Part 5: Spectrum
I was sorting mail when I received the news. Raindrops, a coworker of mine, handed me a letter.
“It’s for you. It from Blue Rose. She said it was urgent and to get it to you as soon as possible.”
After Miss Doo had became more famous she set up her own little shop inside Ponyville instead of just selling her potions to be resold at larger shops. She had hired Blue Rose to watch over the shop, but she checked in and made sure everything ran smoothly every morning. I stopped what I was doing, took the letter, and opened it. A second letter inside of it fell to the ground, but I ignored it for now.
Derpy Hooves
Mary Doo did not show up this morning without any warning. I stopped by her home and found lying unconscious in the middle of the room. She has a deep puncture wound in her side, which she appears to have slapped some ointment on. Lying next to her was a note which is addressed to you. Please come quick.
Blue Rose
As I finished the letter I dropped it, overcome with worry. After I recovered from the initial emotional blow I scrambled on the floor, searching for the other letter. At last I found it, and as I read it, I was put into a state of even deeper emotional shock.
To Derpy Hooves
Im dyng, was stug by manidcor, sedatd myslf so I cn lst lon enogh for yu to com, vison fading, dont wory, stoped poson frm spredin but damag alredy don, orgns faling, com quckly so I can say godby and arnge fr futr, lv yo
Ms D
As I looked over it I was confused by what it said, I could barely make out the slurred handwriting, but I knew it wasn’t good. I was shaking now, and I found myself unable to speak, so I grabbed a pen and scribbled out a note, taking care to properly form the letters in my disturbed state.
I have to leave now. Forward these messages to Fluttershy, she lives with Rainbow Dash, and my husband.
I picked up the original message from Blue Rose and passed both the letters and the note to Raindrops. She looked over the note, then spoke to me.
“I’ll tell our boss where you went. You may leave now, I’ll deliver these to Fluttershy as soon as I can.”
I nodded my head, then headed off. I did not have much time.
***
As I flew through the air thoughts rushed through my mind. What was going on? Would I
make it in time? Was everything going to be alright. I just felt an incredible sick feeling building up within me, making flying all the more difficult. However, I could not stop, I had to make it to Miss Doo’s cottage. After what seemed like many hours, though I’m sure it wasn’t nearly that long I arrived. Standing outside was a young, blue unicorn mare with an azure mane, waiting for me.
“Derpy, it’s worse than I thought. Mary Doo has awoken, and she told me what happened. She-”
At that moment a hoarse, guttural voice cut Blue Rose off. It took me a moment to realize that this was Miss Doo who was speaking.
“Let me speak for myself, I’m not dead yet. Bring her in.”
This was then followed by a wave of thick coughing, more of a course hacking than a cough for a cold. Again the sickening feeling returned to me. As I walked inside Blue Rose led me upstairs, where I found Miss Doo. She was lying on her side on the bed with blood stained bandages wrapped around her side. Next to her was a bowl filled with a mixture of blood, saliva, and phlegm. I felt like throwing up now, I could feel myself shaking. As hard as it was, I managed to force out a few words.
“M-miss, are y-you a-all r-rgiht?”
“Ditzy, I’m dying.”
A lump formed in my throat. There was going to be no conversing on my side for awhile.
“I’m sorry, I was careless, and I was stung by manticore while I was trying to harvest poison from its stinger. I thought it was dead. I managed to stop the poison from spreading, but the damage was already done. I then sedated myself-”
She stopped to let out another violent burst of coughing. After she took control of herself she continued.
“-in order to slow down my bodily functions so I would last longer. Ditzy, my hours are now numbered, and we need to wrap up a few things before I die...”
Her eyes were now watering, and I felt streams riveting down my own face. This couldn’t be happening.
“N-now, first we need to settle some items of business. Blue Rose is going to take over the business, but I’m not sure what we are going to do with this cottage. I guess we are going to have to clean this place up, s-so it may be sold, so..”
At last I had found my voice again, and I cut her off.
“No, th-this can’t be happening! I can’t just let you give up like this! Remember what you told me all those years ago? I can do hard things! Y-you can do hard things to, you can
do hard things too! You can overcome this injury, I know you can, if you try..try...ch-try...I’ll change your b-bandages, g-give you medicine...”
