Piercing the Heavens

by Calm Wind

Chapter 179: The Mule Is On The Wagon. Repeat, The Mule Is On The Wagon

MLP: FiM
Piercing the Heavens
By: Calm Wind

Chapter 179: The Mule Is On The Wagon. Repeat, The Mule Is On The Wagon

---

The more they walked through the night and around festivities, the more confused Dash got.

The endless giggling, snickering, and sneaking around of the top tier Wonderbolts dragging her along…. without Spitfire present, had her under the impression that they were about to do something that was going to get her in trouble. Fire Streak kept insisting that they shouldn’t go through with it, which only made that feeling stronger. Though whatever they were about to do, Wave wasn’t raising any fuss. The fact that they got him to come along without Spitfire made Dash wonder exactly what this was about.

Why were they being secretive yet so conspicuous? Why bother sneaking about when they were literally moving through crowds who could see them clear as day? Curiosity was building just as much as worry and it was getting stronger. Being a captain of her own Squad had made Dash more serious about some situations, but all the same, time spent with the rabble-rousers among the Wonderbolts had made her interested enough in whatever they were scheming to cloud the other.

Eh, whatever they were doing, it had to be fun at least. If only Fire was protesting then surely it was going to be entertaining… and she needed to get her mind off… of…

Dash’s eyes widened as they turned down a particular street and a particular building came into view.

Her eyes grew wider as they started moving towards said particular building very, very quickly.

“Guys…” Dash spoke up, but none of them looked at her.

“OKAY! We all know the plan, right?” Air Mach smiled wide while pounding a hoof to his chest.

“We better, I only explained it five times,” Fleetfoot blew air through her lips as she elbowed Lightning Streak. “So long as DoucheMcNozzle here does his part.”

“GUYS…” Dash said louder as her eyes remained fixed on the building.

“Hey, I got this no sweat,” Lightning Streak stated confidently while flexing an arm and kissing the muscle. “I’ll have the clerk’s FULL attention… you know, assuming it’s a mare. Might have to improvise if it ain’t.”

“Good, he doesn’t know why we’re really sending him in,” High Winds said while standing RIGHT next to Lightning. Blaze quickly grabbed her by the nose and yanked her away from him.

“Hey, if it works, it fucking works!” Blaze hissed in a hushed tone.

“GUYS!!!!!!” Dash yelled out while stepping forward. Blaze quickly let go of High Wind’s nose and clamped down on Dash’s instead.

“HEY! Quiet the fuck down, will ya?!” Blaze snapped at her, but Dash reached up and pulled Blaze’s hooves free. She gave Blaze the harshest glare she could manage while pointing past all of them.

“What the hell…” Dash put both hooves out. “Are we doing at the hospital?!”

All of them turned and looked as Dash held her hooves stiffly towards the hospital building.

“Something very ill advised…” Fire streak spoke up with a long sigh. Dash blinked, shaking her head.

“It better not have anything to do with—”

“It does,” Wave cut off Dash, causing her face to go blank as she turned towards him. “It very much does.” He said while averting his eyes.

“Y’all need to unclench the cheeks,” Lightning chuckled. “You KNOW he’s gonna be on board!”

“YEAH!” Surprise pushed her way over to Dash and grabbed her by the face. “If we don’t get him out of there he might kill himself again!!!” she started shaking Dash lightly. “You don’t want that, do you?!?!”

Dash’s eyes found a way to grow even wider.

“Wait… get him…” her ears flattened outwards. “We’re sneaking Silver out?” Dash asked in a bland monotone.

“Yer damn right we are!” Air Mach hooted while pumping a hoof in the air. “And then it’s off to crash the grubbiest dive bar we can find in town!”

“…WHAT?!” Dash reacted as if she didn’t actually believe them up until this point.

“And you...” Fleetfoot giggled while grabbing Dash by the arm, tugging her along as they started moving. “Are gonna help us! Come on!”

Dash was still processing what was actually happening as she glanced around at them all, once again taking careful note of the fact that Spitfire was nowhere to be found.

“And Spitfire isn’t in on this?” she asked.

“Fuck no!” Blaze blurted out instantly.

“She’s going to be angry…” Fire said with an annoyed grunt. “And they’re going to make me talk her down… per usual.” He added as Misty Fly happily bounced along beside him, seeming very eager to partake in the shenanigans.

“Oh relax,” High Winds waved off Fire with a brief yawn. “We’ll just have Chiller bump the anger out of her later tonight the hard way.”

“There is reason to fear for my own balls in that circumstance, you know…” Wave said with a completely straight face and one eye twitching as Lightning Streak slowly tipped towards him.

“Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hoo hoo!” he hooted slowly in Wave’s ear.

“This is a terrible idea!” Dash tried to convince them with alarm. “Silver needs to rest!”

“What the fuck got shoved as far up your ass as the stick in Fire’s?” Blaze asked with an angry pout.

“Hey now…” Fire snorted with a flattened brow.

“Tell ya what!” Surprise leapt over Fire and floated upside-down in front of Dash. “When we get there… YOU can tell him he shouldn’t do it!”

Dash’s face went blank.

“She got you there!” Air Mach chuckled. “Come on, time’s a wastin’!”

“I’m doomed…” Dash said with some slight sarcasm as Fleetfoot grabbed her and dragged her along.

---

“So then I said… nah… THAT wasn’t that heavy,” Lightning Streak leaned his chest all the way over the counter and got up close to the very confused and perturbed mare working behind the front desk of the Hospital lobby. “Then I pointed to the barbell that had TWICE as much on it…” Lightning bounced his chest muscles up and down. “And said, but THAT might be… unless I’m too swole for that too.”

“Lightning, come on,” Wave faked trying to pull Lightning back from the desk. By the tail.

“Brother, must you flirt with every mare we come across?” Fire half feigned frustration, acting fairly natural despite it being an act.

“Sir… can I help you?” the mare asked as her face scrunched up, her eyes awkwardly shifting up and down between Lightning’s face and his dancing chest.

“Nah, nah, I’m just getting to the best part!” Lightning leaned further forward as the mare started groaning uncomfortably.

Blaze peeked out from the door leading into the back hall that the rest had just slipped into, lifting an eyebrow before letting the door shut and slipping towards the others as Air Mach surveyed the hallway ahead.

“For fucking real? Does Meat-Slap actually think that’s how to flirt with a mare?” she asked.

“Why are you looking at me?” Fleetfoot asked while furrowing her brow. “He’s made passes at you too.”

“I can’t tell the difference, honestly,” High Winds added with a yawn. “He sounds like a cock whether he’s faking it or not.”

“Yo, coast be clear!” Air Mach called back very loudly. “Let’s go get—!”

“SHUSH DAMMIT!” Fleetfoot clamped her hooved down over his mouth. “What part of ‘sneaking’ don’t you understand?!”

“Why the fuck didn’t we leave him with the other stallions again?” Blaze hissed.

“He was supposed to…” Surprise sighed and shook her head.

“And miss the fun? Never! I wanna see the look on the old coot’s face when we tell him we’re getting booze!” Air Mach once again said very loudly. Misty Fly grabbed him by the head and shoved him down to the floor with a quiet thump. She didn’t need to hear him to know he was being too loud.

Surprise made a few quick signals to tell Misty to keep his mouth shut for them before they began slowly moving through the hall.

Dash reluctantly went along with them, keeping her mouth shut tight aside from pointing in the direction of Silver’s room once or twice. She had many issues with what they were doing, but she knew she had no chance of dissuading any of them.

After a minute of slipping around the walls of the empty halls, they found Silver’s room and gathered around the door. Air Mach and Surprise both crouched down by the door.

“Standard breach maneuver!” Surprise said with an overly serious voice that couldn’t quite conceal her giggles.

“Really guys?” Fleetfoot chuckled. “There’s not even a lock on the door.”

“If we’re gonna do this, we’re going the full nine miles!” Air Mach snickered as Blaze and High Winds nudged Dash forwards,

“Sit the fuck down, and get ready!” Blaze smirked as she forced Dash down and pressed her into Air Mach’s back.

“Get comfy back there Dash!” Air Mach said in a silly voice as he rubbed his back against her chest.

“Kill me now…” Dash groaned.

“Alright, I’ll kick the door in!” Fleetfoot giggled as she tried to step out, but Blaze tugged on her tail.

“Fuck no, let me do it. You’ll miss on purpose and hump the doorknob instead.”

“I mean…” Fleetfoot motioned her hooves towards the door handle. “Kind of hard when it’s that shape, but I probably still could.”

“Why in the fuck did you answer that seriously?!” Blaze threw her arms out as her eyes twitched.

“Is somepony gonna get the damn door?” High Winds asked.

“Hold on,” Fleetfoot waved a hoof. “Blaze asked a legitimate question, I need—WHOA!”

Both Blaze and Fleetfoot ducked as Misty suddenly hurled through the air towards the door with both her back hooves outstretched. Her hooves slammed into the door, breaking the whole thing off the hinges and frame and slamming it to the floor inside.

They all just stared wide eyed for a moment, all leaning over to peek into the room. Misty was standing proudly on top of the flattened door.

All their eyes went right to Silver, who was awake and looking towards the door as if something didn’t just come barreling through it. This was the first time Dash had seen him in a little bit. By the looks of things a lot of his bandages had been removed, but the wrappings around his lost eye and the large splint cast on his smashed arm were still in place. The lack of everything else revealed just how scuffed up and scarred he was from his fight with Nightshade, but at least he didn’t look like a mummy anymore.

“The hell kind of circlejerk is going on out there?” Silver asked casually.

“Quick! Everypony in!” Fleetfoot waved them all in. “Somepony definitely heard that! Go! Go!”

Silver lifted his eyebrow as he watched all of them scramble in, seemingly completely unfazed by the sudden shenanigans.

“Put the door back up! Come on!” Surprise called out as she helped Blaze and High Winds force the door back into the frame. It didn’t stay up on its own, so High Winds sat back against it to hold it up. Silver glanced at all of them again, realizing that all the top tier mares were there… and then his eyes landed on Air Mach.

“This must be an elaborate operation to jump my bones. Honestly, Air Mach being here gave it away.”

“Damn you old bat!” Air Mach guffawed as he tipped his glasses down and trotted over. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you!” he winked and smirked while bobbing his head up and down.

“I was kidding, you know…” Silver subtly shifted his legs beneath the bed sheet. The rest all came over to him, once the door finally stood up on its own. Silver blinked as he noticed Dash among them, smirking slightly as she stayed in the back. After a moment, Silver hardened his expression and grunted. “Alright, let’s cut to the chase, y’all better be here to get me a damn drink.”

Dash’s eyes went wide as all the Wonderbolts turned and stared at her with varying degrees of wide smiles.

“SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?” Surprise giggled while squishing Dash’s cheeks.

“You better believe it, you old mule.” High Winds said as several of the others began poking and nudging Dash to tease her. “Are you hooked up to anything? By the way, it’s good to see you…” Winds yawned as she and Fleetfoot examined everything around him, finding that he was indeed not hooked up to any machines.

“Less talking, more getting me booze, fast,” Silver demanded as he started reaching his good arm towards them and trying to sit up.

“WAIT… wait…” Dash forced herself forward and pressed her hooves to the mattress and looked Silver in the eye. “Aren’t you on some heavy medication right now?”

“Pfff, I haven’t taken that crap all week,” Silver rolled his eyes. “Hard liquor. Now.”

“Silver…” Dash flattened her brow. “That’s not how it’s supposed to work.”

“Hey!” Blaze leaned her head over in between them and glared at Dash. “Will you fucking SHUSH already? We are not going to a fucking dive bar without Silver!”

“Time honored tradition,” Fleetfoot winked at her.

“Tradition…?” Dash asked, blinking.

“You’ll find out!” Surprise giggled as she reached a hoof up and patted Dash on the head. “But we gotta get him there first! How are we—?”

She was cut off as Misty pushed forward and started pulling Silver off the bed.

“Whoa, hey!” Dash tried to stop her, but Misty held her at bay with a back hoof placed right in her chest. Dash was powerless as she watched Blaze and High Winds carefully move Silver onto Misty’s back, biting her lip as her eyes darted over every part of him that she knew was hurt or damaged.

“This works,” Silver agreed as they moved him, taking a moment to glance at the worried Dash. “Oh relax, will you? I can barely feel half my body anyway.”

Dash angrily pouted at him, earning a small smirk in return. She couldn’t stop him and she knew it.

“Hey, is the coast clear?” Blaze asked as she trotted over to Air Mach peeking out the door.

“Hell yeah, let’s get him the hell outta here!” Air Mach pumped a hoof before motioning all of them towards the door.

“This is so wrong…” Dash groaned to herself as she followed behind them.

“You know what they say, Dashie!” Surprise popped up beside her and leaned against her. “Two wrongs don’t make a right, one wrong may not be bright, but three wrongs sure are tight!”

Everypony stopped and stared at her silently. Surprise’s face went blank for a moment before she chuckled awkwardly and shrugged.

“Okay, maybe I made that up just now…”

All eyes went to Silver as he started snickering and shaking his head.

“I’m having fun already,” he said with a big smile. “Come on, time’s a wasting!”

Dash couldn’t help but crack a small grin. She didn’t approve of this at all, but that little laugh Silver just let out… and the tone of his voice? He couldn’t hide it from her, he was thrilled.

So despite her misgivings, Dash followed them out. Some clever maneuvering and a convenient escape route out of a nearby window opened by Lightning Streak gave them a quick exit into the brush outside the building.

“Careful! Careful! I got him!” Fire directed as Fleetfoot and Air Mach slid Silver off Misty and slipped him out the window.

“Don’t touch me with pansy-soft hooves like that, I’m not made of glass, dammit,” Silver grumbled at Fire as he tried his hardest to not put any pressure on Silver whatsoever.

“Forgive me for noticing you’re mostly broken,” Fire said in a slightly huffed tone as Lightning came by to help him all the way down.

“Save it for Misty Fly, the only one who’s allowed to touch me like that is my wife and she needs to give me a reach around first.” Silver added. Silver suddenly almost fell right to the ground, all of his weight going onto Fire as Lightning completely lost his hold on him while bursting into laughter.

“HRNG… BROTHER…” Fire grunted as he slowly lowered and set Silver on the ground. The rest hopped out the window behind.

“Score!” Lightning cheered quietly, continuing to chuckle as they all gathered around. “Mission accomplished!”

“So how long did the receptionist last?” Fleetfoot asked Fire with a smirk.

“She tried to send for the Crystal guard after two minutes,” Fire explained as he cracked his neck back and forth, looking down at Silver. “Did you put on weight while you’ve been in there?”

“HA! FUNNY GUY.” Silver shot right back at him.

“Two minutes? Yikes,” High Winds yawned, glancing at Lightning. “I always knew you were a two pump chump.”

“Nah, NAH,” Lightning Streak blew on his hoof and shook it out. “She just couldn’t handle all THIS…” he slowly ran his hoof down his chest as Fleetfoot started making gagging noises behind him.

“Alright, now that you’re done feeling me up…” Silver addressed Fire. “I’m beyond surprised that they got YOUR stiff ass to take part in this.”

