Lacking Eloquence
It was a beautiful day: birds chirped and hopped about, there was hardly a cloud in the sky and, for once, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were quiet.
That said, there was absolutely nothing to do.
No one was awake enough to hold a conversation with him and no one was doing anything worth watching. It was too early for most ponies to be awake and just late enough for the rest of them to be falling asleep; it was that boring, secret part of the morning only Twilight seemed to enjoy.
Still Spike smiled. At least he could nap for a while. Afterward he might even soak up some sun before picking up a few fresh groceries and going home to Twilight. It could just be one of those lazy days where he accomplished nothing and still went home satisfied. Or…
…Or he could visit Rarity.
His smile brightened considerably and, without needing to think about where he was going, he adjusted his course to bring him directly to the home of his dream-mare. He didn't have a plan and, for once, he didn't really need one; once he reached her he would just do anything and everything he could to make Rarity’s day -- and by extension his own -- a wonderful one.
He could go jewel hunting with her, fetch her supplies, make her lunch, compliment her dresses, clean her house, model for her, wash Opalescence...anything just to make her smile.
At her door he paused and ran a claw over fins -- in hopes of straighten them in some significant way -- and then brushed and then brushed his legs free of dirt -- since he would NEVER dare track mud or dirt into Rarity's beautiful home.
‘Alright. Let’s go do this. For Rarity! For us!’ Balling a fist, he moved to knock.
“Get out!” Rarity shrieked the second his claw touched the door.
“What? But I didn't even get to see you!” That was all he wanted! What had he done?
“Out, out, out, out OUT!” Was her response closely followed by a series of crashes, wet splats and thumps from deep within her boutique. Something heavy smashed against a wall. Something heavier smashed through a wall. There was a sound he could only describe as ‘delicate and expensive chimes exploding’ three or four times in a row.
Two ponies loudly giggled as Rarity snarled “Get out and stay out!” in the most feminine and ladylike way possible. The bottom half of the door he had been a moment from knocking on burst open and smacked him away, moved by Rarity’s distinctive magic and not a moment later Pinkie Pie jump-kicked the higher half of the door open.
Still giggling she cleared the door and kept running, balancing on her front limbs with her hind legs sticking straight up into the air. Atop her left leg were two freshly baked pies stacked one on top of the other. On the right leg she carried two plates that, simply put, smelled like breakfast. Pinkie pie shot him a grin, made a quick left turn and continued running; just as she did a bolt of fabric shot through where she had just been, thudding solidly against the ground at his feet.
“Go Pinkie, go!” Sweetie Belle’s voice shouted from within a mess of fluffy pink mane.
Somehow Pinkie kept her balance and hauled flank down the street, dripping a steady trail of blue goo as she went; the question of where the blue goo was coming from, since she seemed absolutely spotless, filled his mind. This curiosity was promptly beaten down by 'It’s Pinkie Pie', the reflexive answer being the only thing keeping him from going insane trying to figure her out.
“Hi Spike! Bye Spike!” She called out as she disappeared behind a building.
“You had better run, Pinkie Pie! I will end you for this!” Rarity bellowed as she slid out of the door, her legs and body covered in viscous blue ooze suspiciously similar to the droplets Pinkie left behind. Half-crazed, she looked to the left and right, up and down in hopes of spotting the pink mare who had wronged her.
With no Pinkie Pies in sight Rarity released an exhausted sigh and collapsed onto the bolt of fabric defeated.
“Umm…hi Rarity.” She gave a start at his voice and turned, wide eyed, to face him. He waved, smiling shyly. For a few seconds she stared at and through him, her mind miles away, before she looked down at herself; her mane was splattered and clumped and knotted, half obscuring random blue splotches on her coat. What little of her that wasn't stained blue was still bristling up in ire. Her flank was covered by a half chewed wad of gum, the goo stretched to cover both her left and right Cutie Mark.
And still she was the most wonderful being he had ever seen.
'I have to tell her that she looks amazing. I have to say something. Anything.' “Uh...Blueberry jam looks good on you?” With another shriek she dashed back inside, the doors magically slamming shut behind her.
“Rarity? Are you ok? Rarity?!” He wanted to pound on the door until she answered or to just rip it open and go to her…but that probably wouldn't be proper behavior for a gentlestallion. Or a gentledragon for that matter. Still he couldn't just leave her like this.