“I’m sorry, but there is no cure for such an injury. The manticore’s venom has entered my organ cavity, corroded my flesh and slowly I am dying from hemorrhaging. Even as I speak blood is accumulating in my lungs. This is the end...”
I couldn’t take it anymore. Now I was just sobbing into Miss Doo’s bed. Eventually I ran out of energy and stopped, at which point she started speaking again.
“Ditzy, there is something I want to show you.”
With effort she managed to hoist herself up, and she grabbed a manuscript from her bedside table. As she handed to me I realized that I recognized it. It was what I had written all of those years ago with her help, to explain where I had come from.
“Take this, it’s yours. You keep telling me how you want to find your parents, and this has all of the information I know of them. I hope you will be able to fulfill your dream one day.”
She let out a low sigh, and then a groan. I just stared at the pages in my hooves.
“All these years gone by...you know, you became like a daughter to me, the daughter I could never have. After all we have been through... Now that the end is here all I want from you is to remember all the good times we had together, not too long for me now that I’m gone. I just want for you to happy. I love you, Ditzy Doo, or Derpy Hooves, or, simply put, Sweetie.”
Somehow the dying mare managed to make out a smile.
***
Time flowed by as I sat on the roof, alone with my emotions. I heard Fluttershy come and heard her weeping, heard how my husband arrived with my daughter and heard how he struggled to explain that Granny Doo was dying to an emotionally sensitive filly who knew all too well what death was, I heard Mrs. Hooves arrive and lament how she should have spent more time with her sister and now it was too late, heard Blue Rose bringing in water, but I just sat in silence. That is the way I mourn. Finally I decided it be best for me to return to my Godmother, as I ought to be by her side as she died. I flew down from the roof and rejoined the family and friends by Mary Doo’s bedside.
The final arrangements were being made. Fluttershy was going to inherit the house, though at the moment she had no desire due to her emotional state and didn’t believe she would be able to take of a household on her own, without Rainbow’s help. We reminded her that we would always be there for her if she needed help. She gave Miss Ditzy to Dinky. Blue Rose was given all of the books so that after she read them she might be able to take up potion making so Mary Doo’s business could be continued. We were all gathered around her now, and the last thing she did was command Blue Rose to mix up one final final potion for her.
“Thank you, Blue Rose. Now, I want you to take Dinky out of the room. Now.”
Blue Rose protested.
“Why must she leave now? How are things any different?”
“I said take her out no-AHH!”
As Miss Doo let out a gasp of pain Blue Rose complied and took Dinky out of the room. I was now confused.
“Wait a minute, if she just administered painkiller to you, than why are screaming in pain now?”
“Ditzy, that was no painkiller, it was, ARG, poison. Now that we, OH, settled everything, there is no reason...reason to..to lengthen the pain for me or anyone else he...eere...Go..oood....by...Sweetie..”
Her voice slurred and breathing became more difficult and her eyes rolled back. She let out a few last pained breathes, then she stopped. At last my greatest hero was dead. I ran out of the room and flew back up onto roof.
***
Time went one. It always marches on, no matter what hell you are going through. I went back to delivering mail, only now I always had the manuscript with me, hoping that I might be able to find someone who could interpret it and help me on my quest. Blue Rose started frantically reading the works of the now deceased Mary Doo so should could be her successor, only releasing that she prepared poison when she came across a certain recipe in her studies. Fluttershy now lived in the cottage with her animal friends, though it took her awhile to get settled in with the knowledge of what happened there, and she is still just as unemployed as she was when she was living with Rainbow Dash.
Besides those few things not much changed. Life went more or less back to normal, except now there was a gaping hole in my life, and in my heart. Everything returned to its monotonous routine, and I feared it would now remain this way forever. Then some extraordinary news came in. Ponyville had been selected to host the Summer Sun Celebration.
***
Fluttershy’s bird choir had been selected to provide music for the ceremonies. She was overjoyed at having been selected for such an honor. The yellow filly had gone far from the timid thing that fell from the sky so long ago, and I admit I was proud of her. In a way she was like a little sister to me. I had helped Fluttershy in her time of greatest need, and now she was chosen for an incredible honor in a great ceremony.
