My little Venom: a monster inside

by Shadowheart332

Chapter 1: Nightmare of anger [edited]

Time of day: 3:15 a.m.

A meteor could be seen hurtling towards the ever peaceful land of Equestria., This one however is very different from any other meteor in recorded Equestrian history.The meteor hit in a matter of seconds.An unknown black liquid-like could be seen making its way oddly to a tree-like house.

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Twilight, who was the student of Princess Celestia, was sleeping soundly, but within her dreams a horrible nightmare was taking place.

"Where am I?" Twilight said with a look of fear.

"Monster." A voice echoed.

"Who said that?" Twilight said as she squeaked.

"Evil evil evil..." Another voice echoed more mare like.

Twilight turn back at the sound to find what looked like her friends all giving her a glare.

"W-what's going on g-girls?" Twilight said with more fear then she thinks.

"SHUT-UP!" They all shout at the same time.

Twilight then turned from fear to terror as they all looked like they were about to tear her apart, when a black looking thing appears in front of her.

"Greetings." The black creature said

"H-hello." Twilight said trying to figure out what just happened.

"I have come seeking a friend." The black creature said. It looks at the five behind him. "It seems I have come at the best time." It said with a little hiss. "I take it that these beings are your friends." It said with yet another hiss, while Twilight just nodded. "Ha some friends, then again some brother, some mentor who don't believe in you. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if they all leave you all alone." It said as it hissed.

"But they would never do that." Twilight said as she started to remember the wedding when everyone believed that she was the one how was evil, it made her anger rise by the second.

"And how long will you believe that pile of crap, I can see you want to make them pay dearly for what they did, and I can give you the power you want...no...that you deserve to make them pay." It said with another hiss.

"I don't know..." Twilight said as she was almost giving in.

"The power you would gain is twice the power of that of the elements, and besides without your element they will be easy prey." It hissed.
Twilight just gave an evil grin as it continued. "You'll gain the strength to overpower a Pegasus, the agility to move faster than an Earth Pony and a Pegasus combined, become smarter than any Unicorn, and have more power than an Alicorn." It hissed. "Now what do you say?" It said

" I'm in." Twilight said in a dark tone.

"Good." It said as it wrapped itself around Twilight.
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Time: 5:55 a.m.

Spike was still sound asleep. He was probably dreaming about Rarity again.

When a sound of crawling that he could hear clear as day woke Spike up, he looked for what could've made the noise.

"Twilight is that you?" The dragon said with a yawn, when he heard hissing.

"T-Twilight come on now t-this is not f-funny!" Spike said with fear in his voice, when suddenly....

"TWILIGHT WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WAIT WHAT ARE YOU!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

To be continued....

Author's Note:

Will that's the first chapter. Let's see how this plans out. Any way the story idea is inspired by vampdash's venom rising story only I want to see what it look like with twilight as venom instead of rainbow dash. Don't forget to tell for any spelling errors.
And give any ideas for future chapters to make this more interesting. I do plan to make references to classic venom lines or even to other stuff.

This is my first story so be gentile.

Comments

[VampDash]

Hm not a bad concept and not a bad way to start it. My only complaint would be to get a grammar editor but other than that this is looking like a solid Venom story.

[GoldenFlower]

Woah... Horror! THE HORROR!!!

[King of Kings]

A meter could be seen too the ever peaceful land of equestria, this one however is very different.

This should be A meteor could be seen hurtling towards the ever peaceful land of Equestria. (The reason for this change is because the definition of too is in addition; also, or to a higher degree than is desirable; permissible; or possible; excessively.) This one however is very different from any other meteor in recorded Equestrian history. (This change is to make the sentence more descriptive, however, as it is a sentence change and not a spelling or grammar change, you can decide for yourself whether or not it, after all, it is your story.)

The meter hit in a mater of seconds.

This should be The meteor hit in a matter of seconds.

A unknown black liquid-like thing could be seen making it's way oddly to a tree-like house.

This should be An unknown black liquid-like could be seen making its way oddly to a tree-like house. (The reason for this change is because it's is the contraction meaning it is and the definition of the word its is belonging to or associated with a thing previously mentioned or easily identified.)

Twilight the student of princess celestia. Sleeping soundly, but with in her dreams a horrible nightmare was at hoof.

This should be Twilight, who was the student of Princess Celestia, was sleeping soundly, but within her dreams a horrible nightmare was taking place. (The reason for the complete overhaul of the sentence shown here is because [according to several books] the way that you had it the first time was a sentence fragment that could be avoided by combining the two sentences together as shown. The reason for the capitalization of the word princess in that sentence is because it was a proper noun. For example, Princess Leia is the newest Disney princess. When the word princess is preceding Leia's name, it is part of a proper noun, but when the word princess is following the word Disney, it is not part of a proper noun [or at least, I don't think it is. Is it? Oh well, you get the point.] The reason that the phrase "at hoof" was replaced with taking place in the changed sentence is because the phrase "at hoof" is more than likely the pony version of the human phrase "at hand")

"Evil evil evil.." Another voice Echoed more mare like.

