• Member Since 4th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 24th, 2023

Snowbelle


I am a gamer, like to draw, love to read, and enjoy writing stories from time to time.

E

It has only been a month since Luna has been released from the Nightmare Forces' grasp, but she still feels like that she feels out of place. But, she also feels like that the battle is not over and she refuses to accept it that Nightmare Moon is gone. And she is correct, but will she stay herself?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

Nice story. Almost like a prequel to mine! :D :twilightsmile:

Okay. I liked it but you need to start a new paragraph with each new speaker. Besides that, it's okay.

Comment posted by Snowbelle deleted Jun 4th, 2014

That was good. If it's a first person story, you really don't need to describe Celestia the way you do. It just seems odd to me.
A way to improve it: Instead of saying she has white fur/hair/body (whatever) you could say:

Her white fur shined in the candle light.

Sounds more interesting since the reader (I assume) already knows what Celestia looks like and not so dull.
Otherwise, you did well.

Login or register to comment