A unicorn named Twilight Sparkle was sent in from Canterlot to oversee the preparations for the ceremony. Soon enough she checked over everything, including Fluttershy’s bird choir. After she was done she retreated into a library which had been set up as a house for her.
I’m sure you all know what happened next. We were all at the celebration, Nightmare Moon came, then Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, and Apple Jack defeated Nightmare Moon and became heros. Luna was restored, and Twilight was here to stay. I was still just Derpy, mailmare with no past or future.
***
Fluttershy began to hang out with me less and less as she became further pulled into that new circle that formed around Twilight. That group had mystic air around them, an air that almost seemed like a strange pony such as myself ought to be a part of, but for some reason unknown to me fate said I was not to be part of it, I was just meant to be unusual, but boring old Derpy Hooves.
I still kept that narrative with me, but I now felt there was no purpose in having it. I didn’t even knew who I truly was, and I figured I’d never learn the truth. I was just destined to be a nobody.
As I was in my darkest hour I finally came to my first lead.
***
I was delivering a letter to a “Ms. Ruby Shine ” in a town known as Fetlockington. The town is a fair distance away, but it wasn’t too far. Fetlockington is a small town, smaller than Ponyville. There usually wasn’t much business in Fetlockington, it was a pretty quiet town and I had only been there once or twice before.
Ruby Shine lived in an ordinary house in the middle of the town. As it so happened, she was there when I delivered the letter. I used to try to come when the people were there, so I could try to see if they knew my past, but at this point I no longer cared. However, this mare thought differently. As I placed a letter into her mailbox and prepared to take off a red mare called out from inside the house.
“Wait a minute! I swear I recognize you. I could never forget those eyes!”
As I turned to the mare I took her in I realized that there was something almost familiar about her, though it was from a time long past, before I came to Ponyville.
“Wait, where do you know me from?”
“I swear I saw you a long time ago, when I was at the hospital because I broke my hind leg. You were one of the other fillies there, and though you didn’t say anything, we played together. I wanted to be with you longer, but then you had to go home, and then I tried to find you, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t! I remembered you had those crossed yellow eyes, and in all the years since I’ve never seen another pony with those eyes, especially one with the exact same mane and coat as you! Come on and talk with me inside!”
I finally had lead onto my past. Maybe I was finally going to learn who I was.
***
While Ruby Shine served tea I retrieved the narrative now known as Bubbles and shared it with her. She read over it, but in the end she couldn’t help me anymore than confirming that we did indeed meet each other at the time I was in the hospital after eating the muffins, and we came to the conclusion that I was probably from Fetlockington. She wished me luck, then I went on my way, not realizing that I left the manuscript behind.
***
I managed to arrange so that I would become the primary mail carrier for Fetlockington, but other then that things did not change much. However, my spirits were now renewed. I now felt I could finally actually have a chance of finding my parents, as I knew they probably dwelt somewhere within Fetlockington. Once again my spirits gradually began to die down as time past, and then once again not much happened, except for the time I managed get into the Young Fliers Competition.
The contest is mainly targeted towards teenagers and young adults, but I managed to convince them to let me join. I look a lot younger than my actual age, whatever that is, it’s always been a trait of mine. I decided I was going to enter after I learned that Rainbow Dash was going to enter and Fluttershy would therefore be watching.
Soon enough it was time for the actual contest, where I was given 15th placement for the order of performance, which meant I’d perform last. Somehow Rarity managed to sneak into the competition at the last minute even though she wasn’t registered and isn’t even a pegasus. Somehow she had a pair of magic butterfly wings, and she was dressed...elaborately...like a mare in a....less than desirable situation.
While I was waiting for my performance Rainbow Dash told me to switch places with her. I didn’t understand why she wanted me to do this, but as it was Rainbow Dash I agreed. As I used to be the final contestant this made Rainbow Dash become the new final contestant, and since the contest was only supposed to have 15 contestants, and Rarity snuck in she was thrown in together with Rainbow Dash. I guess Rarity was distracting Rainbow, as Dash wasn’t performing as well as she should have. Then Rarity’s wings disintegrated.
