"You two ok? Was practicing a new stunt and didn't see ya."
"Yeah, I'm fine." Twilight grumbled, wiping a glop of mud off her face and glaring slightly at the blue pegasus mare hovering slightly above her. "Spike?" She was answered with a muffled, "I'm good." from under her.
The pegasus chuckled, knocking some mud off her own shirt and cut-offs, "Here, lemme help ya with that." She quickly zipped off and returned with a raincloud she bounced on to give them a makeshift shower as they crawled to their hooves. Now they were clean, but drenched.
"Um, I'm all for a quick dip on a hot day, but..." Spike piped up, squeezing what he could of the water out of his mane
Twilight just stood there, glowering, with half her mane covering her face.
"Whoops!" The pegasus laughed, "Guess I overdid it! Um, I got it !" She said, flying around them to whip up a multi-colored twister, "Here, my very own patented 'Rain-blow Dry!"
When she was done, they were both dried off...
"No, no need to thank me. You're quite welcome." She said as she fluttered back to the ground, her voice thick with confidence; at least until she saw the results.
And fell over laughing.
Spike's mane now stuck up in all directions and Twilight's, along with her tail, was a big poofy mess.
"Talk about your bed heads." Spike muttered, trying to shake his back into place.
"Let me guess, you're Rainbow Dash?" Twilight said to the laughing pony.
She quickly bounced to her hooves before taking flight again, "THE one and only! Why? Ya heard of me?"
"I heard you were supposed to be keeping the sky clear for the celebration tomorrow." She sighed, "I'm Twilight Sparkle and this is Spike. The Princess sent us to check on the weather."
"Yeah, yeah, I'll deal with that in a jiff." Rainbow Dash replied offhandedly as she reclined on a nearby cloud, "As soon as I'm done practicing."
"Practicing for what?" Spike asked.
"The Wonderbolts!" excitedly pointed to a nearby poster, "They're gonna be performing at the festive tomorrow! And I'm gonna be there to show 'em my stuff!"
"THE Wonderbolts?" Twilight had a definite air of disbelief in her voice.
"Yep!"
"Equestria's most talented flying group? Those Wonderbolts?"
"Better believe it!"
Twilight promptly blew a raspberry, "Oh please! They'd never accept a pegasus who couldn't keep the skies clear for one measly little day!"
"Not quite how I'd put it, but she's got a point." Spike added, "I mean, getting it done now would give you the rest of the day to practice."
"Hey, I could clear this whole sky in ten seconds flat!" Came the retort.
Twilight smirked, "Prove it!"
It was obvious the blue mare was quick to rise to a challenge; namely because she took off like a shot, bucking, punching, and plowing through every visible cloud up there. Within seconds, the sky was devoid of any cloud cover.
"See?" Rainbow said, landing back down, "Ten. Seconds. Flat. There's no way I'd leave Ponyville just hanging like that."
The two of them just stood there, jaws hanging open.
"Ha! You two should see the looks on your faces." She laughed, drifting around them. You guys a laugh! I can't wait to hang out again." She hovered a little closer to Spike giving one of his wings a tap, "Cool wings, big guy. Maybe you can show me what you can do with 'em some time."
"E-Excuse me!?" Twilight snapped out of her stupor, "Personal space!"
However, Rainbow had already flown off.
"That actually was pretty awesome!" Spike said once he'd snapped out of his own.
"What?!" Twilight yelped, torn between looking his way in alarm and glaring in the direction Rainbow Dash had flown off.
"Yeah, she's way faster than I am. Clearing that many clouds would take me a couple minutes." He replied, having to stifle his own laugh at the sight of her mane.
She settled for glaring.
---------------------------------
"Look on the bright side, Twilight; it's kinda cute once you get used to it." He said as they reached the building the festival was to be held at, "Next up is the decora...tions...." He trailed off at the interior, "Whoa!"
"'Whoa' is right!" Twilight looked, fascinated at the design, "This is beautiful!"
"Yeah, whoever did this has taste." He noticed a white unicorn mare nearby, wearing a surprisingly elegant-looking dress and surrounded by floating ribbons, "She must be in charge." Stepping over to her, he coughed lightly to clear his throat and get the unicorn's attention, "Excuse me, I..."
"Just a moment, please." The unicorn chirped, "I'm the zone, as it were!" She continued rifling through the ribbons, "No...no..no...oh, heaven's no! Ah!" She smiled, using her magic to tie the selected ribbon to a pole, "Sparkle always does the trick! Rarity, you've done it again!" Satisfied with her worked, she turned she attention to him, "Now, how can I....help....you....?" Her voice suddenly trailed off into a high squeak when she saw him, along with a blush of epic proportions. "Oh....oh...my.....oh my! OH MY!" She said, her face contorting into a look of unabashed glee.
