• Member Since 20th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen September 24th

PressStart


I'm a RPG gamer who writes for fun, however I don't mind doing one shot stories, so pm me if you want to make a request

T

Flitter is on her break day, but her sister Cloudchaser isn't. So she decided to see an old friend. On her way, she hears drums and started to dig in the spot that she is hearing it. Finding a board game called Jumanji, she decided to play it with her old friend. I mean, what could go wrong, right?

This may have sex in the tags, but at most they make sexual jokes a few times. Remember it's rated T, not M


Hothead112 takes half credit for this.


Flitter-PressStart
Colgate-Hothead112
Fleur-PressStart
Roseluck-Hothead112

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 25 )

Sorry just couldn't help myself but to post this :twilightblush:

"Get it off me." Fluer panicked.

Such panic.

This was... well, sort of rushed and dull.

4496814 I'm trying to do Fleur well for this fic.

This is the first of four chapters

Then why is it tagged Complete?

Anyway...this is really terrible.

4498416 It's poorly written, it's rushed, it's uninteresting.

4498423 I only wrote half of this, try reading Haven or Battle Path those are better.

4498457 No, they're really not. :unsuresweetie:

4498819 am I really that bad?

4498825 You need a lot more experience. And a few prereaders and a couple editors.

4499030 I've been writing for a long time, I'm also a good prereader already, and I have editors for the stories that I want to edited. So I'm not going to change what I'm doing, just because I have one hater. I'm not trying to please everyone.

4499046 "Hater"? I'm trying to explain to you that you need a lot of improvement.

Also, I'd like to point out that in your bio, which shows up on your userpage and every story you write, you have this:

I'm a brony the thinks Fluttershy is best pony and Luna is best princess. I'm not picky on want stories I read

You have errors in your user profile, man. That's embarrassing.

4499130 well, alright, but Haven already does have a editor.

In second grade I had an afterschool class to wait for the buses. In the room there was a tv with TWO movies. Lilo and stitch, and this. There was a kid who put the movie in and never let anybody play the other movie. Let's just say I had nightmares that year.

4523047 Oh? I still love Jumanji. Next chapter is the winner

4533695 :rainbowlaugh: well if you want a serious answer it is in season four.

4536972 ah... pyro! I like it!

4536989 I see that you liked it. But what exactly did you like about it?

4537042
I really liked the different traits you gave each character. I also liked that this is a Crossover of Jumanji. Sure it was a little rough in some parts, however I can defiantly see that you have great imagination. :twilightsmile:

4537049 what do you think that the ending?

4537055
I liked it! Though I kinda feel bad for the next pony who probably is going to play it.
All n all, I give this story 3 our of 5 stars. Keep it up.

4537070 thanks and yes I agree with that. You can't destroy the board...

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