3 - Tides
The Young Filly and the Sea
Tides
A light breeze blew along the beach, carrying the sounds of laughing children far beyond the crowded area of sand where families were vacationing in the warm sunlight. Two children in particular stood out, as they raced down the beach in a veritable storm of flying sand. The first was an older filly with a mane that flowed in the wind like waving wheat, her oversized hooves plowing along at the highest speed she could possibly go and still remain on the ground. Wings of the purest seafoam green spread on either side to balance her headlong gallop, and a fluted spiral horn glowing a soft blue supported a thick cord that extended over her back and up into the sky.
At the other end of that cord was a laughing pegasus colt, barely able to keep his mouth clamped down on the handle of the cord as his sister towed him back and forth along the sandy shore. Small wings of the deepest blue stretched as far as they could possibly go, catching every single updraft he could in an attempt to reach for the sky while his muffled voice could be heard calling out, “Hi’r, sis. Hi’r!”
“Clover! Be careful with your brother!” called out Princess Twilight Sparkle, sitting on a wide violet towel with her husband at her side.
“Yes, mom!” drifted back along the breeze as the two young ponies pelted away and Rex leaned up against his wife.
“They’re too much like their father,” he complained with a smile. “Once little Hurricane gets his wings going, he’ll never land.” They both sat and watched their children in the distance as the little colt managed to drop his tow rope and come gliding back down to the sands, landing in a huge poof that was going to take hours to get combed out of his tangled mane. “Having second thoughts?”
“Yes,” said Twilight, resting a hoof on her round barrel and rubbing to relieve a cramp. “I’m still going to do it, but I still get this creepy feeling sometime that all of the wonderful things of the last years will all go away when I do.”
“Then we’ll just have to do them all over again,” said Rex with a light kiss to her cheek that turned into a longer and more loving kiss before the royal couple had to stop to spit out sand.
“Worth it,” said Twilight. “Better than our first kiss by far.”
“All too true. Speaking of which, I think we may want to get going before something like that happens with our daughter.” He pointed down the beach where Clover had tripped over a young colt, and the two of them were brushing each other off while Hurricane made faces at them and waved the tow rope.
The royal couple got up in a manner more appropriate for older ponies, Twilight having to take two attempts before getting to her hooves and blowing out her breath in a whoosh. Their basket and towels folded themselves up in a mixed purple and silver magic before being tucked onto Rex’s back and Twilight produced a small object.
“Go on, dear,” whispered Rex. “It already brought us as much of our heart’s desire as it can. It’s time for somepony else.” He kicked a small hole in the sand with one oversized hoof and waited as Twilight held the glittering blue crustacea over it.
“Go. Find someponies who need you as much as we did. Show them how happy their lives can be together. And when the time comes, let them pass the happiness along.” She dropped the fossilized shell into the shallow hole and with a small twitch of her magic, covered it with a thin layer of sand.
Rex moved close and put a hoof over his wife’s shoulder. “Dear? Are you okay?”
She sniffed. “Just hormones.” The two of them waited just a little longer before Twilight looked up and tossed her mane back with a defiant grin. “Now. I’m hungry. We’re hungry.”
“The beast within hungers,” said Rex in a rumbling undertone. “Run, little ponies, for she seeks to feed. It’s only been an hour, dear.”
Happy laughter broke out between them as they trotted back to the crowded area of the beach, shoulder to shoulder in the warm sunshine while behind them, the tide began to ever so slowly cover their trail.
Silhouetted by the evening sunset, two young ponies walked shoulder to shoulder down the beach, exchanging kisses and kicking at the damp sand as they passed. Until one of them spotted a glint of purest blue…
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There. Now it should be done. Better?
That was quick! Love the story either way.
4558113
YES! This was a perfect bookend, dude. Made me d'aww hard.
Though you might want to change the status to completed. Unless, of course, you WANT to write more.
I ain't gonna stop you.
4558170 Oops, got it. Thanks!
Clover? Hurricane? Pegasi kites? I love it.
4558218 There will be a pegasi kite in Letters sometime soon. Rainbow powered.
4558358
I still want that Cake story about the spoons...
I absolutely adored this one! Twilight freaking out over having her books taken away was delightful to read about, and Rex was a pretty fantastic character -- charming and not over the top. You did a really good job at avoiding all the usual clichés with OC love interests.
I'm really torn with the two different endings though (I understand you added an extra chapter?). On the one hand, I think the original version ended at just the right place -- I didn't think it was too abrupt at all, and it left me feeling satisfied that the story was over whilst also leaving me wanting more. On the other hand, the extra chapter was lovely, so there's that as well.