He stood there with his fist hovering inches from the door, stuck with no workable options in sight, for about twenty minutes before Applejack happened to pass by.
“G’mornin'! How ya doin’, lil guy?” He had no words to answer her with. “Oh, come on; can’t be that bad, whatever it is. What happened?”
“Pinkie Pie. Rarity.” That was all he could say. Applejack’s eyes wandered down to the vibrant trail of blueberry drippings Pinkie had left behind, to the bolt of fabric still on the ground and finally to the boutique.
“Ah see. Well, ah’d best take care of this; Rarity won’t like it none, but she’ll be happier with me seeing whatever Pinkie did than some colt.” She looked back over to him. “Uh…or some lil’ dragon. You know what ah mean.” He did, thankfully, though he didn't like it.
“Alright, Applejack. Anything I can do to help?” Applejack gave the door-handle a yank; a shimmering, light blue aura of magic pulsed out from it, keeping the door sealed. Thoughtfully, Applejack pulled harder; the door moved a little, but that same aura immediately snapped the door back into place.
“Don’t you worry; Ah’ll have everything right as rain in a jiffy. After all, she can’t keep this up forever!” She shouted the last part towards the upper windows of the building. He didn’t want to correct her, but it really was possible for unicorns to enchant objects with spells that could last centuries. The theory of it was actually pretty simple if he remembered Twilight’s notes right.
He stood there feeling useless as Applejack grappled with the door for a few minutes, the only sound between them being her growls and the straining of wood. Applejack even tried ramming the door to no effect; shrugging the pain away, she spoke again. “This…could take a bit longer than Ah thought though. You mind tellin’ Big Macintosh he’ll need to run the stand today? He should be setting up shop for me right now.”
“Sure, I could do that.” 'Wait, you don’t want to sound like you’ve given up on helping Rarity; what if Applejack says something to her later? Quick, say something else!' “I mean, I’d be glad to help. You know, as thanks. For fixing everything. Y'know; with Rarity.” Perfect.
“Thanks.” Applejack ended the conversation, adjusted her hat and hurled her body against the door again; it buckled inward slightly more than before only to straighten again the moment she moved away. “Ha! Ah knew ya couldn’t keep it up, Rarity!” Spurred on she slammed against the door again.
Leaving Applejack to break down Rarity’s door, Spike made his way through the rest of the much quieter village towards the end ofthe market where the Apple family preferred to set up their stall. Several venders were just putting their fresh wares on display; a florist mare stood proudly by an assortment of delicious looking flowers and Carrot Top had several freshly uprooted vegetables -- namely carrots, although there were a few other foods -- on display. ‘That' looks pretty good. I should pick up something for dinner after this.’
Here Spike found Big Mac, ending his short search before it really got a chance to begin; locating Big Macintosh’s gigantic form was about as hard as convincing Pinkie Pie to throw a party. Just down the street, to Carrot Top’s right, Big Mac towered over his simple wooden stall with several small wooden crates at his side.
“Hey, Big Mac.” Big Mac turned to Spike as the little dragon approached and gave Spike a nod, what passed for a greeting from the hulking stallion. “Applejack is going to be late; we had a…uh…problem, involving Pinkie Pie and Rarity.”
“Ah see. Thanks.” Big Mac stated, turning back to the boxes. That was it. No disappointment, no annoyance…just acceptance. It was actually pretty cool how calm he was about getting no work done today; Twilight would have flipped out in a heartbeat.
Spike was busy commanding his body to walk off when he realized the situation the Apple family was in; they really wouldn’t get anything done today. Big Mac was here instead of running the farm and Applejack was with Rarity -- once again -- instead of running the farm; even when they hired farmhooves the two Apples still took on most of the work at their orchard.
“Say, you need any help around here? I have the day off, so I’m not doing anything…” Spike trailed here, losing his words under Big Mac’s gaze.
“…” Big Mac stared him down. He could almost hear the stallion judging him, thinking 'A little varmint like you running my stand? Ha.'
“…” Spike stared up at the much, much larger being, determined to prove himself in his elder’s eyes.
“Ah reckon so.” Big Mac finally answered, stepping from behind the booth to allow Spike to take his place; standing behind the small counter Spike could barely see the red titan from his very low view behind the very large stall. Big Mac considered this for a moment before selecting a crate of apples from the stack. “Three apples fer four bits, ‘bout twenty bits per box.” With slight twist of his hoof he flicked the wooden container open. “Twelve boxes.”
