Part 4: Diamonds
We departed for Cloudsdale the next day. It was a long flight, but after the events of the previous day I felt like I could do anything. After we arrived at the main plaza at the center of the city Fluttershy began to show me around. I was finally in the sky with the other pegasi. As I toured the aerial city I realized that this what had been denied from me all of my life. The light fluff of the clouds gave a reassuring spring to my step as I felt their soft puffiness.
And then there was the rainbows. These were what I had been looking for all of my life, what I needed to show my parents in the sky. The iridescent fluid stimulated all of the senses. They tasted like a strong pepper, felt like dissolved soap, sounded like a rushing waterfall, smelled like sweet lavender, and most of all looked like the surface of a bubble in all of their psychedelic glory. I was mesmerized by the rainbows, and after what felt like seconds, but were probably closer to hours, I remembered that Fluttershy still needed to find her parents. She waited there patiently the whole time, too non-intrusive to be assertive enough to remind me of my duties. I apologized, then we headed back to the skies.
With Fluttershy’s help I managed to navigate the city. It didn't take too long before I was able to locate her home based on the descriptions she gave me.
***
As we were flying over Cloudsdale I was also surveying the city, looking for her home. Fluttershy alerted me once she spotted it. She gently tugged on my hair and whispered into my ear.
“Um Ditzy, there it is. If you don’t mind will you fly me over there?”
“Of course.”
We then descended in front of the house and awkwardly waited in front of it. Neither of us were really the type to knock on doors, even if we needed or wanted to. Eventually someone inside noticed that there was ponies standing in front of their house, and the door was opened.
“Fluttershy!”
A mare ran out and swept Fluttershy into an embrace. As she held her tears began to flow from her eyes. Inside the house was a stallion, who beckoned for me to approach him.
“Hey, I don’t know who you are, but thank you for bringing my daughter back. After we lost her at Summer Flight Camp, we have been searching for her for months, and we were beginning to lose hope. Again, we are ever grateful. May I ask you how you happened to find her?”
“Well I live on the surface near Ponyville with an earth pony named Mary Doo. On the day she went missing Miss Doo found Fluttershy in the forest. It took us awhile to be able to reach her, but eventually we got her to tell us what happened. She said that on the day she was separated she was being bullied, and then her friend Rainbow Dash stood up for her and challenged the bullies to the race. Somehow she fell off the clouds during the race, and she fell all the way down to the surface because she couldn’t fly very well.”
The stallion was quite shocked by this.
“She fell to the surface? She should not have survived a fall like that, though I don’t think you can imagine how glad I am that she did. Well, carry on.”
“Well, the reason why we couldn’t take her home then was because we didn’t have a means of taking her back as I couldn’t fly. She stayed with us for several months as I took the time to learn to fly. Once I learned to fly I took her back to Cloudsdale, and we found your home.”
Now the stallions eyes were starting to water.
“Thank you, just thank you. I can just imagine the dedication that took for you to learn for fly just to help someone in need. May I ask you what your name is?”
“Derpy.”
“Just Derpy?”
I felt something unpleasant within me as he said that, almost like wanted to cry, but not quite. I didn’t know how to respond, but I tried anyway.
“Well....most ponies call me Ditzy....but my name is Derpy....I don’t know what my surname name is....as I was separated from my parents when I was a filly...”
The stallion grabbed me and hugged me close. The hug was comforting, the deep pressure taming that unpleasant feeling.
“I’m sure they haven’t forgotten about you, just as we never forgot about Fluttershy. I hope you will find them again someday.”
“Thank you.”
He then released me.
“By the way, Fluttershy would probably want to return Ponyville some time, she really loves the animals there. Just check out her flank.”
The stallion sharply turned his head towards me and stared at me as he snapped at me.
“What did you just say about my daughter?”
I was quite confused by this, bringing more unpleasant feelings. What I had done this time?
“I just said you should look at her flank as she now has a cutie mark. Did I do something wrong?”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have have done that, but you need to be careful about how you phrase things.”
He paused for a second.
“It’s not polite to stare at somepony’s flank, and the way you worded that was particularly rude as it appeared to suggest certain things.”
He paused again.
“Did you just say Fluttershy now has her cutie mark?”
