• Published 8th Apr 2012
  • 6,722 Views, 297 Comments

Horns, Hooves, and Fur - Deyeaz



A teenager falls into a river enchanted by Lyra and ends up in Equestria... as a satyr.

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XXIII - If Ya Can't Take The Heat.... (Slightly Revised)

Craimer’s Note: Hey all! Craimer here reminding you to not try any of the stunts in this fic. They are done by trained profess-... Uhh... dumbasses that do this because we tell them too! So please, don’t try these. Also, I got a bit haywire with a Jace scene in this. Hopefully Shadow can fix it up, make it look pretty with a bow on top. I dunno. But, I needed to throw something epic in there. Been a bit too long since I got to write a good action scene with Jace in it, doing something awesome.

Shadow's Note: Too right, mate. I can already tell it’ll be awesome. LOLs and innuendos are guaranteed, as well as Doctor Whooves (for a while). Oh, and the reason why I decided to end Praxis's arc with two parts and Jace's with three parts is because of the amount of words each one had, which I presume is about 7K-7.5K words each. I don't do it by number of parts, I do it by amount of words. Seems fair, right?

Craimer’s Other Note: Damn fair. Oh, and sorry for the long wait and the huge chapter, everypony!

XXIII - If Ya Can't Take The Heat....

Jace’s eyes were red, but not as red when he was angry. He wiped away the tears from his eyes and regained his composure. “I’m just... gonna go some sleep now. I’ve had a long fucking day, man.” He shook his hair before he pushed it back to get the airflow to cool his sweaty forehead.

Praxis nodded and patted him on the back. "Yeah, you look like shit. Have a good night man. Sorry to have done this to you at this hour.” Jace shook his head.

“Nah, man, it’s totally fine. Goodnight, Prax; Goodnight, Princess Luna.” Jace hopped down from the tree and put his hands behind his head, walking off towards the town once again.

"I believe I shall retire as well," Luna confessed. She got up and stretched her limbs out. She leaned forward to Praxis, giving him a brief hug. "See you soon, sweet Praxis." She flew off without another word, eager to get to her bed. She was about to near her balcony when she heard crying.

It was coming from Celestia's tower.

Luna changed course, making way to her sister's tower. She landed on the balcony and gave a small gasp. Celestia's eyes were bloodshot and puffy, like she had been crying the whole night. The white alicorn was surrounded by used tissues. Celestia looked up at her sister of the moon. "Oh... hi, Luna," she croaked before dabbing her eyes with another tissue, the cotton-soft material absorbing her tears and running mascara.

"Sister," Luna began. "Are you okay?"

Celestia sighed heavily. “No, Luna. I’m not okay. I almost banished a creature back to his planet... and without even THINKING of what he’s been through there. I let the priority of protecting my subjects get to my head.”

“So... you listened in, huh?” A new voice said.

Celestia and Luna turned around. They watched as Praxis vaulted the balcony fence and dusted himself off. Celestia nodded.

“How did you get here? This is the second highest tower, and there were guards everywhere.” she asked.

“Simple. I used my flute to put the guards to sleep, then I ran up the wall to your tower,” he answered, lifting up his trusty silver instrument to verify his claim.

“What are you doing here, anyways?” Luna inquired.

“I just wanted y’all to know that I’m heading back to Ponyville. I’ve only been here three or four days and already I’ve been a burden on you all. Especially you, Celestia. I never meant for you to cr-”

He was cut off by Celestia hugging him tightly. She rested her head next to his, more tears threatening to become evident as time passed. She finally released herself from the satyr, and patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, Praxis,” she said reassuringly. “You were never a burden. You were actually better company than ever. I wish you could come to the Gala... but... it’ll be a month after... the Final Day... so....”

“Oh...” Praxis pondered on something that will remedy the situation. “Why not set the Gala to take place three weeks later instead of three months?”

“Hmm... I like that idea, ‘Tia,” Luna said. “Don’t you?”

“Indeed I do. I better announce it to the whole of Equestria later today... so you’re finally going back home?” Praxis nodded at the solar princess’s inquisition. “Well, then, I don’t have to remind you that your stuff is in the guest bedroom, correct?”

“Yep.”

“Alright. We’ll see you off in ten to fifteen minutes.”

“Very well.” Praxis left the bedroom. He closed the door behind him and slid down the hoof-rail of the spiraling staircase.

‘Good thing she got this thing waxed, otherwise my butt would be burnt to a crisp,’ he mused. He reached the bottom of the staircase and walked down the hall until he reached the four door on the left. He opened it and walked into the room, giving a sad smile as he gazed upon it for the last time. Duvet and bed slightly ruffled from his nights of sleeping here, half-eaten tin cans and apple cores filling the waste bin, a few books and music sheets from the shelves of the room’s private library. He grabbed his messenger bag that Luna had been kind enough to get one night from off of the desk. Typhoon was placed on his back, for Celestia and Luna had provided a shoulder strap, complete with silver ring, to hold the four-foot long scimitar.

