trough and rubbed her cheek with her own. "Oh, Alpha," she giggled as she pulled back and placed her forehooves upon Alpha's shoulders, "you're so right. You never were one of the stallions, were you? You've always been a girlfriend, just like Brie or Crescent or any other mare. It's been right in front of me this entire time!"
Alpha's jaw dropped, and with it fell a great and heavy weight from her shoulders. She snatched at her old body and pulled Fae into a hug, laughing to the point of sobbing. "You mean that?"
"I can't say my view of you has changed all of a sudden," Fae said, "but it is changing. After all, I've had to reevaluate a lot about you and me tonight." She pulled back and looked Alpha in the eyes. "I'm still very disturbed by what you did tonight, but I understand why you did it. You're trying so hard now to make up for what you did, and I want to follow the Princess's lead and help you get better. If that means accepting that you're going to be a mare from now on, then—"
Her words became a grunt as Alpha squeezed her tightly with every ounce of strength in Fae's body. "Thank you," she sobbed. "I'm sorry, Fae. Thank you."
"Too tight!" she gasped. "I still have to pee!"
"Sorry!" Alpha let her go and jumped back a pace. "Do you think you'll be okay? Should I leave?"
Fae hesitated, looking from the toilet to the mare before her. "Why don't you... stand by the door, just in case?"
Alpha trotted dutifully away and stared at the handle, sharing a smile with it that she hadn't been sure she'd ever share again.
"You know, this thing isn't too bad once you get used to it," Fae said from behind her. "If you ask me, it actually seems rather convenient."
Alpha snorted. "Want to trade?"
"Ask me again when my cycle starts," Fae snickered. "Maybe I'll let you borrow my body again then, just to see how you like what I have to deal with on a monthly basis. I'd happily take yours for a few days, as long as you don't mind me dolling you up."
"Mind?" Alpha exclaimed. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
Suddenly Fae's words and the Princess's before her began to click together in her mind. It's not my body's fault I can't be who I am after all, she decided; it's that of the society in which we live. I am a stallion, so I must be a stallion... But why can't a stallion be a mare? she wondered. Does it really matter if somepony gives me a funny look? Does it really matter if I have to ask before I use the fillies' room? She had to resist the urge to sneak a glance behind her. Does it really matter if a mare has a penis, at least for a little while? Fae truly doesn't seem to mind anymore and she's no less a mare for the body I put her in. Maybe...
Maybe it's not so bad.
"So, why Longshot?" Fae asked out of the blue.
Alpha jumped. "What do you mean?" she said defensively.
"Well, you know what they say about him..."
"That he's the best at everything he does?" Alpha smiled. "That he's an athletic superstar, and great with his horn too?"
Fae snickered as she carried on with her business. "I meant his attitude."
"What attitude?" she scoffed. "He was so sweet to me! A gentlecolt, really."
"Yes, I'm sure he would be a gentlecolt until he'd gotten what he wanted."
Alpha snorted disparagingly. "Not all stallions are like that, you know. I'm sure he would have been wonderful."
Fae giggled as she walked up beside him. "I suppose I've no room to talk," she admitted. "My first crush was an awful choice as well. First he turned out to be gay, and then I realized he was a she the entire time." She gave her a coy nuzzle as she left to wash her hooves. Alpha just stared, speechless, until Fae returned and bumped a shoulder against hers. "Oh, come on, Alpha. It wasn't that big a surprise, was it?"
"B-b-but I tho—"
"I said my first crush," Fae reminded her. "We're the best of friends, Alpha, and we've been best friends for a long time. Anything more... Well, that is for time to tell. Let's enjoy what we have, alright?"
Alpha gave her a quick nuzzle as her heart rate returned to something like normal. "That sounds good," she smiled as she gripped the door in her aura and held it open for Fae.
“What a pair we make,” Fae chuckled as Alpha walked her back to her sofa. “You're trapped in the wrong body, and I am twenty-one years old and I still have to ask for help when I need to pee.”
“Don't think of it like that!” Alpha nuzzled her cheek reassuringly. “It's not your fault you're in a body you don't quite understand.”