“Yes, it’s pink butterflies. She got them on the day we found her.”
“Interesting. Rainbow Dash got her cutie mark on the same day, during the race. She got it after she managed to unleash a legendary sonic rainboom. It spread all across Cloudsdale.”
“Rainbow Dash created that colors that moved across the sky? I really want to meet this filly now!”
The stallion smiled.
“I’m sure Rainbow Dash would want to meet the mare who brought her friend back as well. She was just as worried as we were and I’m sure she will be glad to know that her friend has been found.”
***
Fluttershy’s parents let me stay at their house for the rest of the day and spend the night over there. This was the first time I had spent the night away from “home” since “home” became Miss Doo’s house. The moment awakened the memories of that first night with Miss Doo all those years ago. As I waited for sleep to come to me I thought of the events of the day, how Fluttershy was finally brought home to her parents, and how that related to me. Were my parents looking for me, and if so, would they ever find me? At last I fell asleep.
***
Soon enough I met Rainbow Dash. The news that Fluttershy was back spread soon enough, and Rainbow Dash came over the next day to see her friend for the first time in months. I heard a knock on the door, and as it was opened a cyan filly rushed into the house. At that moment I was with Fluttershy as she showed me her collection of dresses she made and books on sewing. As the other filly ran into the room I was startled, jumped up, fly directly upwards, and conked my head against the ceiling.
Once I got over the onset of pain the first thing I saw was rainbowness. As I got my senses recollected I realized that the rainbow was connected to the cyan thing, which was the filly. She was now talking with Fluttershy, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I stumped out of the room and looked for some ice.
***
After I found the ice I came back into the room. I was feeling better now. Fluttershy immediately chirped up as I entered.
“Ditzy, are you alright?”
“I’m fine.”
The blue one then whispered to Fluttershy, but I could still pick it up.
“I told you she was going to be alright and there was no reason for you to worry yourself so much. I survive blows a lot harder than that all of the time.”
She then addressed me.
“Hi, I’m Rainbow Dash, the fasted filly in Cloudsdale, and future Wonderbolt. Fluttershy was telling me about you.”
“What’s a Wonderbolt?”
“If you weren’t from Ponyville I’d tackle you right now, every filly in Cloudsdale knows who the Wonderbolts are. The are the most awesome flying team in all of Equestria.”
“What’s a flying team?”
Rainbow Dash brought a hoof to her head. After some thought I came to the conclusion that she wasn’t as impressed me as I was impressed with her, the rainbow-maned creator of beautiful rainbooms. I bet as much as both appreciated what the other did, our relationship started with us both being equally irritated with the other.
***
Rainbow Dash wasn’t exactly mean, but even though I’m years older than her she did not treat me as such, she sort of acted like she was even older than me. It was annoying, but I tolerated it as she was really quite a remarkable pony, it’s just her personality didn’t fit with mine. It’s really remarkable how Fluttershy’s friend is so different from her and how they get along so well. They really are an unusual, but remarkable pair.
I couldn’t stay in Cloudsdale much longer, so after I said goodbye I returned home where I found Miss Doo. She hugged me when I came home. Fluttershy was home with her parents, but I was to remain with Miss Doo for now.
***
Miss Doo said I was no longer just a filly, I was now a proper mare, and since I could fly now Miss Doo said I could now explore Ponyville on my own. As I ventured in Ponyville I once again learned many things, things that I could only find out on my own. Instead of just meeting Speedy’s friends, I met new ponies on my own and made my own friends. I spent time with them, we talked, they invited me to parties. I was now almost with more ponies than I could handle.
I then began to notice that there was more that set me apart from the other ponies than just my eyes. For one, I was clumsier than most of the other ponies. I seemed to bump into stuff more often and drop things more frequently, but it didn’t bother me that much. There was also something different about the way I presented myself, apparently I acted differently. This was more of a problem, but most of the other ponies were accepting of me just the way I was. When they weren’t, I just reminded myself what Speedy had told me, that he loved me just the way I was.