“Er… well…” Fire sighed. “I didn’t exactly… agree,” he explained in frustration as Lightning Streak slid over and nudged him in the side.

“I got his ass in gear and on board, peer pressure from the big dick in the family you know?” Lightning kept nudging Fire in the side until Fire lifted a hoof to stop him.

“Jiminy Rustle,” Silver blinked. “You really shouldn’t refer to your twin brother’s ass and your own dick in the same sentence about coercion. You’re giving Fleetfoot wet dream ideas.”

“What?! HEY!” Fleetfoot turned bright red.

“Bigger you say?” Silver went on as Fleetfoot fumed behind him. “Have you compared or something? Hey, Surprise, ask Misty how big Fire is when she gets weird on him.”

“OKAY…” Fire rushed over and grabbed Surprise’s arms before she could eagerly make any hoof motions towards Misty.

“Heh heh… haaaaaaaa…” Silver chuckled. “Damn it’s nice to be out of that damn dusty hospital…” he said as he rolled over and lay on his side. Dash huffed and shook her head, but… she was enjoying this too.

But before she could approach and help him up.

“Sir…?”

Dash blinked, the rest freezing as they heard one voice that had stayed quiet.

Silver’s ears perked up. Despite his body only half functioning, he quickly forced himself back upright, his eyes wide and staring towards Wave Chill.

Wave smiled, making his way past the others and giving Silver a nod.

“It’s good to see you again, sir,” he added.

“Well I’ll be damned…” Silver’s voice was filled with a much different tone as his face slowly brightened. “No shit… look who’s finally back on his hooves. Come here! You, come on!” Silver beckoned him closer, holding his good hoof out.

Wave stopped in front of him, but Silver kept swinging his hoof out.

“Dammit, Blue Balls, gimme your hoof!” he demanded, his voice sharpening slightly. Wave flinched, but quickly reached a hoof out. Silver grabbed it and clenched it, squeezing hard.

Everypony watched quietly as Silver continued to smile and nod lightly.

“Now don’t expect me to ever say this again, but I’ve never been so happy to see you in my life…” Silver let go of his hoof, reaching his out and pressing it into Wave’s chest. “Now don’t you dare go contracting freak rock illnesses again, you hear me?”

Wave swallowed, looking as if Silver’s words touched him more than the others could realize, but he smirked.

“I won’t make any promises, sir,” he said with a light chuckle.

“Ah, shut the fuck up,” Silver laughed while lightly jabbing him in the arm.

“Hey, hey, hey, c’mon,” Fleetfoot suddenly broke the silence of the others and hurried over. “You reunited bros can hug and kiss after we make it to the bar. The longer we stick around here, the longer we run the risk of getting—”

Fleetfoot froze on the spot and everypony flinched as the sound of somepony clearing their throat came from close by.

Everypony slowly turned and looked out from the brush towards the nearby road.

Spitfire was standing in the middle of the path, facing all of them with a very flat look on her face while tapping a hoof on the stone road. She was still wearing her rented dress for the Crystal Ball.

Everypony’s eyes started darting to and from everypony else, all of them desperately looking at the others, expecting somepony else to speak up.

But eventually somepony did.

“What the hell’re you starin’ at?!” Silver yelled towards her, glaring hard. Everypony froze again with their eyes trained on Spitfire as all of them held faces that held a resemblance to a bunch of little colts and fillies caught in the snack cabinet.

Spitfire stared right into Silver’s glare for several moments… but eventually sighed and shook her head. She reached up and tugged on the zipper on the dress, getting it down just enough to loosen and shimmy out of it, stepping her legs out and pulling her wings from the designated holes. She balled up the dress and tossed it aside into the grass.

“Fine,” she said as she blew air through her lips. “Let’s just make sure he’s back in his bed by the end of the night.”

At first nopony said anything, they all stared blankly as smiles began to slowly form on their lips.

“Hell yeah!” Fleetfoot shouted first before the rest joined in, cheering. Dash placed a hoof to her chest and breathed a huge sigh of relief. Looked like in the end, the desire to go out and enjoy themselves with Silver was too much for even Spitfire to deny. “C’mon everypony! We got a shitty bar to find!” Fleetfoot hollered as they helped Silver get back on Misty’s back.

“About friggin time, let’s go already!” Silver grunted as Spitfire joined the crowd and shook her head lightly, grinning. “Hey… kids…” Silver suddenly spoke up in a much softer tone. They all looked to him as he rested his chin on Misty’s shoulder and smiled lightly. “It’s… great to see you all again.”

A collective warmth passed through them all, everypony remaining quiet, except for Blaze who sounded like she was trying not to cry while glaring angrily at him.

“Come on, let’s go have a good time,” Silver nodded. “Actually, wait, wait… Lightning, come here,” Silver waved. Lightning blinked and made his way over.

“What’s u—” he was cut off as Silver swung his hoof out and back-hoofed him across the face. Everypony flinched in surprise as Lightning stumbled backwards. “OW! What the hell was that for?!”

“I don’t know. I’m assuming you did something to deserve it while I was out,” Silver shifted and pointed into town as everypony burst out laughing. “C’mon, into town, I’m parched dammit!”

---

Lightning Streak pushed the door open, stuck his head in, and took a long hard whiff.

“KAFFF COUGHOOOOHHHHHHH WOW!” he coughed and backed out shaking his head out, a plume of grey cigar smoke wafting out and into the air. “That’s the most rancid one yet,” he turned and nodded to the rest, pointing a hoof over his shoulder. “It’s perfect, let’s give this place our money.”

The Wonderbolts had made their way through town and away from most of the festivities, venturing pretty far from any higher end districts. They were sticking their noses into dive bars down alleys and small streets in search of the ‘perfect’ dive bar, which Dash was beginning to realize whichever one was the dirtiest and smelled the worst.

“Really?” Fleetfoot stepped forward. “It can’t possibly be worse than the BWOAH… SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIT!!!!” she nearly gagged as she stepped back from the door. “Wow, that’s impressive, yeah this place is perfect.”

“Fuck’s sake!” Silver yelled from the group. “I know what the tradition is, but if you don’t get me a drink soon I’m gonna bust some balls, starting with the mares!” he ranted, Blaze and High Winds blinking and glancing at each other in confusion. “I don’t care if the bar down the street smells worse, I’ll take a crap in the middle of the floor if that evens it out. Alcohol. NOW!”

“Okay, okay!” Spitfire clamped a hoof over his mouth. “Let’s just get started, we’ve walked enough.”

“Hey!” a voice came from inside. They all looked in to see several pairs of less than thrilled eyes trained on them, the fairly grubby, unkempt, unshaven unicorn bartender glaring at them from behind the bar. He slammed a towel against it and snorted. “If yer gonna come in, come in! Quit standin’ in the door waitin’ for an invitation!”

“Blunt bartender, check,” Fire Streak chuckled.

“Whothefuck was that?!” Silver lifted his head up and glared at the bartender. “What’s this shithole called?” Silver looked up at the sign above the door. It read Heavy Onus. “You must be Heavy Anus!”

“Silver—HRMPH!” Spitfire was cut off as Surprise covered her mouth, giggling. The bar tenderer flattened his brow and scowled.

“My name isn’t—”

“I don’t care!” Silver cut him off. “Do you have booze?!”

The bartender lifted an eyebrow and stepped aside, revealing a large selection of hard liquor behind him.

“Then you’re my new best friend! Giddyup! C’mon!” he yelled while tapping his back hoof against Misty’s plot. Misty flinched and stepped forward, giving Silver a flat look for touching her like that as she started moving towards the door.

“You heard the old ass!” Fleetfoot giggled, grabbing Dash by the arm. “Time’s a wasting!”

Dash gave Fleetfoot a look as she pulled at her and moved in with the rest.

“You’re really going to get drunk again after this morning?” Dash asked her.

“I can’t possibly get as drunk as I was last night,” Fleetfoot giggled. “Also I won’t because I don’t want to black out when we have free entertainment!” she smirked while making a head motion towards Silver.

“If you say soOOOOOOOOH GOD!” Dash shuddered as she stepped through the door and the stench of the place surged through her nostrils. She pulled her hoof free from Fleetfoot to cover her nose and mouth as she blinked and looked around the place.

Simply calling it a ‘dive bar’ would be too generous. The place was an absolute pit. It had the look of a hole in the wall bar establishment, but like one that would collapse if somepony missed the dart board. It was as if it had been built a century ago and never once touched up or repaired, an old wooden tavern with drab stools, hard wood furniture, a pool table with the 3, 8, and 13 ball missing, and a jukebox that sounded off-key with the battered vinyl player struggling to play the records inside. The place reeked with the nastiest stench of mold, cigarette and cheap cigar smoke, urine and what could only be bad flatulence. The ventilation was so bad that it all just lingered, the two of the three windows boarded up and the only one that still had glass couldn’t be opened and had a large collection of cracks in the center as if somepony tried and failed to throw somepony else through it. Aside from the front door opening and closing periodically, there was no way for the stench to slip out and some fresh air to come in.

The ceiling was low and several beams extending from the not so sturdy looking pillars had to be ducked beneath at times due to the poor arrangement of the tables. Every patron, both mare and stallion smelled like they hadn’t showered in months, or that could just be the Earth stallion passed out with a cider mug in his hoof next to the bathroom door, which was thankfully shut. The bartender looked like the gruffest, least elegant unicorn Dash had ever seen in her life with a scruffy beard, a perpetually angry scowl, a corncob pipe sticking out the end of his mouth, and a chipped horn. He looked like he should be wearing a sailor hat, and based on his appearance he probably spoke like one too. He had his eyes locked on the Wonderbolts as they walked in, probably trying to figure out who the hell they were and why they had all just shown up at the same time.

Dash finally managed to pull her hoof away from her nose, her tongue hanging out in disgust as the nasty air kept filtering through her nose and lungs. But it didn’t take her long to notice that the Wonderbolts seemed completely unaffected, in fact they all looked eager and ready to have some fun.

“You guys… have done this before?” Dash asked Fleetfoot as she glanced about at all the skeptical and drunken eyes staring at them.

“A lot!” Fleetfoot giggled. “Trust me, you’re in for a treat, there’s a reason we went through the trouble to get Silver.”

Dash blinked and looked over at Silver, still riding on Misty’s back. He had his eyes locked on the bartender as they drew near, the bartender either unaware that Silver was glaring at him, or he didn’t care.

“Hoo boy…” Dash swallowed. She was unsure what she had gotten herself into when she first ran into them in the street, and now she was more worried. Though ‘worried’ with the Wonderbolts wasn’t necessarily bad, just extremely unpredictable.

“Blaze is buying right?” Lightning Streak suddenly spoke up with a clear joking tone in his voice, Spitfire rolling her eyes and giving him a hard nudge in the side.

“I ain’t buying you jack fucking shit,” Blaze shot back.

“Blaze is only buying whatever loosens up the space between Windy’s legs,” Fleetfoot giggled, slowly pushing High Winds towards her. She didn’t resist or disagree at all as she yawned.

“There is definitely NOT enough space for all of us to sit together here,” Wave commented as they approached the bar. The bar had more than twelve seats, but some of the seats were occupied and the most space in between any two was six seats. There was a lot of space with a group of three on the far right and a stallion with a mare on the left, but there was a passed out stallion face down on the bar smack in the middle between them.

“Well,” Spitfire scratched her head as Blaze and High Winds carefully helped Silver off Misty’s back. “I guess we could push some tables together? Fire, come here,” Spitfire motioned to him for help.

“Skittles.”

“Huh?” Dash blinked and perked up as Silver suddenly leaned into her and slung his good arm over her back for support.

“Help me over to the bar,” he asked in a rather subdued tone.

“Oh, uh… okay,” Dash obeyed, moving slowly with Silver against her towards the bar.

“Thanks.”

Silver suddenly slung himself off Dash, his arm whipping over her head and latching onto the passed out stallion at the bar. With one hard tug, Silver pulled the stallion off of the stool, tossing him to the floor with a loud THUMP.

Dash froze in place with wide eyes as all eyes turned towards the noise.

“What the…?! SILVER!” Spitfire yelled, quickly trotting over.

“Hey look, there’s enough space now!” Silver exclaimed as he slung himself onto the stool and leaned onto the bar. Dash stared down at the stallion on the floor, who simply rolled over and belched before stretching out and sitting up, rubbing his head and looking around groggily.

Everypony flinched as the bartender slammed a hoof on the bar and angrily leaned towards Silver.

“Okay buddy, I don’t know who you or your stooges here are, but if yer gonna waltz in here and throw my regulars around like that, beat it!” he snarled.

“That’s a real interesting way to say ‘what can I get ya?’” Silver casually shot back. “You serving drinks or stern looks? If that’s the best you’ve got then I hope your booze is better than your bark. You shake me about as much as a breezie shitting rainbows. Now is this a quality establishment or a half-assed milk bar?”

“Snrk…” Dash quickly covered her mouth, snuffing out a snort as Silver laid into the bartender.

“Sorry about that, sir…” Spitfire tried to help up the stallion, but he hiccupped and belched again, louder, and right in Spitfire’s face.

“Hwut, huh? Aw hell I’m late for work!” the stallion looked at his arm, even though his watch was on the other, before stumbling past them all, pushing the front door open and falling face first the moment he was outside.

“Hey!” Silver’s voice suddenly caught all their attention. He was looking over his shoulder at them as the bartender continued to glare daggers into him. “Who’s got ‘em?”

“Oh,” Fire perked up. “Right here,” he opened his wing and dropped a large bag into his hoof that made a lot of clinking noises as he came forward and hoofed it over to Silver. The bartender’s eyes suddenly widened as his eyes landed on the bag.

“There it is!” Silver grabbed the bag and slammed it on the table, the bartender still staring at it. At this point all the rest of the patrons were looking in their direction as well. “Now you look here, jackass,” Silver eyed the bartender. “You got a lotta booze back there. I don’t know what it’s worth or what your damn prices are, but…” Silver undid the tie on the back and yanked at the bottom, the bag spilling over and a large amount of bits pouring out onto the bar. The bartender’s jaw dropped as Silver lifted the bag until all the bits fell out, spilling into a pile and over the edges of the bar onto the floor. “The fucking Wonderbolts are here. All drinks are on us tonight,” Silver spun around on his stool, glaring at everypony else in the bar. “Ya hear me dirtbags?! We’re buyin’!”

Cheers erupted instantly, the Wonderbolts chuckling and laughing as Dash stared in surprise.

“Huh…” was all she could say, not even paying attention as Air Mach slung an arm over her shoulder and nudged her in the side with his other hoof, laughing.

“C’mon Dashie, pull up a stool!” Surprise giggled as she pushed Air Mach off of her and dragged her over, the Wonderbolts taking their stools to the left and right of Silver before the rest of the bar patrons gathered around for free drinks.

The bartender finally looked up from the bits and glared at Silver again, passing the pipe in his mouth back and forth a few times.

“I still don’t like ya,” he grumbled as he pulled all the bits off the bar and let them all fall to the floor on his side.

“Whoopdie shit,” Silver shrugged. “Order up, Anus.”

“My name is CrocEye, dammit.”