“So around one hundred and eighty apples, give or take a few?” Big Mac nodded as he emptied the crate. With surprising deftness the workhorse piled the apples into a small pyramid and then slid the box, opening down, to Spike. Climbing up, Spike was somewhat surprised that he could now see and reach over the counter perfectly; either Big Mac was brilliant with quick calculations or he had given command of the stall to a smaller being before.
Big Mac pointed under the counter, “Change from tha small chest, profits inta tha large one. Toss out any bruised apples fer mulch.” Here he pointed at the upturned crate Spike stood on. “Won’t be none, though. Ah’ll be back at three. Thanks fer helpin’ us out.”
“No problem! I won’t let you down.” Big Mac looked him in the eyes for a second, sizing Spike up once again, before nodding. Moving slowly and efficiently he turned and walked away, following the road towards Sweet Apple Acres.
Spike looked expectantly around the market; ponies were just starting their days and they would all undoubtedly stream over to relieve him of the fruits any moment now. He would probably sell out before noon; there had to be a few hundred ponies in the town and who could resist a good apple?
He had barely been waiting five minutes before a dull-green mare wandered up and wordlessly dropped four bits before him. One look at her told Spike she was not a morning mare; her mane was disheveled, feathers on her wings were sticking up at odd angles and her eyes seemed half lidded with sleep. She was exhausted, but so used to that exhaustion that she wouldn't shut down until everything she needed to do was done...probably just a few hours before she would need to wake up again.
Without a sound he removed three apples from the small mound and pushed them over to her; the pegasus nudged the fruits into the top of her already overflowing saddlebag, gave him a weary smile and walked off, ready to not enjoy the rest of her morning.
Spike swept the coins up dropped them into the larger chest. ‘Piece of cake.’ With that he settled in to wait.
And wait.
And wait.
Time slowed to a crawl as ponies opened their windows one by one, peaking out to check the sky for bad weather. Lazy pegasi like Rainbow Dash made this an absolutely necessary precaution; it was entirely possible for it to rain on what was scheduled to be a sunny day right up until the minute the pegasi’s sky-clearing shift starts. Spike quickly made a game out of guessing which house would have a pony pop up first and what color the pony would be.
Of course the game was about as entertaining as a sappy romance novel, but anything was better than sitting there counting the seconds and wondering how long it would take Applejack to fix whatever Pinkie Pie did to Rarity.
As the first hour of him minding the stall passed he was almost starting to enjoy waiting at the apple stand; sure it wasn't quite as nice as sitting in the shade and napping, but he was being useful AND out of the library for the day. It was looking to be a pretty peaceful day too, not counting anything Pinkie Pie could do.
“Oh Sweet Celestia, I’m late for work!” A stallion threw himself out of a second story window, falling straight towards a couple that paused at his exclamation. Before they could even think that he might hit them the pink stallion’s wings unfurled and e turn his fall into proper flight, his body aimed, aimed straight at Cloudsdale.
Then the floodgates burst as just about every pony in town scrambled to start their day at the same time.
The first few adults to reach him were all basically dragging their half-comatose school-aged foals. Like the mare that preceded them they wasted no time with pleasantries or math, each dropping exact change for their order and taking off the moment he passed their apples to them. The last of their group looked at the one apple Spike had left, shrugged and tossed a five-bit-piece onto the counter before taking the apple, passing it off to his filly and leaving without bothering with change.
Spike had barely opened the chest to put their money away before four ponies surrounded the stall, tapping their hooves against the counter to get his attention.
“Hey, just one seco-” A yellow mare in the middle of the group cut him off.
“I’ll have a Golden Delicious ...uh...or whatever the yellow-green one is called, I guess.” She flicked a five bit piece onto the counter and continued rapping her hooves impatiently. “Make it quick, please.”
‘We aren’t just selling red ones? How do I even find those with all these stupid crates?’ “Sure, let me just-” A grey stallion on the fringe of their group cut him off. Again. What was it with ponies interrupting him today?
“Ya, I’ll have two Granny Smiths? Those are the ones that are good for you, right? Like, gooder than normal ones, I mean?” Spike gave the stallion a blank look.