“G’bye, temporary home,” he huffed. He vacated the room before closing the door. He looked back at it, smiling sadly again as he walked away, down towards the garden where the princesses would meet him.

“Sure am gonna miss this place,” he murmured to himself. Even after twenty seconds of walking, he still did not remove his gaze from it.

That came with a price. Since Praxis had paid no mind to where he was walking, he bumped into somepony down the hall. Praxis and the unlucky equine fell back onto their flanks from the collision.

“Oi! Walk where you’r-” Praxis looked up at who he had unintentionally plowed into. His heart dropped into his stomach. Twilight Sparkle was slowly getting up, and by the look on her face, she wasn’t as excited to see Praxis either. “Oh... hey, Twi,” he greeted morbidly.

“Hello, Praxis,” she said gloomily. “What brings you here?”

‘And so the dull conversation begins,’ he thought.

“Had to talk with the princesses. Apparently, the end of the world is coming.”

“You don’t say?”

He grunted in acknowledgement. “Indeed so. So why are you here?”

“Princess Celestia invited me over last night, and I stayed here. Speaking of which, where is she?”

“Upstairs, in her room.”

“How do you know that?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Just came back from there.”

“Oh. How is she?”

“Well, she was crying, so I gave her some comfort.”

“What? Why was she crying?”

“Because-” Praxis stopped himself, for he was about to tell her why she was indeed weeping. “I, um... I don’t think I can talk about it. I’m afraid you’ll have to go to the princess for that....” He looked down in the floor in shame.

A few minutes passed until....

“Praxis... I’m SO sorry.”

The satyr looked up to see a melancholic frown being worn by the lilac-hued protege of the princess. Now that he got a good look at her, Praxis deemed her unwell: there were bags under her eyes, and her mane was an utter mess. “I didn’t think at all when the fire happened--”

“Uh, Twilight--?” he tried to interrupt, yet she pressed on.

“--and I feel TERRIBLE. I haven’t slept at all since that day, and--”

“--Twiiiliiight...”

“--ever since then, I’ve just been so---”

“TWILIGHT!”

“Wait, what?” She snapped out of her reverie.

“I forgive you,” he told her.

“What... why?!” Twilight was incredulous at how quickly Praxis had forgiven her. “If I hadn’t stopped you, Big Mac would still be alive! How can you forgive me so fast?!”

“Because that’s me.” She raised an eyebrow at his answer. “While I COULD let you beat yourself up and ensure your mind slowly unhinges until you go nuts... I don’t want to. It just doesn’t seem right, because you don’t deserve it. A group of my old friends would always say to others, ‘Expect us to forgive and forget.’ So... congrats. You’ve just been forgiven for being a major fuck-up.”

“Oh... thanks,” she sighed. She yawned widely, trying to hide it with a purple hoof.

“Oh, dear... It seems that you’re tired, aren’t you?”

“...Noo, I’m as energetic as Pinkie Pie right now,” she replied snarkily. Praxis began to laugh, much to the sleepy unicorn’s surprise.

“It seems my smartass-ness is rubbing off on you. Excellent work, Twilight,” he chuckled as he wiped away a fake tear of mirth. “Now, come on. You need sleep.”

Praxis got up and helped Twilight up before leading her to the guest bedroom he previously used. Something felt strange in the air. He sniffed it, and a bizarre scent struck him. It was... sweet, for some reason. He looked back at Twilight, who might have been the source of the smell. He raised an eyebrow when he saw her. She was looking at him through half-lidded eyes, a little smile plastered on her face.

‘I don’t like the looks of this. I mean, she’s cute and all, but... this might not bode well,’ he pondered.

“Um... Twilight?” He began worriedly.

“Yeah?” she responded dreamily.

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Oh... no reason.”

No reason, my ass!

‘Shut up, conscience.’

“Oookay, then,” he concluded. He opened the bedroom door, still wondering why Twilight was gazing intently at him. “Well, we can’t have you going to bed a mess.” He walked over to the desk and picked up a comb. He returned to the unicorn mare and knelt down before brushing her mane properly until it no longer resembled a bird’s nest. “There we are.”

“Thanks, Praxis....” she said. If the satyr didn’t know any better, it felt like Twilight was slowly starting to get closer and closer. Praxis soon began to feel uncomfortable with the invasion of space.

“Aaaaalrighty, then!” he exclaimed, jumping back onto his hooves before the situation intensified. “Well, then, I need to let you get some sleep! Gotta go!”

*SLAM*

The door to the hall was shut closed by a purple magic field. Praxis immediately felt himself get levitated by the same aura of magic. He was tossed onto the bed back first, and his clothes were removed from his being. Twilight advanced towards him, her horn glowing the same aura as she casted the clothes to the side. “You don’t have to go just yet~,” she crooned. She hopped onto the bed and looked deep into his eyes with her purple, half-closed ones.

‘Wait a damn minute... weird smells? Sensual looks? Affection? Aw shit, she’s in heat!’

“Twilight, this is not only unorthodox, but this is also SO wrong on SO many levels,” he nervously informed her.