Ponyville has a very strong community, and I participated in many of the community projects and events. For example, there was Nightmare Night, the Running of Leaves, and Winter Wrap. At Winter Wrap up in Ponyville it became tradition for me to lead the birds. I remember my first Winter Wrap Up. As I was new to the whole event I wasn’t a part of any of the teams, so I was temporarily shuffled through various tasks until they found one I was good at. As I wasn’t particularly dexterous I wasn’t adequate to assemble bird nests, my general clumsiness made me a terrible ice breaker, my lack of physical strength prevented me from pulling plows, and all of my handicaps with flight were detrimental when cloud clearing. Eventually I was assigned to waking up the animals, which I had no problems with.
However, the head of the animal team came to realize that no one was leading the birds. I volunteered, and then another mare and I headed off to find the birds. Despite my poor sense of direction and flight skills my extensive knowledge of the flight patterns of birds and air currents made me one of the best bird leaders yet. Usually the leaders had to put a large deal of effort in making sure none of the birds got separated from the group, but for me figuring out how to fly so none of them would be lost or jostled in air currents was second nature to me. After I led the birds back the animal team leader was so impressed with me that since then I’ve always lead the birds back by default. Sometimes I absent-mindedly flew off in the wrong direction, but I always ended up getting all the birds home in the end.
And of course, I continued to go out with Speedy at times, but now they were called dates. He took me out to restaurants to eat things, we played games at his house, went for walks at the park, and the like. We started to hug more kiss more. At first it made me nervous to do this in public, but soon I got used to it and began to enjoy it. It was during one such date where he changed my life forever.
***
We were at the Clover Cafe, sitting across from each other at a table. Speedy had a burlap sack next to him. He had told me he was going to show me something special once I got there, something that could potentially change my future, and I knew this was going to be very important. I could hardly contain my excitement, so after we got there I asked him about it.
“Speedy, what was that you wanted to show me? I want to see it now!”
“Just a moment. Lets order our food first.”
Once the waiter came over I ordered a daffodil sandwich, as I always do. Speedy Hooves ordered a some sauteed clover and a side of hay fries. Once the food arrived I asked him again.
“Now can you show me it?”
“Please, eat first. It can wait for a moment.”
I devoured the sandwich as quickly as I could. Speedy said what he was going to show me could change my life forever, so I wanted to see it as soon as possible.
“Ok, I finished eating. Can I see it now?”
Speedy Hooves mouth was full of clover. After he chewed and swallowed, he spoke.
“Just a wait a minute. I need to eat too.”
While I waited for him to finish I fiddled with the hay fries and occasionally ate one of them until I noticed another pony staring at me and I remembered this was considered rude. I stopped and then stared down while waiting for him to finish.
“Ok, I’m done. Here it is.”
I watched as he pulled out a sheet of paper out of the sack. On it were some text describing the nature of the certificate, a few signatures, and in the center it said “Doctor Whooves”.
“As I’ve told you, before my family came to Ponyville we were the Whooves, not the Hooves, and we changed our name to better fit in. I decided that Whooves was a more suiting name on my doctorate pronouncing me the official Clock Doctor of Ponyville.
“That’s wonderful, but how is this going to potentially change my life forever?”
The newly appointed Doctor Whooves then reached inside the sack and pulled out a small box covered in blue velvet. He then passed it towards me.
“Open it, it’s for you.”
I didn’t particularly like the feel of velvet, but I could stand it as I knew what ever was in the box was worth touching it. I pried it open and looked inside. There was a metal disk large enough to fit around my hoof, and it was decorated with a gold and silver inlaid clock with small diamonds on the hands and on the band itself.
“With my new job, I’m going to be able afford my own house, and I plan on buying that green down on Lesser Mane Street. I’m asking if you want to join me in living there, as my bride.”
I looked him in the eye, and for one moment it did not take any effort at all. With that I leaned in and kissed him.
***
The moment I got home I told Miss Doo the good news. Today she was spending the day at home, writing something on a typewriter. I came up to her from behind.
“Miss Doo, your nephew just showed me that he is now the official Clock Doctor of Ponyville, and he asked for me to marry him and to come live with him. Isn’t this wonderful?”
When she heard the news she froze up. Slowly she turned to face me.
“Yes, that is wonderful. I’m so happy you.”
She then let out a low sigh.
“It’s just, just...after all this time, we’ve been together...”
She stood up, and headed up stairs into my bedroom. She just stood there and stared.
“What is it? Do you want for me not to do this?”
