Twilight Sparkle has too much magic, and it will take her decades to learn to control it. Her spectacular loss of control during her entrance exam only proves that fact. She is a danger to herself and others.
After Sunset Shimmer’s disappearance, Princess Celestia needs a new student to bear The Element of Magic to defeat Nightmare Moon. With all of Equestria at stake, Twilight Sparkle…is not the pony she needs.
Princess Celestia seals Twilight Sparkle’s magic with the distant promise of one day teaching her.
But there are two diarchs of Equestria. Amidst a lucid dream, an offer is made.
“Hello, Twilight. Would you like to be my student?”
Cover art provided by Lafiir.
Chapters (43)
Are you going to continue this?
Sequel? Please?
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I give a very tentative maybe. If I decide to, updates will be few and far between.
A truly epic little piece.
One minor thing I noticed right at the end though.
I swear there should be a 'you' between 'leave' and 'to'. It reads just like it should be there.
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I would not mind that at all! This is a fantastic fic!
Make this it's own full length story mate I love it a nice take on her magic surge like another story I've read
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It should be stated that he already has a massive, epic-length story that he is writing. And I have experienced what happens to an author who writes too many massive stories at one time. It ain't pretty.
Jus' saiyan.
I love it! But it seems to me that there's a minor issue with it: this reads like the first chapter of a much larger and greater work, not a one-shot. I think that if you continue it, you should just add chapters. :) I think this would be fun, since the Nightmare Moon of your AU seems extremely kindly.
more please
It would be interesting to see how the event playout differently from canon.
4535285 also this.
That should be err
---------------------------------------------------------------------
err verb \ˈer, ˈər\
: to make a mistake
Full Definition of ERR
intransitive verb
1
archaic : stray
2
a : to make a mistake <erred in his calculations>
b : to violate an accepted standard of conduct
---------------------------------------------------------------------
In this case use the "archaic" definition: stray.
I.e. stray to the side of caution.
4535283 if it gets continued by someone else, you should send everyone the link, ah'kay?
I kinda wish this wasn't just a one shot. I would love to see this idea continued.
Oh sweet lord, please write this.
The thing I like most about this right now is that it hasn't cut off too many options yet, with regards to where you might take the story. Most of the important relationships are still up in the air.
Feels like you've set up several stages of the story already, too. There's Twilight hunting the Elements while undergoing her initial training; The move to Ponyville; and, to cap it off (the first act at least), Nightmare Moon's return and how that plays out (and I'm having little squeefits over all the ways that could go, too).
... Wait. You're going to need to finish your other story before going anywhere with this, even if you choose to. Dagnabbit.
This is a story that needs to be continued. You've struck fic gold with this concept; it will be interesting to see what Nightmare Moon does with Twily (and just who did Princess Celestia select as her candidate to bear the Element of Magic?
This should be continued. In a world where Celestia is more focused on finding a bearer than helping ponies, some characterazation needs explored.
I read this, actually get intrigued and hooked only to find out it's "complete." That's just cruel and unusual. All that well placed set up and world building and then nadda. I'd be happy with just a "10 years later" with the ponyville incident falling out so we can get an idea of how things turned out due to all of this set up. minimal Closure is better than none at all. As it is, I'm just terribly disappointed now.
Someone write the rest of this. Seriously.
Interesting, I though its gonna be little more dark. I mean it was hardly to fell that situation what Twilight was.
Overall little to short and I hope for some more continuation of this
Come on. Find it in your heart to write more for us hungry readers.
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m24v6p2vl31r3k1m8o1_500.png
I'll throw in another vote for continuing. This is very, very readable.
..I want to see more of this....
Only..I fear for the ending... Is this Luna..or Nightmare Moon...
And i mean mentally....Is she evil, or good...
I'll admit this is very good, and I'd love to see this tagged Incomplete; I love how you write Nightmare Moon as not completely insane.
With that said, get to finishing Seeking Power first!
This needs an AU tag. Also, I think it's clear that we want more.
I love this story!
4536186 What this story is is a another perpective on how things work in this story. Nightmare Moon or Luna is nither good nor evil. She is the mentor in this story with a secret twist just waiting for us readers to upen up.
Get me into this vote of your!
wow this is a awesome setup i really hope you and or someone continues this
I hope you continue this one, it got so much potential. Keep up the good work!
I'm all in for contining this. It looks like a interesting situation with Luna/Nightmare Moon as her only teacher and my guess Trixe as Celestia student.
yes....yes....yes...YES!!
please continue writing this. I look forward to conflict between Twilight and Trixie over the Elements of Harmony, and then NMM returns and accepts her Dark Apprentice, who has been shunned by the Light and shown that true power resides in the shadows.
Well, that was VERY interesting.
Reading this I can't help but think of a slightly altered AU where it's the 1000th Summer Sun Celebration but Nightmare Moon doesn't make an appearance when Celestia expects her to just before that curtain opens. However when she steps onto that balcony and looks down at her ponies she immediately spots her sister wearing a cloak and standing next to a faintly familiar lavender unicorn. When nothing happens for a minute except for Luna's slightly sad expression and the ponies around her starting to whisper worriedly Celestia goes ahead and raises the sun.
Perhaps I'll post this idea (and it's inspiration) to the SpaceBattles or SufficientVelocity forums.