‘Who taught this dude to speak, a school filly? I mean, really? Who says 'Gooder'?’ “Right, I’m on it.” Pausing only to toss the coins from earlier orders in the proper chest, Spike hopped down to examine the numerous full boxes beside him. They were all identical. That or similar enough for him to not know which held which apples.
Shrugging to himself he pried one crate open only to find it full of a dozen sparkling red apples. ‘Ok then…’
The yellow mare continued tapping, seeming more annoyed the longer he took. “One second, all I’m finding are red apples.” He tried a second crate; when the lid gave it too displayed nothing but polished red apples. As did the next crate and the one after that. “We, uhh…might have a problem here.”
“Come ON.” The yellow mare yelled out. In a quick move she swept up her money. “How hard is it to get me ONE stupid yellow apple? Yellow. Not red. YELLOW. By now your owner HAD to have taught you the colors of the rainbow.” Her companions laughed. “Look, it’s my color. See?” She rose up, planting one front hoof on the counter for support, and pointed to herself with the other, “Apple. My. Color. Even you should understand that.”
By now Spike was working through crates frantically; the eighth, ninth and tenth crates all displayed the same annoying red apples. “Just…just one second. They have to be here somewhere, right?”
“Don’t bother lookin’ Spike.” Applejack’s voice pierced the group making the yellow mare – and everyone near the stall for that matter – jump. Behind the yellow mare and within a small crowd on onlookers stood Applejack, his savior, anger dripping from her body much like the blueberry jam she was nearly covered in. “Even if we DID sell those in the mornin’ ah wouldn’t let a mare like her take one o' mah apples fer all the bits in the world. Ah’d probably buck her clean across Equestria, then let the apple rot just fer spite.”
Applejack walked forward, the yellow mare and her companions moving out of the way as she made her way behind the counter. With just a bit of shuffling Applejack nudged Spike off to the side, took her proper place and stared each of the four troublesome ponies down from behind the stand. “Git, b’fore ah make you git,” she proclaimed. They didn’t stick around long enough to be told again or ask exactly what she had said, assured by her tone that it was a threat she would be happy to make good on.
“Wow.” Spike, several stallions and a few mares whispered. That had been one of the most amazing things he had ever seen. Sure his masculinity had taken a bit of a blow, but nothing could compare to seeing Applejack terrify four ponies with a mean look and about twenty words. “Thanks Applejack. Sorry about letting it get out of claw like that.”
“Naw, thank you for keepin’ an’ eye the stand and showin’ me which ponies need a good kick to the head.” She gave him an affectionate pat on the head, before directing her gaze and voice toward every pony that had watched her scare the mare’s group off. “Now then...Anypony else got a problem with lil’ Spike here?” All of the onlookers shook their heads. Several ponies who just happened to be passing by at that moment shook their head without even hearing what she had said. “Good.” She turned back to Spike “You mind holdin’ the fort a bit longer? Gotta wash all this jam off.” She pondered over her statement briefly before sighing, "Wish it was the first time ah had to say that..."
“No problem Applejack,” he declared. With a smile and a tip of her hat Applejack was off again, leaving a slack jawed crowd in her wake. “So...uh…anypony else want to buy some apples?”
~*~*~
~Spike~
~*~*~
When Applejack returned maybe an hour later she looked more like a pristine portrait of the ideal farm-mare than a living, breathing pony; her coat all but glowed under the midday sun while her mane and tail melded into two arcs of gold, too perfect to actually be made of fur. Once again stallions and mares alike stopped to watch as she walked, drawn to look at her despite nopony pointing out she was passing by.
With all the ceremony of a country mare she plopped her rump down next to Spike, sending bits of dirt up onto her beautiful coat.
“So, how’s business goin’?” She asked. Spike and the stallion he had been retrieving apples for both stared a moment, before they found their wits. Or, as it were, Spike found his wits and the stallion’s marefriend pried her own eyes away from Applejack long enough to give her coltfriend a sharp kick in the leg, bringing him back to reality as she left in a huff.
“Oh come on! You were looking too!” The stallion took off after her before remembering his apples and doubling back. “Thanks.” The stallion muttered as Spike worked the four apples into his saddlebag before bolting again. A few feet away he paused for just a few more seconds to give Applejack an appreciative once over, but within moments he was back to chasing down his -- now rather annoyed -- marefriend.