“Okay Cockeye Anus,” Silver snorted. “Less talk, more booze, time’s a wastin’.”

Croc paused and glared at Silver again, but Spitfire cleared her throat.

“Pardon him, he’s been stuck in a hospital for a few weeks. The sooner you get him something to drink, the sooner he’ll shut up,” Spitfire suggested.

“At least to you!” Fleetfoot added from beside Silver, leaning over and nudging Silver. “The rest of us won’t be so lucky!”

“Right… right…” Croc sighed, rolling his eyes as he scooped all the bits back into the bag they were brought in and threw it into the back room behind the bar. “Then I’ll take care of him first.” He whipped the towel off his shoulder and smacked it on the bar in front of Silver, who didn’t even flinch despite Fleetfoot yelping and nearly jumping out of her stool right next to him. “What’ll it be, asshole?”

“Before me, let’s get…” Silver looked back and forth. The Wonderbolts were all looking at him, waiting, except for Air Mach who was making hip thrusts towards the bar. “Ten ciders for them.”

“Ten?” Croc looked over them. “You’ve got eleven with ya.”

“I know,” Silver added sternly. “As for me…”

Silver looked past him and scanned the bottles of hard liquor behind him.

“The strongest shit you’ve got,” Silver requested sternly.

“The LunaShine it is,” Croc nodded without a moment of hesitation, turning and fishing an opaque, brown jug out from among the bottles. “Slack! Fabby! Get off your asses and get over here!” Croc yelled out as he placed the jug on the table. “We got a lot of drinks coming up! Give me a reason to pay you two already!”

“Snort… huh?” the smelly stallion asleep next to the bathroom jolted awake and stretched out. “Work…? Eh, fine…” he stood up, several mugs falling off of him and clattering to the floor. “Guess I could use some bits,” he said with no enthusiasm as he scratched his butt and trudged over. Everypony except for Silver cringed and held their nose, the stench that was somehow worse than the bar itself wafting by as Slack didn’t even bother pushing the ‘door’ on the bar open, stepping over it and rubbing his whole body over the top of it as he did.

“This guy has employees?” Wave said quietly to Spitfire.

“If you could call them that…” Spitfire shuddered watching Slack continuously reach back to scratch his ass as he touched everything behind the bar.

Croc looked up and around again as he wiped out a glass to give to Silver for the ‘LunaShine’.

“FABBY! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!”

“Eh heh… heh heh…”

The Wonderbolts all glanced at Lightning Streak as he… giggled.

“Wonderbolts, hmmmmmmmm? Nice hunks of stallion you’ve got here!”

All eyes, except for Silver’s went wide as they saw a very trashy looking unicorn mare with a rather wild mane and apparently no shame.

“You look ripe for the picking, babe… are you doing anything later?” Fabby asked Lightning as he continued to twitch with a very wide smile on his face.

“Holy shit you’ve got terrible taste!” Silver suddenly turned and glared in their direction.

“”Hey, she came to me, geezer, I just have that effect!” Lightning chuckled as he slipped an arm around the mare’s waist.

“I’m talking to her, not you!” Silver added with a snort.

The room was instantly drowned out with hysterical laughter, most of the Wonderbolts nearly falling off their stools as Lightning’s pupils shrank and his face went blank.

“Shit dude, I walked right into that one,” Lightning tipped his head back and let out a quiet chuckle. Fabby slipped off his lap and slid herself over the top of the bar to the other side in a VERY sexual manner as she and Slack started taking drink orders from them.

“Cmon, c’mon, how long are you gonna rub that glass for?” Silver swung his hoof towards Croc.

“Right right right, keep your cast on,” Croc grumbled while looking closely at the glass before setting it down, grabbing a few ice cubes and dropping them in. “You never know what Slack’s put his ass scratching hooves on around here.”

“Point taken,” Silver agreed, stealing a quick glance at Slack as he pulled out some mugs and rubbed his plot against the cabinet after it closed.

“Enjoy, and try not to pass out too fast,” Croc pulled the cork out of the jug and nudged it towards Silver before moving on to serve others.

“He has no idea who he’s talking to,” Fleetfoot giggled as she and Dash watched Silver pour out some of the dark blue liquor into his glass. Silver finished pouring, setting the jug aside and placing the cork back in it.

But then what he did next was not what Dash was expecting. She watched with Fleetfoot ordering her drink between them as Silver simply grabbed the glass with his good arm, swirled the contents of the glass in a circle a few times, took a deep breath and exhaled. Dash was curious, she expected him to immediately down the drink after how much he had been complaining about it.

“Yeah, yeah, okay… thanks, now good lord, go take a shower and stop scratching yourself!” Fleetfoot gagged as she grabbed a mug of cider from Slack and he moved on to serve Fire.

“Huh…” Dash said out loud, grabbing Fleetfoot’s attention.

“What, expected me to get something a little more intense?” she giggled. “Nah, I’m just gonna have some ciders to loosen up.”

“No, I’m…” Dash pointed past her at Silver. “Thought he’d go to town right away.”

“Oh, we always wait to all have our drinks first,” Fleetfoot explained with a wink. “Part of the tradition.”

“Oh…” Dash blinked as she saw Fabby leaning way too close to her face. “Gah, uh… just…” Dash looked around. If it was tradition, she’d just have one. “Just give me the drink please,” Dash quickly answered to get her out of her face.

“Okay, cutie!” Fabby cooed as she set the mug down in front of her.

“Hey yo!” Air Mach called out as he stood up and scanned the rest of them. “Silver, ya ordered for all of us right?”

“Yep,” Silver nodded casually.

“Don’t I get one too?” Air Mach pounded his chest.

“Nope.”

“Eh? Why not?”

“Because you’re an insufferable dickhead,” Silver said with a calm glance and in an equally calm tone.

Blaze, High Winds, and Surprise all got lost in a fit of giggles as Spitfire leaned over to Croc.

“Just give us one more, please,” she asked for him as Air Mach clenched a hoof in the air and shook it, grinding his teeth.

“I’m surprised you haven’t downed that glass yet,” Dash said, catching Silver’s attention briefly. He exhaled, shaking his head a little.

“I’m also taking it all in,” Silver suddenly spoke up, Dash and Fleetfoot perking up as Silver smiled, with his eyes on the glass. “It’s real strange when I think about it… me sitting here in a drab bar with all of you… just another one of our fun little nights.”

Dash and Fleet stayed quiet as Silver’s voice started to sound a little emotional, or at least as much as he was willing to let slip. Fire Streak’s ears had turned and he was glancing slightly as he waited on the other side of Silver for his mug of cider to arrive.

“Not too long ago I was locked in a battle to the death. Fighting knowing that it was all over and done for me… that I wouldn’t get to be a Wonderbolt anymore. That I wouldn’t get to do the little things anymore… like this… with all of you.” Silver smirked. “Heh… Funny how life works sometimes, eh?”

Dash, Fleetfoot, and Fire could only smile weakly as Silver opened up a little, lifting the glass of liquor up a little and glancing back and forth, seeing that they all had their drinks and most of them were looking at him.

“I’m still here after all. Cheers to all you kids.” Silver nodded.

They all lifted their drinks and said the same back, Blaze nearly in a fit of angry tears again as they all took their first drink of the night together.

“PPPPFFFFTTTPHPHTPHTPHTH!!!!”

Everypony flinched as Silver spat out his drink and glared angrily at it. They all froze and stared as Silver slammed his glass down.

“ANUS! What the hell is this?!” Silver yelled towards Croc while grabbing the jug and shaking it in the air.

“What’s your problem now?” Croc grumbled as he stepped over and crossed his arms.

“You call this alcohol?!” Silver shouted.

“You wanted the strongest stuff I got,” Croc didn’t bother yelling, having figured out Silver’s preferred method of talking.

“Really? That?!” Silver flattened his brow. “You call that strong? That was making love in a canoe!”

Fleetfoot blinked.

“Making love in a…?” she trailed off, glancing over at the others, her eyes landing at Spitfire, but she only shrugged. Croc looked like he didn’t understand either.

“FUCKING CLOSE TO WATER!” Silver clarified, the rest of them bursting into fits of chuckles and laughter. “You better have something better or else I’m taking all my bits back!”

“Our bits…” Spitfire said quietly to herself with a sigh.

“That put somepony in the hospital last time I served it,” Croc huffed while grabbing the jug, popping the cork and taking a whiff of it. “Sheesh this smells worse than the last time I opened it. Maybe you should actually swallow the damn drink before telling me it doesn’t kick like dynamite.”

Croc flinched as Silver jammed a hoof against his nose.

“You’re not gonna convince me that sewage is champagne and you can’t blindfold me, rub your dick on my face, and convince me it’s a popsicle! If I wanted to hear horseshit, I would’ve ripped ass! Now get me something with some actual brass clackers on it!”

Croc just stared with a flat expression as Fire, Fleetfoot, and Dash all nearly face planted on the bar while trying not to choke on their drinks. Eventually Fleetfoot regained herself.

“Like I said,” she giggled. “No idea who he’s talking to.” She leaned over and waved a hoof to get Croc’s attention. “You might as well serve him rubbing alcohol. He’s got the tolerance of a Yak after eating four hundred pounds of bread.”

Dash snickered as she couldn’t disagree. She remembered how many glasses of liquor Silver put down at the recruit graduation party without even flinching.

“Fine, fine, I’ll look to see if I have anything in the back,” Croc shrugged. “If it’ll make you shut it.”

“Make it snappy,” Silver snorted, tapping his hoof on the table. “And if you put anything else in front of me that weak I’m throwing both you and your bar Onus first onto a cathedral spire.”

Lightning Streak spit out an entire mouthful of cider right on Blaze.

“OH FUCKING GROSS!” Blaze wailed.

“For crap’s sake!” Silver pounded a hoof on the bar and looked back and forth even though Croc was still in the back. “Who does Fleet have to blow to get me a decent drink around here?!”

“Hey!” Fleetfoot glared as Dash nearly fell off her stool laughing.

“Okay Silver…” Spitfire leaned over and looked past the giggling Dash and Fleetfoot with a flattened expression. “I get you’re excited, but how about you reign it in a little?”

“How about you suck my whole dick?” Silver replied flatly. Spitfire flinching as Blaze and High Winds both burst out laughing behind her. “After being stuck in the damn hospital for weeks I’m not in the mood to behave myself so don’t even try me. I’m going balls deep and I better have something strong enough to make it worth the cliff dive.”

“I dunno dude,” Lightning snickered, leaning onto Wave’s shoulder snickering towards Silver. “At your advanced age, going balls deep might be problematic.”

“Are you coming onto me?” Silver shot right back, tipping his head and lifting an eyebrow. “Pool’s closed over here, jackass. Isn’t Blaze over there? Redirect the rocket, she needs to be molested twice daily or else she gets needy.”

“THE FUCK?!” Blaze popped up from her stool.

“He’s not wrong…” High Winds confirmed with a yawn.

“Hey, hey, it’s not like I’ve never offered, right babe?” Lightning chuckled while leaning over and trying to touch Blaze, but she hissed and swiped her hooves at him like a cat. “She just doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

“Not much apparently…” High Winds scoffed.

“Please,” Silver rolled his eyes at Lightning. “If I had a bit for every time you got laid, I’d be begging on the street. Besides, you’d be hard of hearing after sex with Blaze. Hey, Windy, how many times does she yell fuck when you—”

“A lo—”

“Oh shut the fu— shut up! I know I swear a lot, but I don’t swear THAT much!” Blaze argued.

“Are you kidding me?” Silver chuckled. “You can’t even sign your own name without writing the word ‘fuck’ somewhere.”

“Can confirm,” Surprise reached into her mane and pulled out a note. “She wrote it three times on this post-it note she left for me two weeks ago!”

“FFFFFSHHHFFFRRGGGGGGGHHHHH,” Blaze fumed as High Winds slowly pressed a hoof over her head to make her sit down.

“Sheesh he’s only been with us for an hour and he’s already got you blowing flames out of your ears,” High Winds chuckled as Blaze fumed under her hoof.

“Blaze… Silver,” Wave began, motioning a hoof between the two of them. “Silver… Blaze. Or have you two met before?”

“Eh, situation normal,” Silver shrugged. “She’s just as angry as I left her. Only now she’s crying too because she’s a big softy under the rage and missed me more than she’d ever admit.”

“Imma fucking murder you in your sleep…” Blaze mumbled with a loud sniffle.

“Really now, it’s not like we don’t poke fun at each other all the time… or every given minute.” Fire spoke up from the other side of Silver.

“And the king of fun poking is back!” Surprise giggled as she squished Blaze’s cheeks together as she silently fumed more. “Blaze is fun to poke! Hehe!” She started lightly poking Blaze all over as she failed to get away.

“Yeah well, even the king has to be careful,” Silver started tapping his hoof on the table. “I poked fun at my wife, but she took me seriously and now I have two kids.” He glanced to his right as Lightning walked by behind him to take a seat on the other side of Misty, putting her between the Streak twins.

“The only one we can poke fun at around here and get away with it is Misty,” he chuckled as Fire shot him a flat look. “Ain’t that right, Misty gal?” He moved to poke her in the side, but she very quickly reached out and grabbed his hoof, shooting him a glare. “Oh shit…”

“She doesn’t need to hear you when she can smell your unfuckable dumb ass from a mile away,” Silver pointed snorted. “If you wanna really get at her you need to be subtle and… WHOA THERE FIRE…” Silver turned his attention to the look Fire Streak was giving him. “That look is a bit hostile, you need a hug and kiss?”

“N—”

“Too bad, you’re not getting it. Though knowing how the two of you are I’ll get stuck in between one of your mushy PDA cuddling sessions by the end of the night.” Silver blinked and chuckled as Misty glared at him. “I dunno, looks like we can’t get anything past her either. She sensed your balls sucking into your body there, Fire. She’s got a lock on me now!” He suddenly turned and slammed his hoof on the bar and growled. “Where the hell did Anus go to get me a drink?! Appleloosa?!”

“Maybe he took Fleet too seriously and called up a supplier in YakYakistan,” Wave chuckled.

“Well he better get his head out of his Asscrackistan and get back here before I start flipping tables!”

“For crap’s sake, shut up!” a voice came from the back as Croc backed his way out the door and walked out with… nothing. Silver’s eye twitched.

“You’ve got five seconds to tell me where my drink is before I give Air Mach over here the green light to tell you his life story,” he threatened. “Trust me, it’s a fate worse than drowning.”

“Look, buddy, I got nothing as strong as that. You want me to just pour a bit everything I got into a jar for you to suck down?” Croc huffed, glaring at Silver.

“Now listen here you son of a…” Silver trailed off as his eyes fixated on something behind Croc. Croc noticed, blinking and turning, following Silver’s eyes with everypony else as they landed on a large jug of…. Something sitting on the top shelf by itself… and appeared to be glowing faintly from the inside. “What’s that?” Silver quickly asked.

“Oh no, I’m not serving that to anypony…” Croc denied very quickly. Silver reached over the bar and jammed a hoof into Croc’s chest.