As Rarity fell, Rainbow Dash dived, and sure enough she managed to pull a second Sonic Rainboom. Rainbow Dash had just saved Rarity’s life, and as I heard Fluttershy cheer I saw a new side to Rainbow Dash. Not only was she a tough pony, but she was also loyal and dependable, a real hero when she needs to be. Her cutie mark is probably the most unusual one I have ever seen, a cloud with a lightning bolt coming out of it. However, that lightning bolt has a rainbow consisting of only the three primary colors on it, not a spectrum like a proper rainbow. I’ve been thinking about the meaning of that cutie mark, and I still have yet to discover what it means. Maybe those three primary colors imply an entire spectrum, but even then it’s still just as mysterious.
Fluttershy’s cheers reminded me of something else. As Rainbow Dash was declared the winner I was reminded that I was only a secondary friend, Rainbow Dash was her first and best friend. I was just Derpy. Sealing the rift that was growing between Fluttershy and I would be hard.
Then I remembered something. I could do hard things, if I tried. I had to try to speak to talk, I had to flap to fly, and I have to go to Fetlockington to find my parents. I needed to go try and fix things myself to heal this relationship, and I might as well do it now. I approached Fluttershy, and then spoke to her.
“Fluttershy, we haven’t been seeing each other as much lately, ever since Twilight came we have been seeing each other less and less. I admit I am no Rainbow Dash, I’m just Derpy Hooves known as Ditzy Doo, no one special, I’m lucky to have been with you. I-I missed you. Have you forgotten me?
“Oh Ditzy, you are like a big sister to me, I could never forget you. Just because I now have more friends, more than I’d ever thought a filly like me could hope to have, doesn’t mean I have to give you up. In fact I’ve...Oh nevermind...I just want to tell you I missed you too.”
We then embraced, and I knew that I had the power to make sure everything could still be alright.
***
At last it happened. I was just delivering mail as usual, not expecting for it to happen, but it actually did. I was in Fetlockington, and on that day I had to make the deliveries in the middle of a storm. As was heading out of the town after I dropped off all of the letters I saw her. There at the outskirts of the town was a yellow pegasus mare. She was just sitting out there in the rain, seeming to relish in her own misery. Her mane yellow as well, but it was slowly turning grey and white. I knew who that mare was.
“Mommy?”
“Derpy? This.... this... cannot be. You were dead. I killed you! I...I do not deserve you! Maybe I’m dreaming..... are you just a drug induced.....apparition...or are you a....ghost? Maybe I’ve finally died...wait...is that a....mailbag on your back? And you’re...big. If you were dead you wouldn’t be big...with a mailbag..“
Her voice was slurred, probably a result of being intoxicated, or maybe she was only half awake. I was too shocked to respond. Slowly she approached me, wobbling as she advanced.
“So you remain...mute even now. I don’t care anymore! I’ll endure all the....messes you made if only....if only... I could have my...my old life back! Oh, but it’s too late now. Now you are grown, Thunder left me after he discovered what I had done....I’d give anything to turn back...those wheels...learn to appreciate what I had...for what it was...I thought you were my only problem...now I know...you were my only joy....you survived?”
I was now more confused than shocked.
“Yes, I survived. And not only that, but I’ve learned so much. You hear me speaking, but now I can also fly! This pouch on my back, I have it because I’m mailmare now. I’m married, I have a beautiful daughter. I’m so much more than I was the last time you saw me. I’ve been looking for all of these years, just so I could show you how far I have come.”
She was now appearing to be a bit more sober, or at least awake, now that she heard my voice.
“Oh Celestia, this why you haven’t let me die! I tried time and time again to take my pathetic life! I’ve swallowed every pill and poison I could find, only to find myself waking up at the hospital every time. I’ve drunken myself half to death, but still I live on, so that I may see you again. And now you have returned. Don’t you realize I’ve beaten you, poisoned you, abandoned you? Why do you return?”
“Because I love you, even after all you have done, I still wanted to come back to you, show you how much more I am now, so you would be proud of me, to prove I’m not a retard! I came back because I loved you with all my heart! I loved too much to even realize what you had done to me!”
