Friendship is Escape Velocity

by Cardboard Box

The Theory of Continual Disappointment

“The buck?”

“Dashie!”

“Sorry.”

The sextet known as Harmony Incarnate appeared to be in a decidedly run-down house; a house that, judging from the height of the windows and ceilings, wasn't built along pony lines. What little light managed to squirm through the filthy windows revealed stars, and not much else.

Twilight Sparkle stopped glaring at Rainbow Dash – one filly who was heading for a soapy mouth again – and looked about. One too-tall doorway led to what looked like a bedroom, another led to what looked like a kitchen, assuming that thing she could see was an oven.

“What the fuck was that?” The stallion's voice was outside, and had a tone to it that put everypony's hairs on edge.

“What the fuck was what?” Another stallion, a real smooth talker that reminded Twilight of Trixie. “Probably some damn squatter, and if they know what's good for 'em, they'll stay inside.”

The six looked at each other and decided to take the advice, listening to the unfamiliar voices grizzling at each other as they moved away.

“Those fellas weren't too friendly were they?” Applejack finally broke the silence, to Twilight's surprise. She'd have expected Pinky Pie.

“Yeah! Like they wanna keep something secret and ooh that just makes me wanna find out what it is and where we are and why everything's so broken down and icky and why are we here anyway?”

The incarnations of the Elements of Harmony all looked at Twilight, who started fidgeting and shuffling her hooves nervously. “I've... I've no idea... The spell should have...”

“Let's ask those ponies outside!” The pink mare immediately bounced over to the one door that evidently led outside and started rattling the knob with her mouth. Something clicked and the door popped open.

“Helloo!” Pinkie called, sticking her head out, “Anyone–”

There was a sharp popping sound, and Pinkie stiffened.

Then she slid bonelessly down the side of the door frame.

“Pinkie?” Twilight asked uncertainly.

The mare didn't reply.

Rainbow Dash immediately bolted outside.

“Come back here you varmint!” a stallion called angrily, then several more popping sounds were heard, some moving away.

The pegasus could see something dark emitting small flashes of light at something equally poorly lit, flashing back. She looked down at Pinky's face.

“Pinkie's hurt!” Rainbow cried, “Bad!”

Fluttershy emitted a small squeak, Rarity gasped, Applejack paled, and Twilight quietly slipped into a state of shock. First the spell goes wrong. I don't know how. I don't know why. Now we're far away from Ponyville. I don't know where. I don't know why. Pinkie's been injured I don't know why I don't know why I don't know why why why

Her body was shaking.

Why why why light why light why

Pain. Pain enough to knock her head sideways and make her gasp for air, stopping her hyperventilation. Twilight stared at Rarity – she'd left hoofprints on her cheek from the feel of it.

“Twilight!” she yelled again, “Snap out of it! Do something!”

“Do something,” Twilight echoed vaguely. Equally vaguely, she walked over to where the Element of Laughter was

bleeding

Pinkie's eyes were staring at nothing, and there was a hole a bucking hole in her bucking temple

Twilight looked away to a spidery tower on a hill and took one ragged breath, then another, trying to keep the panic down. Looked at Rainbow Dash, whose face reflected the same panic and hope that Princess Celestia's favoured student would know what to do.

What to do.

“We need to find help,” she managed to say on the second attempt.

“Help?” said a hearty stallion's voice accompanied by an approaching rolling scraping noise, “Well, let ol' Victor here help y'... oh my.”

Oh my was pretty much the same reaction that both Twilight and Rainbow had to the speaker. After all, it wasn't a stallion. Instead, it was some sort of machine, with two fat arms, balancing on one single wheel, and with a glowing panel bearing the image of a... creature... wearing a hat like Applejack's. From the way it was turning back and forth between the unicorn and the pegasus, it seemed fairly nonplussed too.

“What the hay,” Rainbow Dash finally broke the silence, deliberately placing herself between the machine and her friends, and adopting a threatening posture, “are you?”

“Oh, I'm a Securitron,” the machine actually seemed to shrug, “RobCo model twenty-sixty-bee. But butter my buns and call me a biscuit, seems to me your friend here needs to get to th' doc right quick.”

“She's not dead?” Twilight gingerly rested one forehoof against Pinky's chest. Sure enough, it was faint, but her heart was still beating – weak and fluttery but still beating. Twilight nearly fainted with relief. “Doctor. Right. Um, where?”

“Back there, up above the road.” The Victor machine waved one arm, which bent like rope, behind it. “Just follow me – uh, 'scuse me pard'ner, but I better carry your friend there.”

Rainbow Dash hadn't moved from her guard position, slowly and meaningfully scuffing one forehoof against the ground. “Did you do this?”

The other ponies were now somewhat comically craning their heads through the doorway, goggling at Pinkie on the ground, at Twilight, and at Rainbow Dash facing off against the Victor.

“Me? Heavens to Murgatroyd no! I was keepin' an eye on those unsavoury types that were doin' somethin' up at the cemetery. Then I guess your friend here startled one of 'em and... well... anyway, I ran the varmint off, so li'l blue guy–”

Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed.

“–If y'all don't mind, we'd best be getting' your friend here to the doc afore, uh, she bleeds out.”

The pegasus just glared at the machine, then Twilight's voice broke the silence.

“Stand aside Rainbow.”

“What?” Rainbow Dash turned her head enough to look at Twilight dubiously. The unicorn was pale and one of her eyes was twitching, but her voice was steady.

“If this... Victor... attacked Pinky... we'd be dead now. Let him take her to the doctor.” She gazed back at her friend, Loyalty incarnate. “Please.”

Rainbow took a breath, channelled the energy she had been preparing for a charge into moving carefully aside, placing each hoof deliberately. The machine rolled up to Pinkie, then tipped forward, pushing its stubby metal fingers underneath the Earth pony, before pivoting backwards and lifting its limp pink cargo off the ground.

“Whoof! What a weight! Right then, pardners, saddle up and wagons ho!”

Author's Note:

Fun fact: The chapter titles are song titles. See how many you recognise!

Comments

[Infinty Blade Brony]

I always liked Victor. He's a nice guy...bot...thing.