“Don’t you fucking tell me what I can’t have! If I wanted any lip from you I’d take it off the tip of my tube steak. Now tell me before I decide to lay my knob across your porridge!”

Dash flinched in surprise as Fleetfoot snorted and nearly spat out all the cider she was trying to drink.

“Oh come on!” she whined while laughing. “How am I supposed to get a buzz if I nostril my drink every time Silver says something?!”

“That’s…” Croc looked back at the jug and sighed in frustration. “A bunch of minotaurs showed up here a few months back and brought that with them. They got drunk and stumbled out without it.”

“I’ll take some of that,” Silver demanded. Croc hardened his look.

“Buddy, it almost killed Slack when he took a sip of it and trust me, he can drink every one of you under the table at the same time.”

“Hey, hey…” Fleetfoot leaned forward and waved a hoof at Croc. “Hey… rear-end hole guy… you clearly have never met Silver Lining. He just compared your ‘strongest stuff in the house’ to water. I think he’ll be fine.”

“The difference is I know what my stuff is,” Croc huffed as he turned and looked at the jug. “That? For crying out loud, it glows in there… and hasn’t stopped glowing since I got it.”

“I’m sorry I can’t hear you over the sound of you not pouring me some of it,” Silver jabbed. “Now, before I get even older.”

“Your funeral, pal,” Croc sighed and shrugged as he pulled over a stepping stool, reached up to the top shelf and slowly tipped the jug until it slid off and into his hooves. He blew the dust off of it, turned, and dropped it on the bar in front of Silver, sliding a new glass over.

All eyes were fixed on the jug and the faint green glow coming from the inside as croc pulled the large cork out. A puff of green mist shot into the air followed by a green light that splashed against all of them.

“What the bitch?” Blaze uttered aloud as everypony else just stared with a mixture of awe and concern.

“Huh, neat.” Except for Silver.

The glow weakened shortly, as if opening the jug had unleashed some kind of unholy spirit and the contents had settled down. Croc poured out some into Silver’s glass, the liquid fizzing and foaming a little as it rose within.

“Whatever happens next isn’t my problem,” Croc said, crossing his hooves in front of him and shaking his head as he backed away.

Dash stared at Silver’s glass, her nostrils scrunching up as the wafting fumes hit her nose and everypony else’s.

“Good lord!” Dash clamped her hooves over her nose. “What even is that smell?”

“It smells worse than Lightning Streak!” Surprise yelled out, gagging on the air, prompting Lightning to blink, lift his arm and sniff at it.

“Silver…” Spitfire looked at him with concern. “You aren’t really going to—” she paused and cringed as the smell shot through her nose. “Drink that…?”

Silver didn’t answer her, staring at the drink and swirling it around in the glass, the liquid fizzing as it moved.

“Looks like he’s in the zone,” Wave Chill chuckled. “WHOA!” he yelped as Air Mach suddenly pushed past him and pounded a hoof to his chest in front of Spitfire.

“Y’all are giving me weak vibes here, WEAK!” he reached over the bar and grabbed a glass. “The hard ass legend, that’s me by the way, will take this on too!”

Silver only glanced and lifted an eyebrow as Air Mach grabbed the jug and poured his own glass.

“Nopony here drinks alone!” Air Mach lifted the glass in the air and forced himself in between Silver and Fire.

Fleetfoot briefly glanced at Spitfire, smirking and giggling.

“Funny you showed concern for Silver, but…” she made a head motion to Air Mach. Spitfire puttered her lips and shrugged.

“Moron gets whatever he deserves,” she said flatly as she ignored him.

All eyes went to Air Mach as he put the glass to his lips, but very visibly hesitated before what looked like was going to be one huge gulp. He instead slowly tipped the glass and took a very, VERY small sip, paused for a moment, and swallowed.

“HRMPH!” Air Mach flinched, his face contorting heavily as the glass dropped from his hoof and bounced on the bar top, tipping over and spilling its contents onto it with loud fizzling noises. “HOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY GOD!!!!” Air Mach started gagging and coughing, grabbing his throat as he slowly crumpled to the floor and started writhing.

Everypony stared wide eyed at him as he rolled from side to side, heaving breaths and wheezing as he ended up on his stomach and started banging his head on the floor.

“IT TASTES LIKE MOUTHWASH, WASABI, AND GUNPOWDER!” he yelled out as he rolled onto his back, his eyes wider than his glasses. “MOSTLY GUN POWDER. AUUUUUUGH IM ON FIRE ON THE INSIDE, MY SINUSES ARE CLEAR BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY, FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—”

Silver remained looking at his own glass as Air Mach dramatically voiced his discomfort. He glanced to his left briefly to see Dash staring at him as everypony else remained disturbed by what the mystery drink did to Air Mach.

Silver smirked and winked at Dash before putting the glass to his lips.

“SILVER, NO!” Dash yelled out, all eyes darting to Silver as he casually took a sip… well, a much larger sip than the one Air Mach took.

With the voice cracking wails of Air Mach still in the background, everypony stared at Silver, other bar patrons, Croc, and his two bartenders included.

Silver swallowed and shut his eyes.

His face scrunched up and twitched.

“Hrmgh…” Silver shuddered slightly. “HRM!” he sat up straight for a moment, taking a deep breath.

Then he smiled.

“Haaaaaa…” he exhaled, a faint puff of green mist releasing from his mouth. “Now THAT’S more like it!” he said as he held up his glass into the air. Shock quickly turned to disbelief from everypony around him, Croc specifically looked like he had just witnessed a miracle. Silver set it down and looked over his shoulder at Air Mach catching his breath on the floor. “Everypony, take heed,” he motioned to Air Mach. “This stallion has no dick.” He grabbed Fleetfoot’s cider mug out of her hoof.

“Hey!”

“Grow a damn pair, lightweight.” he poured what was left in it over Air Mach, splashing him with cider as everypony burst out laughing, several of the patrons and some of them cheering as well after Silver conquered the undrinkable drink like it was nothing.

“Sheesh…” Spitfire sighed heavily, letting her head hang down, but subtly chuckling herself.

But Fleet wasn’t amused, pouting hard at Silver.

“Really? I barely drank any of that as is, no thanks to you!” she whined. Silver shrugged.

“We bought out the damn bar, just order everypony another round.”

“Ugh… fiiiiiine,” she turned and looked around to see how much everypony had. “Yeah it’s about time anyway. Another round then? Who wants one?” she asked, getting confirmation from each Wonderbolts as she pointed at them, skipping Silver. Silver lifted an eyebrow.

“Fleetfoot, I’m offended that you didn’t ask if I wanted any.”

Fleetfoot blinked and gave Silver a look, then looked at his glass.

“You already have a drink and besides, you never drink cider,” she pointed out.

“You should still ask,” Silver tipped his head, looking away from her with a very forced frown on his face that wasn’t fooling anypony.

“Hmmmm? Why?” Fleetfoot narrowed her eyes at him.

“It’s the polite thing to do.”

“Ugh, fine. Do you want any—?”

“No.”

“Oh SCREW you!” Fleetfoot stood up from her seat and loomed over Silver with an angry huff as he smirked and took another sip of his drink.

Dash snorted and looked away while holding a hoof over her mouth. But after a breath she sighed contentedly, glancing at Silver and taking close note of how he looked.

He was smiling, and looked like he was enjoying himself quite a bit. Dash had many things on her mind but maybe… just maybe this was what she needed to relax and forget about it for a little while. She was having fun as well, mostly watching as the Wonderbolts include her in what was clearly an old fun time tradition of theirs. Fleetfoot was right, Silver was definitely required.

Silver wasn’t the only one enjoying himself though.

“Oh suck it up, it can’t be that bad!” Surprise loomed over Air Mach as he remained on the floor.

“I have never been in more pain in my life…” Air Mach wheezed, sticking a shaking hoof into the air. “I think my insides are turning inside out.”

“Probably hurts like hell,” High Winds added with a yawn.

“See?” Air Mach’s arm tried to point at her. “She understands.”

“I mean, come on,” Winds smirked, turning slightly on her stool to glance at him. “That stuff knocked all the ‘stallionly’ talk right out of his body. Gotta be some strong stuff if it closed his big mouth this hard.”

“Aiiiieee…” Air Mach wailed as Surprise, Blaze and High Winds all chuckled at his expense. “Why does my suffering amuse you so?”

“Because you’re a fucking jackass,” Blaze leaned down smugly got in his face. “Every ounce of your pain turns me on.”

“So you’re sayin’ there’s a chance?” Air Mach forced a smile with his eye twitching.

“Oh fuck, augh, ew,” Blaze pulled back. “What the hell, how did he reverse that on me so fast, AUGH! WINDY! I FEEL UNCLEAN! FUCK!” Blaze scooted her stool closer and pressed herself into High Winds.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure whatever’s left of what little he had was just obliterated,” she said casually.

“Mares can be brutal…” Air Mach sputtered.

“Welcome to my world, broski!” Lightning Streak yelled from the other side of the group.

“Oh boy, here we go,” High Winds sighed as she pulled Blaze’s nose out of her armpit. “Stop that, it tickles.”

“Haaaaa…” Silver grunted after taking another drink from his glass. “I simply can’t wait to hear the expertise of Chad BrokenCock over here.”

“Ain’t nothin’ broken over here!” Lightning nudged his way past both Fire and Misty and leaned against the bar beside Silver. “Hell I bet when you look at me all you can see are reflections of your younger, more studly self!”

Dash flinched as Fleetfoot jammed her nose all the way into her cider mug and blew a loud raspberry.

Silver just lifted an eyebrow as Lightning bounced both of his in his face.

“Hell, I bet seeing me is always the highlight of your day!”

“And then I want to kill myself,” Silver quickly added. Dash flinched again as Fleetfoot suddenly snorted into her mug, the cider shooting up and around her face. She pulled her nose out, coughing as the cider dripped down her head and neck as everypony around her laughed.

“You should’ve seen that one coming,” Spitfire commented as Fleetfoot pouted with cider all over her.

“Real talk though, geezer, real talk…” Lightning jabbed Silver in the shoulder. “You and I aren’t so different, eh? I’m just a young buck looking for a fu—OW!” he was cut off as Spitfire flicked a peanut from the bowl close by right between his eyes.

“Nice shot,” Wave nodded, impressed. Silver looked Lightning up and down, unimpressed.

“When I was your age I was so horny I would’ve made hankie to a stop sign if it looked at me the right way,” said Silver as he leaned slightly towards Lightning.

“Hey wait,” Spitfire blinked. “Lightning is twenty-eight. Didn’t you marry Serenity at twenty-five?”

“You saying that like it makes a difference,” Silver smirked. “She knows better than anypony, let me tell you…”

“No please fucking don’t,” Blaze whined.

“Don’t even try, he’s already primed and ready,” Wave chuckled.

“She had no idea what she was getting into when she met me,” Silver went on. “She unknowingly punched a one way ticket to pound town thinking I was just a normal, cute guy to date. Then I ran a train on her daily once she got there.”

“Okay NOW you’re just talking big,” Fleetfoot rolled her eyes.

“Ye of little faith in your wise elders,” Silver spun around and gave her a hard look. “It was no secret, I rutted her raw on the regular. First stop after every day of hard training, just ask Misty.”

Everypony looked at Misty, she was happily bopping back and forth with a mug of cider clasped in both hooves.

“Fire,” Fleetfoot made a head motion towards him. “Ask Misty.”

“Do I have to?” Fire asked with a flat sigh.

“That’s an order—OW, hey!” Fleetfoot yelped as a peanut bounced off the back of her head. She turned and glared past Dash at Spitfire casually sipping her cider with Wave chuckling beside her.

“Fine…” Fire caved, tapping Misty on the shoulder.

Misty blinked and looked at Fire as everypony watched in anticipation. Fire awkwardly made the proper wing and hand motions to ask Misty if Silver was being honest.

She watched until Fire was done, blinked, smiled innocently, and started nodding vigorously. Everypony burst out laughing as Silver loomed over Fleetfoot and tipped his head.

“I don’t LIE you little SHIT!”

“OKAY! OKAY!” Fleetfoot scrunched down into her school.

“I’m not an average stallion, I’m a goddamn meteor. Why do you think I have a dip in my back when I walk? If you’ve been carrying around my load all your life you’d be like this too!”

“You’ve probably lost some weight since then,” Wave chimed in.

“Not from there!” Silver gave a firm nod and took another drink.

Dash was trying her hardest not to start coughing. Her sides were beginning to hurt with how hard the urge to just start laughing hysterically at any given moment clawed at her. As soon as Silver got his drink the gloves had come off and he was going a little wild. Though it seemed to be happening pretty quickly. Was the mystery Minotaur drink actually putting some dents in the Iron Horse’s stalwart alcohol tolerance or was he just having a really good time?

“So you’re both old, but SHE’s the one that needs the Viagra to keep up with you?” Lightning nudged Silver in the side.

“That doesn’t make any damn sense,” Silver turned back to Lightning. “Viagra is for old stallions that have problems, that I DON’T have by the way,” Silver paused to take a sip of his drink and coughed out a cloud of green mist before poking his hoof into Lightning’s chest. “Pill my ass. A glass of wine or two is all you need to get a mare turned on. If you do all that and the mare still isn’t frisky, that means you’re the problem.” He took another drink, finishing off the glass.

Rainbow Dash furrowed her brow, noticing he was drinking faster.

“Silver, I think you should slow down,” she suggested.

“I think you should shut the fuck up,” Silver calmly said as he turned to her and laid his good arm over the top of Fleetfoot’s head to point at her. Dash stared blankly, but snickered to herself after considering how opposite moderating Silver was to Little Star a night prior. “Happy hour isn’t over until I say it is, and I’m not done talking about how good I am at sex yet.”

“Sheesh, I don’t know how the fuck Serenity does it,” Blaze groaned. “If I were your wife I’d probably poison your dinner or something.”

“If you were my wife, I’d eat it,” Silver threw right back as he grabbed the glowing jug to pour another glass among howling laughter.

“Fuck me, I can’t win with him,” Blaze looked up and laughed lightly.

“We can try all we want,” Wave spoke up. “But trying to one up Silver is like walking into a lawn mower. It’s not going to end well no matter what angle you approach it.”

“A lawn mower that smells with a few blades falling off,” Fleetfoot snickered while poking Silver in the shoulder.

“When you reach forty years old important things start to fall off,” Silver shrugged.

“You’re forty-two,” Spitfire pointed out.

“If you’ve got the machinery I have between my legs, you’ll be going strong till at least sixty,” Silver nodded confidently while taking another, somewhat large gulp of his drink.

“Let me guess,” High Winds yawned. “I bet Serenity likes that too?”

“You’re goddamn right she does,” Silver slammed his glass down, some of the liquid splashing out. Fleetfoot’s eye twitched.

“I’m surprised you don’t have like… nine kids,” she said with a snort.

“So am I,” Silver agreed as he poured more into his glass despite not being done with what was already in it.

“Can we please stop talking about Silver’s dong?” Blaze asked angrily. “How the hell did this become the prime subject?”

“I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed,” Spitfire agreed with her half-sister.

“I sense hostility, and a little bit of desire, are you asking me for a good time?” Silver asked Blaze.