“I know... but I don’t really care.” She hopped back up off of the bed, flicking him in the face with her indigo and pink-and-purple highlighted tail. “Maybe we can read something before we... get started?” She walked around the room, her flanks swishing back and forth provocatively as she traipsed back and forth in front of the bookshelf. Praxis smelled the air again, the pheromones both stimulating and nauseating to him. He tried to break the magical bonds on him, yet her magic was holding him down.

“It’s hopeless. My magic is far too strong for you to break. Besides, you’re not leaving yet until I finished up some... ‘business’,” she informed him. “Ah... the 'Poni Sutra’... this’ll be a nice read, and it’ll help keep my ‘abilities’ up to par.”

“...Not sure if gusta.” Praxis forcefully expelled a gust of air from his lungs when Twilight jumped back on the bed.

“Good, you’re not resisting.” She lightly smacked him on the cheek. “Goodness gracious, now that I look at it, you’re pretty buff.” She started to stroke his six-pack with a hoof before slowly starting to kiss and teasingly lick his body, from the neck, down to the chest, to the stomach. A sharp, warming sensation took place at the satyr’s crotch. “Now that I think of it, I don’t need the book. Buck it.” She threw the book to the side. She finally decided let up Praxis’s restraints. “I’ll let YOU do the work. I’ve seen you run... and you’re fast.”

“Uh... thanks?” Praxis was unaware of the magic binding him. She brought her head back up to meet with his. She leaned forward towards his ears.

But how fast can you really go?” she whispered in my ear before giggling sultrily.

“Oh, dear,” he sighed.

Feeling and seeing that his restraints were gone, Praxis quickly pushed Twilight to the side before wrapping her securely in the duvet. He rolled off of the bed and got back onto his hooves on the floor.

“You can’t escape!” Twilight wailed as she flailed underneath the thick blanket. “YOU’RE GOING TO BUCK ME, YOU UNDERSTAND!?!?”

“Sweet baby Jesus,” he muttered. “Right now, she REALLY wants it....” He brought his flute to his lips and, praying that Twilight didn’t get up played the simplest lullaby that came to mind.

The melody filled the air, like the musical notes had come to life and was now swimming through the atmosphere. Twilight, who had broken free of her duvet prison, was unaffected by the magic that the music held within at first. Yet after several seconds, her eyelids began drooping as she curled up in a ball and laid on her side, a small smile on her face. Praxis’s fingers continued working their magic as they gracefully flew across the silver surface of the flute and plugged each appropriate hole. Twilight finally closed her eyes and squirmed deeper into the ground, trying to get as comfortable as possible. “Darn it... well played, Praxis....” She let slumber take over, her heavy breathing soon filling the room.

Praxis ended the song. He let go of his flute and closed the curtains before grabbing his clothes and leaving the room. Praxis let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. “Finally,” he said. He put on his clothes and items before bolting for the gardens, making up for the lost time he had on getting to the princesses.

Two minutes later, Celestia and Luna were waiting on the edge of the castle, hanging above the mountain. Praxis, his possessions kept in the messenger bag strapped to his shoulder, had shown up.

“Ready to go, Praxis?” Luna questioned.

“Mm-hmm.” Praxis pulled his hood up over his head, shrouding his eyes as he got ready to leave.

“Praxis... wait,” Celestia said. She slowly walked over to him. Praxis was shocked when she leaned forward, as he began to feel something soft make contact with his forehead for a few seconds. She pulled her face away from his. “From now on... you have my blessing, dear boy,” she added, backing away from the still stunned satyr. The spot where she had kissed him was balmy burning on his forehead.

“Thank you, Celestia,” he finally said, getting onto one knee as he placed his right fist above his heart and bowed his head. He stood back up, seeing that Luna had removed a chunk of the durable marble of the floor with her magic.

“You’re gonna need this,” she told him. He jumped onto it, slowly trying to get his balance.

“Um...” Praxis began as Luna levitated the chunk over the edge of the balcony. “Luna... Now that I think about it, I’m not sure that this is-”

She let go of her magical hold on the marble slab. Praxis and his ride fell like a stone in water.

“SAAAAAAFE!!!”

He slid down the extremely steep mountainside. The slab of marble, being resilient as steel, caused sparks to trail behind it as it and its rider skated down the mountain. Praxis had regretted on deciding this crazy way of departing instantly. He drew Typhoon and dug the dragon scale blade into the slab, holding onto it for dear life.

“Didn’t you give Jace and Coal your blessings as well, sister?” Luna asked.

“Correct,” Celestia answered honestly. “And I feel that that man is gonna need it.”

“Pfft.” Luna was a tad skeptical. “You just wanted an excuse to kiss him, what with mating season now here.”

Celestia shot a glare at her sister. “I’m not you, Luna. I don’t swoon over some dark and muscular creature with a sad past, like you did with Jace before.”

“You take that back!” Luna previously had feelings for Jace, yet with him being made unavailable due to his relationship with Vinyl Scratch, she gave up on him.

