• Member Since 17th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen Oct 13th, 2018

Quick_Silver


E

It's Luna's Birthday and Celestia got her a present but there may have been a miscommunication and a well intentioned present turns into just another argument between two sisters or maybe it will be their last.

Edited (and partially written by) Alcatraz

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 22 )

Nice story!

Reads well, the charecterisation is nice, and the origami. Just the origami.


~~Flutter-Shy~~

Good story, but, if you do some prequels or some such, you may want to include how they bonded the 'deities' or 'forces of nature' in the first place and, more importantly, why.

4545969 Dankie and also that is pretty much what I was thinking of for the prequals

4547474 Du hast even Deutsche?

4550773 Na bru I've picked up the odd word in Afrikaans from my parents

Love the cover art! Whenever I see Van Gogh's art I always think of that Doctor Who episode!

I can't copy-paste on my phone, but I will go through the story again when I wake up and point out some spelling and grammar corrections that need to be made.

There is a large amount of paragraphs and sentences without commas and full-stops too.

Over all I absolutely loved the story!!! It's always interesting to read a head canon story about Luna turning into Nightmare Moon!

4666536 thank you and what do you mean errors... this one WENT THROUGH MY PROOF READER!!!! I have been angered... :pinkiecrazy:

4666542

The problem is largely punctuation. There's little to none of it!

If you wouldn't mind, I can properly edit the story for you and send it back to you in a PM?

4669556

I'll try to keep the format you have.

Personally I like to indent my paragraphs and sentences, but I'll keep it the way you have. Just fixing the spelling and grammar.

4669772 You know what's funny? the guy who proofread it is right here in this comment section!

4544086 YOU SUCK AT PROOFREADING!

4670020
Actually, I proof read it to all standards.
And then you made the assumption that I had /correctly/ proof read it to all standards.

And I did my best in the 2 hours I had. Buster.

Much love.
~~Flutter-Shy~~

4670020
Also pray tell, where exactly?
I have the prppfed version open in front of me as I type. I haven't found any errors so far.

I'm claiming generic and over used criticism unless he can point out the 'few' errors he/she found.

~~Flutter-Shy~~

4672159

Well for starters your abhorrent lack of proper grammar.
i.imgur.com/dKmB5AM.png

All the area's I've highlighted in the above image do not have proper capitalization, nor proper use of full-stops and commas.

Actually, I proof read it to all standards.

No, you didn't.

And then you made the assumption that I had /correctly/ proof read it to all standards

Maybe you should have done a better job.

And I did my best in the 2 hours I had. Buster.

One, that's very rude, two, a proper editing job on a chapter this size should take a significant excess of two hours. My editor would take a week to edit one of my 5000-6000 word chapters for my story and it would become the most immaculate piece of work you would had ever read.

Also pray tell, where exactly?

I have the prppfed version open in front of me as I type. I haven't found any errors so far.

I'm claiming generic and over used criticism unless he can point out the 'few' errors he/she found.

*proofed
*he
**s/he
I never over-use criticism. I think a proper way would be to say what you intended would be harsh; because my keen observations infringed on your (lack thereof) editing skills and you didn't like it.

I'm always fair in my criticisms, never bashing the writers skill, but rather point out things here and there that (strictly) I think could be improved upon. The story is very well written, but the editing made me cringe :twilightangry2::pinkiesick:

I'm going through the story and properly editing everything the way it should be, grammar, punctuation, and spelling included. I'm also rewriting a few portions to deliver more comedic, and emotional impact :scootangel::twilightsmile:

If you would like; read one of the nine stories I've written. Maybe you could pick up a thing or two about editing. Ever since coming to FIMFiction and reading tens of thousands of words on a daily basis, my writing skills have significantly increased. If there's any story I would recommend you read to get a better understand of spelling and grammar, they would be Diaries of a Madman and Fallout: Equestria. Both can be found on my page under 'Favourites'. Even after writing a comment I re-read it through to make sure everything is done properly!

4674368
Well then, it appears I was indeed wrong.

Maybe I'm not meant to be a proof reader, or even a writer.

My sincerest apologies for the way I wrote/spoke to you and the false accusations.

~~Flutter-Shy~~

4674368 Ah, good, someone who can appreciate the glory that is; being blunt. Thankyou for taking the time to do this for me, I do appreciate it greatly.

4674730

Don't be too hard on yourself, buddy. Just read up on some stories to get a better grasp on how to write. Read some of the stories I put on my page!

4675506

It's no problem. Sorry it's taking this long, I've been busy with the family I've had down for the last three days :twilightsheepish:

4676025 *hugs* baie dankie and by the way, what is your stance on doing proofreading for all my stories? (Not the ones already published but future ones.)

4677564

I would not have any problem helping you with any future projects you would have from every aspect; planning, helping you write, edit, proofread and whatever else you might require of me.

I've also said the same thing to Flutter-Shy, since I saw s/he wanted to write a story so I offered my services to them too.

If so, I generally prefer chatting on skype for the ease of purpose.

Woohoo, I see you already implemented the edits I made :)

Comment posted by Root Beer deleted Aug 17th, 2016
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