“Fuck off you expired bag of cheese!” Blaze shot back at him.

“Now it’s just hostility, you sound a little mad. How about you and Winds go find yourselves a nice 24-inch double ended dildo and play teeter-totter till you feel better?” Silver suggested as Fleetfoot shot cider out of her nose… again.

“My liiiiiiiiiiiiife…” Fleetfoot whined as she applied her face to the bar top.

“I wouldn’t mind that right now,” Winds casually nodded in agreement while ruffling Blaze’s mane.

“Wouldn’t that be the same as every night?” Lightning Streak chuckled. “Or every time you two hit the locker room? Come on, confirm the age old belief among us guys that the mare’s locker room is where all the sexy lady on lady action happens where we can’t see it.”

“Brother…” Fire sighed as rubbed a hoof to his forehead.

“As IF…” Fleetfoot stuck her tongue out at him. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“I would like that, tell me more!” Lightning chuckled as he tried to make his way around Silver to her, but he was stopped halfway as Silver spun around in his stool and jammed his glass against Lightning’s neck.

“Don’t you strut your ugly mug around as if borderline gay shenanigans never happen in the stallion’s locker room. All it takes is one jackass rat tailing another before a pile of idiots are wrestling each other to the ground in the showers.”

The stallions all stared straight ahead as all the mares turned their eyes and ears towards Silver. Spitfire glanced at Wave.

“Don’t look at me, I always shower and get out,” he quickly explained.

“Likewise,” Fire agreed without hesitation.

“And you’re both full of shit,” Silver spun around, pointing at both of them in the process. “That’s how it’s always been, it was like that back in my day too. Never changed.”

“I thought you said your generation was more serious,” Dash pointed out, amused at Wave and Fire trying to avoid the subject as Lightning just shrugged and chuckled.

“On duty we were,” Silver snorted as he took another swig. “But every day at 3:30 it was always a game of grab-ass in the locker room with the lights off. Somepony would start a fight or pull a prank and all hell would break loose until Blazetail stormed in and climbed down the shit of whoever started it.”

“Not Blizzard?” Spitfire asked.

“No, he was the worst instigator.”

“And Blazetail ‘climbed down his shit?’”

“No, he would always get away with it, just like with everything else, that glorious bastard,” Silver lifted his drink into the air and smiled. “Here’s to you, Sir!”

“Silver, n—” Dash tried to reach for him, but Silver pounded the entire glass. Everypony cringed as he coughed several times, pounded his chest with the glass in hoof and belched very loudly.

“Ooo… that wasn’t a good idea,” he turned back to the bar and grabbed the jug. “But neither is this. Hell with it.” He poured himself more.

Dash gritted her teeth leaning towards Silver but stopping short of reaching past Fleetfoot.

“Should we stop him?” Wave’s voice caught Dash’s attention, she turned to face him and Spitfire. Spitfire shook her head.

“If you want to try, be my guest,” Spitfire said sarcastically.

“Point taken…” Wave shrugged as the two of them saw Dash looking at them. “At least we aren’t the only ones he’s worrying.”

“I mean…” Dash rubbed the back of her head. “He’s having fun and… well… almost died recently so I guess he deserves to have some fun but…”

“Yeah that stuff he’s drinking, I dunno…” Spitfire huffed. “It can’t be healthy or safe, I know he can hold alcohol better than all of us combined but…” she blinked and glanced down at the floor. “Oh for crying out loud, Air Mach. Get off the floor!”

“Captain, I can’t find my hooves… or my liver… I think it left me for good,” Air Mach sputtered, still on his back. “The light… I mustn’t go towards the light…”

“No, no PLEASE go towards the light! Do us all a favor!” Fleetfoot yelled with a giggle before getting a flat look from Spitfire. “Oh what? You have exactly ten seconds to tell me how him being gone would be a bad thing.”

“Fleet enough, that’s not funny,” Spitfire pouted. “Air Mach does his part.”

“In what?”

“In…” Spitfire blinked and glanced down at Air Mach as he started weakly singing the words to ‘I’ve Been Working on the Railroad’ very slowly while coughing every few phrases.”

“SHE CAN’T!” Fleetfoot burst out laughing as Blaze and High Winds also guffawed. Spitfire glanced at Wave as he stifled a chuckle. “You can’t name one moment in the past where you’ve looked at all of us and said ‘Air Mach’ is the best choice for the job!”

“If Air Mach is ever the answer, what the fuck was the question?” Blaze asked curiously.

“Would you like to take it in the ass now or later?” High Winds answered without missing a beat, sending Blaze into a hoof kicking fit of giggles.

“Hey now, I do plenty!” Air Mach was instantly up as if nothing was wrong, leaning on Spitfire’s back and grinning while pounding a hoof to his chest.

“WOW,” Fleetfoot rolled her eyes. Spitfire groaned and let her face fall to the bar top.

“Captain Lady couldn’t answer because I bring all the most important qualities to the team! Ha!” he pointed to the ceiling, his hoof smacking right into one of the low hanging beams.

“Like a complete lack of shame?” Wave Chill asked with a chuckle.

“That ain’t true, I’m brimming with shame!” Air Mach turned to Wave, leaning harder against Spitfire.

“SNRK,” Fleetfoot snorted and shook her head. “Yeah no, it would take a high-powered steam shovel to haul a cubic inch of shame out of your ass.”

“Hey! That’s still an inch!” Air Mach proudly proclaimed, leaning even harder into Spitfire.

“That’s it. OFF!” Spitfire pushed her wings out, forcing Air Mach off her and knocking him back to the floor.

“And down he goes again!” Wave Chill chuckled as he took a drink from his mug.

“Hrrrgnnnn… Hrm…”

Everypony perked off and glanced towards Silver.

“Hrnk… Hrrrrrgh… Hnnnngrgh…” he groaned, leaning down towards the bar top as he twitched.

“Silver?” Dash spoke up first, a look of concern rushing over her as she leaned forward and propped herself on Fleetfoot’s shoulder.

“HHHHHHHNNNNNNGGGGGHHHHH…”

The entire place went silent as Silver tipped in one direction and a sound similar to a waterlogged phonebook being ripped in two drowned out everything else. It only lasted a moment before petering out to a long drawn out sound of a pony blowing through a blade of grass between their hooves.

And ten seconds later, it was silent.

“Haaaa…” Silver exhaled.

“Are you… okay?” Fleetfoot asked with wide eyes.

“I am now,” Silver sat back up and lifted his glass in the air, but then he suddenly swayed and hiccupped. “Ugh… oh that was sudden, gah…” he put his glass down and pounded his good hoof against his chest. “Wheeew… this stuff is good, heh.”

“Silver?” Dash repeated, less worried and more surprised.

“Eh? Wuzzat?” Silver turned and looked at them, and everypony’s eyes went wide. “What’s everypony staring at? I must look real good right now.”

“What the…?” Spitfire trailed off as she looked at Wave. Wave looked just as astonished as she was.

“Bro, no way…” Lightning Streak scooted around and got a good look at Silver. “Is Silver… drunk?!”

“Huh? Me? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaah…whoa!” Dash reached out, knocking Fleetfoot right off her stool with a yelp to stop Silver from falling out of his.

“Yeep!” Fleetfoot squeaked as she landed on her plot. “Ow! Hey!” she pouted, but Dash paid zero attention to her as she pushed Silver back upright.

“Thanks Skittles, I almost spilled my drink!” Silver took another large gulp. “HOOOOOOO…!” he exhaled hard, coughing lightly. “This IS the good stuff!”

“I can’t believe what I’m seeing,” Wave chimed in. “Silver never gets drunk. EVER.”

“I told him it was a bad idea,” Croc suddenly moved past them behind the bar. “But no, he wanted it… so he’s getting it.”

“Hey jackass!” Silver yelled, pointing at Croc. “You better show your elders some more respect!”

“Fine, I respect you,” Croc tried to deflect and move on.

“Bullshit you do!” Silver yelled after him as Croc went to serve more drinks. “Feckin’ kids these days I tell ya, none of them know respect.” He turned, snapping his head towards Fire. “Especially you!”

“I, what?” Fire blinked, leaning back.

“I think?” Silver added before turning around. “Where the hell is Spitfire?”

“Oh lord…” Spitfire groaned as Dash leaned out of the way.

“There she is!” Silver yelled as he pulled himself out of his chair and put himself in Fleetfoot’s, knocking her out of the way as she was trying to sit back down. He pointed past Dash’s face at Spitfire. “Listen here you, you gotta do more to put these idiots in line or else they’ll never take you seriously!”

“Dare I ask what that means?” Spitfire asked, resting her cheek in her hoof.

“I’m glad you asked!” Silver chuckled, taking another long drink.

“Surprise. Goldmine alert.” Lightning Streak slammed a hoof on the bar. “Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!” He kept tapping his hoof.

“Way ahead of ya!” Surprise giggled, already scooting her stool nearby with her long list of ‘things Silver says’ wrapped around her twice and disappearing into her mane, a feather quill at the ready.

“So… listen up…” Silver leaned further, taking up a lot of Dash’s personal space as he tried to get closer to Spitfire. “If you ever want a pony to take you seriously… all you gotta do…” he turned and looked Dash right in the eyes. “You threaten to put your dick in their ear.”

Dash stared blankly as everypony went silent until Blaze suddenly snorted.

“Okay, that was the last thing I expected to hear, but somehow I’m not surprised,” she said, holding her stomach.

“Don’t you fucking giggle over there, I ain’t kidding ya,” Silver turned and pointed at Blaze before refocusing on Spitfire. “You hear me? Threaten to put your dick in their ear. They’ll laugh and go about their business.”

Spitfire just stared with a very uncomfortable look as Lightning Streak snickered.

“I dunno, Silver, that might be problematic for her.”

“Then you keep threatening to do it!” Silver went on. “Let them laugh and laugh, let them go on their way.” He narrowed his eyes. “And then one day… ACTUALLY DO IT.”

Spitfire’s eyes widened while the look of discomfort remained, laughter erupting around her.

“AND GUESS WHAT?!” Silver yelled out, leaning to his side, forcing Dash to catch him. “They will always take you seriously after that. They will fear you!”

“Does that actually work?” High Winds lazily asked.

“Sure does!” Silver took a sip of his drink. “Just ask Wave!”

All eyes snapped to Wave as he nearly spat out all his cider. Spitfire slowly turned her head around to focus her look of disgust on him. Wave avoided eye contact, coughing as he pounded a hoof to his chest. Fleetfoot hopped up and rested her chin on Spitfire’s head.

“Haaaa, see that?” Silver pointed at Wave. “His head went up a little when I said that because he clenched his ass cheeks against his stool.”

Fleetfoot glanced back and forth between them.

“Silver put his dick in your—?”

“NO!” Wave yelled at her, making her flinch and fall off Spitfire while laughter erupted again.

“Dude this is…” Lighting Streak held his stomach. “This is suddenly the best night ever. Hey, hey, someone keep him talking, keep him talking!” he encouraged.

But he didn’t have to, Silver shifted back over to his seat to refill his glass, Fleetfoot quickly hopping back up on the seat.

“I tell ya,” Silver putters his lips and shook his head. “Yer all a bunch of slack jawed pussies.” He held the jug up and pushed it into Fleetfoot’s face. “You should all drink some of this crap and you’ll become a sexual dragon, like me!”

“Augh! No!” Fleetfoot pushed against the jug. “It smells worse than the stallion’s locker room!”

“Back in MY day…” Silver went on, dropping the jug in Fleetfoot’s lap.

“BLEH!” Fleetfoot quickly put it on the bar and slid it back to Silver.

“None of you would have survived as recruits!” Silver swayed back and forth in his stool. “My first day of training, Blizzard sent me, Cannon, Steady, and Valkyrie out into a field of tall grass behind the compound. We didn’t ask why, we just followed orders, waded our asses out into the field, the grass reaching our chests. Flight instructor FlakJacket was out there waiting for us, and we didn’t have time to blink before he THRUST his arm into the tall grass and PULLED out a live garter snake!” Silver pounded his hoof to the bar. “HE BIT OFF ITS HEAD! AND SAID… ‘Welcome to the Wonderbolts.’” Silver finished in a forced deep and sinister tone.

“What the ffffffffff—?!” Fleetfoot lost it, several others guffawing as well at the less than believable story but…

“HUH…?” Blaze stared wide eyed with her mouth agape. Everypony burst out laughing again at her reaction as Spitfire sighed and turned to her.

“Blaze, please tell me you don’t actually believe that,” she said with a sigh.

“With him how the fuck do we ever know?!” Blaze grabbed her mane.

“I don’t tell lies Blazey Cakes,” Silver chuckled, swaying as he pointed towards her.

“WHAT. THE FUCK. DID YOU JUST CALL ME?” Blaze recoiled backwards into High Winds, her eyes twitching and her body shuddering.

“I’m calling you that from now on!” Fleetfoot exclaimed as she fought back fits of giggles.

“NO. GOD NO. PLEASE NO.” Blaze threw her arms out.

“Can I call you that?” High Winds asked, scratching a hoof into Blaze’s mane.

“Okay maybe,” Blaze calmed down and bit her lip.

“Scissor me timbers, are you two about to do it right here?” Silver called out. “At least wait until we leave the bar or else we’ll have to rename this place Heavy Clam Jammer.”

“HRMPH!!!” Fleetfoot’s cheeks puffed up, she turned and jammed her face against Dash’s side and unleashed muffled laughter into her fur.

“AAAAaaaaaAAAAHHHH…” Dash twitched as Fleetfoot’s voice buzzed against her.

“CLAM JAMMER?!” Lightning and Air Mach both yelled out as they fell over backwards laughing, accidentally knocking Surprise off her chair as she furiously wrote down on her list.

“Okay that one was pretty good,” Spitfire cracked a smirk and chuckled along with Wave.

“Hey, does she ever fall asleep when you’re frisk twisting her?” Silver pressed, pointing at High Winds.

“Are we REALLY having this conversation?!” Blaze yelled, pulling her ears down as her face turned bright red.

“Sometimes you gotta just wake up,” Silver wobbled, facing forward and taking another sip from his drink. “You know what’ll wake you up fast? A tongue in the ass. That would wake me up fast. I’d be up and in a karate stance. You can’t let a pony assert their dominance on you like that without punching them in the face or else they’ll do it again the next night. Once they have you nervous in the service you’ll never get the better of them again.”

The Wonderbolts were now at the point of just glancing at each other and shrugging while laughing as Silver just went on and on.

“Bro…” Lightning shook his head out. “Silver’s old threat to visit us at night in clown makeup just took on a whole new meaning…”

“You better not have been doing that to recruits over the years…” Spitfire trailed off and looked at Dash. “Please tell me he hasn’t.”

“As far as I know, no… at least not to me!” Dash frantically replied, shaking her head.

“Yeah, that sounds like something he’d do to Lightning Streak,” Fleetfoot swung a hoof around and smacked Lightning on the back as he passed by.

“Ugh… URRRRRGH…” Lightning shuddered hard. “Fleet, no.”

