Kick out the Epic MotherBucker

by Flint-Lock

Not the Princess You were Expecting

Not the Princess You were Expecting.

It was said that for every million ponies, only one of them could be considered princess material.

To even be considered for princesshood, one had to be a paragon of ponykind: kind, loving, wise, and graceful. Even among those rare individuals, only one in a hundred stood a chance of actually obtaining alicornhood.

Needless to say, not many of the potential princesses passed. So on the rare occasion when somepony beat the odds, Canterlot, and Equestria as a whole, went nuts

In every city, every town, every village, all anypony would talk about was the new princess. The more progressive ponies debated the new alicorns’ stance on interspecies marriage, while the more conservative ponies hoped that the new princess would consider cutting taxes. Everypony from the smallest filly to the oldest stallion huddled around their radios, listening to the newscasters’ describe the celebrations at Canterlot. The overexcited newsponies talked as if they were being paid extra for every superlative they added.

In the capital city itself, the mayor put the citizen’s tax bits to good use; elaborate floats slowly crawled through the capital city’s ancient streets, each of which had cost more to build than most ponies made in their entire lifetime. Massive banners with the new princess’ cutie mark, decorated every vertical surface, from the elaborately-woven banners hanging from the spires of Canterlot Castle, to small, home-made banners hung from the sides of buildings by ecstatic citizens.

During all this time, even the skies were filled with celebration. Air ships decorated with the princess’ cutie mark hovered overhead, dangling huge banners praising the new god-ruler Equestria’s elite flying team, the Wonderbolts, soared over the city in their dark-blue flight suits, leaving trails of brightly colored cloud behind them. They flew in a tight formation over the castle and dipped their wings in a salute to the new Princess.

Finally, Princess Celestia stepped out onto one of Canterlot Castle’s many balconies, followed by her slightly shorter sister.

“Citizens of Equestria.” The Princesses boomed in their Royal Canterlot voices. They spread out their wings like feathery curtains “It is our pleasure to introduce you to Equestria’s newest princess…”

The duo lifted their wings. “Princess Bulk Biceps!”

The bulky alicorn trotted out onto the balcony in his ceremonial gown, tiny blue comets spitting from his newly-gained horn. The tiara on his head glinted in the early evening sun, the carved barbell on its front sparkling like chrome. Tears trickled down his snow-white cheeks, smearing his artfully-applied mascara.

Below him, the citizens of Canterlot cheered as if their lives depended on it. Colts and fillies waved pennants bearing his cutie mark: pair of weights. The radio announcers practically shouted into their microphones.

Celestia gave the disturbingly buff Pegasus a gentle nudge. “Would you like to say something?”

Bulk just stood there, overwhelmed with emotion. The crowds hushed, straining their ears for the slightest sound from their new god-princess.

“Bulk,” Celestia gave another nudge. “They’re waiting.”

The Pegasus swallowed his fear and stood on his hind legs. Flashbulbs went off all over the crowd like caged thunderbolts. He flexed his bulging forearms.

“YEAH!”

Author's Note:

Beautiful, isn't it?

Comments

[deloreaninatardis]

but what about big mac

[Themaskedferret]

Pfft. Very nice. I still maintain his name is Snowflake.

[PresentPerfect]

Okay, I liked this one better than the other installment. I'll keep an eye on this, I guess. :)