“ Even now, now that you know what I’ve done? Oh Derpy, will you forgive me?”
Could I forgive some who tried to kill me? Of course, if not I would have come all this for nothing. She was depressed, and taking care of me was stressful. I could understand why she did what she did, and she realized what she did was incredibly wrong. I found myself holding my mother as she cried onto my shoulder.
As I held my unstable mother in my arms, I began to wonder, what would I be worth if I really was just the retarded pony they thought I was? What would I be worth? Then I finally realized something. When Speedy meant I was beautiful just the I was, he meant just the way I was, I never needed to change for nopony. Ms. Doo took me in before she learned about my full potential, and my father had always loved me. He could have found a way to make things work without my mother. I really never needed to prove anything to anyone, I would have been loved no matter what, but I did it anyway.
***
I managed to get my mother, who I learned was named Sunshine, to seek help. I explained to my husband what happened, so he had no problems went I went off on my on to visit my mother. While she was recovering I learned that my father’s name was Thunder Hooves, and through a combination of her help and looking through the files at the post office I managed to locate him, and together we approached him. He saw my mother first, and was furious.
“I thought I told you that I never wanted to see you again! After all you have taken from, you have the nerves to come back-”
At this point I stepped forward and cut him off.
“Daddy, she only returned because I did. “
“Sweetie, is that you?”
The great grey stallion burst in tears.
”Yes, it is. All I wanted was for us to all be together again! You were going to teach my how to fly. I was going to learn to fly. It has always been my dream that once I learned to fly, we, and by we I mean all of us, would fly up to the rainbows, and there I would tell you the colors, show you all that I have learned. Well, now I have learned how to fly, and now I want to make that dream a reality. I...I just want us to all be happy again.”
At that point I noticed that there was yellow doll on a set of shelves behind him. After of all those years he had kept Miss Sweetie.
***
We were sitting on a cloud in Greater Cloudsdale, just my mother, father, and I. Hanging over us was a rainbow, and to me it seemed like the most beautiful rainbow that Equestria had ever seen.
“You know, I’ve always loved rainbows. One of my earliest memories is learning the basic colors of rainbow. I knew the five basic colors: red, yellow, green, blue, and purple. I also knew of slightly more complex colors like orange and pink. However, does aren’t even all the colors in the rainbow. Between all the colors there is an infinite amount of other colors, and the color spectrum extends even beyond the rainbow. Pink isn’t on the rainbow, but it is still a color.
Now, I’ve been thinking, maybe ponies are like colors too. Maybe there is a spectrum for ponies as well. After all, the shades of our coats and eyes are all different colors, but are personalities go so much farther too. There are yellows, but there are also brighter yellows, lighter yellows, and yellows that are more red. Orange is somehow both yellow and red. And then there is the complementary colors, colors that are opposites, but look so nice together. I’ve been thinking about things lately.
There is this other filly, and she sort of reminds me of my self, but she is different. Maybe we are both shades of green, but one of us is brighter, one is lighter, maybe I’m closer to blue and she is closer to yellow. Anyway, there's this other pony, and she contrasts so well with Fluttershy, but not so well with me. Maybe she is a shade of reddish purple. I mean, she isn’t actually reddish purple, she is actually azure, with the entire rainbow in her mane, and I’m grey, but the other filly actually is yellow...”
“I understand what you are saying.”
My father grabbed me tight. After all these years we were finally together, flying in the sky, discussing the colors of the rainbow that lay before us.
***
I am sitting my study, looking down at all the papers in front from me. Next to the papers is a half-eaten muffin. Outside I see my daughter playing with her grandparents while Fluttershy has her bird choir playing and Rainbow Dash watches from a cloud. Behind me are two yellow dolls whose names both start with Miss. I’m wearing a mail pouch across my back. The walls are just coated with clocks. A rainbow adorns the sky. Life is good.
I can safely say that I have now finally told the full story behind that narrative that is now called “Bubbles”, but the story of my life is far from over. Life never stops. It doesn’t have a central plot or core themes, but it does have events, stories, and subtle morales if we look hard in the world around us. We have hopes and dreams, and if we work hard enough, we can fulfill them, then moving onto new dreams as we take. And I learned all of this because of one pony, Mary Doo. She taught me that I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I was once thought to be nothing except a stupid burden by my own mother, but I have become so much more. I became wife, a mailmare, a hero. I learned to read. I learned to speak. I learned to fly.