“Make me.” Celestia stuck out her tongue at her sister.

“Why, I oughta-!” With that, Luna gave chase to her alicorn sibling, who was laughing merrily at the lunar princess’s anger.


‘This day has just been stu-fucking-pendous. I have a visit from a fucking psychopath, my anger was let out, I got my powers taken away, and then I got myself into listening to the saddest fucking story in history.’ Shaking his head, Jace tried to clear his mind of today’s experiences.

‘I just want to go home, and go to bed with my wife. Is that too much to fucking ask?’

“JAAAAAACE!”

Jace released a sigh of frustration. ‘Yes. Apparently, it is.’

“Black Gold, what is your problem now? Do you know what kind of a day I’ve had?!”

“Sorry, laddy, but... this may not be so good but... uhhh...” Black Gold was trying to find the proper words to say.

“Spit it out, Goldie!” Black Gold blinked and looked at him. Jace never called him Goldie, since he knew the yellow and black pegasus loathed that nickname.

“Well, Nutmeg-”

“--is in labor,” the two finished in unison.

“Great. Just fan-fucking-tastic! Guess I’m going to have to run her flank over to the hospital to get your child born? God, DAMMIT! I cannot get a fucking break today!” Gold backed away from Jace, who was now holding onto his head to secure his own sanity.

“Alright, lad! Don’t bug out now! Cripes! I’ll do it myself, for Pete’s sake!”

“THANK YOU!” Jace turned and continued walking, but stopped a moment later. “Where is she?”

“Follow me! The baby will be here any minute!” Jace followed along, hoping that this last act of kindness will put his soul at rest and have fate stop bombarding his tired body with all these tasks in a very small timeframe. His body was sore, his mind was weak, but he had to do this last thing.

Getting to the house that Gold and Nutmeg lived in, he ran into the front door and ran to the bedroom where gasps and pants could be heard. As he got into the room, the form of a brown mare with her chest heaving and body shaking.

He ran into the room, and gingerly picked the mare up. “It’s alright, ‘Meg. I’m here. I’ll get you to the hospital in no time.” The only response was a weak nod that seemed more like a spasm in her current state.

“Gold, fly up ahead. I’m going to run to get there. Don’t worry, I’ve been doing this with Scootaloo ever since Coal died. You can tell her, it’s not bumpy in the slightest.” Gold nodded hesitantly before running out the front door and taking to the skies. Jace wrapped a blanket around Nutmeg to keep her warm during the run and held her against his chest. “It’s going to be alright, ‘Meg. Trust me.”

Sprinting out of the house, he got onto the path that lead to the hospital in Ponyville, which was about a good three miles away. He let his magic cushion his steps as he blazed down the road at high speeds, turning what would usually be a walk of about ten minutes into a sprint of ten seconds.

When he got to his destination, he let his magic act like an oil slick to help him slide along the ground about a good twenty meters from the hospital entrance. It slowed him down in increments as he got closer and closer to the entrance.

Sliding in front of the doors, he slowed down to a running speed that a normal pony could keep up with. He slowed to a jog when he got into the lobby, seeing Nurse Redheart behind the counter. “Oh, my goodness! Jace! What are you doing here?! What’s wrong with this mare?!”

“Nurse Redheart, my friend Black Gold’s wife is going into labor. The baby will be here any second, so you have to get her into a room!” No questions were asked as Jace got her onto a bed and had the doctors and nurses take care of it. Gold came in seconds later, rushing past Jace.

“Thanks, boyo! I owe you one!” Were his last words before disappearing into the room where they had rushed Nutmeg. A sigh resounded from Jace as he walked out of the hospital and looked up at the sky.

“Probably around five now... better take my run... with some slight detours.” As he readied himself at the road, his mind started to race with the acts of today. “Worst. Fucking. Day. Ever...” He shook his head and sighed before sprinting off at full speed, ripping through the town of Ponyville with ease.

In front of him was one obstacle: Carrot Top’s garden. A smirk arose on his face as he knew this could brighten up his day. He ran at top speed towards the fence, only getting airborne at the last second to jump up onto the fence and use his magic to ride it like a rail. ‘Tony Hawk can OFFICIALLY Suck. My. Balls.’ He thought as he dismounted the fencing, doing a stylish spin as his feet made contact with the ground and used the momentum to continue on his path of sprinting mayhem.

‘Right, let’s break the sound barrier for the hell of it.’ Getting up to a high speed, he veered off course from his home a good ways off. He made a full turn and kept sprinting in the direction for a good five minutes, scaring the heck of of the ponies that didn’t see him coming. He would laugh at their reactions, getting a kick out of scaring people. He’s Death! Of course he would get a kick out of that stuff.

When he deemed good enough, he let the magic act like a slick on his feet again, making him slide at an incredible speed. He didn’t make himself slow down this time, he just kept sliding and when he activated it, the adrenaline coursing through his body intensified and everything slowed down.

He counted the seconds as he went through the preparations in his head for this feat of his.

‘Five...’

