Broken Memories
"It all started ten years ago," I took a deep breath and looked away from Tavi. "I was eight years old. My mother was constantly drunk, high on pills and cocaine, and almost always pissed off about the smallest thing. I would always try to avoid her as best I could when she was like that. If I didn't, it usually meant getting hit over the head with a rolling pin, or whatever mom could get her hands on, until my head was lacerated. And even then, she wouldn't stop beating me. She would set my hands on the table and hit them until she heard the bones snap." I looked back at Tavi who was staring at me in horror, "I will go on ahead and tell you that this isn't my real hair either." I reached around to the back of my head and lifted the wig off, revealing the horrors that lie underneath. My skull was covered in scars, bumps, bruises, and burn marks.
Tavi reeled back in shock, "I-I...don't even know what to say."
I put my wig back on and forced a half ass smile, "Not a lot of people do when they see it for the first time."
"Where did all the burn marks come from?"
"My mother would put her cigarettes out on my head and it would sometimes catch my hair on fire. I was lucky I didn't burn as badly as I should have from it. But any way, after she broke my hands, she would drag me into her room and tie me to her bed. I couldn't even do anything to stop her because of the pain. I can still remember her sadistic smile as she cut my clothes off. She would always call me 'Mommy's little slut'. And this is where I usually end the story at, but since we have all this time on our hands, I'll tell you. But I do warn you that it's not a pretty picture once I paint it."
"I think I can handle it."
"Okay..." I took another deep breath, "Once she had my clothes completely cut off, she would open her drawer that had all kinds of sex toys in it. She would ask me, 'Do you want to play a game?' I tried to fight against it, but I didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of stopping her. She would take out a few of her toys and force herself onto me. She would proceed to rape me, sadistically laughing and strangling me until I either passed out from the pain of being raped or the lack of oxygen. When I woke up what I believed was hours after she finished raping me, I'd be sitting in the shower with ice cold water beating down on me. Mom would be sitting on the toilet next to the shower. 'You've got to stop passing out on me' she'd say and then she would get up and leave the bathroom, leaving me to drown in my pain and suffering. This went on for about three years, and I even tried to kill myself I don't know how many times. It was all that fucking bitches fault!" I punched the pillow on the bed and buried my face in my hands, crying loudly.
Tavi moved closer to me and wrapped her arms around me. She gave me a small kiss on my head to try to comfort me even more. I pushed her off and moved away from her, "I-I'm sorry."
"It's not you, it's just...you doing that makes me think of mom doing the same thing after her rage was over with."
"So...you're still spilling that same old shit to everyone. What a little cunt you grew up to be," said a calm voice in the cell in front of us.
I got up form the bed and limped over to the cell door. I looked into the other cell and there she was, the bitch who caused me so much hell.
"What's wrong, Vinyl. No 'I love you' or 'I'm sorry I lied to send you to jail'?" she turned her head and grinned at me with the same sadistic grin she gave me all those years ago. "It's great to see my baby girl after all these years. I'm still mad that you lied to everyone just to put in this awful place."
"You fucking deserve to be here after what you did to me! If I wasn't locked in here right now I'd be wringing your goddamn neck!"
"Now is that anyway to speak to the woman who gave you everything that you ever wanted growing up?"
"Please, all you ever did was treat me like shit! You never gave a damn about me!"
Tavi hopped up from the bed and tried to pull me away from the door, but I pushed her off of me again.
"Is that you're girl friend? She's really cute."
"Fuck you!" Tavi shouted.
"Feisty. I can see why you love her. By the look on your face I'm guessing you haven't even told her."
My rage began to burst out of me even more than it ever had, "I outta rip your fucking throat out and make you shit my fist."
Before I could do anything more, a security guard walked up and unlocked our cell, "You're free to go. Nurse Redheart explained everything after the building went into lock-down. We do apologize for bringing you in like that. We had a couple of inmates who look like both of you who escaped a few months ago and have been on the run since. We thought that you were them when we saw you and well...you know the rest."
Tavi and I walked out of our cell. I looked at my mom with a look that brought the phrase "If looks could kill" into play.
"Follow me and we will get in contact with your parents and let them know where you are."
