Previous Chapters
Close
The Bet1,408 words
The Talk, or Lack of.1,768 words
The Why of the What is What but They Don't Know What is What963 words

The Why of the What is What but They Don't Know What is What

"So, Lobo, why have you come to Equestria again?" Celestia demanded in a low tone.

"Again?" Twilight looked at Lobo. "You've..."

"Yeah, we met, an' it wuz lots'o fun, 'specially the after-party." Lobo interjected.

"Your idea of an after-party caused the extinction of the sea ponies!" Celestia readied for an attack.

"Wait, he was the cause, but that was hundreds of years ago!"

"Well, I kinda lost track o' my age ever since I grew older than 300... thousand... I guess. Dat help ya, Sparker-butt?" Lobo gave the biggest shit-eating grin he could muster.

"How... wha... nothing makes any sense anymore!!!" Twilight screeched out.

"As fer why I'm here, I'm on a bet ta not make any friends, an' then I noticed the shape of that phallic-shaped island."

"You mean the Minotaur Kingdom."

"Had fun telling dose bastiches dat their Island was shaped like a..."

"Alright, enough about talking about genitals, and genital-shaped objects, please!" Twilight yelled out frustrated.

"Whatevah, listen, I'm gonna stay 'ere fer a week, so flock off, featherhead!" Lobo got back on his embedded bike, and began to fly off, crashing through another wall, full of books, and then again as Lobo had apparently lost control, until the tree split in half.

Twilight was so shocked at this horrible turn of events, that she went catatonic.

"Twilight?"

Celestia waved a hoof in front of Twilight, and then touched her, causing her to flop over onto her side.

"Curses. Spike?"

"Yes, Princess?"

"Tell my sister to come to Ponyville, immediately. It is of the upmost importance that this threat be taken care of immediately.

"O-okay princess!" Spike grabbed whatever parchment he could get, and then found all the quills to be broken.

"Drat!"

"Just use one of my feathers! I've neglected to preen recently, so I should have a few loose feathers now!" Celestia spoke in a half-loud voice. Spike agreed and took one of Celestia's feathers. It was shown to be not 100% but they had to improvise.

"Alright, send the letter, then tend to Twilight. I need to stop Lobo right now!" Celestia took off, leaving Spike, who just sent the letter to Luna, and an unconscious Twilight.

"BRIAN!!!"

A confused Japanese man holding an AKS-74u looked around as he found himself face to face with a strange pony with a hand for a head.

"Hi." It said.

"I need an adulrt." The man said.

"I am an adult." The hand-pony said.

"Shut up McKnuckles, my head hurts."

"Yoshi!"

"SHUT UP, YOSHI!!! YOU TOO WESLEY!!!"

"I wasn't..."

"I DON'T CARE!!! AH, MY HEAD!!! FFFFFFFFF!!!"

"I'd be pissed too if my head was throbbing."

"Krillin, you want to know what happens when a chaos god can make your balls 180 themselves with a simple thought?" Discord said in a harsh tone.

"...Duly noted."

Lobo flew into a random cave, thinking he could take a quick nap. He set the bike down onto the ground, put down the kickstand(?) and propped himself against the wall.

"AH!!! Dis is da life. Makin' ponies angry and punchin' 'em out too."

Lobo then smelled a bug. He got an annoyed look and scoffed.

"An' who da hell are ya?" Lobo asked the creature that was besides Lobo.

"H-how'd you..."

"I got a good nose. Once I got ya scent..." Lobo hocked up some phlegm and spat in the creature's face. "There ain't any escapin'. Now, who da hell are ya?" Lobo reached for his shotgun.

"I am Queen Chrysalis, and you are my..."

Lobo shot off Chrysalis' forelegs. She screamed in pain as the stumps bled. Lobo then got back on his bike.

"Get a doc, bug-breath, dose stumps are gonna keep on bleedin' if ya don't get one." Lobo smirked as he flew off, having no concern for the injured changeling.

Chrysalis whimpered as she flapped her wings in an attempt to keep off her bloodied stumps.

"I need help... Who do I go to?"

"LUNA!!!" Celestia yelled out.

"What? What is it, Sister?"

"A dangerous being has infiltrated Ponyville, and is refusing to leave until the week has ended. I need you to go over there to convince it to leave."

"Really now? And what is this creature?"

"A Czarnian."

"But, aren't they... extinct?"

"That's what I thought, until he came along."

"But aren't Czanians a peaceful species?"

"Not this one. Please, just go talk to it before he hurts anypony that matters again."

"Again?"

"He punched and kicked Discord in the head, and he's now having magic spasms."

"Oh, really?" Luna tried very hard not to snicker.

"Just go, I have no time for this. I'll handle Blueblood."

"Oh, well then I'll gladly go to Ponyville. Goodbye Sister, I won't let you down." Luna said as she left the throne room.

"Faust have mercy on your soul Luna." Celestia decided that she needed to get to her private stash and get a drink.