"I know, Alpha," she assured him. "It was just a bad joke." Alpha's forehoof trailed along Fae's coat as she slipped away toward the sofa, but she hesitated. "Speaking of bad jokes," she said slowly, "I have a funny feeling that this sofa is less comfortable than it looks."
Alpha shrugged. "Do you want the bed after all?"
"Yes, I think I do." Fae turned and put her forehoof upon Alpha's. "And I would like to wake up in the bed as well. I suppose we will have to share it after all, won't we?"
Alpha flashed Fae's perfect teeth as she led her away from the sofa. "Thank you, Fae."
Fae slipped beneath the coverlet on one side of the bed, but the instant Alpha arranged herself comfortably on the other side, Fae rolled over and snared her in her hooves. Alpha squeaked in surprise. "Thank you, Alpha.” She pressed close, curled around Alpha's smaller form. “You've been a real gentleco–” Her throat closed around the tail end of the word. A tension crept into the muscles against Alpha's back.
“It's okay,” she assured Fae. “I don't expect—”
“Lady,” Fae said firmly. “You have been so good to me since the day we met. Part of me is still so very angry with you, but if I had been forced to live my life as a stallion, I suppose I might have driven myself a little crazy too."
"I don't want to make excuses for what I did."
"There are excuses, and then there are reasons," Fae said firmly. "As long as you promise to never, ever hurt another mare the way you hurt me tonight, I suppose we can keep our eyes on the future, not your past."
Alpha nodded. "It will never happen again."
Fae squeezed her gently around the ribs and pulled her closer. "Good girl," she said with a smile.
Alpha grinned in the dark. "Thanks, Fae."
"Goodnight, Alpha," she replied with a tired smile. "I'll see you in the morning."
She couldn't help but turn and look over her prone form one last time as it lay curled around her. From the inside it had always looked in need of improvement—a capped tooth here, some teats there, maybe a little something to fix the eyes—but as she watched her body's breathing slow into that gentle rhythm of the slumbering, Alpha felt a surge of pride flow through her tired heart.
Maybe it's not what I would have wanted, she thought to herself, but it's still me. It's still the same mare I want to be except for little details here and there, and those will change with time. She pushed back against her friend's barrel and sighed happily. Because it's not who I look like that's important; it's who I am on the inside.
And, day by day, I am becoming the mare I want to be.
Together the two mares drifted away.
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4625697
I wonder if anypony noticed the great shadow across the moon and figured out in advance who it was.
It sure would, wouldn't it?
4627451
scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/t1.0-9/10296953_548037748640656_5643446215802891663_n.jpg
There's no way I'm not. I have three and one-quarter hours left to write and I will get it done by then. I will travel back in feathering time to meet this deadline if I have to.
4628327
Okay, maybe I'm a little sorry... but I'm still not sorry.
I'm working hard on the ninth and the tenth is done! We've got this!
4628513 I thought it was Luna, I was mustaken...
4628560
Maybe I will, haha. That's always fun to write about.
4628617
We're a few months too early for that! This story takes place late in the spring before that Summer Sun Celebration. Good thinking, though!
I'm up to four thousand words (not counting the countless story fragments I have to piece together) and this story is showing no sign of stopping.
I have to wake up for work in five and a half hours too! Oh well... Totally worth it. 
4628735 I'd totally forgotten about that!
4628910
I have a bad habit of leaving out important details.
You know what? I don't think I mentioned it.
4628922 happens to the best of us!
That's deep.
I'm a bit confused... What exactly was Fae's problem in hue Restroom aside from getting it to come out?
eeeeeeeeeeeee
I ship it.
I didn't understand that last scene at all... Is she trying to pee, or trying to clop?
So far, my verdict is that this is a middling execution of a good idea.
Primarily, a more skilled author would have done a better job of steering my expectations and impressions in the early chapters. (Especially, in ruling out the hypothesis that it was written by an author as lacking in empathy as Alpha initially appeared to be, who just wanted to get a rise out of gender-bending.)