We followed closely behind in silence, only interrupted by the guard occasionally telling an inmate to quiet down. He lead us to the main office of the cell block and sat us down. On the table was a small bag that had our stiff in it. He sat down in front of us and looked at us, "Again, I am terribly sorry that we brought you in without question. Now, just give me the number and I'll call your folks so that they can come and get you."
Tavi took her phone out of the bag and went through her contacts, "I'm glad you're going to making the call, my battery is almost dead. Let's see...the number is 555-0797."
The guard dialed the number and handed Tavi the phone, "Hello mom? It's Octavia. I'm calling you from the Crystal County Detention Center. Long story, but anyway, do you think that you could come here and pick up me and Vinyl? Uh-huh...Alright...No problem I'll ask them...Love you too mom, bye." She hung up the phone and looked at the guard, "Do you think you could give us a ride back to Camp Crystal Lake? My mom is a little busy taking care of my dad's wasp stings at the moment."
"No problem, it's the least I could do for what happened," he reached into the desk drawer and pulled out a set of keys. "Ready?"
We both nodded and followed him out to the parking lot and got into his squad car. It was a little too crammed in the back seat for me, but at least I don't have to limp all the way back to camp. I looked over at Tavi and she looked over at me. I felt a deep blush come across my face and I quickly looked away, making Tavi giggle. Maybe mom was right, maybe I am starting to take a liking to Tavi.
About ten minutes passed and we were back at Camp Crystal Lake. We thanked the guard for the ride back and he rolled off. Tavi put my arm over his shoulder and helped me to our cabin. I couldn't help but feel like we maybe she and I might soon become more than friends.
I looked at her and smiled, "Thanks for being a good friend Tavi, I don't know what I'd do without you."
She giggled, "You say that like I wouldn't help you to begin with."
I giggled back, "Either way, I'm still glad to know I have someone here I can rely on when I need that help."
"I'm always here to help you. I would never leave you hanging, not when you clearly have a crush on me."
I blushed even deeper than when we were in the car, "I...I do not."
"Then why's your face red?"
That made me blush impossibly deep, "It is not."
"Keep telling yourself that," she giggled again. "Vinyl, look, if you do have a crush on me, you don't have to hide it from me."
There wasn't really anything I could say to hide it at this point. She was right, I did love her, and I know she know that I do. So there was nothing that I could say to delay the inevitable, "Alright Tavi, you got me. I do have a crush on you. I've had it since the first night we met. You're the kind of girl that anyone would want to have. Smart, beautiful, talented, and extremely caring. Anyone would be lucky to have you."
Now she was the one blushing, "N-No one's ever said that about me before. A lot of people just think that I'm the kind of girl that people would just settle for once they had no other options."
"Well those people didn't know a good thing when saw it."
We make it to our cabin and Tavi helped me over to the bed. Now was the best time for me to make a move. I wrapped my arms around Tavi's shoulders and pulled her close to me, pressing our lips together. Tavi didn't fight it, she put her arms around me and we laid back on my bed.
I broke the kiss and looked into her eyes, "I'm glad I met you."
She smiled and put her head on my shoulder. I ran my fingers through her hair a couple of times and kissed her on the head. I let out a long yawn and Tavi looked at me, "You tired?"
"A little, I'm ready to take a nap for a little bit."
She kissed my cheek and cuddled closer to me. She put her head in between my chin and my shoulder and closed her eyes. I giggled lightly and closed my eyes as well, and we let sleep takes us into it's comforting hold.
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Ohhh yeah!!
MOR-
I mean, I can't wait for more!
Oh and there are a few mistakes for example, you put his instead of her in a few spots, and other stuff, (your proof reader missed those)
I would tell you where but my phone has bad copy and paste, sorry.
Really good chapter, super happy it updated!
However, It seems to be a bit of a coincedence that her mom just happens to be working at the one detention center they both go to...
I have a feeling this will come into play later.
~TOOWC
Dun Dun Dun!!
*replace with telling, and welcome back, where'd you disappear to, I really like your story and was willing to offer my help to get it back running.
