Applejack and Rainbow Dash have been in a relationship for a long time. But things take a turn when they both get into an argument in which neither of the stubborn mares back down to, and their relationship ends. Rainbow is heart broken, for the Pegasus is still in love with the farm pony. That's when the kindest Pegasus known as Fluttershy, steps in to help Rainbow Dash out with the grieving for her and her once was marefriend. But while beginning to heal from this heartbreak, Dashie starts to fall for the kind Pegasus. Despite that her and Applejack are over, Rainbow is still in love- (or she still believes she is)- with Applejack. How will she find out which card to choose, without picking the wrong one?
Flutterdash fanfiction, with/not really some Appledash. No oc's.
Proofreader:Funnynight
I did the cover art too.
And always stay aware- rating could be easily changed from Teen to Mature.
First things first- work on the formatting. A new paragraph needs to be started each time a new character speaks, regardless of how long they're speaking. Also, find a way to denote a new paragraph in a clearer way than what I'm seeing here, like either indentations, double tapping enter for line breaks, or both.
Second, using RD's nickname "Dashie" is fine for conversation, but when used in a narrative, it comes across as unprofessional.
Other than that, have a thumbs up and a fave- I look forward to seeing where you take this. You did good for your first time, buddy- much better than my first story. Go celebrate!
4478471 Your criticism is very much appreciated. I tip my hat to you, sir/maim. Will update as soon as possible and keep your advise in mind when I go to look over it. No need to celebrate, I am just glad I got feedback on this so quickly. That's my celebration.
4478859 FlutterDash is my duty to FiM. No need to thank me for doing it. And you first story is always reason to
PARTY! If you need motivation, go read my story Finding Purpose and celebrate how much better you did.
Alright you got me reading. Favorite.
Nice introducction. Fav
4484126 *bows and reveals a sly smile* Only an audience could determine the limit of my creation. *winks*
Well, overemotional but still good.
4494391 Thank you, good sir/maim.
4494411 no problem
New paragraph every time a new pony speaks, motherfucka. Sorry, I had to. I just can't help myself.
4518341 *frowns* You write dis shit then, motherfucka.
4519773 I'm sorry, I lack the permission to do so. Besides, I'm in the process of writing my own, so I just don't have time for that.
4520941 Exactly. XD Talkin' back to me like you're something.
Think I've gotten old on you, so you're showin' your ass, huh?
Walking around Googling everything- Chinese mane, diamond rings, gimme that brain.
Started backtalking huh?
Well I'll be damned the boys balls done dropped.
You walking around fucking, huh?
You think you pay bills in this mother fucker?
GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE BOY.
4520961 old man, I will drop your ass on the cold hard floor.
4520968 *looks at you* NIGGA.
I am not an old man. I am a young women that has THE RIGHT TO PICK YOU UP AND DROP YOU ON YO FUCKING NECK.
You know I'm right.
Pussy run the world. And there are more women then there are men by a couple thousands. You lucky we don't get along- if we did, we'd dictate the world as one and base call all your asses.
Twats.
Nigga we females are the SHIT!
4520988 let me get this straight. You can call me "boy" without bothering to check my gender but get mad at me for doing the same? Seems awfully hypocritical of you, doesn't it? Besides, I literally call everyone I know "dude" or "old man", so don't feel bad about it.
4521009 Oh I was kidding.
I wasn't getting mad at you. Just playing.
And I have a tendency to guess genders. I thought we was having 'the random wars' or some shit. XD
4521030 I like you. You're funny. Have a follow.
4521057 Holy fuck that's the nicest shit anyone's ever said to me.
Yay update
Every 20 minutes until the update somebody gets shot
4579030 Heh, good thing I'm cold hearted.
4579095 why WHYYYY
MOAR
~Wywint
This is interesting
Let's move on to the next one to see how Fluttershy is going to not only comfort her friend and crush but tell her about her feelings as well. 
~Tobben
Ok started good but some complaints i feel you need to know.
1. Referencing the fandome and or fandome jokes is a bad thing for most readers. Now there is nothing wrong with that, some lesser minds enjoy that kind of thing but to me it show that the author is un-creative and don't have much experience in writing.
2. Rainbow Dash's house is not in Cloudsdale but in Ponyville. Yes Rainbow Dashes house is made of clouds but that don't mean that it is in Cloudsdale, would take her forever to just visit Applejack or any of her otter friends.
3. This is mainly a question. How can ponies with rounded hooves rip something?
I see potential in this and i say write more and write often to become better. Now if you'll excuse me i'll move on to the next chapter.
~Tobben
I'll just hang in har and reed on, not saying i will like it tho, from the looks of things it's getting worse.
Don't be surprised if you get a low rating from me.
~Tobben
4977140 Out of the sake of my reputation, I kindly ask of you to keep those negative comments to yourself. Do not criticize me if you do not have the common sense to clean up that spelling of yours either, and the fault is not mine that you do not enjoy my serving of writing taste. Have a Merry Christmas, twat.
5424078
You are able to delete comments if you so wish. I have forgotten what this story is all about anyways.
And my spelling is a result of my Dyslexia so little i can do about that.
All i remember doing was giving some constrictive criticism on this story if you don't want that say so.
Indeed have a very merry Christmas my good sir.
~Tobben
5424154 Deleting comments is a very nasty outlook on my reputation. And it is sad that you claim to obtain that disorder. But I do not respect that spitting down judgment you call criticism.
5424161
. In fact it is one of the most anoying and infuriating things I find in a story.
Dear lord ConfusementIsKey .
Lord Tobben does indeed have dyslexia,
and he was only pointing out mistakes and errors in your judgement. He is right that lady Dash's house is located in the outscirts of Ponyville and not in Cloudsdale. (in all universes except your's aparrently.) and I agree with the good lord that fandome references is a bad thing
of course you can ignore point one if you want but I would recomend taking it into consideration.
and if you can not take criticism then delete the coments you do not like or ignore them completely.
two more things:
Comments on this site is for criticism not for prizing your horrible writing and bad jokes
and if you could answer the quetion in point 3 that would be great.
also Merry Cristmas.
I have not read the story yet but when I do I will come back with either a full list of errors or an apoligy.( depending on who is indeed wrong.)
signed: Lord Mark Crazeer and
(Titles just for show.)
5424312
Dearest sir, I've been aware of criticism for a long, long time. And I hate to, but I stomp my foot down on this! It is not the criticism from chapter 1 I am mad about, it is that comment above.
And yes, read what you like, it was written a few months back anyways. I have improved, but even in the end it does not matter. I wrote it for the viewer's enjoyment. Not that load of bullshit.
5424355
In that case i will apoligice for the good lords behavior. I did not even see that that was the coment in question and I hate to admit but i have a feeling i might feel the same way we shal see after christmas lord Tobben has given up on you I might not (I most likely will.) i still think him right but it was underhanded even if he was just honest.
5424389 *sighs* I care not of the situation no more, just be on your way. Merry Christmas, whatever. *massages temples*