For a moment, Twilight could swear she saw little hearts pop up in her eyes, "Oh no she is NOT...!"
"Are you all right?" He asked, leaning in a little.
"YOUR HIGHNESS!" She squealed, "Oh my word! Oh my heavens! I never thought I'd see this day! You're Spike! The Crown Prince of Equestria!"
"Well, it's not really something I throw out there, but, yeah." He said, backing up against Twilight.
"Wait, you know him? But the other ponies..." Twilight started
"Oh, I subscribe to every paper in Canterlot!" Her eyes never left him, "Lets me keep tabs on all the latest fashion coming and going. Not many in town are willing to pay that much money for newspaper, but to me, it's worth it!" She sighed, "I have ALWAYS dreamed of meeting a member of royalty! Especially a prince!" The girl was almost swooning by then, "Oh, just the thought of him sweeping me off my hooves...!"
"Sweeping her off her...??" Spike whispered, "Twilight, what the heck's she talking about!?"
Twilight had to fight the grinding her teeth were attempting to do at the sheer audacity of this mare, " She doesn't even KNOW Spike! And yet she's all over him just because he's a prince!" She quickly took a deep breath and, after resisting the urge to shorten that purple mane by a couple dozen inches, spoke up, "Yes, that's...lovely, but we're just here to check up on the decorations."
"Oh, of courseeEEEEEK!" She screamed once she laid eyes on Twilight, "Oh, darling, what in Equestria happened to your coiffure!?"
Twilight blinked, her irritation thrown out of wack by the remark, "My what? Oh, you mean my mane? It's a long story. We're just here to check on things then we'll both be out of your hair." She said.
"MY hair!? What about yours!?" Rarity suddenly took Twilight by the hand.
"Hey! What the? Where are we..?" She sputtered as she was dragged off, a somewhat confused Spike following quickly behind.
---------------------------------
Twilight's head was swimming a little by the end of it all. After this Rarity had dragged her to the shop she owned, a place called the Carousel Boutique, she found herself being stuffed into so many dresses she'd lost count.
She'd even managed to somehow get Spike into a couple of outfits, though she did think the tux looked GOOD on him.
"Now Darling, you were saying?" Rarity asked as she tugged on the laces of the corset she'd managed to get Twilight into.
Twilight grunted slightly from the squeezing, "P-Princess Celestia...sent..us..to check on.....the decorations...!"
"She sent you both!?" Rarity inadvertently let go of the laces, causing them both to go sprawling on the floor, though she was back on her hooves in an instant.
"Yeah, Twilight's her personal student." Spike added, managing to get back into his old clothes.
"Oh! You are SO lucky!" She gushed, "To spend so much time around the Princess AND Prince! The glamor, the sophistication! Living in Canterlot has always been my greatest dream. I can't wait to hear all about it. You and I are going to be the best of friends!" She looked at Twilight had on, "Cotton!? What WAS I thinking? Let me find you something in silk!" With that, she trotted off.
As soon as she was gone, Twilight grabbed Spike and started pulling him to the door, "Quick! Let's get out of here before she decides to dye my fur!"
---------------------------------
"That was...interesting, to say the least." Spike said once they were well away from the boutique.
"Putting it mildly." Twilight replied. Thankfully she had managed to get her clothes back as well, "What do we have left?"
"Music's the last item on the list." He said as they pushed through some bushes to the sight of a light yellow pegasus mare apparently conducting a group of birds.
Twilight climbed out easily. Spike, on the other hand, seemed to be taking his time.
"Spike, what's wrong?"
"Shoot! Go on ahead, Twi, my shirt's caught!" He muttered, diving back into the foliage to free himself, "I'll be there in a minute."
Stepping closer, Twilight watched as she said something to one of the birds, but her voice was too soft to really make it out. Noticing she was about to start again, she decided to go ahead and get her attention, "Hello!"
Unfortunately, this seemed to just startle her and the birds, who all flew off.
"Oh! I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to scare away your birds! I'm just here to check on the music, and it sounded beautiful!"
The pegasus landed not too far away, and for a moment both mares stood in an awkward silence.
"I'm Twilight Sparkle."
She simply gave her a sidelong look, her pink mane hiding most of her face.
"What's your name?"
