• Member Since 11th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

RMWarPony


T

Twilight Sparkle"s Daughter, Twilight Sunburn/Shining Dawn A Pepsis/Flutter is the offspring of Chysalis and her deceased brother Shining Armor. Saved from Chrysalis hive by the exiled Queen Faust were she and her Brood mates are considered nothing but Cannon Fodder Shining dawn Now has a mother that lovers her and Twilight Sparkle has something she though out of reach of her magic. A child of her own.

Chapters (2)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 33 )

well its my first try leave some space between the red ink corrections so I can read it

4482420 I don't think that gold star is deserved.

4482420
thats better then I thought

4482470
please any other freed back to improve it

4482533 Scrap this project and work with smaller things. The idea is terrible with the method you used to put it out and it's impossible to tell what is going on from the description. Find somebody willing to pre-read and edit your work. You need it something fierce. Try and work on simple Slice of Life stuff to improve yourself before tackling larger ideas like this.

i like it and can't wait for more chapters for this story to come out

4482552
your correct the story is deeply involved within the last chapter of AAG so it would suck as a stand alone as for editors and pre readers its my first post so i just have not made those network connections yet If you could offer something about my story structure or pacing I know my grammer and punction stink but maybe that will improve with time

4482628 There are groups for that. This is not something I would touch with a fifty-foot pole, so asking me is like barking up the wrong tree.

4482674
thank you for your help

The people in this group will be willing to help you:

Looking For Editors

4486880
thanks for the help

4487808 No problem. :) Good luck!

4488324
based on my roaring success with my first try I went back with a new Idea On the AAG June story forum any advice would be nice

4488766
There is no Brightside here though huehuehueafdafasdasd

4488767 I would offer my story advice, but I feel like the way I could help you most would be as a proofreader. That means I would mostly look for spelling and grammar errors and let you know where they are.

Message me if you would like some help in that department. :twilightsmile:

Thank you all for your help

4491966
having problems posting the revised version some of the editing is still showing up calling in the iT support.

4508105 It's probably the stuff in italics. Try putting the [ i ] tags back.

4510104
thanks now on to chapter 2
"what could possibly go wrong?:twilightoops:

4522778 There are still a few errors that were solved in the Google doc. Most have to do with capitalization and punctuation.

4522867
thanks its hard to tell whether the google docs edits take so i go back through in edit mode to the fim doc guess my google fu is weak:raritycry:

4523620 It's okay. :twilightsmile: I just thought I'd let you know.

why can't you make more chapters for this story

4547427
well, the story is for a contest, and as to not over step my bound with the original story I'm going to "end " the story till All american girl updates. then, maybe, I will continue the story.

thank you for your support on my first story attempt.:scootangel:
maybe a new original story will pop up in the near future.

4547483 ok and i hope you continue this story

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!