“I’d rather rub one out with a hooffull of tacks,” Silver quickly shot back at her before looking at Lightning. “Look though, told ya it’s enough to scare a pony forever, see? He’s shaking like a dog trying to shit a peach seed.”

Silver suddenly leaned back and looked up as two older mares walked by to return their empty cider mugs. Silver whistled loudly at them.

“Heeeeeeeeeey! Ladies! Wanna make fourteen bits the HARD way?!” he asked, laughter erupting around him, specifically from Lightning Streak sounding like he was about to throw up a lung as he inhaled half his drink. Spitfire quickly looked at both the mares and shook her head, making a horizontal motion past her neck. One of the mares tipped her head and looked like she was thinking about it, but the other dragged her along and out.

“Okay Silver, I know you’re drunk, but keep it with all of us,” she suggested, but was visibly amused herself.

“What?” Silver shrugged. “I probably made their day, I doubt they’ve heard that shit in years.”

“Don’t make me tell your wife,” Spitfire added.

“She can join us!” Silver cheered as he put his glass in the air and took another sip.

“Sheesh, how much of that is he taking down?” Wave asked. “Is he going to remember anything from the past three days at this rate?”

“Why worry about that?” Lightning Streak chuckled. “Geezer’s got the right idea!”

“Brother, don’t go bothering all the mares,” Fire tried to cut in before he even started.

“Don’t be like that bro, I bet if I play my cards right, I could bag a mare here tonight!”

“HA!” Silver guffawed. “Nopony here is interested in your dysfunctional kickstand.”

Fire smirked at Lightning as snickers and chuckles came from around them.

“I rest my case,” Fire smirked before he was pulled into a surprise hug by a happily buzzed Misty Fly behind him.

“No you’re gonna stay right here,” Silver pulled Lightning Streak over to the other side of him. “Stay right here where you belong with the skin flute band,” he said as he shoved him right between Fleetfoot and Air Mach. Fleetfoot flattened her brow at him.

“Why did you include me in there?”

“You’re the lead singer,” Silver poked her in the chest. “And all your music really blows.” Lightning and Air Mach burst out laughing.

“Oh sure, like YOU know my sex life,” she stuck her tongue out at Silver.

“I could always ask.” Silver tapped a hoof on Lightning’s shoulder. Fleetfoot’s eyes shot open and she cringed.

“GAH! NO! NO! NO!” she turned to her cider mug. “AUUUGH!” she grunted as she chugged the entire thing. Dash blinked and turned to Lightning.

“I’ve heard this at least three times now, what the hell actually happened?” she asked. Lightning Streak threw on a bravado filled smile.

“It was NIIIIIIIIIIIIICE…”

“RRRAAAAAAAAGH!” Fleetfoot suddenly whipped around, grabbing Lightning by the neck and tackling him to the ground.

“Whoa, WHOA! WHOOOOOOOA!” he yelled out, Dash staring with a blank wide eyed expression as Fleetfoot started strangling him on the ground. Silver was too busy refilling his glass to care, and Fire was just watching from Misty’s arms.

“Aren’t you going to stop her?” Dash asked Fire with a smirk. Fire shrugged and shook his head.

“I’m okay with it,” he confirmed as Spitfire and Wave finally moved to pull Fleetfoot off of him.

“Dude…” Lighting slowly got up, Fleetfoot heaving angry breaths and snorting at him as the rest of the bar patrons barely paid any notice.

“Yikes, that was a violent reaction,” Wave commented as they put Fleetfoot back in her stool and she dug her face into her cider mug.

“And it was hilarious,” Silver added. “Goldilocks over here piped up and got smacked down real quick.” Silver glanced to his right to see Misty let go of Fire so he could grab his drink. “You two are getting rather intimate over there, quit snuggling up to me.”

“You’re acting like I have a choice,” Fire said with a chuckle. “When she wants something, she will not be denied, especially if it’s me.”

“I’m seeing a pattern here, how tight is the leash, huh?” Silver asked.

“Leash?” Fire blinked, touching a hoof to his neck.

“Not the one on your neck, chuckle-nuts,” Silver slammed another gulp of his drink. “She may follow you out to the golf course to kiss your balls and make your putter rise, but once it does she gives you a good yank and puts you right in her doghouse!”

“I’m confused,” Fire admitted. As the other laughed behind Silver.

“There was so much innuendo in there I’m still trying to write it all out!!!” Surprise whined as her list continued to grow in a pile of paper behind her.

“Made perfect sense to me!” Lightning guffawed while making his way over to Fire. “Face it bro, she’s got you wrapped completely around her hoof. She ever let you come up for air?”

Fire suddenly smirked.

“I’d say I’m faring better than you at least.”

“WHOA! SHIT!” Silver suddenly leaned over, getting into Lightning’s Face. “YOUR CAREER IS OVER! SIT THE FUCK DOWN!” Silver swung his cast arm around, smacking Lightning over the head with it and sending him flat to the ground.

“SILVER!” Dash reached over and grabbed him. “Stop!”

“Excuse me, WHAT?” Silver turned to her. “Since when do you give a damn about him?”

“Your arm... Silver. Don’t swing it around like that.” Dash clarified.

Silver stared and blinked. Then burst out laughing, others following along as Dash wondered what she had done.

“Nice Dash…” Spitfire snickered. “Lightning takes a hit on the noggin and you’re more worried about what hit him.”

“Oh… pfff…” Dash held her breath. She didn’t even think of it.

“Striking out left and right tonight…” Lightning wobbled to his hooves and hobbled back to the bar for more cider.

“So Fire, humor me here,” Silver turned back to him as Misty started running a hoof in his mane, looking a little happily buzzed. “So she doesn’t speak. Does that meeeeeeeean…” Silver rotated his hoof.

“Mean what?”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Silver poured out more into his glass, but missed at several points, splashing it out on the bar. Dash scrunched her face, reaching over Fleetfoot to slowly pull the jug away from Silver as he turned back to Fire. “She make any noise?”

“Has she ever?” Fire tipped his head slightly, still confused.

“Not even when you…” Silver rotated his hoof again.

“I still don’t follow.”

“Fire! Come on!” Fleetfoot leaned over and threw her arms out, giggling. “It’s like you haven’t been listening the whole time, what the hell do you think he’s talking about?!”

“She gets it, but that’s cause it’s all she thinks about,” Silver made a head motion at her.

“Hey!”

“During… Ooooooooh…” Fire blinked, his ears flopping down. “Uh…” he turned and looked at Misty, who obviously couldn’t hear anything he was saying. “No, she’s quiet then too.”

“Quiet or silent?” Silver pressed, sounding way too serious for the subject matter. But he was starting to sway a bit much, he wasn’t just drunk, he was really drunk.

“Silent.”

“Not even a squeak or whistle? That must be weird,” Silver took a swig of his drink.

“Whistle…?” Dash spoke up, lifting an eyebrow as Blaze and High Winds snickered behind her.

“Yeah this one time I was making love to my wife,” Silver casually turned, but appeared to lose his posture on the way over and slumped down on the bar, sliding the rest of the way until he was facing Fleetfoot even though Dash was the one who said it. “But she kept her mouth shut since the kids were asleep. Celestia preserve me, she started to whistle and smoke came out of her ears.”

“What?” Fleetfoot twitched.

“I know right?!” Silver tried to throw his arm out but ended up lazily bopping it against Fleetfoot’s shoulder instead. “I didn’t know if I had shtupped her or if I had made tea!”

Fleetfoot tipped over and let her head hit the bar. Spitfire groaned and rolled her eyes as Surprise yelped and fell off her stool, tangled in her list.

“IT’S TOO MUCH, I CAN’T KEEP UP!” she wailed.

“It reminded me of the pressure cooker she bought the night before, but thankfully her head didn’t launch off her neck and hit the ceiling,” Silver rambled on. “Glad it broke, the things my wife cooked up with that unholy piece of garbage frightened me. I don’t think stuffed peppers are supposed to glow in the dark.”

“Good lord he’s drunk…” Spitfire commented, slowly looking up and looking at him with concern.

“And it’s the best thing ever,” Wave added, chuckling. “I’ve spent more time with him than all of you. Believe me, I’m not going to let him live this one down.”

“From that night forward we waited till the kids were out of the house before we got out the rub… the rubber… the… liquor… the…” Silver tipped his head down as he struggled to get the words out. “What am I trying to say here? Uh…” he slid down, resting his chin on the bar and holding his glass with his good hoof. “Rub… WAIT! WAIT! .... Rubber ducks and dick her…yeah that’s what I was saying.”

“Rubber… what?” Fleetfoot snorted into her mug. Fire blinked and tipped his head.

“Isn’t the joke phrase… ‘rubber buns and liquor?’”

“TONIGHT IT’S RUBBER DUCKS AND DICK HER!” Silver swung his cast arm around and jammed his hoof poking out of it against Fire’s chest. “NOW SAY IT!” he yelled.

“Whoa!” Fire yelped as Silver nudged him off his stool and he fell into Misty Fly. But she caught him and pulled him over, hugging him tightly while swaying and silently giggling.

“Speaking of smoke…” Silver scrunched his nose and sniffed the air. “Did somepony just light up in here? ANUS! WHY ARE PONIES SMOKING?!” Silver yelled for the bartender.

“Because it’s allowed here, jackass!” Croc’s voice came from the back room.

“Pbbbbbbltpbhtlt…” Silver blew a raspberry as he slid his body back across the bar and focused on Fleetfoot and Dash. “Sheesh, I can’t stand the smell of cigarette smoke. My late grandma smoked herself to death, she had four cats. Only one of them was left when she died and my old stallion decided to take it. Thank Celestia it was already 17 years old and only lasted a month before kicking it.” He leaned towards Fleetfoot, causing her to lean backwards into Dash. “But it lived long enough for me to learn that you can’t scrub the smell of nicotine out of a cat, believe me I tried as hard as I could. One whiff and you’d think it used to live in a coal mine or something…”

“Where is he going with this…?” Fleetfoot asked.

“Beats me,” Dash chuckled as Silver continued to ramble.

Dash perked up as two other ponies walked by them as Silver kept going. An earth stallion and a pegasus mare. The earth stallion was big. Well… his width was more impressive than his height, and he had a very big head with a huge nose. Looked very gruff and no nonsense.

The mare was the polar opposite. She was wearing an absurd amount of makeup, very fake eyelashes, her lips almost looked fake, and she had a very shapely body… which judging by the rest of her Dash wouldn’t be surprised if there was some cosmetic work done there too. There was a fancy looking saddle fastened to her that probably wasn’t as expensive as it looked. Most of the Wonderbolts had their backs turned as they moved by, the stallion broke off to squeeze his large self into the bathroom while the mare sat down near them at the bar.

“Whoa there…”

Dash’s ears twitched and she turned to see both Lightning and Air Mach leaning over to look at the mare. Spitfire looked at the two of them and followed their eyes.

“Wow guys, really?” she asked them as the two kept nudging one another and whispering.

“Hey now, hey now…” Lightning nudged Spitfire. “Let the stallions observe the hottie.”

“Hottie?” Spitfire snorted. “She looks faker than Silver’s medical record.”

“Hey, you finally noticed?” Silver chimed in. “What’s going on over there? What the hell is THAT?!” Silver said fairly loudly as he eyed the mare nearby.

“Something that these two apparently think is attractive,” Spitfire rolled her eyes.

“Yeah it’s attractive,” Silver spoke up, shrugging. “If you’re into ponies that swallowed two whole watermelons and dipped their face in lead based paint. What the hell is she wearing, is that a saddle? Lordy, you two. That’s a red flag right there, be wary of mares in fancy saddles.”

“Oh yeah?” Lightning smirked as the mare just finished looking over at all of them. “Mare in the fancy saddle just eyefucked the SHIT outta me.” He said with a content nod.

“Is this the part where you get rejected again?” Wave asked. Dash opened her mouth to say that the mare showed up with a stallion, but she held her tongue… on the off chance this ended hilariously.

“Nah, you know what? I’m gonna do it,” Lightning chugged what was left of his cider.

“No you won’t,” Silver scoffed. “You’re going to shit buttersnakes and tell us about how you’re going to nail it, but if you could you wouldn’t be the leading contender for the swing-and-a-miss award. You think every mare wants your dick, but you can’t find it.”

“Just watch and take notes ya old donkey, you might learn a thing or two!” Lightning cracked his neck back and forth.

“This should be good,” Silver took another large drink from his glass and finished it off. “Hey, where’d the jug go?” he asked as he looked around, swaying pretty heavily.

“Good call, Dash,” Spitfire whispered to her as she eyed the jug.

“Mmhmm…” she hummed as the two watched Lightning saunter over to the mare… right as the large stallion emerged from the bathroom.

Lightning cleared his throat as he approached the mare.

“Hey pretty lady,” he scooted into the stool next to her as she shot him a sultry look. “Here all by your lonesome? Lemme buy you a drink.”

“Hmmm…” the mare hummed, lifting an eyebrow. “Actually…” she giggled while glancing up.

“HEY. BUDDY.”

Lighting flinched as a very large hoof slammed down to the bar right between them.

“Oh.” Lightning looked up to see the stallion glaring at him over his big nose. “Holy shit, you are a unit…”

“You LOST?” the stallion leaned down towards him and snorted in his face.

“Whoa there bro, I was just—”

“SCRAM or I’ll pound you flat.”

The rest of the Wonderbolts were watching with amusement at the predicament Lightning walked his way right into.

“Hey, hey, okay you don’t gotta be so touchy bro. You’re the one that left her out here,” Lightning tried to play it cool. There was no doubt Lightning could take the guy on easily, but they weren’t there to start a bar fight.

“You got to the count of three.”

“Bro…

“ONE…”

“Sheesh dude…”

“TWO…”

“Okay you know what…?

“THR—”

“HEY YOU!” Silver suddenly yelled. All eyes turned to him, including the large stallion. Silver was sitting upright and pointing over all of them. “Yeah YOU! With the big nose and three hundred pound jowls! I’m talking to you! YOU’RE with HER?!” he asked, motioning to the mare.

“Yeah? WHAT OF IT?” the stallion grunted, his glare now focused on Silver. At this point every single patron had stopped what they were doing, the entire bar stopping to watch. Croc emerged from the back room, but froze in place, eyes widening as he saw Silver staring down the big stallion.

“How the hell do you kiss him with that honker of his in the way?” Silver asked the mare while pointing at the stallion’s big nose. “Go to the hardware store and buy some hinges for that nose so you can move it out of the way!”

Blaze and High Winds both scooted away from the bar as the stallion trudged closer.

“Got a problem with my NOSE? Cyclops?” he grunted. Silver looked him up and down as Wave slowly shifted to place himself firmly between the stallion and Spitfire.

“Holy shit! Forget the nose, you are one ugly son of a bitch!” Silver went on. “You all seeing this here? Look at that! I bet if a blind pony touched his face they’d ask ‘why is there a pizza on this camel’s ass?’”

Wave Chill grabbed Spitfire and pulled them both away as the stallion trudged closer, snorting as he loomed over Dash and Fleetfoot, glaring at Silver.

“Butcher, Butcher just sit down,” Croc suddenly came forward and tried to talk the big stallion down. “He’s drunk. Didn’t you just get out of jail two days ago?”