Besides that count me among those who'd really like to read more of this!
(Though if I were any good at drawing or image manipulation I'd take that picture your using and change it so NM is laying down next to filly Twilight with a gentle smile as she watches Twilight practice that spell)
That was fun. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
I personally cannot help but wish for, at the very least, an epilogue.
Perhaps one where Luna/Nightmare returns without first confronting Celestia, thus Celestia is still at the Celebration. In which, Celestia and she banter in an all too awesome fashion, before Luna/Nightmare ever so casually introduces the student that Celly abandoned, all but announces that she is HER student and, despite Celly's sudden desire to now train Sparkle, neither want anything to do with her anymore.
Thus the Dark Princess collects her student, both taking a mocking bow, before flipping Celly off and teleporting far, far away.
Leaving good ol' Celestia with nothing but regrets and a recurring thought of 'What if?'
Just food for thought, if you plan on continuing this
It's... it's done already?
I know this was supposed to be NMM agreeing to teach Twilight, but for some reason I see it more as Luna reaching out to the one pony with the highest chance of saving her. Just imagine Tia's face if this Twilight managed to become the Element of Magic without her help.
This is too good to just leave as a one shot. Even if the updates would be few and far between, it would still make for a great read.
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That would be pretty awesome. I can already picture Celestias face when Luna and Twilight reveal that they want nothing to do with her anymore.
Agreed with posters above, this fic at least ought to have an epilogue that touches on Nightmare Moon's return. Though I don't think Celestia necessarily deserves to be banished by Nightmare for what she did, or rather failed to do in this fic, she does need to see the opportunity she missed for what it is- her own fault.
please continue?
All my Yess, and continuation if you can or will.
Correction post read, We must have sequel, this is too good to end on such a painful cliff hanger.
4535283 As someone who has done an AU with a Twilight of a Different Path, I would encourage you to complete this out. It's a long, hard struggle, but very rewarding if done well.
--Georg (and Monster)
Would be interesting if in the act of teaching Twilight for ten years, with the end goal of eliminating the Elements of Harmony, NMMs only real threat, that she actually ends up becoming nicer as a result. Maybe not the full reset that getting hit by the EoH pulled in canon, but at least a NMM that could re-integrate and maybe not smack Celestia down.
Still, I would love to see this continue, even if the idea of NMM using Twilight for her own reasons is painful. Hopefully she's not planning on casting her aside like so many cliche villains, or end her as a threat to NMM's power.
4536615 Technically, with twilight as her student the threat of the elements is kaput in the first place because twilight would never want to hurt her teacher now would she?
this was VERY good.
Oh goodness, I don't normally say 'more' after reading a one shot, but that was brilliant and I would love to read more.
This was a very fun read, and certainly a saner view, with both celestia and luna/nightmare being well, true to their moments, especially luna after her 'moontouched' episode, so to speak, all that time is plenty of space to cool off and think. All but for a flip of a coin, after all. And this would be certainly unique. Cadence stays true to shining, strongly aligned to twilight, with her learning social skills, she also likely meets the elements in the early years, in a rural little earth pony founded town. And celestia, is up s*** creek without wings, boat, paddle, and magic.
All of this, still being something that makes both sense and each character being true to their established natures. I would hope this style of story is continued.
This seems like it would be an AU. I mean, it obviously passed the mods, so I'm not entirely certain, but I'm pretty sure this counts as an AU.
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I agree this does need an au tag. This was a really good story shame you have it as a on shot but hey it's still a good story.
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What is the name of this story? (edit: oh, it was an idea; wow, I feel pretty silly) I am very much interested. Also, that image is about the extent of my image editing ability. If anyone wants to make an improved version of the cover image, send a link my way and I may decide to make the switch if I like what I see.
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Naturally. It'd get a post in the comments and a blog post with this story tagged.
For those of you wanting a continuation...well, I don't know what to say. I do want to write it, but I much prefer writing my other work, Seeking Power and more importantly, this is a story setting, not an idea. If you take a look at my blog post (first section, number two), you'll see I have very strong feelings about what constitutes an idea for a story. And for this one, I've got nothing right now.
That said, I can now explain why there is not an epilogue, and why there will not be an epilogue. Since this is essentially an orphaned setting holding up an adopt me sign, I do not want to unnecessarily influence a future author (possibly me) writing this. I also have no idea where this story is going. Maybe it would end in eternal night, maybe not.
However, to put in my own two bits, I would find it very strange if Nightmare Moon cast aside a loving and devoted student that would likely develop a strong dislike of Celestia (perhaps with some goading) and would be useful in many other ways. If she was not lying to Twilight and Twilight does ascend, there are plenty of uses for a fanatically devoted alicorn of magic. I mean seriously; canon!Twilight would probably jump into a volcano if canon!Celestia told her to without asking for an explanation.
P.S. An AU tag is being added by popular opinion, although I don't really think it deviates enough from canon to justify it. Oh well.
Ooohhh dear. Celestia, you done goofed.
This would have the promise to be absolutely amazing, if this weren't a one-shot. It's a very believable turn of events, neither princess is out of character, and I adore seeing Nightmare Moon being such a smooth operator. Trying to get rid of the Elements of Harmony and gain an alicorn on her side... oh, this could become absolutely brilliant.