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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Boring. Erase it.
Fallout 3? MOAR!!!!!!!!!
4536126
Why?
4536135
There is tons of storys like this one. And its boring.
4536144
Well sorry, but I'm not going to erase it, you could just ignore it.
A nice beginning...
But..there was one TINY thing that jumped out at me...
...She isn't her student anymore.
Oh and 1 more thing dat phrase:
"Equestria prepared to be wandered."
No words for how Epic that sounds.
Hmm...definately different from other Fallout stories me thinks.
4536156
Fixed, thanks!
4536144 I respect your opinion dude but it just got started. Let it pick up. And most stories start out like all others, it's what the author puts in later that makes a story stand out.
It's a solid start, but there are more than a few cases where you seem to completely forget words.
Example:
If there were some words after 'however', then the sentence would make some sense. As it stands... not really.
There were also a number of words that were capitalised when they didn't need to be, uncapitalised words that should have been capitalised, and other grammatical flubs.
As for the actual story, I'm a little worried about how easily he's gotten used to his new body. While I can understand his casual indifference to transforming into something else (those aliens, man), he really should have a lot of trouble moving from bipedalism to quadrupedalism. Unless you want to write it off as inherent muscle memory, which is kinda risky. We haven't actually seen him try to walk, though, so there could be a scene with him asking Dogmeat how he does it.
Also, I cannot see any conceivable way that his Pip-Boy can pick up radio signals native to the Wasteland. If he has the file stored in the device, that works fine.
Still, keep it up. This definitely has some potential.
4536216
I'll fix that wording,
Walking's in the next chapter,
And yes, he does have it all stored on the Pip-Boy 3000.
4536221
Okay. It's just that the actual line states that the radio comes on. That implies radio signals, which then implies that he's getting GNR somehow.
you just had to make him into a pony
Gotta say, I like it so far. It certainly has potential.
I have to ask though, being a major Fallout fanatic: What made you choose his loadout of weapons?
Other than the tesla cannon, every other weapon seems...mundane.
4536394
Exactly. I wanted him to be more grounded to reality.
How exactly would this make the conflict and struggle for the character any more realistic if he toted about in T-51b Winter Power Armor carrying enough Mini Nukes, Rockets, and Gatling Lasers to wipe out all of Equestria?
So I'm guessing you read Fallout Equestria?
Shame he didn't bring a chinese assault rifle. Spray and pray worked so well with those things.
Hmm, I'm going to put this on my 'read later' list. It's probably a bit too close to home for me to jump right in, but I'll definitely give you a look in a bit. If Speven says that you're on the right track, then you probably are so I'll leave you a thumbs up
I would have expected some other words like "Equestria, turn around and prepare your flanks 'cuz I'm your pain train."
Or maybe that's just what I would say if I was in the same position...
4536566
Yeah, but I felt as though he needed less arsenal and more character.
4536558
I... not... all of it... I'm not very far...
I know, I am a FOOL!
4536572
Who?
getting more interesting, hope to see more
4536227
Maybe he customized it so it play stations even if he's out of range
Or he saved all the songs on the radios (even one with static I suppose) and categorized it so it'll feel like he still has a signal.
Set out an extra place for dinner. It seems I am going to be here a while.
4536144 Theres more awesome stories like this?! Well shit point, me in the right direction.
I didn't like this chapter.
The Wanderer being ponified I can understand as sort of a new beginning and a bio-suit for the radiation, and the tell-off to Celestia ALMOST made it worth it, but that horn on his head completely defeats all the challenge of the new body. He might as well have stayed human.
Secondly, both characters were nothing but talking heads in the whole exchange. The long-ass "answer" of the eye-stare reeks of telling instead of showing, as did the part right before Celestia teleported away.
And finally in a related tangent, Jason giving Celestia his name and trust just for five minutes of chatting? No, I don't buy it for a second. If that was the case for real in the Wasteland, he'd be trusting to a fault, which is pretty hard to gulp down even with a tall glass of backstory.
Finally, since we're talking about the Wanderer's faults... THERE AREN'T ANY! His SPECIAL stats at the end of last chapter already make me cringe from the perfect-ness, but if that extends to his personality too, I'm throwing my fave and upvote right the fuck out of the window. Just because you can create Lil Mister Flawless in the game doesn't mean that it's a good idea to write him as one in prose. Playing as a character is one thing, reading about it is a different matter entirely.
You're taking a risky road in this so far, and the story is starting to seem unlikeable from here. Tread lightly.
4537498 i do not beleave that coma goes where you think it goes
id ship dat
4538045 No, he was calling Tulip 'shit point'.
4536126 You must be AMAZING at partys.
it should've been "names are for friends, so i don't need one" or just "names are for friends, and i just met you"
He's in equestria now eh?
Poneh + Tesla cannon =
1. "they might let you inside"- They couldn't stop him.
2. Dat hat
3. He may have experienced a lot, but he is only like 18; no need to talk about him dieing anytime soon.
If this is how he says hello to Celestia, I cant WAIT to see him meet a certain royal pain in the flank
His hand was gone.
And the stump was blue.
SO we all know what you're talking about, but wouldn't read better like:
His hand was gone, in its place was a stump.
And the stump was blue.
Now Celestia was in even more shock. The magic that everypony relied on, what kept them all alive, was the very substance that threatened the Wanderer's home? How could she even imagine something like that? Something that's so vital to the life of everypony around her, on all of Equis, and yet is so deadly and terrifying to another world?
So, I found a sort of flaw in your story It's nothing big, and I'm sure others have noticed... but Dogmeat did not change. It's not like he transformed into a pony, so he would be getting radiation poisoning
I concur.
4554001 Whatever forces brought Jake to Equestria also gave him a form that would be unaffected by the Magical Radiation. As there are no Humans in Equestria, there was no frame of reference for such a thing for a Human, so he got the form of the dominant form of life in that world, a Pony.
There is however, a template for such a thing for a Dog, so Dogmeat would have become a Equestrian Dog that just so happens to look exactly like he did as an Earth one.
Or at least, that's what I hope. It'd be real downer if it turns out Dogmeat is dying from Magical Radiation. I had enough trouble keeping him alive in the game, what with his tendency to go running off after every creature in the Wasteland. In the end, I just left him outside my home in Megaton while I went off on adventures, & I like to think he became the town's dog with all the residents petting him & giving him treats.
4543294 to diamond dog's if it happens.
"you see this weapon, dog?"
diamond dog nods
"this is my boomstick!!"
Jason fires telsa cannon at them.
sorry... Had to make that reference at least once.
I had the thought of a certain Sentinel Lyons getting involved, but for now I will keep reading to see what you do with it all.
I've yet to find a crossover that stuck around but this shows some promise.
That Authors note! That was perfect! Just, all my yes! Definitely favoritng this now!
quest: equestria updated
visit ponyville
(optional) visit twilight sparkle
(optional) learn magic
Finally started reading. It's good, but the fact that magic IS radiation irks me, and the fact his SPECIAL skills are way too biased at making him overpowered. Still, I will continue reading.
How the FUCK does he get radio signals in Equestria?
I really like the wanderer and dat author note. remember stay classy
4919696 They might be recordings on the pitboy already? Just a thought though. remember stay classy
4564186 My dogmeat was tougher than I was. Near perfect, level 30, winterized T-51b. He could take more fat men.