“No...go ahead and live your life, you deserve it. It’s just with Fluttershy gone once you leave I’ll be alone again. I going to miss you once you are gone.”
“...I don’t want to leave you either...I’m going to tell him I can’t do this.”
Miss Doo turned to me sharply.
“Don’t! At least, don’t cancel this for me. This is your decision to make, you are old enough to make your own choices. I’m going to support you fully in any decision you make. Just make sure you visit me more often than my sister does.”
“I promise I will.”
She held out her forelegs and I came into her embrace. As she held me I thought about something that had often been on my mind. I had a question for her.
“Miss, when Fluttershy left she returned to her parents, they were looking for her. I’ve been gone for for longer than her. Do you think my parents are looking for me now, just waiting for me to find them?”
Miss Doo didn’t say anything at first, taking longer to respond than I expected, but she finally spoke.
“Well...I’m not sure. You have been gone for a lot longer than Fluttershy has. They might have lost hope by now. Also...”
She paused for a few seconds.
“...your circumstances weren’t quite the same as Fluttershy’s. See...well...Fluttershy was lost by accident.”
This confused me. I pulled myself out her grip.
“What do you mean by this? Are you saying that my parents left me on purpose?”
“Well...I’m sure you’re father misses you, but your mother-”
I couldn’t take this. I was shouting at her now.
“You are lying! My mother loves me! I’m going to find her and I’m going to prove you wrong!”
“Ditzy...”
“Don’t call me that! Mommy named me Derpy!”
“Derpy, I’m sorry, but that’s just the way things are, and as much as I want to, as hard as I try I cannot change it. And the other thing difference between your situation and Fluttershy’s is that we have no idea where you were from, so it will be a lot harder to find your parents."
She was right, I had no idea where she was, she could be anywhere in Equestria. However, as I looked at the paper she had on her desk I had an idea.
“The mailpony vists you once a week, doesn’t he? And he goes all around Equestria delivery letters. I’m going to become a mailmare some day, and then I will have to visit you once a week even if I don’t want to you, and I will find my parents! I’ll show you!”
Before Miss Doo could reply I had ran out the door. I ran a short while into the forest, placed my head against a tree, and cried until I couldn’t make a sound, then a lay on the ground in silence. Soon I found another body beside mine, gentling stroking my side. I turned and saw Miss Doo, and then cried again, this time into her sweet mane.
***
We made preparations for the wedding, and soon enough it was the wedding day. I wore the ornamental watch on my right foreleg and was wearing this wedding gown based on some designs Fluttershy made that I had a seamstress make for me. Everything was perfect, Speedy’s family and all of my friends in Ponyville were in attendance, and we had cake, music and everything. It was a fantastic day.
After we were married I could have just lived on Speedy’s income, but I decided I was going to become a mailmare. Then we would have twice as much income, and I could hope to eventually find my parents. I entered training for the post office, and while it took me awhile to get used to the job and I had some difficulties with navigation at times, my determination made me one of the most promising mailponies in training. However, I discovered that I was pregnant, and I had to leave on maternity leave.
The baby ended up being a unicorn filly, and we named her Dinky. I don’t know much about genetics, but Speedy’s father, who I have never meant, is a unicorn, so I guess I could see where she came from. I stayed at home with my daughter for nearly a year, but then I wanted to return to work, and honestly I’m not that good of a mother. My husband and I tried to work out a schedule so that there would always a parent around, planning it so I could train on the weekends and at night so that I could stay with her at school hours until the time were she would have to go to school on her own, but there was still some gaps, and I needed to find a nanny or something for her. I continued to visit Miss Doo, and she cared for Dinky sometimes, but her schedule was too erratic to take care of foals anymore, as she was a lot busier now than it was when she first found me after one of books became popular and there was a greater demand for her potions. Then I met Amethyst Star.
***
I was at the daycare, talking with the mare who run the place and discussing my situation and what arrangements we could make. I had Dinky with me in a foal pouch at my side, and she was eagerly looking around the room with bright eyes. It was there that I met Amethyst.
Amethyst Star is a pretty young unicorn. She is around Fluttershy’s age, has a pink coat, a purple mane, and for some reason has diamonds as a cutie mark even though she prefers animals and children to gems. She was reading a book to a small group of foals at the time, and once she finished the story she headed over to speak with the head. While she was waiting for me to finish speaking she started playing with Dinky. I stopped conversing with the head and turned to the unicorn. She then spoke to me.
