• Member Since 10th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 29 minutes ago

Twinkletail


I write poni. I am easily distracted. I like Oreos.

E

During a slumber party at Applejack's house, Twilight decides to show off a new spell she's learned, using Rainbow Dash and Maud Pie as her test subjects. There's a few unexpected side effects, though, and the two soon find themselves seeing things through each other's eyes.

Written for the Transformations Body-Swap contest! 2nd place in the PG13 bracket!

Thanks to Auramane and Zaphod for prereading!

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 58 )

This. This is brilliant.

Jesus that got featured quick!

4579608 I know right?

Hmm... a bit of a clue that Dash isn't quite herself. I wonder what'll happen next! :pinkiegasp:

You forgot to add twilight to the character list...
Wow. :facehoof:

Comment posted by The Cardboard Box deleted Jun 21st, 2014

Major cuteness. <3

Yet another well-characterized chapter, my friend. I'm enjoying this tale very much.

Sequel???

I really like this story. You have a well done set up with a concept we haven't seen much yet of the disproving Maud with a PinkieDash. I think that is a good combo because you can create so much tension between the very reserved Maud and the excitable Dashie. The joke at the end works well and we get some nice glimpses into what they think.

My only complaint is that I think this story could have been extended and I think it would actually work even better (I don't usually think that either as most people on this site drag things out too long). I think we could have gotten even more scenes with Dash and Maud learning about each other and getting to a point where they understand each other better. I also think it would be interesting to see Maud get convinced about Dashie being good for Pinkie with more interactions between the characters rather than just hearing from Dash's friends. I think there is a lot you can do with this premise with these characters.

Good work though this was very enjoyable as is.

Maud was quiet for a moment, before the corners of her mouth turned into a tiny smile.
"I know where that hoof's been."

I love this story!

3/10

Could've slipped in a incest clop scene with Maud taking advantage of her new body and Pinkie's crush. Also thought it was weird whenever the other starting listing things that RD did for Pinkie as though RD wasn't there when she did them as if no one but that individual pony knew about it in the first place.

It was a bit odd to read, my friend. upvote for effort.

4580593 You do realize that not every story has to have sex... I found this to be a delightful little romp and I enjoyed it for the short story it was.

4580629

You do realize that not every story has to have sex.

You are everything that is wrong with the world.

Maud thought for a moment , then shook her head.

You pressed

Same in -
"What was that for?" Maud shouted. She landed next to Rainbow and tried to hold her back , but wasn't

Most people on this site either drag a story out too long or not enough, but this was executed perfectaly.

Also the story itself and the humor within were superior to what you normally find in many short stories on this site. Bien joué!

This story is pretty good. It's funny, cute, well-written, and the characters fit just right.
And that's considering I'm usually skeptical of bodyswap stories.

All in all, you definitely deserve an upvote and a Fave. Well done, keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

P.S.:

"Did we stutter?" Applejack asked with a smirk.

"I-I might have stuttered," Fluttershy said, letting her mane fall over part of her face.

This made me laugh. :twilightsheepish:

"Oh come on," Rainbow said to Maud, grinning a playful little grin. "Why won't you bump my hoof?"

Maud was quiet for a moment, before the corners of her mouth turned into a tiny smile.

"I know where that hoof's been."

:rainbowderp:Ummm...wat?:rainbowhuh:

This story receives the official Maud Pie seal of approval.

fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/107/7/d/cornucopia_of_color_by_veeegeee-d4wj51d.jpg

It's rocks.

4580593

You know, you bring a very good point about the listing of stuff as if Rainbow wasn't there, I actually thought of the same while reading it.

But after the first half of your post I feel like I have to disagree with everything you say oh my god.

I mean what the heck.

4582537 We all know a kinky twilight body swapping her way into ponies' beds would make for a good clop fic.

4582537

I had a liiiittle bit of a problem writing that part myself. I justified it to myself by thinking of situations in TV shows where things like that have been done, with a bunch of characters talking to each other about a character who's with them as if they aren't. S'pose it could have been handled a bit better though.

4582569

It wasn't too bad.

Mostly weird that they talked about her in third person, rather than just reminding her of stuff she's done before, which seems to be the intent.

Like, if they were actually talking to Rainbow (well, at least who they thought was Rainbow) instead of chatting between themselves like she wasn't there, it might have felt a little bit more natural. You know, more in a "But hey, remember when you did this thing?" way.

It generally didn't really take away from the moment, though, this thing was gr9. Just a casual nitpick.

EDIT:

Actually, going over it again, replacing a couple of "Rainbow Dash"es for a couple of "you"s might fix that, dunno.

4581400 Maud LITERALLY spent a day walking in RD's Horseshoes. Think about it.

That was nice, cute, little bite-sized piece. I think this concept could be explored more, but this did an enjoyable job. I felt like Twilight came back and pulled a Twilight-ex-machina a bit early there, though. It was just getting into the best part of the hilarious misunderstandings and confusion, so I felt like the conflict itself wrapped up too conveniently. I thought the Pinkie x Dash shipping combined with Maud's mild disapproval was a pretty good way to set up a conflict though.

A couple minor things I noticed:
Chapter 2, sentence ending with comma:

Pinkie must have valued her as a really, really good friend if she was paying so much attention to her through her pranks,

Chapter 3, sentence with no end:

The looks of relief on Rainbow and Maud's faces went entirely unnoticed by

I dunno if this is the right place to mention stuff like that, so I'm sorry if it isn't.

CCC

Maud was quiet for a moment, before the corners of her mouth turned into a tiny smile.

"I know where that hoof's been."

Brilliant last line. And a brilliant prank, too.

A good story, altogether.

Pretty darn adorbs. :twilightsmile: :rainbowkiss: :pinkiesmile:

I am excited to read more! :pinkiehappy:

Eh.

The first chapter was the best chapter. The other two were "eh."
Thank you for sharing though.

This was adorable.

Nice story! Part of me wished it went a little bit longer and had some elements of danger in there to keep the reader on their toes (i.e. The longer the ponies are switched, there's risk in that Dash and Maud start to act and think more and more like the bodies they are residing in, so by the end Dash starts to feel like she is supposed to be a boring, grey Earth pony and she starts to really like rocks... and Maud gets more and more energetic and sarcastic the longer she is in Dash's body. By the time Twilight comes to fix things, both of them feel like they would rather stay as they are right now, and there's a real risk that they might decide to never swap back). :pinkiecrazy:

But I digress! What you did was pretty slick, and I loved the mini-twist with Pinkie's surprise party at the end there :rainbowwild:

Great story concept, you have a knack for original ideas :twilightsmile:

I like the sounds in the phrase “we walk a rocky road” in Rainbow’s poem. Good job writing it.

Definitely worth reading! Good idea. Did I miss something or where has Rainbow's hoof been???:derpyderp1:

Great story so far! :twilightsmile:

I have no idea what's going to happen, and I don't say that often. Color me intrigued.

Okay, now things make sense. You had me momentarily fooled by how they didn't make the switch immediately. Also, it's great how the Mane 6 (other than Rainbow) are all in on it. Which makes me wonder where Twilight really is. :ajsmug:

The ending felt like something of a cop-out. Waaaay too sudden, and as a result the potential impact of the romance part was ruined entirely. Other than that? Not bad.

"Oh come on," Rainbow said to Maud, grinning a playful little grin. "Why won't you bump my hoof?"
Maud was quiet for a moment, before the corners of her mouth turned into a tiny smile.
"I know where that hoof's been."

Uh... :rainbowderp: did I miss something, somewhere? Where's it been?

This was an interesting story, but WAY too short for me to favorite it.

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