If I did have a complaint, I couldn't ever imagine Twilight thinking bucking this and bucking that all the time, especially as a filly. It kept drawing me out of the story. Although I'm being very nit-picky here.
I hope this one does well, it deserves it. Best of luck!
This story is rad cool. I approve.
So syrupy but still so pleasantly sweet.
Because no one else has mentioned it, I have to: Corny for a nickname, well played.
The first chapter was alright.
The rest was meh.
I wish there was more romance. ;_; This was cute.
4613207
Pretty much this. It was a good setup for them, you know, making kissy face later on, but it didn't really get there.
I'll be honest - when I first read this story, I thought it was going to be a cute thing about Twilight as a little filly ending up with a crush on the OC, and thought that was a pretty decent subversion of the contest. I was a bit sad that it was not, as the follow-up chapters were far too short to really justify anything.
4618607
You bring up a good point about those last two chapters. This could have stood alone as cute SOL fluff as just the first chapter, maybe with a "and then later, they meet again and gosh" at the end.
I accidentally forgot there was more than one chapter to this (only story in the top 5 of the contest with multiple chapters), read the first chapter, and, it being the last one I hadn't read, went and voted. Oops...
I was very much stuck between switching this one and "Far From The Tree." Debated placement back and forth for a good couple minutes. Don't know if reading the next couple chapters would've changed my decision. It works well as just the first chapter. The second and third get more cheesy, but each gives a sort of closure. Look, they find each other through improbable circumstances and Look, the shell gets passed on, isn't that sweet? Well-written regardless. Second only to For Whom We Are Hungry, but I don't generally enjoy Romance-tagged stories, and I have a giant man crush on Cold in Gardez.
That was amazing, I loved it. The first chapter was so sweet, and I love reading stories from filly Twilight's view. The last two chapters were really sappy, but they provided some nice closure. The second chapter was kind of funny as well.
Trixie's favorite book?
Jokes apart, the only reason I'm reading this is because of the contest; I tend to dislike shipping. This being said, the quality of the writing is, for the most part, outstanding, though I do have one gripe: for a piece using filly Twilight as the point of view, I find the amount of higher learning references to be exaggerated, almost as if filly Twilight was intentionally being pedantic with her inner voice.
I liked the first part way better than the rest, truth be told; I would have enjoyed the fic more if it was just the first chapter, both because I see the first chapter as better produced and self-contained enough, and because the later ones got a bit too shippy for me. But even then the fic as a whole is still worth a like
Amazing story.
The only thing is that after the first chapter - the second one feels rushed. Or rather it leaves you feeling 'MOAR!111'
Thank you for the story :)
I can see why InquisitorM complained about this fic, but I thought it was really cute. Cutting it down to only the first chapter probably makes for a better story, though. That would remove any feelings of abruptness, and the Sea Sapphire wouldn't go to waste because it still serves to bring them together in a way
I thought the first chapter was incredibly cute, and would hold very seem on its own. The second and third chapters were also sweet, but they could probably use a bit more development, I think. I just found them to be too short to have the impact it maybe should have.
Still, I like this story quite a bit.
Hey, I wrote a review for this story. It can be found here.
Overall, I'd say it is a cute story, and that you managed some nice chemistry between the two, but I absolutely despised the dialogue. It felt forced and expository, and sadly brought me out of the fic.
This was a cute story, thanks for writing it.
There is enough adorable in this story to make up for any errors I might have been able to find. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go find my cat and glomp her.
The adorableness has been covered so far, but I wanted to praise the portrayal of a very pregnant Twilight as well. I'm reminded of a scene from Fargo where Marge bends over with her hands on her knees.
Having known pregnant women before, this is quite accurate, and rarely covered in media. Much like the mention of shedding season in "Traveling Tutor and the Diplomat's Daughter," which was the first time I've seen it mentioned in a story. Rather odd when writers have taken the time to learn all kinds of horse anatomy (fetlock, hock, etc) but ignored the full coat of hair.
Its the little details that really make the story.
5153442 Well, I have experienced both a wife who was pregnant with twins to 38 weeks (ow) and a lazy housecat who can be tracked by the trail of fine white hairs, so combined, they made a nice bit of experience. I am reminded of a radio commentator who once said that any opinion a college student might claim could be justifiably ignored, as they did not have the life experiences to be able to put together a valid opinion on complex real-world issues, and I feel there may be a thread (or loose hair) of truth in that. Expect more pregnant Twilight experiences in The Traveling Tutor and the Royal Exam coming soon. (on Chapter 19 now)
4744208 I'll confess, I could have put much more length into the second two chapters, but they would have covered the exact same period of time (except maybe #2 would have run longer to build her frustration level). Perhaps next time.
Lovely.