THE END
Hello everyone. It's now been nearly a year since I wrote to story, and it's time for me to explain how it came to be. You are probably wondering while of all times I decided to release this now. The thing is, I actually meant to release an explanation much earlier to match with a certain "holiday", but I missed the date so now I had to wait an entire year. You see, today is April 2nd, World Autism Awareness Day. I tried to get this story finished within the month of April as that is Autism Awareness month, but it took a bit longer then I expected. See, I got the idea for this story immediately after I read Bubbles, thinking "Well, what if the Derpy in Bubbles actually isn't mentally retarded?" I've heard many stories about autistic individuals who didn't learn to speak until later in life and still proved to be rather intelligent, which is what I modeled my character for Derpy on. After reading the alternative ending listed on Equestria Daily I began to formulate my own ideas about what happened afterwards. I started making connections, ideas fell into place and the story grew in my head, and I soon I started writing it, just for fun. I think this was back in October, and I didn't get very far. It wasn't until I read another fanfiction about Derpy in March(?) that I remembered was motivated to continue. I then looked up when autism awareness day or month was and noticed it was rapidly approaching, and I decided I could use this story for it. I made this story to demonstrate some aspects of autism, and I interpreted Fluttershy as having mild Aspergers and severe social anxiety to further explore it. I wanted this story to give another perspective of autism for the whole autism awareness thing, showing autistic people as while having flaws are a human part of our society, not just a problem to be fixed. My story certainly doesn't represent every person autism (or maybe not anyone with autism, not exactly). I have AS myself, so I may be biased. I knew I wasn't going to be able to finish the story by Autism Awareness Day, so I broke it up into chapters, but I still didn't manage to finish the first chapter until a day too late. Anyway, while that's my original purpose for this story besides just writing it for fun, in the end it became just one theme of my story, there are many other more universal themes I've included. It's a story about preservation, becoming something more than you were, the help we need from others, and of many types of love. Providing a story that would touch all of my readers in some way became my purpose while writing it.
Here is some are some people who I want to acknowledge. First off, I need to thank Lauren Faust and the rest of the development team for making this amazing show and it's amazing characters (I swear that with Lesson Zero someone had Aspergers in mind for writing Twilight), Vcyrusvale for making Bubbles, the gut-wrenching fanfic this is a spinoff of, Bowtar, whose fan-sequel Raindrops and Cloudbubbles served as inspiration to my own story (guess I might as well thank RizCifra for making this, which inspired Bowtar, anyway her artwork is adorable and heart-wrenching, I don't think any artist pony artist has had as much of an emotional impact on me just through her drawing and animation than her), Clavdis Ceasar, whose Derpy's Dismally Derpy Day inspired me to actually continue writing my story months after I started. I didn't even have the first chapter finished before then, and soon afterward I had the first and second chapter. He also inspired the interpretation of Derpy's cutie mark in this story, so incase it still doesn't make any sense to you you should check his story out, and you should check his story out anyway as it's cute and very good. Finally I need to thank you, the readers, for motivating me to actually finish this story. I remember that after I submitted the story and I got the approval message I took a shower, and after I was done I found my inbox to be flooded with new emails and I was just shocked that people actually liked the crap I wrote. Last time I checked I saw the story had over 200 up votes, 300 favorites, and 3000 views, which is A LOT more than I could have ever hoped for, and knowing that people even read my story makes me very happy even though I'm a terrible writer. There was one comment where someone described just how they related with the story on a personal level, and that in turn touched me. So, once again, thanks everyone!
Believe it or not this song had absolutely no influence on my story, I didn't even hear of the ong but it does fit really well and is a pretty sweet song. It may indirectly influenced the title of this story, and Dave Grohl is awesome, so credits to the Foo Fighters.
I also think this song goes along well with this story. Not the same story, but it's still an awesome song. Tarby is best pony.
Finally, I also have a spin-off in the works. I'm afraid it's not Derpy, but I tried to write something similar. It can be found here.