The wind that whipped in his ears seemed to turn into a dull whisper.

‘Four...’

The beating of his heart overthrew his sense of hearing, making the soft beat of his heart the only thing he could hear.

‘Three...’

He took in a deep breathe at this point, trying to clear his mind of anything that might distract him.

‘Two...’

He closed his eyes and kept the breath continue flowing through his nose into his lungs.

‘One.’

His eyes shot open, pure red now, letting the breath out. Everything turned back to normal as he kicked off his magical slick and his foot kicked off a barrier made of solid magic, and shot off in his intended direction. When he was sliding, he had turned back to the direction of the mansion to get there in ten seconds flat when he let off this sonic boom.

When everything went back to normal speed, the feelings and sounds got back to him. Hearing the reverberating *BOOOOOOOOOM* of the sound barrier being broken made his senses go out of whack, but then they went stable after a few minutes of running. His eyes were protected from watering because of the red magical glaze over the top of his eyeballs. Basically they were a skin that blocked out wind and particles that the eyelashes could not. It was a nice little touch for running at high speeds and you have dirt and such flying at your face.

His run led him through Ponyville again, but the outskirts this time. He zipped by, the sonic boom catching up after his sprint past and shattered several house’s windows. ‘Not paying for those...’ He thought as he sprinted through the now awake town.

‘Oh Hell... Better slow down! Like, NOW!’ He put on the brakes about five meters away from the mansion. “Fuck! No! Slow down!” His scared mood turned on the magic inside of him. His demonic powers caught up with him as his hand glowed with a familiar red light and his scythe formed in his hands. “Good! This is good!”

Jamming the blade into the ground, he tried frantically to stop himself from colliding with the house. “Ahhhh! Stop, you fucker!” He slammed his foot to the ground, a large pile of dirt forming as he skidding across the ground and soon screeched to a halt, being toppled over by the momentum and falling into the large dirt pile he created.

“Hello, Mr. Dirt. Long time no see...” He grumbled to himself as he stopped and brushed off his clothes. “Well, that was fun for the most par-” He dropped his sentence, his fears getting the better of him when he turned to see the large, gaping ravine created by the scythe. “Uhhh, let’s fix that.” Putting his hands out in front of him, he directed his magic towards the ravine, and slammed his palms together. The result was the two halves of the massive fissure smashing together and reforming to look like nothing ever happened.

“Good! That’s settled.” As he admired his handiwork, something seemed... off... about the house. Turning back towards it, he could see the glowing red eyes of his lover standing on the front porch wearing a frumpy green sweater. Oh, how she adored that thing. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty!”


Praxis was lucky to get out of the situation alive. At the last second, before the slab of rock he was riding on crashed upon the surface, he jumped off of it, getting air time before landing painfully on the ground, bouncing and rolling several times while he was at it. He ended his tumbling with an unintentional split. He bit his lip in pain from the sudden parting of his legs.

“Oof! My potatoes!” He fell to the side, cradling the spot between his legs gingerly. “Oww... Never again.” He got up, dusted his clothes, and pulled Typhoon from the huge chunk of marble. He sheathed the blade. “Well, I better get back home...” he concluded. He got the feeling back in his hooves before taking off for Ponyville at breakneck speeds.

“Man, it feels good to do this again!” he enthused. The shadow casted of the hood apparently was magic, for it seemed to repel the wind that tried to sting his eyes. Within a matter of minutes, the town of Ponyville came into view.

“Hey, everypony, I’m home!” he shouted to the town when he entered it. He removed his hood and let the morning sun bathe his face. Not a minute after he announced his arrival did a chestnut-coated earth pony with a spiky brown mane and tail, a white shirt collar with a red tie, and an hourglass for a Cutie Mark plow into him.

“RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!” Doctor Whooves wailed to the heavens when he got up

“Whoa, what’s wrong!?” Praxis was scared. If the Doc was frightened, that must mean that the situation must be serious.

“THERE HE IS!” a voice behind the time-and-space-travelling doctor squealed. Praxis looked at who had spoken, and nearly bleated in fear.

Mares. Mares everywhere. Lust was shining in their eyes, their coats glistening with sweat sheens. A few had their tongues lolling out of their head, their slobber trickling onto the ground.

“That!” Whooves answered scaredly.

“Come with me if you don’t want STDs!” Praxis told him, not awaiting a response before carrying him in a piggyback rider position and taking off towards the crowd of horny ponies.

“You idiot!” Whooves roared, getting a grip on the satyr’s horns. “You’re sending us into a-”

Praxis crouched low before leaping high into the air over the sea of lust-hungry mares.

“DEATH TRAAAAP!!!”

The satyr landed cleanly on the other side of the crowd before taking off down the street.

“GET THEM!” another mare shouted. With that, the crowd assimilated and charged towards the two male survivors at top speeds.

“Can’t you go any faster!?” Doc asked him.

“Hey, you’re weighing me down, damn you!” Praxis retorted. “You don’t want me to drop you, do you?”