“Pretty good. Except for whatever that was.” Spike answered. Applejack snorted.
“Weird folks ‘round here, huh? Ya’d think ah ain’t allowed to clean up a lil’ now and then. Ah,” She cleared her throat loudly and adopted a feminine and refined tone, “I am, after all, a mare that enjoys looking her best!” Applejack struck a posh, dramatic stance straight from a Cantorlot play and held it for an admirable two seconds before snorting again, her chuckle barely restrained.
“Rarity, huh?” Applejack answered him by flopping over with laughter, rolling a bit more than necessary to get extra dirt worked into her coat. When her laughing finally died out she rose and shook her whole body sending loose dirt flying everywhere; in the end she was mussed, dusty and dirty, looking like she was just taking a breather between sessions of hard work on her farm. Basically, she was right back to normal.
“Ayup. How we doin’ so far?” They both looked over the counter and to their sides to check for incoming customers, before popping open the large chest; it was filled a little more than halfway. “Not bad.” She gave the empty apple crates beside Spike a quick glance. “That’s about…uhh…”
The numbers came to him automatically. “One hundred, thirty three bits and change; a little more than what we should have since most ponies just round from half bit pieces instead of looking for the right coins or don't wait for their change.” Spike gave the empty boxes beside him a glance and then looked at the two apples that remained on the counter, calculating what he had already sold. “I only sold seventy eight apples, so we’d have one hundred and four bits if they took their change.”
“Ok. Sure.” Applejack looked over the boxes, then the remaining apples and shrugged, accepting his math. “Anyway, ah can take over from here. Got ‘bout an hour ‘fore Big Mac comes back with any store orders --along with those other apples that All Spice was askin' after -- and ah know you probably have other things ta’ do today. Thanks again Spike; ya have no idea how much this helped.”
He moved his crate out of the way as he answered her. “No problem, Applejack. Any time you need help, I’ve got your back.” With a little laugh, she patted his back as he left the stall.
“Ah’m sure ya do, lil’ partner. So, how’s fifty bits for your work today sound?” Spike froze mid step.
“What?” Applejack pulled him back to the stall, popped open the larger chest and emptied it onto the crate he had stood upon.
“Well ah can’t just send you away with nothin’ to show for helpin’ out, can ah? Come on, help me get your bits out a’ the pile.” She gestured towards the coins. “Well, come on now. Get countin’.”
“Wait, I didn’t mean to be paid or anything. I just wanted to help, you know?” Spike made to leave again, slightly faster this time; he manage to clear a good meter away before a rope coiled around him and Applejack literally dragged him back.
“Now ah know ya’ve got good intentions and ah’m glad to see yer not interested in bits, but ah ain’t askin’. Apples don’t take without givin’ back and ah took a decent chunk of yer day today. Count yer bits.”
“Really, I don’t…”Applejack fixed him with a solid glare. “Yes ma'am.” He certainly didn't want the bits -- or really not want bits for that matter --, but anything was better than trying to face down an angry Applejack; he and the yellow mare from earlier both knew this pretty well now.
“Good on ya.” She released him from her lasso as she said this, muffling the first three words. “Ah really do appreciate this though. Say, how’d ya like to run the stand for me every mornin’? Maybe do a bit a’ work on tha’ farm for me now and then?” Spike counted forty bits out the various coins, only for Applejack to nudge more into his share. “Startin’ bonus. So, how’s it sound?”
It actually didn't sound half bad. Twilight certainly didn't need him every day and having pocket change that didn't come from their monthly stipends would be pretty nice. Twilight always spent a few days pouring over the month’s expenditures, chiding him if he went over her appointed budget.
Not that it mattered. Celestia sent them plenty every month to cover any of their expenses and Twilight was raking in full librarian pay whether ponies used the place or not. Considering their room, board and utilities were free their expenses came out to almost nothing despite Twilights financial goals making what they spend seem excessive.
“I guess I could…” Applejack slid more coins over to his share, smiling; his pile had way more than half of what they made that day.
“Great, you’re hired!” She collected the remaining quarter of the day’s profits in the proper chest. “Ah’ll work out a schedule with Twilight, alright?”
“Sure, but…” Applejack shook her head, before cutting him off.