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*Sniff* Beautiful......just........... BEAUTIFUL. You sir/madam, are an amazing writer. Compared to what you have written. Some of the actually decent stories on fimfiction don't DESERVE to exist on this site. All I have to say is encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTX4Mlkzq1NLxnMvYtjYDk4Zt1XhNuE9zaGH0GzHfWn7miz7AO9 IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!!
D'awwwwwwww...
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This is realy good
I sugest listen to Girl from the north country by The Waterboys.
It makes this even better.
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EXCELLENT
you have a very remarkble gift
629105 For me it was "Where did you learn to fly?"
*applause*
I almost cried there for a moment, closer even then My Little Dashie got me, for a moment, just a moment I felt emotion.
All the win to you.
Even when you crush my heart you still manage a happy ending on the chapter.
Not to ruin the mood or anything but the last words of Miss Doo seemed a mite rushed. Just my opinion.
AWHHHH! What a great ending to a great story! I always looove stories with Ditzy Doo in them, (she's my favorite pony so ya), after reading Bubbles I was mad at the mother, she had just ditched the daughter but Im glad they re-met and were happy again, great story and I hope there will be more in the future.
A good ending.
I can't say much more than that, it might ruin the moment for me.
Everything came full circle in the end... what a poetic and beautiful way to end things.
Man, when I logged in on FIM Fiction and saw you updated that story, I was like
Then I finished reading it and I was like
Sweet story, one of the saddest yet most heartwarming I've ever seen.
695779
I knew someone was going to post that (manly tears).
This is one of the best things I've seen here. Heartwarming and serves as a nice continuation to Bubbles.
Good Job.
"Oh Derpy, Derpy Hooves. You were fantastic, just...fantastic. And you know what? So was your story!"
loved it
the message at the end beautiful
Amazing. I have this permanent smile on my face. Not sure if this is good or bad, since I DO look pretty creepy when I smile...
Your Score:
Bonus Points:
This was an amazing story my friend.
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696132
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absolutely fucking amazing.
Oh and coincidentally, Learn to Fly by Foo Fighters times up and fits along with parts of the story with the speed I read
I was mind fucked at how perfect some of the lyrics matched
697697
Hey hey^^
I should have said "Everypony smiles, Derpy! Just this once! Everypony smiles!"
That... was... GREAT! Took a while to finish, but it doesn't matter, cause it was an awesome story.
Seriously, this was the first thing that poped into my head at the very end......
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What the F*** have you done lately??
B.T.W. great and very smooth ending.
This chapter feels very rushed. 3/5 stars overall.
700899
The chapter that I felt was the most rushed was Part 4. Why does this chapter seem "very rushed"?
701323 For starters, Ms. Doo's final dialogue. You tell that she's dying rather than showing it (which is ironic considering that her injuries should make it increasingly difficult to speak--has she been spending time around the main villains from Assassin's Creed?). She's also very blunt to Ditzy about how the toxin is killing her--I get that she doesn't have a lot of time to put things in order, but she's wasting valuable breath and unwittingly hurting Ditzy by saying exactly how the venom is ripping her apart. Step back out of dialogue and describe what's going on, even if it's just Ditzy remembering reading how acidic the venom is while Ms. Doo hacks up red phlegm.
And don't even get me going on your use of, "This is the end..." It shares a spot with "If only there were some way to insert deus ex machina action here" at the top of the list of cliches to never use.
There's more, but those are what stood out to me as the strongest flaws. If you haven't already, I recommend you check out the Equestria Daily Editor's Omnibus; it's a veritable treasure trove of writing tips, tricks, and pointers.
702120
Yeah, I admit I did rush the death scene, and I admit Mary Doo was rather blunt and unrealistic during the scene, but I didn't know how to best lay out the scene, I'll keep these in mind for the future, or if/when I decide to revise this. I have read/skimmed the Omnivus, but it was while back. Is there any major problems with this chapter for you outside of the death scene?
702313 As previously stated, those were the biggest concerns. Most of the rest bother me as a grammar nazi, but unless/until you're going to submit this to Equestria Daily, they won't have much impact.