“...Touche!” Whooves looked back at the crowd of mares tailing them. His eyes shrunk to pinpoints at how eerily closer they had gotten.

“WE WANT YOUR BABIES!!!” The armada of females screeched.

“Run faster!” the chestnut stallion implored.

“Alright, already! Hold on tight, man!” Praxis sped up, his hooves becoming an intense brown blur as he quickly outran the mares. He jumped high up into the air again, arcing through the sky before landing on the roof of city hall. Since the majority of the crowd was only earth ponies and unicorns, they couldn’t reach them. “C’mon. I know a guy who will help us out.”

Praxis scanned the area for Jace’s home until he spotted it, a large cosy mansion that sat about a kilometer from his and Doctor Whooves’ position. The two took off for the mansion, using the rooftops to avoid the mares that pursued them.

They reached the porch of the mansion, and Praxis set the doctor down. “Thanks,” the stallion said.

“Think nothing of it,” Praxis told him. He knocked on the door of Jace’s home. “Jace, open up!”

“Nooopony’s home!” the human’s voice called through the door. Praxis placed an ear on the door. Praxis cringed when he heard grunting and moaning.

“Oh, you dirty creature....” Doctor Whooves was also disgusted by the noises coming from inside the door.

“Watch this,” Praxis said before he cleared his throat and rounded back on the door. “Listen here, little piggy! You have exactly three seconds to open this door, or I’ll start huffing and puffing!” To add emphasis to this promise, he filled his cheeks with air and started counting to three on his fingers.

When the second finger went up, the door swung open, revealing an irritated, half-naked Jace (a towel was wrapped around his waist, concealing his unmentionables) and a disheveled Vinyl Scratch, her purple shades askew on her face.

“What do you want?” Jace demanded. “Don’t you see it’s a sex-fest out there?”

“I know, which is why I need to know if you can hide Doctor Whooves from the mob of horny mares, at least until he can get to safety somewhere.”

“No.” Jace didn’t bat an eyelash when he rejected the offer. “Today’s my day to catch a break, so for today, fuck you. I’m going back to having sex....”

“Fine.” Jace slammed the door on the Doctor and Praxis. “Pansy-ass....” He turned back to the stallion. “Doc, you know a safe place where you can hide?”

“Yeah,” Whooves answered. “My time machine, the police box.”

“Where is that?” Whooves face-hoofed at Praxis’s question. “Oh... police station. Right.”

“It’s elementary, my friend.” Praxis knelt down to give Whooves another piggyback ride. With buckled legs, the satyr jumped up high again and landed on the roof of Jace’s mansion. “I wonder how you’re capable of high speeds and jumping altitudes.” The Doctor said as he tried pondering the matter.

“Well, back on my planet, there’s this film series about a creature known as ‘Bitey of Brackenwood.’ He was called a Dashkin, yet that might be his planet’s tongue for satyr. He was capable of traveling at sonic speeds, jumping up extremely high, and he especially excelled at pissing everypony off,” Praxis explained as he scouted for the police station.

“Hmm... strange. But I can only assume it to be the most logical explanation,” Whooves declared.

“Precisely.” Praxis finally spotted the police station: a moderate-sized building about half a hectometer from their location with a police shield above its entrance. “Wanna see if I can reach it in one jump?”

“Wait, what?” The Doctor asked, confused.

Without warning, Praxis buckled his legs once more before giving an almighty leap towards the building. The Doctor was caught off guard from the sudden outburst of speed and nearly fell over. After a few seconds of being airborne, the satyr landed right in front of the building.

“Y’know, you could’ve forewarned me before you did that,” Whooves said, shaking his head before walking to the massive blue cube of the police box. “Oh, and thanks again, Praxis.” He entered the now-ajar door of the police box and stepped inside. “Sure you don’t wanna come in? It’ll be safe here for the next few weeks.”

“No problem. And no, I’ll be fine. Take care, Doc,” With that, Praxis dashed through town, making sure to give Jace’s mansion the middle finger as he passed it.

‘Ok... I haven’t run into anypony yet... I guess I can relax for now...’ Praxis sighed, wiping a nervous bead of sweat from his forehead. Then he remembers Celestia announced the rescheduling of the Gala, but of course, he could only catch snippets of it as he descended the mountain, screaming his head off like a scared little filly. ‘Maybe I should head to Rarity’s to get a suit ready? I won’t like what will come of this, but... I wanna look nice at the gala, not like some hobo.’

He changed course, looking for the esteemed shop. He found it about twelve seconds later: a gaudily painted building with a roof in the shape of a merry-go-round. ‘Yup, that’s the Carousel Boutique.’ He walked over to the entrance and knocked on the door.

“Comiiiing!” an elegant voice with an Atlantic accent sang through the door. With a flourish of sky-blue magic, the door opened, revealing the marshmallow-hued and curled purple-maned unicorn form of Rarity. She looked at Praxis for two seconds before gasping dramatically, witnessing his clothes and how “uncouth and barbaric” they appeared to her. “AHH! MONSTER! BACK, YOU RUFFIAN!” She immediately levitated a few gems from inside her shop and hurled them towards the unsuspecting satyr with deadly precision.

