Play Bitz is enjoying his day off relaxing in the skies trying a new flying technique. Siren Bliss is going about her normal day, working at her music shop. When the flying technique goes wrong, Siren Bliss sees that Play Bitz is in trouble and helps the pegasus come to, in just enough time to crash land safely. The seemingly opposite ponies end up befriending one another and see just how truly similar they really are. A story of friendship and the possibilities of finding your special somepony, even when you weren't looking.
Chapters (1)
Hmmm... Consider me a neutral party that's seeing where it goes first.
You mix two different character dialog lines in one paragraph several times In this. Made it a little confusing to read from time to time , but other then that, it's a decent start, granted that being said, we need to know more about the characters in the story. For what you have now there really isn't a character to reader connection. Throw us some background of the characters , will help make this better.
Mane medic
Not bad for a start, you have two clear set characters and a plot forming.
However there are a few things to be noted:
First, i have to agree with Medic, The characters are there, but they are just THERE. They have a set personality, but we need more about them, especially because they are OC's. Since you didn't describe them much in the first chapter i wouldn't wait too much longer to do so. It's important to give your readers a reason to care/connect with your characters as quickly as possible or you risk losing the readers interest.
Secondly, the dialogue. This is more a technical thing, your way of handling character speech was perfectly fine
Every time a new character speaks, it needs to start a new paragraph. You only put dialogue in the middle of a paragraph if it's being spoken by the same character. Also, if you begin a paragraph without dialogue, then have a character speak, the dialogue must start a new paragraph. Example:
You have at one point:
“Come on… just a little… more….that’s it!” he yelled to himself as he folded in his wings, leaned back and allowed himself to fall back down to the ground. The wind rushing through his black hair and tail, fighting the nearly uncontrollable urge to thrust out his wings to catch himself, he continued to let himself fall.
The ground was getting ever closer. “Just a little… more….. !!!” his wings were just begging to catch him, the ground was getting closer and the little voice in his head was screaming at him to stop before it was too late, until he finally gave in, and opened his wings as far as they could stretch.
It should look like this:
“Come on… just a little… more….that’s it!” he yelled to himself as he folded in his wings, leaned back and allowed himself to fall back down to the ground. The wind rushing through his black hair and tail, fighting the nearly uncontrollable urge to thrust out his wings to catch himself, he continued to let himself fall.
The ground was getting ever closer.
“Just a little… more….. !!!” his wings were just begging to catch him, the ground was getting closer and the little voice in his head was screaming at him to stop before it was too late, until he finally gave in, and opened his wings as far as they could stretch.
This is based on how you have it. If i were to offer my suggestion though i would have it as:
“Come on… just a little… more….that’s it!” he yelled to himself as he folded in his wings, leaned back and allowed himself to fall back down to the ground. The wind rushing through his black hair and tail, fighting the nearly uncontrollable urge to thrust out his wings to catch himself, he continued to let himself fall. “Just a little… more….. !!!” his wings were just begging to catch him, the ground was getting closer and the little voice in his head was screaming at him to stop before it was too late, until he finally gave in, and opened his wings as far as they could stretch.
The new paragraph is almost unnecessary because it's in the same thought. You don't really need The ground was getting even closer, because you say the ground was getting closer again after Bitz says "Just a little... more...!!!"
Thats what stood out to me the most. I'll be brutally honest about myself right now, i'm not a good editor, but I can help in terms of continuity, and helping you keep your story elements and whats happening clear.
Like you said, it could use a little fixing up, but keep at it! Heck, Flying Sky High was a hot mess of errors before my new editor recently got at it
We all start somewhere and it's impossible to be perfect, but we all have stories to tell 
I look forward to more.
Thumbs up bro!
Trikie: i dont have thumbs
Will there be of these 2?
5420488
This was a preliminary story. if you want more of Bliss and Bitz, check out Getting to Know you. Its just like Bliss and Bitz but more elaborate and drawn out
It could use a tune-up to make it a truly good story, but you have the basic foundations for two characters set very well. I have to ask, though: is this in any way, shape, or form based on how you actually met your wife?
7957174 its set somewhat close but fleetingly so. In the newer story Itll be a bit closer to how we actually met with quite a bit of artistic license.