Its such a simplistic writing style and simple story, it wouldnt even get a C in my english class, but its so utterly brilliant, i cried with happiness at the end, and at the begginging sadness. This is just brilliant.
702335
Well I did submit it to EQD, but they wouldn't accept it as it's technically an unofficial sequel.
702621 Really? I didn't know that was one of their stipulations.
Well, that's a bummer--in spite of all the harsh things I said above, this story has the potential for an EqD feature.
702621 I can make them accept it *cracks knuckles*.
lol, but in all seriousness, push it on them, show them how much support there is for it and get permission from the original writer of Bubbles
702621 I can make them accept it *cracks knuckles*.
lol, but in all seriousness, push it on them, show them how much support there is for it and get permission from the original writer of Bubbles
712569
The problem is I have no idea how to contact the original writer, all I can get is "Vcyrusvale" from the google doc, and no gmail is connected to that. Also, I've already tried pushing it at them three times, maybe if other people try pushing for it instead of just me than maybe it can get through.
Chap 1:
Im not gonna cry.
Chap 2: Im not gonna cry
Chap 3: Im not gonna cry....
Chap 4: I will NOT cry!!
Chap 5: Yes! I havent cried!
End of 5:
...Buck. Ah well. Tears worth shedding!!
This was an AMAZING STORY!!!! I loved it. You deserve a moustache.
713203 the only other option i can think off is putting bubbles in the 1st chapter, but editing it so it is no longer the same as the original
Won't Cry But Feel Like I Should. Have A Good Life Sir Cause You Are Amazing
Win. This is a big pile of win. I applaud you, good sir.
Such a sweet story with a happy ending. I have shed a few tears along reading this. Although mainly at the ending. It is sad when a good story ends, but if you try to stretch a story out too long then it should.... things go south... fast..... This story was done just right.
So I now present you with this lovely gift from me for such a lovely story:
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Thank you for sharing such a lovely story with us here.
726296
Why?
Rough but nicely written. Your word use, especially during the death scene was a little odd at times and there are myriad other little mistakes, but the plot makes up for all of that.
I would suggest that you don't poke at the EQD guard dogs too much, they get bitchy about their rules and repeated submissions will get them riled.
761901
I submitted once before the big rule change, sent them another email about reevaluating it after they posted their big rule change thing and there was nothing about the rule this was blotted on, and once I finished it I gave the submission form a shot, partly to test it out, and partly to see if I could hopefully hit a different pre-prereader who would let it slide.
763898
I was more talking about the having others push for it, as that can just antagonize them and get you permanently ignored.
Once again, my tears were milked like I'm some tear cow.
You get 5 Spike's for each chapter of tearjerking beauty.
Life never stops. It doesn’t have a central plot or core themes, but it does have events, stories, and subtle morals, and we can find them if we look hard in the world around us. We have hopes and dreams, and if we work hard enough, we can fulfill them, then move onto new dreams.. Words to live by. (Slightly edited to make more sense)
This is one of the most touching stories I've ever read. Thumbed up, favorited, and loved.
ROBCakeran53 would be shedding manly tears.
THIS is beautiful. I don't even know what to say.
My only criticism is that in your story, Ditzy/Derpy's husband is Speedy Hooves, while her father is Thunder Hooves.
Possibility for a sequel, where she finds that Speedy is her half-brother? If you think about it, Thunder could've remarried to Ms. Doo's sister and had Speedy.
Oh the drama.
905266
I thought I changed his name to Thunder Cloud or something....while I was working on this chapter I was toying with the idea of Derpy's surname being hooves so that she would have been Derpy Hooves even before she married Speedy and I had a a few lines about that, but I thought I decided against that and took it all out. Apparently I took the lines out but forgot to change the name.
As for your idea....squick
. I'm not sure if that would work as I thought I said Speedy's father was a unicorn back in chapter 4, but if I screwed up here I might have screwed up back there as well.
As for having a sequel, I currently have no plans. If I did one it would probably br even more mundane and slice of lifey than this. However, I did write Heavy Metal Fluttershy as a spinoff of sorts, I tried to subtly imply in Heavy Metal Fluttershy that the two stories take place in the same canon.
so amazing
