• Member Since 13th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Nov 10th, 2016

Mard93


E

my life is (to me) boring, go to school, do homework, eat then "sleep". "when i sleep" or rest, my mind/spirit/whatever goes to equestria. there i experience true joy and happines, and true honest frienship, this will only contain the first conversation i had with celestia.
this is a oneshot

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 25 )

The title "My Second Life" has already been used.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5760/My-Second-Life

451326
Sorry dint knew :twilightblush:

hmmm... I think I told you to re-do the beginning :P

452746
Meaby, but that's more or less how it happened. So i can't change what happened anyway

might need an editor, spotted a few errors

464767
Thx, every comment is apreciated,

this is interesting. you said it was a oneshot? you should set it to complete then

478607
I made this one a oneshot, to see if people like the idea of me recoding my visits to EQ. At first I though "nah they won't like it, they will think is another wishfullfillment fic or trollfic" but now I'm starting. To think " meaby it's snot a bad idea after all"

Could use some minor editing, but other than that, it's a great read!

553480
You mean it?
I just told what happened 2/3 of that day.

554560 Well the thing is, it's forgivable for the first chapter to be somewhat short. After all, it's more of a 'testing the waters' than 'super serious chapter in the middle of the story' kind of ordeal. Granted that you work in longer chapters (3.5-7k+), then it'll be a very entertaining read for sure.

557451
I made this to see if people like the idea of me writting my goings to EQ ( read my bio)

This will not pass EQ prerequisites. It is riddled with spelling, tense, and punctuation errors. The opening word, "sigh", is not conducive to setting an atmosphere the reader will want to participate in. Most Human's in Equestria's fail to get on EQ because 'Twilight lets me live with her', or any of the other more common characters. You mention (to my complete disbelief) at the beginning of the story, as if most readers will not know this, that "quotations" mean a person is talking, and Italics mean one is thinking. And you didn't even type it out correctly. And then, on top of all of that, the 'chapter' is only 1,256 words long. Which is ridiculously short. Most chapters of stories that get into EQ are a minimum of 7.5k long.

I would recommend scrapping this one, and starting over. Overhauling what you currently have will take more time and effort than beginning anew.

451326

Not anymore. It has been reported that Someone got on Coal Buck's account and deleted everything. Including his userpage, it seems.

622859
Thx for pointing all that out.
Besides that this is my very first thing I write, I myself know I suck at writing.

i hate posting negative comments (i realllllly do) but Twilight sparkle needs to be Twilight Sparkle. sorry, just me being a picky pegasister.

1125096
Don't worry, I don't mind negative comments, as long as there are not insult meant I dont mind.
Also, this 2/3 of the day is if I remember correctly what happened ( read my bio).

my second life is a lot like the stravaganza books. guy falls asleep with certain artifact, wakes up somewhere else.

1125220
You certrnly like to assume things.
I never had a item or artifact with me at the time. All I wrote is what happened that day (more a journal than a story)

1125242 i wasnt saying that you fell asleep with an artifact. in the first stravawhatever book the kid has brain cancer and in the other world hes cured. like a cut in the real world and twilight heals.

Not bad. A few spelling and grammatical errors but we all go through that at one point while writing. I definately like where this is goin and would enjoy te rest of this one and another. This is quite interesting. It's definately worth keeping up. So I leave you with one last thing. Awesomeness approved:rainbowdetermined2:.

133838
Thanks, I really am conflicted if I should continue this journal. Any thoughs about it?

its really good :pinkiehappy: buuut... you need to improve grammar and spelling and add more story and detail (don't just tell us that it happened tell us how it happened and don't skip ahead this far for the start of the story) :fluttershysad: but its a really good story and has potential :pinkiehappy: (sorry if i was harsh i'm just trying to give constructive criticism)

2762985
Don't worry, if you need to be, please be harsh
Also that's what is going to be explained in part 2 ( when I actually finish it...)

do you really intend to make this a one shot or are you gonna add more cuz if its a one shot then there would only be one chapter and im not seeing anything wrong with it myself

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