The Life of Death

by Nightmare Darkness

Introductions

"Well to tell you how I came across my current job I should tell you that I am the only one who can do it. It's not glamorous or great but it is one that I carry out because I really do enjoy my job." Pulls back hood its hood to reveal a clean bleach white skull of an ever present skeletal grin.

"I am death or Vine to my friends." It said placing a skeletal hoof against its chin.

"I was once upon a time a mare of great standing. So if you could call me anything I'm a she..." She said

"Well it all started the day I well...died." She laughed

The day was warm as Celestia had raised the sun and I was on my way to my job at the courthouse. The large marble columns that supported the mosaic of ponies depicting many forms of justice none more prominent than an alicorn who held a scale and a sword being the centerpiece. My name at that time was Grape Vine and well I was good at my job for the right bribe to say the least which got me quite a few enemies who desired my early retirement. It wasn't by one of their hooves that my demise came.

"Look out!" A pegesus shouted as Vine looked up and saw a cloud letting out a lace of lightning that slammed into the mosaic above her breaking off the blindfolded Alicorn as it tumbled down. Vine screamed as she tried to escape but it was too late.

*CRUNCH*

"Ironic really. I still get queasy thinking about my own death." She said shuddering making her bones clatter.

"But I've accomplished a few things that the usual job of Death doesn't have to deal with...like the unbalance of nature and the end of all life as we know it, so this is my story of well the day I took the duties and responsibilities of being death." She said shrugging.

Author's Note:

This is my first attempt at a darker idea and well telling it in first person.

Comments

[LuxAeterna]

Interesting premise, I'll read the rest and see what I think.

I would watch your grammar though, there's a great deal of missing punctuation and the 'pulls back its hood' bit at the start seems a little awkward, like something's missing. Perhaps you should have but, 'the black cloaked figure pulled back its hood'. If this prologue was longer I'd also have suggested putting a break between the speech and the description of her death. Perhaps a line or centred asterisks like this:

******

[Magical Trevor]

The grammar is... quite in need of work. I advise getting a pre-reader/editor or three to take a look at this, and the next chapters. I... can't keep reading as is, sorry. It's just too distracting.

[Cadabra]

The premise is really interesting, but I have to agree that the grammar needs work.

[ClockworkMage]

Also, using *THIS* kind of formatting for emphasis is a bit juvenile, relying on making the point with a visual gimmick instead of description. At the very least, make use of bold instead of asterisks.

[light snow]

I've been looking for a fic that has death as a MC for a long time now, the reason I held off on reading this is because is still in its early stages, but I'm going to read anyways :D

[Ari Dufresne]

5449077
Look up "Make A Wish" by Rorschach's Blot.

[NotBurgerShot]

5455209 can you give me the link to this story? I can't seem to find it.

[Dark_Night]

so far so good. i will continue to read to see where this leads. no major issues worth addressing. i assume you have an editor?