“OW! STOP IT! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” He shielded his face and chest with his arms as he shouted over the attacks and the oncoming screams. “I JUST WANNA BUY A SUIT, WOMAN!”

Rarity stopped her gemstone bombardment when she heard the words “buy a suit” escape the satyr’s lips. She returned the gems back to their jewel case and approached Praxis cautiously. “I am terribly sorry, darling,” she apologized before levitated Praxis back onto his hooves. “Forgive me for my... rudeness.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re forgiven.” Rarity smiled at his words. “But the next time you plan on killing me, at least do it with something other than gems. Those things hurt.” She giggled.

“Yes, I know. So you said you wanted to buy a suit?”

“Yep. For the Gala.”

“YOU were invited to the Grand Galloping Gala?”

“Duh. I’m on first-name terms with the princesses, and my friend and I are planning on stopping the end of the world.”

“Oh... well, come in, dearie!” Rarity stepped into the Boutique, Praxis following behind her. Like with Twilight, the satyr had a very bad feeling about what would ensue, seeing as how she was jauntily swinging her posterior around like the purple mare did before.

“Whoa... this place is amazing!” Of course it was amazing. Praxis had seen the inside of it in many of the episodes, but like always, the information about them being fictitious on Earth must remain classified.

“Thank you, darling.” Rarity motioned her head towards a pedestal, which bore a semicircle of mirrors. Praxis stepped onto the pedestal and held his arms aloft while Rarity grabbed a roll of measuring tape. She measured his torso and arms, while writing down the obtained measurements on a pad of paper she was magically lifting. “I shall have your outfit prepared by about a day or so.”

“Um... not to be a hindrance, but... can you make a similar outfit for Jace as well?” Praxis asked politely.

“I don’t see why not, darling. The both of you must appear ravishing for the Gala. As an extra, I’ll give you a top hat to hide your horns, and a fedora for your friend, Jace,” she said.

“Thank you so much, Rarity,” Praxis said. “And not to tell you how to do things, but... I have some ideas for the design, and I think you might like them.” He leaned forward and whispered into her ears the appearance that the attire would yield. Rarity’s eyes widened as the whispers went on. The feel of his lips and his breath contacting her ear began making her hormones kick in a bit as her nether regions started moistening and heating up. She breathed heavily before maintaining control of those urges.

“That would be stupendous, darling!” she exclaimed with genuine ecstasy.

“Y’know what I’ve noticed, Rarity?” Praxis began. “I thought that you’d jump my bones the second I walked in, what with mating season in full swing. But you seem to be doing a good job at restraining yourself.”

Rarity only blushed at this. “Thank you, darling,” she said. “Um, Praxis?”

“Yes?” he replied, stretching his back.

“This may not be any of my business - and I believe it would be rather rude - but do you have a special somepony in your life?”

That sent Praxis’s mind reeling. “No.”

“No?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Why not? I believe you were a rather handsome devil back on your planet... um, what was it, Earth?”

“Yes, it was Earth. And HANDSOME? Honey, that may be the case, but I was a nobody in school. Not a single person other than my few friends paid me any mind.”

“Oh. I see.” Rarity felt a smidgen remorseful for the satyr.

“Yep. But I don’t mind. I like solitude” He dug into his pockets for whatever money he must pay to the white mare. “Why d’ya ask?”

“Oh, just curiosity,” Rarity said with a giggle. At last, Praxis found a pouch full of Bits in his tunic pocket. He pulled it out.

‘Thank you, Silent Knife, for being a forgetful nitwit.’

“Praxis, may I ask what you are doing?” She inquired.

“What, a guy can’t pay for the services?”

“Oh, no, no, no, darling, I INSIST that you put that money away.”

“And I INSIST that you let me pay. I’d feel like a scumbag if I just walked away without paying for something.”

“Well, I’m afraid you’re going to have to feel that way, Praxis, because I simply cannot accept your money, especially since I attacked you.” Praxis withdrew the Bits that he had drawn. “Think of it as a gift from me to you. A token of friendship, per se.”

“Um... thanks, Rarity. So I come by tomorrow?”

“Indeed, darling! Take care!”

“Thanks, you too!” Praxis exited the Boutique. Rarity watched dreamily as he walked away, gazing at his rear.

“My heavens. While that satyr has a terrible taste in fashion, he has the flanks of a god,” she mused to herself. She shook her head to snap out of her trance before pacing the room. “Now, now, Rarity, you mustn’t have none of that. You’ve done an excellent job in controlling yourself from... jumping him right then and there.” She sighed. “Now, you must fill out that order....”

“Thank God that’s over,” Praxis said. He continued walked towards the Everfree Forest, where his hammock would be welcoming him with - figurative - open arms. He decided to take the shortcut across the town by taking the road closest to Sugarcube Corner.

Big mistake.

“Hey, Praxis!” A bubbly voice called out to him from above. Praxis looked up at the gingerbread building to see Pinkie Pie waving at him with both front hooves while dangling halfway out of the second floor window.