“Step off Croc, I don’t like this guy!” Butcher growled as Dash started leaning back into Fleetfoot. Dash’s eyes hardened into a glare. As much as Silver was bringing this on himself, she didn’t like the way Butcher was advancing, or threatening.

“Hey, back off you big oaf. Sit down and have a drink,” Dash confronted him.

“You want some too?” Butcher glared down at her, but she held her ground, Fleetfoot peeking out from behind her.

“Sheesh he’s big…” Fleetfoot gulped.

“She sure as hell doesn’t want some from you!” Silver piped up again, leaning over to look at the mare. “And good gravy, how does SHE?! I think if I woke up next to you I’d chew my arm off.”

“Hey!” Croc moved over to Silver. “Will you just shut up?!”

“Anus, give it to me straight,” Silver poked Croc in the chest. “That’s one ugly mug up there, worse than the ones you serve cider in! Hell if I looked like that, I’d shave my ass and walk backwards!”

“THAT DOES IT!” Butcher shoved Dash and Fleetfoot aside. The two yelped, but were caught by Wave and Spitfire as the rest of them all came forward to stop Butcher from attacking Silver. But Butcher stopped in his tracks as Silver held up a hoof.

“Gimme a sec…” Silver reached down to the now revealed jug that was beneath Dash’s stool, and instead of pouring some out, tipped the whole thing up and took a large gulp from it. “PSHWOOOOO!” Silver exhaled loudly. “I NEEDED that… I was THIRSTY!” He looked up at Butcher, who was cracking his hooves back and forth. “Oh, what’s this? Uggo Thuggo wants to fight me?”

Butcher reached for him, but Silver swung both his arms up, the one in the cast falling as he swayed in his stool.

“BAD IDEA you bloated bag of cottage cheese!” Silver started rotating his one hoof in the air. “You know who I am, Tiny? I’m the Iron Fucking Horse of the Wonderbolts with a ham candle so fat it has a girth certificate! And you’re nothing but a fat cock that doesn’t know shit from apple butter! I’ve been on more high octane air raids than trips you’ve taken to the shitter in your life and by the looks of you that would be MANY! You’re like a seeping boil on the ass of a disease infested rat that deserves to be eaten by a Komodo dragon and shat off a cliff! You think you can fight me? Think again, assclown! I can cook one minute rice in fifty eight seconds and know at least seven hundred different ways to kick your ass, and that’s just with my bare hooves! I once took out the entire Canterlot Royal Guard with two punches… and the first one missed! So just try me you triple-truffle-shuffle blimp! I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it!”

All eyes just remained wide as Silver kept going… and going… and going… but Butcher had had enough.

Everypony gasped as Butcher rushed at Silver, but the moment he moved, Silver got up from his stool, leaned left and extended his good arm out, grabbing Butcher by the back of the head and slamming his face REALLY hard against the bar, so hard that his big nose went right through the wood.

Silver held his head there for a moment and glanced up at the shocked mare.

“Hey, could you help me out? HIC!” Silver asked, a loud hiccup making his voice squeak at the end. “I need you to find some baked beans and rub them all over my body.”

“Rgh…” Butcher started to stir, nose still stuck.

“Oh, hey, he’s still up!” Silver pulled his head free from the bar.

“Blarh!” Butcher coughed as Silver let go of him, growling loudly.

“Easy peasy…” Silver grabbed an empty cider mug nearby. “Off the HEEZY!” he yelled as chucked the beer mug, catching Butcher right between the eyes and knocking him over backwards almost right on top of the mare. She yelped and scooted back as Butcher landed on his back. Silver leapt onto Butcher’s chest and pointed at the mare again. “By the way my name is Richard Strong, but my friend’s call me Dick.”

Silver started punching Butcher in the face over and over.

And ironically, the Wonderbolts now found themselves rushing forward to stop Silver from beating up a pony twice his size after they were ready to protect him from him moments ago.

“Silver that’s enough!” Spitfire grabbed him by the arm and pulled at him.

“Silver! You made your point!” Wave tried to coax him as Dash helped the two of them pull him off Butcher.

“LEMME AT HIM! LEMME AT HIM!” Silver yelled.

“Whoa! Look out!” Fleetfoot suddenly yelled as Butcher grabbed a nearby barstool as he sat up and threw it in their direction.

“HRMPH!” Dash let go of Silver and slid forward, swinging her wing out to knock the bar stool away…

But it landed right in the middle of a table full of other bar patrons.

“Oh jeez…” Dash cringed. “Uh… sorry!” she yelled over to the table as the stallions got up and glared in her direction. “Ah hell,” She bit her lip as one of the stallions grabbed the chair he was sitting on. “Incoming everypony!” she yelled as the chair was launched towards them, hurtling towards Misty Fly… who was staring straight ahead and still bopping back and forth, completely oblivious to everything.

Without a moment of hesitation, Fire sprang towards her, grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her down while throwing a wing out. His wing hit the chair, but only slightly diverting it, the flat backrest slamming into his side.

“RGH!” he grunted as the hit pressed him to Misty.

Misty nearly spat out her cider, swallowing before quickly turning around and staring at Fire with concern as he cringed. She looked at the chair clattering on the floor, then sharply turned her eyes towards the stallions standing up at the table, the chair thrower still at the end of his follow through.

An incredibly hard glare formed on Misty’s face.

“Uh oh…” Lightning grabbed Air Mach and forced him in front of him. “Everypony take cover!”

“Misty no!” Spitfire tried to yell, but obviously there was no point.

Misty picked up her bar stool and launched it at the stallions, knocking over two of them, and before any of them could begin to form any sort of response, Misty was in the air and diving at them, the stallions yelping as she took two more of them down and then fixed her eyes on the remaining three.

“YEAH! NOW WE’RE TALKING!” Silver cheered as he ripped free from Dash. “Hey Blaze, make yourself useful!”

“Wha?!” Blaze yelped as Silver grabbed her by the arm. “What the—YIPE!” she squeaked as Silver swung her off her stool and launched her at Butcher. Butcher flinched as Blaze hit him in the chest, stumbling back. Silver rushed forward, grabbed him by the neck and yanked him down, causing him to tumble towards the scene of Misty’s rampage.

“PONY'S ELBOW!” Silver yelled as he leapt through the air and jammed it down on Butcher’s back.

“Son of a bitch,” Spitfire grumbled. “Guys, stop them before this gets out of…” Spitfire trailed off as several more bar patrons leapt in and started throwing punches and chairs, Silver and Misty having their way with most of them. “Dammit.”

“I just finished fixing up the place from last time…” Croc groaned.

“Dash, Fleet, get Silver and get him out of the bar!” Spitfire ordered.

“I dunno Spitty,” Fleetfoot shrugged. “It looks like Silver’s doing just fine.”

“I know, I’m more worried about him killing somepony,” Spitfire grunted, earning a few snickers from the rest. “Everypony else help me restrain Misty, we’re out of here!”

“Well okay we’ll—whoa!” Fleetfoot perked up as Dash dove right into the crowded bar fight. “Hey! Hey! Wait for me!”

Dash ducked and weaved, doing her best to slowly make her way towards Silver. She was trying to be serious since it wasn’t like Silver was in the sturdiest condition but… at the same time she was trying not to laugh. It seemed like only having one functioning arm and only a half functioning body didn’t seem to slow him down at all, and he was still yelling all sorts of nonsensical stuff thanks to the alcohol.

“OOF!” Dash grunted as she took a wayward arm to the gut, slightly knocking the wind out of her. She crouched down and shook her head out, catching her breath as Fleetfoot caught up to her, but stopped in her tracks.

“YEEK! Lookout!” she yelled as she pulled Dash down. Dash looked up to see a screaming stallion passing over the top of them… multiple times. She glanced up to see Silver had the stallion by the back hoof and was swinging him around, smacking him into others coming at him.

“HAHAHA!” Silver laughed heartily. “Y’ALL EVER BEEN SO MAD THAT YOU HIT A MOTHERFUCKER WITH ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER?!”

Dash and Fleetfoot just stared.

“You know, I kind of feel bad,” Fleetfoot spoke up. “Spitfire wants to get him out of here but he looks like he’s having so much fun.”

“Heh, I know right?” Dash agreed. “But… if any of these idiots gets lucky, Silver’s already broken, so…”

“Right, right…” Fleetfoot nodded. “Besides, we have the easy job.” She made a head motion to her right. Dash looked over to see Misty Fly elbowing Air Mach right in the stomach and sending him to the ground as she fought the rest trying to get her off the poor bastards she was beating to a pulp.

“Wow, she’s going all out,” said Dash, impressed.

“AAAAAAIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!” The stallion screamed as Silver let go and launched him over their heads, crashing into a stack of glass mugs behind the bar. Dash and Fleet cringed as Croc started swearing up a storm.

“Whoa, whoa… dizzy…” Silver’s voice came from above them. Both of them looked up just in time to see Silver fall towards them.

“HUP!” Dash reached up, Fleetfoot doing the same as they propped up Silver. “Alright, come on Silver, time to go?”

“What? NAH!” he tried to pull free, but Dash poked a hoof hard into his chest.

“Don’t nah me, mister! It’s past your bedtime! Let’s go,” she scolded.

“Whuzzat? Bedtime? I don’t wanna!”

“Too bad!” Dash said firmly as she started pulling them along.

“Over here, Dash!” Spitfire waved to them by the door. The two nodded and quickly pulled Silver along, taking him outside.

“PHEW!” Dash exhaled as the fresh air hit her nose and mouth. “I will never take clean air for granted again!” she proclaimed as she and Fleetfoot pulled the mumbling, grumbling Silver over to a wall opposite of the door, Spitfire trotting over to meet them.

“Is he okay?” Spitfire asked with concern.

“Lemme go back in! I wasn’t done showin’ them my twenty-four inch premium monster package!” Silver yelled, trying to get back up, only to have Dash push him back down. Spitfire flattened her brow and snorted as Fleet snickered.

“Yeah, he’s fine…” Spitfire confirmed for herself.

The three mares flinched as a loud crash came from behind them. They all turned around to see a large hole in one window that wasn’t boarded up and Lightning Streak laying on his stomach on the ground. He picked up his head, blinked, and rubbed his jaw.

“Dude… she is going POSTAL in there!” he said with heavy panting, pointing a hoof at the window.

“Great…” Spitfire sighed, turning to Dash. “Dash, do me a favor and get Silver back to the hospital. Fleet! Let’s go!”

“Huh?” Dash blinked, but had no time to reply as Spitfire, Fleetfoot, and Lightning all rushed back in to take on the apparently very difficult task of subduing an enraged Misty Fly. Dash sighed and glanced at Silver. He was looking up in the air and drunkenly chuckling.

“Heh… heh heh…” he looked down at Dash. “Hey, hey Dash…” he nudged a hoof into her side. “Did you know that Aspirin won’t bring a hooker back to life?”

Dash stared blankly at him for a moment.

“Good to know.” She reached for him and hoisted him up, supporting him with her shoulder. “Come on, let’s get you back.”

---

“That’s like if your son asks for a dog for his birthday and you get him a goldfish, you know?”

“Uh huh…” Dash nodded as she gently pulled Silver down the street with her.

“Right? Then to rub it in you tell him to take it for a walk and give him a leash made of dental floss, heh… heh…” Silver rambled on, dragging his back hooves as he leaned on Dash, drunkenly chuckling. “THAT’s when you know you’re a jackass. You feel me?”

“Yep,” Dash nodded.

Silver had been just sort of rambling since Dash started leading him back to the hospital. They had nearly made it there without any problems and incident, but while Dash was trying to focus on getting him back safely, she was snickering every few seconds at all the random stories and bits of ‘wisdom’ Silver was spouting. As weird as the night was, if Silver never got drunk as the Wonderbolts claimed, then it was a night to remember for sure. She just kept nodding and agreeing with everything he said, she figured if that was distracting him he’d think less about trying to get away and go back to the bar fight.

“…And that’s what happens when you eat cheese off the floor. I have a good refinery, but not that good.”

“Right…” Dash missed the first part of that one, but she was busy turning the corner, the hospital coming into view. “Finally, there it is.”

“There’s what?” Silver tipped into her a little.

“Hospital, Silver. It’s time to go back to bed,” Dash reminded him for what was at least the sixth time.

“Wait, night’s over already?” Silver groaned.

“Yes, Silver,” Dash reminded him as they started towards the building, Dash pondering how she was going to get him back in unseen.

“Hey, Rainbow Dash…”

Dash’s ears perked up.

“Dash… Skittles…” Silver rambled slightly, poking her in the shoulder. Dash glanced at him.

“Yeah?”

“I love ya.”

Dash’s face went blank.

“Uh, thanks?” she chuckled.

“Nah, stop that. Stop that,” Silver nudged himself into her. “I ain’t joking. I love ya.”

“I… love you… too…?” Dash awkwardly replied, tipping her head slightly.

“You made it all better. All of it.”

Dash’s ears stood up, sensing the tone in Silver’s voice.

“I don’t know what I’d be doing right now if you didn’t waltz your rainbow ass into the force,” Silver went on. “I had nothing going for me. I sat there and watched as the new generation slowly came in, one of the last of my time… over there, in the corner, just getting older and collecting dust. Things were going places I hated. It was just a matter of time before I was done, hung up the uniform, and I had nothing left behind except for a few medals and a cheesy portrait on the wall. Then a decade or so later anything I worked for would fade away.”

Dash glanced at him as he gripped her shoulder with his hoof.

“Then you came along and it lit a fire under my ass. It felt like a miracle or a twist of fate. When I saw what you could do I refused to sit there and watch. Just in the nick of time before I could quietly expire, you gave me a chance to leave something important behind, something that I knew wouldn’t fade away. You gave me a reason to get up in the morning and bite the ass off of a bear the way I used to and it felt great. Maybe I’d still have both wings and eyes if you hadn’t come along, but that’s a price I’d gladly pay for what I’ve been given from you.”

“Silver…” Dash looked away from him, her lips quivering as she suddenly felt warm.

“When I fought with that crazy bitch, I don’t think I’d ever fought harder for something in my life. I was doing it to protect all of you kids, sure, but… in the back of my mind, saving you was a personal, maybe even selfish priority. I wasn’t going to let your bright future end right there, no matter what. As if I was protecting my own daughter.”

“Silver!” Dash suddenly stopped on the spot, crouching down and placing a hoof over her mouth as her body shuddered.

“Hey, hey, what the hell? Don’t you start crying on me,” Silver poked her. Dash let out a loud sniffle and glared at him.

“You can’t say stuff like that to me and expect me not to!” Dash yelled as she reached out and hugged him. “You old jerk!” she stuffed her face into his chest. “I can’t imagine how I’d have gotten anywhere without you. When I thought you were dead I… UGH, DAMMIT!”

“Oops, I got mushy on you didn’t I?” Silver chuckled with a slight sway and hiccup. “I must be really drunk if I’m letting my guard down like that.”

Fan art by: Lazzari

“Ooooooh… I hate you,” Dash mumbled against his chest before pushing back from him and wiping some wayward tears from her eyes. “You always know exactly what to say to me, it makes me happy and pisses me off at the same time.”