“Won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. No worries, ah know you’re busy helpin’ Twilight and family comes first, but you stopping by to sit at the stall in the morning would really be great; it’s been tough gettin’ anything done since we fired the last vender...” Cool, but not what he was worried about.
“Actually…I can’t carry these bits. I don’t have any bags; I usually just put everything on my tab or have Twilight take it, you know?” She scrutinized him, quickly confirming his claim. “Could you just hold my pay for now?” Under his breath he added “And maybe not give me all those bonuses?” She didn’t seem to notice.
“Well…ah guess.” She presented a hoof and, without hesitation, Spike shook it. “Welcome aboard partner!”
Pinkie’s voice spouted from all around them, startling the two out of their claw-hoof shake. “Ooh, can I work for you too Applejack? Oh, please, please, pleeeease?” After a moment’s pause the mare popped out of the pile of empty apple crates, bouncing circles around Applejack and Spike in her excitement. “I promise I won’t fill any of the trees with candy this time!”
“Pinkie…” Applejack tried following Pinkie for a few seconds, reflexively attempting to talk to the other pony’s face, until common sense kicked in and she gave up. “No Pinkie. Ah AINT gonna let yah coat every apple on tha’ farm with sugar again. Or fill mah fields with ice cream, again. Or use yer crazy glowing ciders mixes, again. Or get ahold of Big Mac a fourth time.” Pinkie’s bounces slowed to a stop.
“Aww…but can I still…?” Applejack stopped Pinkie’s inquiry with a piercing glare. All at once Pinkie melted into a sad little pony puddle before them. “Ok…I understand...” Her pink coloring actually seemed to drain away as she lay there, almost in tears.
Spike couldn't help but feel guilty, despite not having anything to do with the situation; Applejack, who actually had been the cause of Pinkie’s sadness, realized her mistake immediately and nuzzled her friend.
“Sorry sugar. Ya know we all love ya but ah can’t let you run wild up at mah farm when there’s work ta’ be done. Besides ah think Big Mac is still afraid of ya; he's still kinda flinchy, ya know?” Applejack paused to lift Pinkie onto her hooves. “Tell ya what though; our first few barrels of hard cider are all yers this year. Ah’ll even take a day off to drink ‘em with ya; you can use all the glowy colorin' and fizzy stuff ya want.” Pinkie Pie smiled at Applejack’s words. All at once she was a bouncing bundle of pink colored happiness again, dancing in place as if nothing had ever happened.
“Yay! Alright and THIS time I won’t invite Cheerilee so you can bring Big Mac and then Big Mac can bring Caramel and Caramel can get all your other farm friends and we can all drink together and we probably won’t have any more drunken incidents we won’t speak of ever again and I can make all of your favorite drinks and then we can cover ourselves in…“ Pinkie was quickly muffled by one of Applejack’s hooves in her mouth. She didn’t seem to notice, bouncing and swaying, as she mumbled pretty awesome sounding things around the hoof.
“Heh. Gotta make sure you youngin’s don’t hear too much, right?” Applejack put forth, trying desperately to keep Pinkie silenced; Spike listened in as hard as he could despite the disapproving look Applejack gave him.
“-barrage and then we can try to get Big Mac to make out with Caramel and Tombstone again and then…” Pinkie stopped mumbling, finally noticing Applejack’s hoof in her mouth. What she did next Spike had no idea, but Applejack’s look of confusion and then disgust as she yanked her hoof away and flicked Pinkie’s spit off it told him he missed out on something amazing.
“And this time Spike will be there with us! Ooh, thanks for promising to bring him, Applejack! Just imagine it, Spike.” She rose onto her hind legs and tossed a foreleg over his shoulder, holding her other forelimb out before them. “Sapphire shot glasses. Sapphire shot glasses EVERYWHERE!” She swept the unoccupied limb out towards the sky and he could almost see her visions of sapphire glasses filled with alcohol stacked into towers so large they disappeared into the sky. “Ok, I’ll start preparing! This is gonna be great!” With that Pinkie swan dove back into the cluster of empty crates, knocking the pile apart. When the crates settled there was no place for her to possibly hide but still she was gone.
“Wait, what now?” Applejack asked trying to catch up. It took seeing Spike’s huge grin to realize Pinkie had just invited Spike to one of her adult parties; one of her debauch, wild, eventful, Big Mac traumatizing, Rainbow Dash-kinda adult parties. “Horse-apples. Uhh…how old are you?”
