• Member Since 29th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen February 27th

LoosePartyCannon


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Alicorns. Everypony sees them as the embodiment of all that is righteous. They think they are the sun, moon or even magic incarnate. They're wrong, Alicorns were never meant to rule. They were meant to protect and guide. Their lust for power was their downfall and almost caused the destruction of Athernael. That is why I live alone, that is why I am at peace; for I can do no harm to this scarred world. If only the other Immortals saw things like I did...Now eons later I sense something that should be impossible. A new Alicorn has been born.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 38 )
Comment posted by Domzory deleted Nov 27th, 2015
Comment posted by LoosePartyCannon deleted Nov 27th, 2015
Comment posted by LoosePartyCannon deleted Nov 27th, 2015

I've not seen many Alicorn OC stories so I don't know why people find them annoying, I'm just glad he's a hermit rather than some lost royal.

4600561 Yeah, I never liked that either. I decided I would try to make the story a bit more interesting.

5152099 I'm not sure, I did'int really think people would enjoy this story as its an Alicorn OC story that I did for a contest I was to late to enter. I will probably add something to it soon but out of my three stories its my lest favorite. I will probably work on it, but I don't know when...Kinda surprised you like it, thanks for favouriting btw:scootangel:

5152880 This story has promise due to culture shock/clash, differing views, etc. Also YW!!!!:twilightsmile:

This has a lot of potential, but what it needs is Twilight having a seizure when she learns the truth and has her worldview and image of Celestia as perfection embodied shattered.

5441875 Thanks, I'm going to probably expand on that idea but I'm also first going to have to re-write some of the story and check for grammar as you can probably see that it sucks in some areas. I'm going to release a new chapter because some people seem to want more but idk when it will be out. Its kinda been on an unofficial hiatus thats going to end soon(I hope).

I'm hooked, I look forward to your next update! Since the contest ended, I hope you end up making the story longer than just 15,000 words. Cheers!

5547503 Thanks! I've hit a bit of a wall coz I know what I want to write for when he gets to Equestria...But not on the way. Don't worry though, I'll write something soon.

5547523

You could always do a time skip with a summary of his journey until he reaches civilization; after all, his days of walking would probably be pretty monotonous. In addition to that, you could also have him meet someone, perhaps at an inn or something, and give snippets of his past.

5547535 I was thinking of that. I planned for a few time skips where it reveals more of his past and personality, I was thinking of writing a scene where he bumps into another immortal from the shows Cannon on his way to Equestria.

awesome chapter!!!!

-Equinox_

5596530 Thanks, I wasn't sure how people would react to it.

5596784
It's a great story. one of the better alicorn OC stories i've read. liked how you made him humble, that he doesn't like to just show off his powers. You good author have broken the mold to the traditional alicorn OC stories.

also like how you made him the keeper of nature, or something like that. Can't really find too many stories about that particular subject.

cant wait for future instalments.

-Equinox_

5596840 Yeah, I didn't think writing a show off or a arrogant ruler would be any fun, or interesting to read.

5596920
very true, and plus most people are sick of that type of character anyways especially if its an alicorn. in the end they just all turn into a gary stu, or some such. And you did something that is kinda rare for a alicorn OC, you made him seem like he would appear in the fifth season. you written it in such a way, that he fits right into the cannon.

But you made something original, that will grab peoples' attention. this is truly a wonderful story you have written here, and I shiver in anticipation for the next chapter.

-Equinox_

5596943 Thanks, though its tough as nails getting any attention thats positive with an Alicorn OC story, since most people brush them off as OP, a waifu magnet or 'super edgy'. Don't be mistaken, he has a back story based around the Endless War but I don't plan to ever make him a super OP, magic obsessed being or super calm/clairvoyant like Celestia.

5596996
I know, I almost did the same thing with this story, but I always kept to this rule that of i saw a story that looks interesting I will at the very least give it a chance. Thats actually how I found most of the stories that I love on this site.

And I would expect you to. You know, this alicorn is kinda giving off a little bit of a twilight vibe. Probably most powerful being in the world, but doesn't really want people to know that he is like that.

This story is great and I will follow from hence forth:rainbowdetermined2: (LunaEmote)

-Equinox_

i am still following this your doing great

6109112 Thanks man. I'm not really sure if I'll continue with it as it is(I might re write it or change it to anthro or something), but it's nice knowing some people like this.

Does this chapter count as gore?
If so you should add the tag.

6424209 huh, didn't think It'd count as gore considering some of the heavier stuff I've read. I'll add it soon.

6530086 Nothing around me dies unless I say it can! :pinkiecrazy:

really fimfiction AGAIN you once again REFUSED to alert me of this story updating when i SPECIFICALY asked you to
aside from that another wonderful chapter

6542525 I think Fimfiction is working against me...Meh, I plan to curn out a short chapter soon so look out for that. What you think about the chapter?

4597742 wonderful as always your using alicorns in one of the VERY few ways that they can be used without it seeming like they were just shoved into the story. instead you made it flow with the story. blending and mixing thought out ideas instead of throwing a thought and smearing it all over the page and calling it a story...wow i am getting all philosophical here but you get my point

Comment posted by dawn seeker deleted Oct 19th, 2015

6542674 Thanks. Yeah, I've tried to write Guy as a powerful, forgotten man who's lived an odd life. I HATE self absorbed characters or gods who act like their infallible. I like writing people with emotions and thoughts, not stereotypes, me or punching bags for my OC to beat up.

4597742 and that is what makes this story great

6424698 Probably no point I asking but, this US anthro right, I'm getting mixed feelings.

7256450 There's no anthro, I usually would write anthro since it's easier imo but not this time.

I guess thy bard's shall remain buried. Shame, twas a budding tale of magnificent resolve. Pity, like all good tales thy story shall remain dead till thy time hath cometh.

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