• Member Since 13th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Art de Triomphe


The arguments I have within my own head are legendary.

T

Luna won't you cry for me?
I'm as lonely as I've ever been,
I am forced back into the start,
Is there any way to fix a broken heart?

Nightmare Moon was banished to the Moon for attempting to usurp her sister's power. Everypony knows that.

What nopony, save for Celestia herself, remembers is that another pony was banished not long after this event.

Now that pony returns to the land of Equestria, a land very different than what they remember. How far will this pony go to right the wrong that they feel was done to them? And what does it have to do with Princess Luna?

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 43 )

Awesome job! I do love how you captured the song and created a great character from it. Keep up the great work! :rainbowwild:

Eerily enough, I was just listening to The Living Tombstone's Remix of "Luna"
And I was considering making a story out of it as well
Gyah, people keep reading my mind!

A good first chapter.
I have seen a similar plotline a few times but not done well ... yet ...
Good Luck :heart:

4541749 Write the story anyway. Let the creativity flow.

Sweet, I can't wait for the next one.

I can't help but think this guy is an ancestor of Blueblood. Extremely similar cutie mark, and previously in a romantic relationship with Luna, validating Blueblood's claim that Celestia is his aunt. I don't know, just a thought:rainbowhuh:

4543162
Nah, I instead went with a story based on "Children of the Night"

About time he and Luna hook back up!

"I know. I'm sure in her mind it was the right thing to do. But are you going to let a lie no matter how egregious, ruin your relationship with her. I mean, became Nightmare Moon, tried to kill Celestia, got banished to the Moon, returned, and after all that she is still your friend. I don't think it can go anywhere but up from there."

Perhaps it should read

"I know. I'm sure in her mind it was the right thing to do. But are you going to let a lie, no matter how egregious, ruin your relationship with her? I mean, you became Nightmare Moon, tried to kill Celestia, got banished to the Moon, returned, and even after all that, she is still your friend. I don't think it can go anywhere but up from there."

..I would have mentioned how it was unlikely that Blue Star could have survived Tartarus, due to not being a true immortal... For all Celestia knew, she really did kill him..Either by starvation or by some other resident of said prison.

Is this a "Luna's a Prick" fanfic?

4547649 ...in what way, shape, or form was Luna a prick? She was upset with Celestia and got emotional. If that makes one a prick, then Rarity is a prick in the actual show.

4547703 That was a "I'm new here, what can I expect?" question.

4547845 Well why didn't you just say so in the first place. This particular story is one-part the adjustment to modern society of a banished pony, one-part Blueblood being turned into a decent stallion, and two-parts Luna romance.

"Now, come and snuggle your princess"
:applejackunsure::applejackunsure::applejackunsure::applejackunsure::applejackunsure::ajsmug:

4548257 Would it have been better if I had written it thusly:

"Well, I'm a little out of practice, and it's been a long day, but I think I can pull it off."

"Excellent," Luna shifted, rolling over onto her back and splaying her hind legs suggestively, "Now, come lay with your princess."

Blue Star couldn't help the grin which crossed his muzzle, "Yes, your majesty." :trollestia:

4548435 Eh, no need to :pinkiehappy:. We don't need NSFW to know what they're about to do.
The applejacks was just my though progress.:ajsmug:

4548435 You dare tantalize me with a line like this and not add clop :/ my friend you are a tease. Keep it up and you'll get a downvote.

This is good so far. Looking forward to the next chapter

We did not made friendships.

Think you meant "make" rather than "made"

Really enjoying this fic; there are a few pieces here and there that could use some minor refinement, but all in all, it's a blast.

I actually feel rather happy with myself. I was able to read the Prench *french* part without translation. been out of french class since 03 so I'm pretty happy I remembered. Also good job on the translation:eeyup:

I misread the last part as Pinkie eating-out Celestia, boy that would have been awkward.

"I am going to turn Blueblood into a proper stallion. One that would make my brother proud."

I hope that includes not making him quite as prone to violent outbursts as yourself, Blue Star.

You know, at first I was a little put off at how flawless Blue Star seemed as a character. But then it dawned on me that that's actually not true; he definitely has a violent streak. He's also extremely self-righteous and prideful, to a pretty aggravating extent. It got him into trouble once, but that was quickly made to be Celestia's fault. I'm still a bit concerned how the narrative keeps spinning everything in his favour.

I think it could be an interesting conflict if Blueblood, his descendant, confronts Blue Star with his flaws at some point. He (Blue Star) wants to make him a better person, right? Well, in that case, he should have to listen to the other when it comes to his issues as well; issues such as his violent tendencies, his self-righteousness, and his pride. That's only fair.

I am at least seven percent certain that it is supposed to be "Okay" over "OK". Just a tip.

This.... it's a great premise, but Nobody has any PERSONALITY. the delivery is bland. the character's emotions and reactions are flat and unnatural. When they talk they sound like grade schoolers reciting from rote. It needs a lot of work to breathe some life into it.

repeatedly over the head with it. her honor restored

1. Forgot to capitalise.

"I beg to disagree, right Pinkie? Pinkie?

You forgot your closing quotation mark here

I think you're thousand-year-old memory

1. Your.

6591311 I don't want it to be dead. It's on my list. On vacation right now, but we'll see when I get home.

Lovely story, wish there was more though:ajsleepy:

7847222 Thank you. Unfortunately, I have not had the will to write anything in a very long time, and may never have the will again.

7847423 Thank you for being honest and replying to my message :twilightsmile:

Your story is fantastic, just so that you know:raritywink:

BTW If it's not too much to ask, is there a reason why you lost the will to write?:rainbowhuh:

7849344 Again, thank you. To answer your question, some of it is my depression, which makes it tough to be motivated. Some of it is the fact that since I started this story, I've lived in 3 different states and was homeless for a time, so my personal situation has been less than secure. And some of it is that I just don't think I'm any good. I look back at this and other stories and I wonder what the hell I was thinking publishing such garbage. And that feeling doesn't go away if someone tells me it's "fantastic", that's part of my mental illness. I could be a New York Times Best-Selling Author, and I would still think I'm a worthless piece of shit.

7852000 Thank you again for replying :twilightsmile:

I just feel so awful that I can't help you beside my own words:ajsleepy:. I really do hope that you get better and I also hope that your life will get better as well.

Just so you know, I don't think that you are awful:twilightsmile: I think you are awesome:rainbowdetermined2:

7852000

A crying shame. It really is. This is more than a decent story. Is this in my personal top ten? No, I am sorry, but it is not. But this is also clearly not crap. This story is well written, and avoids what I consider the major writing sins commonly committed by writers here. This is a very good story and the Author should be proud to have written it. I am a difficult bibliophil (Fella likes books) with high standards and a very low tolerance for retarded writing. I listened to the entire one hour, fifteen minutes of this story and never winced once. The Author held my attention and kept me very interested to see what would happen next. This places you heads and shoulders higher than many authors on this site.

Your doing a great disservice to your creation by leaving it discontinued. Either continue this fantastic work, or open sours it, and allow another respected Author to continue this great story.

The Monk

8108696 Very much appreciate the kind words. Will have to read through the story from the top and see if anything clicks in my mind as far as a way to move the story forward while maintaining the same tone.

I will say one thing, however. In the past, I have considered passing my incomplete stories on to other people for them to complete and/or rewrite. If you look at my story list, you will see a plethora of such stories that I wish I could finish, but either do not have the ideas for, or do not have the will. That being said, I do not know anyone who I would trust to take them and do them properly.

9169370
Because I lost interest in it, and do not think it was very good. In fact, I've completely lost interest in writing at all.

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