“Oh, hello. I’m Amethyst Star, I work here as I love working with small children, and animals. You know, your daughter is a beautiful filly.”
I felt blood rushing into my face. I gently pressed one of my wings against my daughter, holding her against me.
“Oh, she certainly is. I’ve been taking with your boss, trying to figure out how to provide supervision for my daughter while my husband and I are working, and it seems to be a lot more complicated than it ought to be. Can you help me?”
“Sure, I can take of your daughter in the afternoons and weekends as that’s when I don’t have school. Would that work for you?”
I thought about it for a moment, seeing if I could work out my schedule.
“I guess I can make that work, at least for now. ”
We proceeded to work out the the details, and thus it was arranged so that Amethyst would watch over Dinky when I wouldn’t be available for her.
***
Now that I had a nanny I was able to return to training, and soon enough I became a proper member of the mail team, though I could only work in the afternoons and days Amethyst had off until Dinky started school. Now, mail delivery was not the only thing we had to do. At times we had to help with things such as moving and some minor weather duties. I wasn’t as good at these, but I tolerated them.
Dinky Hooves proved to a be an unusual filly. She was somewhat late to speak, but I taught her how to read at a young age, and it helped a great deal. She proved to be very successful academically, and managed to skip a few grades in school, but she had other problems that were similar to my own, but less severe. Amethyst Star became like a big sister to her who Dinky told everything and loved with all her heart. While Amethyst worked with several fillies, she noticed Dinky was a special child and took a special bonding with her, even to the point were it would become customary for them to go to the Sister Hooves Special together. As I’ve said before, Amethyst is an extraordinary unicorn, eventually becoming the Animal Team Leader in the Winter Wrap and making other accomplishments. I really admire that young mare.
As I cared for Dinky with Amethyst Star’s help I was reminded of my own mother. Was it true, the things Miss Doo had said to me? As I thought about it I realized that Miss Doo was more of mother to me than my actual mother ever was. It was under her her care where I finally flourished. I worked hard to make sure that I’d be as good as of a mother as I could, make her reach her full potential as soon as she could, and make sure the same thing wouldn’t happen to her that happened to her that happened to me. I took regular advice from Miss Doo on how to work with Dinky, and it really helped.
Things went on smoothly, without anything particularly extraordinary happening for years. Then things began to change. News was bustling around about how a new Ponyville Chief of Weather was coming in from Cloudsdale, and she was extremely young, having just come out of school and training, which was an extraordinary accomplishment. Soon enough the day came where she came to Ponyville and introduced herself to the weather pegasi, which included the mail pegasi. The moment I saw her I let out a small gasp. There was no way one could mistake that mane.
The new Chief of Weather was none other than Rainbow Dash.
***
The Chief of Weather is given a cloud house to live in as one the benefits for the role. I decided I was going to head over there so that I could speak privately with the one and only Rainbow Dash. The house in the sky was littered with rainbow founts and was modeled after traditional pegasus architecture. As I flew over to it I noticed that there was another pegasus standing on the cloud, outside of the house, talking to a bird. I landed next to Fluttershy and let out a greeting.
“Hello, its been so long since I have seen you!”
The now pretty much fully grown mare shrieked and the bird flew away. She turned to me, and stopped.
“Sorry.”
Just then Rainbow Dash came outside. After she looked around for a moment and saw what was going on she spoke.
“Oh, its just you. Just as long as you don’t break anything you're welcome, but make sure you don’t sneak up on Fluttershy, she doesn’t like being surprised like that.”
Rainbow Dash then motioned for me to follow her inside. After we passed through a few rooms and flew up to the second level we reached another room, Fluttershy following right behind. In the room there was a couch made of clouds. Rainbow Dash proceeded to lie down on it.
“Go ahead, make yourself comfortable.”
Fluttershy walked up next to the couch and sat down.
“Um, Ditzy, I just want to tell you how much I missed you. Oh, I want to come over to you place sometime, that is if you don’t mind. Do you ,uh, still live with Miss Doo?”