“I try my hardest and have no regrets,” Silver ruffled her mane. “Now how about we go get another drink?”

Dash flinched and flattened her brow.

“Oooooh no, nice try you,” Dash hoisted him back up. “You’re going to bed and that’s—”

Dash looked towards the hospital again, but her eyes widened and she froze on the spot.

“Eh? Wha?” Silver looked up too.

Serenity.

Silver’s wife was sitting on the path just a few yards away, a flat look on her face and tapping a hoof on the ground.

“Oh, hi honey!” Silver chuckled, swaying and waving his good hoof in the air.

Serenity lifted an eyebrow as Dash remained perfectly still, frantically looking back and forth.

“Wow, you’re looking real good tonight! Did you get younger?” Silver added while almost knocking Dash over.

Serenity slowly rolled her eyes and shook her head, exhaling through her nose as she stood up and made her way towards Dash.

“Did he have a good time?” she suddenly asked. Dash blinked.

“Uh…” she glanced at Silver. He was letting his head hang back as he held onto her. “Yes?”

“He sure looks like he did,” Serenity huffed. “And I don’t know how you got him drunk… must’ve been some incredibly strong alcohol they were serving wherever you went.”

“Uhhhh… yeah,” Dash awkwardly rubbed the back of her head, surprised that Serenity was taking this rather… well. Almost as if she wasn’t surprised. Serenity looked Silver up and down as he whipped his head back down and looked her right in the eye.

“Hey darlin’ wanna play a game of find the snake under the bed sheets?” Silver bounced his eyebrows at her.

Serenity snorted and shook her head.

“Thanks for bringing him back safe, Rainbow Dash. I can take him from here.” She nodded.

“Oh? Sure…” Dash shield weakly, slowly passing him to her.

“It’s bed time for you, buster,” Serenity said firmly as she propped up Silver.

“Huh? Aw, but I was about to score!” Silver groaned.

“Oh, no you weren’t…” Serenity sighed as she started leading Silver towards the doors.

“Goodnight, Silver!” Dash chuckled, waving to him.

“Niiiiiiight!” Silver waved drunkenly. “Have fun mounting Soarin tonight!”

Dash’s ears flopped down, but she held firm. Silver was drunk after all, he didn’t know.

“Can’t really right now, but okay!” she awkwardly replied.

“Wait. Wait,” Silver planted his hooves and stopped Serenity, forcing them both to turn around. “Why not?”

“Eh?” Dash blinked as Silver started dragging Serenity back towards her despite her protest.

“Something up with you two?” he asked after stopping in front of her.

“Silver…” Dash flattened her brow. “You already know what happened, you got the whole story the other day.”

“Didn’t you barge your way in already?!” Silver got in her face.

“Yes, I… it got complicated…”

“You didn’t blow up the Empire so why are they keeping you out now?” Silver pressed.

“They…” Dash blinked. “Aren’t actually, they said I could visit, but it all just happened and they are working on him so…” Dash stared blankly. “Wait, they did say I could…”

“Then why the fuck aren’t you?”

“I…” Dash scratched her head. “Good question. I’ve been frustrated about that all night, but it was because Soarin couldn’t partake, not because… Wow, I could’ve gone at any time, huh?” Dash put it all together out loud. Either she had forgotten that part or she was being too careful about giving them space to work on Soarin. Celestia did give her the go ahead despite Discord’s disapproval. She didn’t regret running into the Wonderbolts for some fun with Silver, but before that she was angsting over something she ultimately had access too when she pleased, or at least had some decent leeway.

“Then go see him dammit! And if Discord doesn’t let you, put your dick in his ear until he takes you seriously!”

“Um…” Dash blinked.

“Oooookay Silver…” Serenity started pulling him away. “Bedtime.”

“Remember what I said at the bar! It works!” Silver yelled, letting his head hang back to keep looking at Dash. “Don’t you pussy out on meeeeeeeeeee!” he slurred as Serenity pulled him all the way to the doors and forced him through.

Dash sat still for several moments after they were gone, but… it didn’t take long for her mind to set itself on what she wanted. It was late but… screw it.

She wanted to see Soarin… and see if Celestia had any news for her. And if Discord tried to block her way she’d… well… try her best to emulate asserting herself in a way that Silver’s suggestion would since it would be kind of hard to do it his way.

She stood up, cracked her neck, and stared firmly down the path back towards the palace before breaking into a light, eager canter.

---To Be Continued---

Author's Note:

I just wrote 21,000 words of Silver being a jackass and i have absolutely no regrets.

But hey, thanks to this night of fun it looks like it hit Dash that she had a way out of her frustration all along! Now i wonder if it will be a hassle to get in?

Now that we've all had our fun, this officially marks the end of the 'vacation' chapters. Despite the next chapter happening on the same night, we're going to get a few wheels turning regarding what's happening and where things are going.

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed! (And had a good laugh!)

(Art in this chapter by: Foxenawolf)

Comments

[Lysander Shadowheart]

Is it bad that I literally fistbumped the air in celebration of this latest update? I plan on reading the chapter ASAP, but you've caught me at the wrong moment unfortunately.

Edit: I have now read the latest chapter, and I think monsterkittie got the right idea. I absolutely loved Drunk Silver, nice to see him enjoy himself after so much hardship.

[CeasarTwain31]

I haven't read the chapter yet, but I wanted to put this here,
I've been messing around with this Incorrect Quotes Generator, and I put in Rainbow Dash, Soarin, and Fleetfoot, and here's what I got...

Rainbow Dash: "How's the Sexiest person here~?"
Soarin: "I don't know, How are they~?"
Rainbow Dash, Flustered: "I-"
Fleetfoot, from across the room: "I'm doing great, thanks!"

It has Calm Wind energy, and I love it.

[My Rainbow Dash]

EEEEEEEEE!!!!! OH MY GOD!! THAT WAS AWESOME!! Seriously though. I was never expecting any of that to happen. And now Silver tells her to mount her coltfriend. OMG. Goodness Celestia this was an awesome chapter. Can't wait to see what'll happen next.

[Zoljen]

I'd say after the last two nights, Dash has expertise when dealing with drunks now. Between Fleetfoot the "marriage councilor" and Silver's "I'm an iron horse even if I'm broken." status, she has everything down pat.

[erictheblue]

“Really? That?!” Silver flattened his brow. “You call that strong? That was making love in a canoe!”

Fleetfoot blinked.

“Making love in a…?” she trailed off, glancing over at the others, her eyes landing at Spitfire, but she only shrugged. Croc looked like he didn’t understand either.

“FUCKING CLOSE TO WATER!” Silver clarified, the rest of them bursting into fits of chuckles and laughter. “You better have something better or else I’m taking all my bits back!”

oh that was great!

[Destiny-brave-fire]

I'm so glad I didn't have a drink when trying to read this chapter, otherwise I would have been fairing about as well as Fleetfoot was with drinking.

[Sunset_Shimmer83]

i had to refrain from drinking anything, several times i nearly spit out my drink LOL

[TexasDragon1995]

Oh yeah, it was worth it

Keep up the good work my hunk of Blazey Cake 🍰

[erictheblue]

All eyes were fixed on the jug and the faint green glow coming from the inside as croc pulled the large cork out. A puff of green mist shot into the air followed by a green light that splashed against all of them.

somehow this reminded me of a very old TV cartoon: a villain (wild-west type) tells the bartender "2 of the usual."
the bartender nervously puts on a chemical warfare suit and a welder's helmet, then mixes a concoction of multiple lethal poisons, (seriously, EVERY ingredient is SO deadly that one gram would kill a normal person), uses TONGS to bring it over, the villain drinks it EASILY, then tries to get the hero to drink the second cup...
i don't remember what happened next.

[Starfreedom444]

Drunk silver was worth the wait

[trejju]

Drink Silver is... Is.... Well he's different, I can't even describe him

[Gargon94]

This whole chapter made me LOL so hard I silent laugh for a few minutes. Drunk Sliver is best Sliver!?! Go do the thing Dashie!?!

[trejju]

Without a moment of hesitation, Fire sprang towards her, grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her down while throwing a wing out. His wing hit the chair, but only slightly diverting it, the flat backrest slamming into his side.

THIS SCENE IS SO CUUUUTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I LOVE THIS SCENE

[KnightMysterio]

I hurt myself laughing at all this and I'm honestly surprised I haven't gotten a noise complaint from the neighbors.

Worth it.

[Frazikar]

Minotaur sludge is what it takes, gotta remember that ...

[Lazzari]

I have found my favorit fucking chapter😭

[Shadow99688]

Are you able to NOT LAUGH when you write those?

[Nyxquinn]

Both Blaze and Fleetfoot ducked as Musty suddenly hurled through the air towards the door with both her back hooves outstretched. Her hooves slammed into the door, breaking the whole thing off the hinges and frame and slamming it to the floor inside.

Musty<---

maybe already pointed out but here a small mistake

[0PinkamenaDianePie0]

CALM HOW DO U COME UP WITH THESE THINGS 😭
i was rolling on the floor.
and the SilverDash moment at the end has me sobbing, thanks 😀👍🏼

[05RainbowDash]

THIS WAS THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER READ WE NEED TO SEE SILVER BEING DRUNK MORE IT WAS PURE GOLD
the part where he told he loved her and he protected her like a daughter 🥺🥺
sooo the story will begin progression now? or another way of saying it: when shit is going to hit the fan

[Lucky424]

Both Blaze and Fleetfoot ducked as Musty

Musty? Who's Musty?

“Oh…” Dash blinked as she saw Fabby leaning way too close to her face. “Gah, uh… just…” Dash looked around. If it was tradition, she’d just have one. “Just give me the drink please,” Dash quickly answered to get her out of his face.

Isn't Fabby the unicorn? That 'his' at the end should be 'her' too.

if nothing was wrong. Leaning on Spitfire’s

if nothing was wrong, leaning on Spitfire’s

taking up a log of Dash’s

taking up a lot of Dash’s

An earth stallion and a Pegasus mare

An earth stallion and a pegasus mare

She bit her lip as one of the stallions grabbed the chair he was sitting in

She bit her lip as one of the stallions grabbed the chair he was sitting on
Looks like I missed a few!

Spitfire was standing in the middle of the path, facing all of them with a very flat look on her face while tapping a hoof on the stone road. She was still wearing her rented dress for the Crystal Ball.

media1.tenor.com/images/2d7c691cb8dd444d7f60b35aea197086/tenor.gif?itemid=9659828

All eyes, except for Silver’s went wide as they saw a very trashy looking unicorn mare with a rather wild mane and apparently no shame.

Lightning has found his soul mate!

That was making love in a canoe!”

I knew where this was going as soon as I read it!

“Misty no!”
MISTY YES!
derpicdn.net/img/2015/10/1/992307/large.png

Spitfire, Fleetfoot, and Lightning all rushed back in to take on the apparently very difficult task of subduing an enraged Misty Fly

I'd normally make a snarky comment about it always being the quiet ones... but it's not like it's her choice.

I just wrote 21,000 words of Silver being a jackass

I just wrote 21,000 words of Silver being a awesome.
...didn't think I'd have to correct your author's notes!

[The Pony Eclipse]

i... have... no... words... HOLY SHIT THAT WA*dies*

[The Pony Eclipse]

.... i need a cigarette.

gada say calm, this story is why i still keep coming back. every other author either leaves me hangin and abandons the story or leaves me unsatisfied cause the story's good, but too damn short! i hate waiting on the next chapter but that ONE chapter was so f*ckin epic, it was finally worth it!

damn your good!

[Chillean]

I had so much fun reading that, it was like a Comedy Central roast. People at the bar were asking what I was reading and I had to lie that I'm not reading pony books.
I almost cried as well when Dash and Silver had their moment near the end.
Anyway, this chapter was so much fun and made my day

[Those Kids In The Corner]

“You know who I am, Tiny? I’m the Iron Fucking Horse of the Wonderbolts with a ham candle so fat it has a girth certificate!"

This.
Yes.

[rainbow_dashery]

OH MY GOSH THIS WAS GOLD-I MEAN, SILVER!
not me sobbing at the end, it was so cuute i love their relationship so much helppp

[Wolven5]

No words can do this chapter Justice!! Calling it Solid GOLD Writing feels so woefully inadequate!

[cakefoxy]

Both Blaze and Fleetfoot ducked as Musty suddenly hurled through the air

typo in misty's name here

[Midknight Defender]

“I’m talking to her, not you!” Silver added with a snort.

Pffft!

Already lost count of the times I’ve snickered at this chapter. Glad I saved it for home reading instead of work.

Hay, Dash? If you can’t put your dick in Discord’s ear, that may actually be what Air Mach is good for!!

[Coco Candy]

Can we just take a moment to talk about this chapter. Thank you Calm Wind. Thank you sir for this beyond amazing chapter. This is the chapter we didn't know we needed. You, sir, will forever be known to me and to many others, as the best fanfiction writer known to bronykind.

now that formalities are all said and done...

CALM WIND I FRICKEN LOVE YOU THIS IS AMAZING I LOVE DRUNK SILVER I WAS SO HAPPY AND I AM PLANNING TO DRAW A CRAP TON OF STUFF FROM THIS CHAPTER ALTHOUGH I AM BOOKED SO IT MIGHT TAKE A WHILE OK THANK YOU FOR BEING AMAZING BAIIIIIIII
edit: but OH MY GOSH WHEN HE SAID SHE WAS LIKE HIS DAUGHTER I DIED why do you do this to meeeeee making me feel feels

[Calm Wind]

10719731
He deserves this after what he's been through

[Calm Wind]

10719763
Glad to provide the giggles!

[Calm Wind]

10719859
Sounds like something she'd say

[Calm Wind]

10719893
Silver knows exactly what she wants even if he doesn't know the full context at the moment

[Calm Wind]

10719901
Drunk handling lvl 100

[Calm Wind]

10719941
I've been waiting to use that line for too long

[Calm Wind]

10719957
10719946

I should put a warning on this chapter for that

[Calm Wind]

10719967
BLAZEY BEEF CAKES

[Calm Wind]

10720016
His wild side was too pent up to contain

[Calm Wind]

10720027
You thought he no filter when sober? Just wait till he finds a way to get drunk!

[Calm Wind]

10720030
Fire will always protect his lady...

Then Misty will rip apart whoever he's protecting her from

[Calm Wind]

10720118
I feel for the young'uns who often tell me they read in the middle of class

[Calm Wind]

10720129
Radioactive minotaur sludge

[Calm Wind]

10720192
dohohohohoho

[Calm Wind]

10720307
When i heard the things i wrote down to help me put these kinds of lines together, believe me i laughed really damn hard

[Calm Wind]

10720388
oops fixed, thanks

[Calm Wind]

10720570
listening to weird, funny, or old people and taking notes

[Calm Wind]

10720577
Things will be put in motion for sure, but as for when SHTF...? You'll never know with me

[Calm Wind]

10720891
I cannot begin to describe how long ive been holding on to some of these notes for this scene alone. Had to let Silver loose!

[Calm Wind]

10720952
Always glad to entertain!