This should be "Evil evil evil..." Another voice echoed more mare like. (The reason for the two changes in this sentence are: an ellipsis has three periods in it, not two, and you shouldn't randomly capitalize words in sentences.)

"W-what's going on g-girls." Twilight said with more fear then she thinks

This should more than likely be "W-what's going on g-girls?" Twilight said with more fear then she thinks.

Twilight then turned from fear to terror as they all looked like they where about to tear her apart. when a black looking thing appears in front of her.

This should be Twilight then turned from fear to terror as they all looked like they were about to tear her apart, when a black looking thing appears in front of her. (the reason for this change is because the definition of where is (in its adverb form): At or in what place, or In what situation or position, or From what place or source, or To what situation; toward what end; (in its conjunction form): At, to, or in a place in which, or At, to, or in a situation in which, or At, to, or in any place in which; wherever, or At, to, or in any situation in which; wherever, or Whereas, or That; (in its pronoun form): At, to, or in a place in which, or What place, source, or cause, or In which. Now, none of these definitions will get across the point that you are trying to make however were you to use the word were in place of the word where, the word were would get across the point that you are trying to make. I would say what the definition of were is, but I don't happen to have a dictionary with me at the moment, and when you look it up, you get a really confusing definition. As for the second change, it is a sentence change and not a spelling or grammar change, you can decide for yourself whether or not it, after all, it is your story.)

"H-hello." twilight said trying figure what just happened.

This should be "H-hello." Twilight said trying to figure out what just happened. (Twilight's name needs to be capitalized, and the rest of the changes to this sentence are sentence changes and not spelling or grammar changes, you can decide for yourself whether or not them, after all, it is your story.)

"It seems I have come at the best."

This should be "It seems I have come at the best time." (the reason for this change is because as it stands, it seems that the symbiote has come at the best what, exactly?

"I take it that these beings are your friends." It said with yet another hiss. While twilight just nodded.

This should be "I take it that these beings are your friends." It said with yet another hiss, while Twilight just nodded. (The first change is a sentence change and not a spelling or grammar change, you can decide for yourself whether or not it, after all, it is your story, however Twilight's name needs to be capitalized.)

and I can give you the power you want...no...what you deserve to make them pay."

This should be and I can give you the power you want...no...that you deserve to make them pay."

"I don't now.." Twilight said as she was almost giving in.

This should be "I don't know..." Twilight said as she was almost giving in. (Remember, ellipses have three periods, not two.)

"The power you gain is twice the power of that of the elements, and beside's with out your element they will be easy prey.

This should be "The power you would gain is twice the power of that of the elements, and besides without your element they will be easy prey."

Twilight just gave evil-like grin as it continued.

This should be Twilight just gave an evil grin as it continued.

"you the strength to over power a Pegasi, the agility to move faster then a earth pony and a pagasi combined, and smarter then a any unicorn, and more power then a alicorn."

This should be "You'll gain the strength to overpower a Pegasus, the agility to move faster than an Earth Pony and a Pegasus combined, become smarter than any Unicorn, and have more power than an Alicorn." (The reason that I replaced the word Pegasi with Pegasus is because Pegasus is the singular form of Pegasi.)

"now what do you say?"

This should be "Now what do you say?"

Said twilight in a dark tone.

This should be Twilight said in a dark tone.

"Good." It said as it wrapped it's self around twilight.

This should be "Good." It said as it wrapped itself around Twilight. (The contraction

it's

is not needed here.)

Spike still sound a sleep. Probably dreaming about rarity again.

This should be Spike was still sound asleep. He was probably dreaming about Rarity again.

When a sound of crawling could clear as day, woke up spike, as he looks for the what made the noise.

This should be Then a sound of crawling that he could hear clear as day woke Spike up, and he looked for what could've made the noise. (sorry about that, I just now realized that would've made more sense)

"Twilight is that you. The dragon Said with a yawn, when he heard hissing

This should be "Twilight is that you?" The dragon said with a yawn, when he heard hissing.

"T-twilight come on now t-this in not f-funny!" Spike said with fear in his voice.when suddenly....

This should be "T-Twilight come on now t-this is not f-funny!" Spike said with fear in his voice, when suddenly....

AAAAAAHHHHHHH"

This should be AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

[elizabethgaming]

hmm not bad

[A random pony oc]

seems short and I see grammar mistakes, but other than that I like it!