4585352 She doesn't work there. She was locked up there when she went to court for raping Vinyl.
4585966 I had a lot of crazy shit going on with some really dumb fucks that I just can't stand and it was keeping me from working on the story. But I'm glad to be back
Well, that was intense, to say the least.
Looking forward to more!
4589725 No problem
4589743 I think I might take you up on your offer to become my editor, it appears that I really need one.
4589781 Cool, just PM me and read the "For Writers" section of http://www.fimfiction.net/group/200289/editorsrus
...
I don't know why my comment was deleted (weird, I thought, that constructive criticism is good), so here I go again:
It is a great story. Nice concept, characters are likable, are in-character, the pacing is nice...
However, I got a few issues with this particular chapter.
We can see a bit too many situations in here:
1. Vinyl talking about her mother to Tavi;
2. Vinyl's mother showing up;
3. The whole misunderstanding with Vinyl and Tavi in prison being fixed by Redhearth;
4. The beinning of a relationship.
I'd say, that it's a bit too much for one, relatively short chapter.
I was rather sceptical regarding the prison moments in the previous chap. But in this chapter it grew on me, I saw quite a lot of potential in this situation, that can make Vinyl and Tavi grow closer together. A scene in the canteen, where a brawl starts and Vinyl defends Octavia? That could make their relationship more probable, the gratitute, stuff like that. Scene in the shared shower or something, where Tavi sees Vinyl's scars? Much better reason to start the "My mother was abusing me" talk.
The prison had a potential for one, maybe even two more chapters. It feels too fast, because you started it in the last chapter, and finished here. It suffers the "Equestria Girls Syndrome", the problem 1 -> immediate solution 1 - problem 2 -> immediate solution 2, instead of p1 -> p2 -> p3 -> s2 -> s3 -> s1 or something like that. You could generate some problems and solutions in the prison, or generate problems there and solve them when they got back to camp, something, anything.
The next problem I see here is the progress of the main relationship... The "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, so let me tell you about my mother that brutally raped me". It's... Weird.
I mean, we know, that Tavi and Vinyl are OTP. We know, that they myst be shipped, and that it'll certainly work. But they do not know that. You are writing about complete strangers. And you don't talk to a girl you've met two days ago about your dark past. and if you like her you most certainly try to impress her, not go full "Hey babe, guess what, I'm bald!".
That leads to the final issue.
The relationship happened too early and too intensely.
The romance is - in my humble opinion - supposed to be a story about building the relationship. At first they are distant, then they start to like eachother a bit, they spend more time together... You get the drift. A date or two, shy kisses, the uncertainty, the whole buildup... What I saw in this chapter, however, was "Hey, I kinda like you, since I met you, so it's like 2 days. Want to sleep in one bed?", or - how I like to call it - "The Brony in Equestria Syndrome" ("I got to Equestria, met Fluttershy, protected her from a manticore, then we got married and had lots of anthro babies" - end of chapter one, 967 words). Not as extreme, of course.
I'll say it again: thiss tory is great. It's specific, but it's so good thanks to that. It'll definitely stay on my Favourites list, and I'll keep an yeye for next chapters. I'm not saying that you need to rewrite the whole thing, because it's utter cr*p - it is not, quite the opposite. Just keep the things I said in mind for future reference, maybe next fics that you'll write.
Keep up the good work, I'll be waiting for next chapters!
4595388 Sorry about your comment getting deleted, I was trying to hit reply to thank you for the advice. I do apologize deeply for it.
4598264 No problem. I just thought, that you were one of the authors that remove all critic comments. If that's not the case - you're forgiven
I'm going an another hiatus from this story to work on a new story. No I am not going to be cancelling this story, and no it is not going to get forgotten. I want to work on a new story while the ideas for it are still in my head, I'm not sure when the nest chapter will be out on this story, or exactly how long I am going to be on a hiatus. But I do promise that this story WILL get completed.
I was going to comment "NOW KISS" but it appears you beat me to it. Take this off hiatus and do more. It's a brilliant story and I would love to see how it develops.
4599046 I only remove critic comments if they are WAY too negative to even be taken as criticism.
i only have one word for that encounter between vinyl and her mom DAYUM but that was a nice ending very happy i liked it