“No, I’ve since married Speedy Hooves, only now he is Doctor Whooves, and we live together in a house on Lesser Manestreet that we bought. And yes, of course I wouldn’t mind if you came over. Now, Rainbow Dash, how did you manage to get the role here?”
Rainbow Dash let out a small laugh.
“Ha, that was easy. I’m just the best flier in Equestria, and soon I’ll be a wonderbolt. Now, as for why I chose this role, it’s all because of Fluttershy. She kept telling me about her desire to come back to Ponyville, to return to the surface with the animals, but she isn’t able to get a home here herself and I don’t think she is going to be able to live on her own for awhile.”
As Rainbow said that Fluttershy’s face turned red and she stared at floor.
“Anyway, Fluttershy had moved in with me not too long ago back while we were in Cloudsdale. I saw that the position for Chief of Weather was open in Ponyville, and I decided I would accept it for Fluttershy, having to put off my dream of becoming a Wonderbolt for awhile. Sheesh.”
Fluttershy spoke under her breath. Rainbow didn’t appear to hear it, but I did.
“Oh, I wish I wasn’t such a burden.”
The young mare just broke my heart. Somehow, I just knew exactly how she felt, for as she said it I was reminded of the real reason why I insisted on being a mailmare, one that I didn’t even realize myself. I wanted to be useful, not just cute and clumbly Ditzy. I wanted nothing more than to just tell her how I loved her, but I just felt it wasn’t the right time. So I just waited as Rainbow drove the conversation along, until at last it I decided I was going to leave. I said goodbye, then walked up to Fluttershy and whispered in her ear.
“You aren’t a burden, you mean so much more to us than we can describe. I still love you now, and Rainbow Dash certainly does too.”
As Fluttershy blushed once again I had to head off.
***
I spent time with Fluttershy, but not nearly as much as when she actually lived with me. Fluttershy began to slowly make other friends with some other ponies, with a little bit of prodding. For example, she met Rarity, a unicorn who like Amethyst has diamonds for a cutie mark, only her mark actually makes sense, who was seamstress and fashion designer. With some encouraging from Rainbow Dash Fluttershy managed to strike up an awkward conversation with her, and after Fluttershy learned about their mutual interest their friendship started to blossom.
I had learned about this whole exchange after I noticed Fluttershy with Rarity and asked Rainbow Dash about it. Rainbow’s relation with Fluttershy reminded a lot of my own relationship with my husband. Someone who is always there for us, with a shoulder to cry on. Someone who was a bit tougher than us, helping us navigate through this strange world of other ponies which is too scary for us to go through alone. It’s a cruel world, but a beautiful one, especially when you have someone who loves you to share it with.
Fluttershy’s talent with animals is extraordinary. While she doesn’t seem to get along too well with other ponies, she just clicks with animals and communicates with them on a different level. As much as I admired Amethyst Star, Fluttershy was better with animals than her, but due to her lack of leadership skills she wouldn’t be a good Animal Team Leader for Winter Wrap Up, and thus Amethyst Star kept her role as Animal Team Leader while Fluttershy was just another worker, albeit the best of them.
The most notable thing that Fluttershy managed to set up was her bird choir. She had trained the birds to sing so well that they were beginning to reach a small amount of fame across Equestria. Fluttershy was too shy to perform in public on her own, but she had no problem with performing with them as a part of a larger event. She couldn’t find out a way to make any money from it, but in many ways she made Ponyville a better community than many activity working ponies and more social ponies with all the small things she did, especially her help with the animals, and by just being herself.
Fluttershy and I continued to visit Miss Doo together, on separate occasions than when I visited with my family. We loved our godmother, and enjoyed visiting her, so we made regular visits, until...until...it happened.
***
I going to take a break for a while. I know need to tell this part to give the whole story, but just thinking about it pains me. Oh, I only wish I could change the past.
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Well life goes on and she now has a loving husband a beautiful child.
noooooooooo! I really like this story! But if your not going to update it for a while I understand.
Just remember, when life gets you down, buy a comforter.
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613873 As I now work at Bed Bath & Beyond, I whole-heatedly endorse this statement.
613873
The final part is probably going to be finished a lot faster than this part. It might be shorter, and a lot of the things that were consuming my time are gone now. AP are done, my Eagle project is done except for writing the report, the school play's closing night is in a week, ect. Also, that last line was from Derpy's perspective, not mine.