“Old enough?” It was a joke, but Applejack certainly didn’t seem to find it funny. “Thirteen. Fourteen in August.” He quickly amended.
Applejack closed her eyes in concentration, probably trying to calculate how many years of prison they would get for letting him drinking underage. “Drinkin’ age is fourteen, right? We'll just barely make' it?” She asked, hopeful.
“It’s fifteen here. Only Stalliongrad, Germane and other HippoGryphian territories have drinking ages at or below fourteen.” Spike grimaced as he answered, facts he had once heard Twilight spew now flowing out of his mouth instead; Applejack was definitely going to stop him from going.
Of course he could have lied or pretended to not remember, but deceiving Applejack didn't feel right, especially if when it came to the law. Besides Applejack was the element of Honesty. She’d probably see through him a mile away.
Ignoring a lone customer that had wandered up mid conversation, Applejack stood there thinking. Reflexively Spike accepted the old, grey stallion’s bits, made change and gave him his apples while Applejack continued to think. The moment the stallion turned to walk away she lowered her head level with Spike’s and stared him in the eye.
“You can keep a secret, right?” She gave him an anxious look as she asked. “‘Cause ah won’t say anythin’ ta Twilight if you don’t.”
His smile was probably plenty of an answer, but Spike still exclaimed, “Thanks Applejack; you’re the best!” Once again she offered a hoof and, disregarding the slight coating of Pinkie slobber and dirt, Spike shook it with glee.
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536013 Remember me saying "It'll be out by Friday?" Yup. I lied.
I'm liking where this is going! Drunk Spike should be one hell of a sight
HEY! Spike is not ten he's more like 13 since he is just about four, five years then the rest and im sure we all know fluttershy is like 18 since "im a year older then you" and he is going tru prubity but anyways it was good anyways. And the pinkie party dude i hope its super awesome i mean come on pinkie hard cider not apple but hard cider and a dragon that can out drink just about everone just for his belly its going to be good i can feel it.
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/)^3^(\
Just imagine it, Spike.” She rose onto her hind legs and tossed a foreleg over his shoulder, holding her other forelimb out before them. “Sapphire shot glasses. Sapphire shot glasses EVERYWHERE!” She swept the unoccupied limb out towards the sky and he could almost see her visions of sapphire glasses filled with alcohol, stacked into towers so large they disappeared into the sky.
static.fjcdn.com/comments/It+s+beautiful+_6f6ad3931451d1286cf752d88bf3cb3c.jpg
This story sounds like it's just a rollercoaster of awesome.
Edit: Sorry if you got multiple notices from me, I was having issues posting pictures in my replies.
Oh buck yes this is going to get fun.
I'm not sure if it's more fun to just keep catching bits and pieces of whats going on or the full story. I mean what did Pinkie do to Rarity? And what sort of parties have we been missing out on? Mentions of Tombstone, Caramel, and Big Mac making out again? Fields of ice cream, candy coated apple trees, and Pinkie getting a hold of Mac for a forth time? what are we/Spike missing out on and is it more amazing then what Pinkie did to Applejacks hoof? So many questions!
548730 well mate considering the drinking age i think its safe to assume the ages aren't quite humanized in this story so Spike isn't getting the short end of the stick like he usually is when his age is ten or so, its relative.
So Pinkie on alcohol scares the shit out of me i mean can you imagine the pressure to the 4th wall
Pretty awesome read man keep it up
Now I want to see a drunken Spike 0_0
Also, I see what you did there with Tombstone.
moar prease?
can't wait for MORE
...Where are we going with this?
You really like stretching things out don't you?
I like this so far.
I like this I like it a lot. But now for the most important question. This has the romance tag, so who is Spike with? DUN DUN DUN!
Best wishes friend!
tombstone and big mac kissed
So when is this update? soon right?
I like this, really I do.
I do have to point something out though. Every time I've read a Spike centered story, there are always 3 dislikes. No matter how many chapters, likes or words, always three dislikes. Are there people out there who find the Spike stories and just dislike them on principle?
Anyway, have a mustache, have four of them:
I can't wait to see what happens next.
This definitely is interesting and drunk Pinkie Pie is going to be the most entertaining thing ever so I hope you'll update soon.
Drunkin' wild party awaits!
Man this story needs a 'Random' tag, because it's all over the place, lol.