“Pinkie, be careful, you could fall!” Praxis was unsure about that claim. He never underestimated Pinkie’s constant annihilation of the fourth wall, no matter how dangerous.

“No, I-”

She leaned in closer, finally losing her precarious balance and toppling out of the window.

“WOOON’T!”

Praxis dived for the falling pink mare. He caught her in midair, yet soared through the window and crashed through the glass. Shards of glass rained down upon him as he tried to shield Pinkie with his cloak. He got up from the wreckage, Pinkie still in his arms. He set her down. “I hate being a hero sometimes....” He grabbed his cloak and wiped his face of the blood that the broken glass had spilled. “Erm...I’ll clean that up,” he said, embarrassed that he had damaged property.

He became even more mortified when Pinkie hopped up and kissed his cheek.

“Thanks for catching me!” she said happily. “And don’t worry about it. We’ll get it cleaned up.”

A minute had passed. Pinkie and Praxis finished cleaning up the mess that the latter had made, ensuring the shards were disposed of properly. “Hey, Praxis?” Pinkie finally spoke up.

“Yeah?”

“Can you help me with something?”

“Umm... sure. What’d ya have in mind?”

“Well... I wanna make cupcakes for the whole town of Ponyville today! Because everypony is really hungry for really sweet things this time of spring, and I was wondering if you could help me?”

Praxis pondered for a moment. But before he could reach an answer, Pinkie grabbed his arm and led him to the kitchen. “Now, I’m going to need a special something from you...” Without warning, she pushed him against the wall, hooves pressing against his chest, and gazed seductively into his eyes, the lustful sky blue meeting the fearful brown. “Frosting,” she whispered.

“Um... you didn’t have to push me against a wall to tell me that,” Praxis said.

“Sorry, but... this is a SPECIAL kinda frosting.” She moved her hoof lower and lower down his body, feeling the pectorals, rubbing little circles in his abdomens, and finally reached his legs. “Aunt Pinkie Pie is gonna help get it, too.”

“Dear Lord, that sounded incestuous.” She ignored his comment as she cupped his crotch and gave it a gentle rub.

“And by the feel of it, you’ve got enough to feed ALL of Ponyville~” she croon.

“OK-BYE-NOW!” He shouted hastily before his “excitement” became evident. He vacated the bakery and ran to the Everfree as fast as he could. As soon as the town was far behind him, he looked up at the sky, and was grateful that Rainbow Dash was not flying up there. Had she been there, there would be no hope that he would outrun her and survive the sexual onslaught she would unleash, especially when she was usually determined on doing something.

*WHAM!*

Praxis tumbled across the grass, for something had slammed into him. When he looked up to see, he saw Rainbow Dash grinning madly at him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes wide. The smell of her being in estrus was incredibly intoxicating, but Praxis held firm, refraining from succumbing to its tantalization.

"I WANT YOUR BABIES!" She roared. "NOW!"

'Oh, come on!' Praxis thought in despair.

"Ooh, look, the Wonderbolts!"

"WHERE?!" Rainbow screeched. Almost at once, Praxis grabbed her and threw her off. He quickly got up and started running back into the Everfree Forest!

"Hah! Dumb bitch!" Praxis chuckled.

At long last, he reached his tree house. He dived through the curtains into his house, hoping against hope that nopony had stowed away inside his sanctuary as he ascended the staircase.

“Oh dear... today’s been a long day...” he huffed as he reached the top. “At least there’s nopony here.”

“Well, hellooo, Praxis~”

‘Goddamnit.’ Praxis facepalmed when he saw Lyra Heartstrings laying on his hammock. Her right foreleg kept her head propped up as she looked at him with the same expression the other mares he encountered had worn.

“C’mon, Lyra, knock it off.” Praxis was getting irritated that these ponies were trying to seduce him. Before he knew it, Lyra had grabbed him with her telekinetic magic. She got off of the bed, removed his clothes and possessions.

“H-hey! What’re you doing?” He was disturbed and angered at the same time. He was set down on the hammock, face-up, and watched as Lyra climbed on top of him.

“No way am I gonna let you get away now, goat-boy,” she cooed before she forced her tongue into his mouth, flailing it inside the soft inside of his maw as she greedily kissed him.

“Lyra... this isn’t right,” Praxis said as she removed her face from his.

“Hush now~” She playfully slapped the satyr. “Now then...” She turned her head to the left, as she lifted up a dog’s spiked collar from the side of the room. She slipped the collar on. Praxis looked for a way to escape, yet none seemed available to him. He finally accepted that there was no way out of this.

Her seductive look turned to one of lustful rage. “You’re... going to rut! Me!”

He was taken by surprise by the sudden change of emotion, and his current situation didn’t help to restore his bravado.

He cracked like an egg.

“Yes, mommy!” he squeaked meekly.


Shadow’s note: I assure you, there will NOT be clop. If there were, I’d have included it in this chapter. Next chapter will take place after mating season has passed.

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