Excellent
Derpy and I thought this was very good and it warms my heart to see derpy so happy that this story is about her, even if she is just a filly she understands alot of it. She is very excited to what will happen next and is jumping around the room so I'll probably go now to calm her down.
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613922 ow, my heart
618062
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this one made me cry more
618653 HNNNNNNNNNNNNG!
This story is truely amazing.
428914 Foo Fighters was the first thing I thought when I saw the title haha
629105 I'm not alone yay
Very sweet story and nice view on Derpy's life. I like it if its a bit... well passive.
630474 Hoo doggie, that made my day
Love so far. Other than the grammar and word mistakes, I have a couple things for you to consider.
Whooves and Ditzy's relationship seems very platonic. You get the point across that they are friends but not that it becomes more than that. Where are all the lovey dovey feels?
Ditzy herself does not show much emotion. You do a very nice job of portraying the thoughts running through her head, but we don't know how she feels. Her heart should flutter in her chest when Whooves proposes, she should feel irritated by Dash a little bit. You somewhat get that point across, but it sounds more like she's analyzing the emotions from a scientific point of view, and not really feeling them.
Finally, your timeline in part four is somewhat jumpy. Filling in a bit more detail couldn't hurt.
Absolutely love it. I need to go hunt for more Doctor X Ditzy fics. I love that shipping.
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Thanks for the constructive criticism. For the grammar and word mistakes, that is probably mainly due to a relative lack of proofreading, whenever I do go back and read over one of my chapters I fix all the errors I noticed. The rest of the suggestions seem to be targeted towards revision, which I might get around to after I get the first version of the final chapter out.
For Derpy's relationship, yes, I did notice it appears to be a little platonic. I really don't know anything about righting romantic relationships, so I decided to make it come across as more of a platonic friendship to make sure it wouldn't come across as creepy, and try to justify it by having it through Derpy's view, which is purposely given a bit of analytic edge. My idea was it is implied that they both had some attraction to each other at first sight, which turned more platonic and gradually turned romantic again. I'm not sure how well the idea came across.
The part about Derpy not showing much emotion was partly done on purpose, and partly the result of my sloppy writing. I was trying to write Derpy as being somewhat alexithymic to tie in with my general portrayal of Derpy in this work and message of the story. I noticed I had a bit more of how Derpy felt in Part 2 than I did in Part 4, and that is probably best explained by sloppy writing on my part. I want to write in a bit more of Derpy describing bodily sensations she has, and then attempting to analyse them, or something like that. With this in mind tell me more about how you would want this to be revised.
One thing that made this fic difficult to write was just the shear amount time that passes during the course of the story. The main writing style is an alternation between passage of time and scenes. Part 4 was the most challenging part as it covers the largest portion of time, but the reason it covers so much time is because not a whole lot of events relating to the central arch of both the part and the overall story happen during that time, its't not very dense. I sort of rushed Part 4 a bit as it was already getting to be overly long and people were waiting for me to release more. In a later revision I may have to reorganize how the chapters are split, but that wouldn't be easy.
Finally, thank you again. While DerpyXDoctorWhooves shipping is an important part of the story, it wasn't never meant to be the main focus, so I probably neglected their relationship a bit as I tried to get the story moving. I'm glad you like it even with all of it's flaws.
First of all.....
"As Rainbow said that Fluttershy’s face turned red and she stared at ground."
Lolz!!! What ground?? Its clouds!!
Second of all......
In fandom of Doctor Who and Doctor Whooves, i mean the greatest respect in saying, WHY YOU KILL US ALL???? You gave an answer to "The Question Hidden In Plain Sight"!! Bad you!!
Waiting on the next chapter. Keep up the awesome!!
I like this story, although I notice its more of a high level overview of Derpy's life and completely glosses over some pretty key moments that could have really used more exploration and fleshing out. I assume that's just the style you were aiming for, and I think it's still pretty good though.
Big comments piss me off *look up* THIS STORY IS NICE.
613922 DAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW (i actually squeed at that pic)
What a perfect story! Granted, there are occasional grammar and spelling errors, but every other quality is just downright perfect! You even made all the canon make perfect sense! Have 5 mustaches!
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