"I..I'm..." The rest was said to quietly for Twilight to hear.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
Again, the pegasus's voice was too soft to understand.
"Didn't quite catch that."
This time, only a whimper escaped her lips.
"Well,uh, looks like your birds are back, "She commented, seeing they'd all returned, "So I guess everything ok. Um, keep up the good work!"
Another whimper.
"Ooo-kay..." She was cut off the sound of branches snapping and turned in time to see Spike come stumbling out of the bushes.
"Finally! I miss anything?"
"Nope, looks like we're done. Let's hurry and get to the library!"
"Um, Twilight? Is she all right?"
"Huh? Why do you ask?"
"'Cause she's headed this way and staring at me funny." He pointed to the pegasus mare, now slowly moving towards them with a somewhat jerky-legged walk and her now wide eyes focus completely on Spike.
"That's weird, she seemed scared to even look at me a moment ago." Twilight thought, watching her just go by, "Does she recognize Spike too??"
"Y-you're a...a kirin...I thought you...I thought you were just a fairy tale...!" She finally spoke out loud enough to hear, though it was still somewhat quieter than normal voices.
However, as she walked past, Twilight spotted something that once again drew her ire, "Wait..is...she's blushing! NOT ANOTHER ONE!" She screamed mentally.
"Oh, I never thought I'd get to meet one of you!" She said excitedly, "E-especially one this...this handsome... " Her blush almost tripled in intensity.
"Heh. Well, thanks." Spike scratched the back of his head in slight embarrassment, not noticing the vein showing on Twilight's forehead.
"This is just so..so amazing!" She squeaked, her wings fluttering wildly as she bounced on her hooves, "I don't even know what to say!"
"Well, in that case we better get going!" Twilight said, using her magic to pull him over to her.
"Ohh! Wait! What's your name?" She asked, quickly trotting over to follow them.
"I'm Spike."
"Hello, Spike. I'm Fluttershy."
"Oh, I'm Fluttershy! Now she actually replies!" Twilight snarked under her breath. It was bad enough that that Rarity mare was fawning over him!
"Oh wow, I'm actually talking to a kirin!" Fluttershy's smiled widened...
And Twilight's eyes rolled
"What do kirins like to talk about?"
"Not too sure, to be honest." Spiked replied as the three of them made their way down the road, "I'm the only one I know about. Um, what do you want to know?"
"Ooh, absolutely everything!"
"Oohhh.." Twilight groaned.
"Oh, heh, well...I guess I should start at when my mom hatched me...."
-----------1 Hour Later-----------
"...And so me and Twi are here; that's pretty up everything." Spike said, finishing up his tale, "Aside from all that's happened today."
"Oh oh! Please tell me about today!" She chirped, bouncing on her hooves again.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, how did we get here so soon?" She interrupted them, gesturing to the Golden Oaks Library they were now standing in front of, "This is where we'll be staying while in Ponyville. If you'll excuse us, we've been up since early this morning and we really should get some sleep before it all starts."
"Early? But Twilight, you didn't get up till-ow!" He yelped when she kicked him in the shin.
"See? The poor guy is so exhausted, he can barely keep steady!"
"Oh dear! Here let me help you get in!" Fluttershy almost carried him through the door.
Twilight, on the other hand, bolted inside and quickly shoved Fluttershy back out, "Yes yes, we'll get right on it. Well, good night!" With that, she shut the door as fast as she could.
"Twilight, what's gotten into you!? Rude much?" Spike frowned at her from the poorly lit interior.
She sighed, "I'm sorry, Spike, but we have to convince everyone that Nightmare Moon is coming and we're running out of time! We need some time to study without any crazy ponies trying to make friends all the time! Not to mention these dang mares who seem to think they can just waltz in on you like that!" She started looking around, "Where's the light switch?"
As if on cue, the place suddenly lit up, temporarily dazing the duo.
"SURPRISE"
No love sick Spike? Awesome. This is gonna be good...
5833340 Hehe, you'll have to wait and see.
I really enjoys watching Twilight get jealous due to Flutershy and Rarity's crush.
5842684
Agreed
Interesting... going with the reverse crush/fan girl thing with Rarity. Nice Touch.
This might be the best chapter so far that I laid my eyes upon!!! Nice seeing Rarity and the rest of the ladies liking Spike it is a bronies dream
It just feels right when Rarity is lovestruck, rather than the other way around. And Fluttershy has a crush on Spike too? I did not expect that.
No love sick Spike, love sick Rarity, and crushing Fluttershy. I approve.
I'm pretty sure it was only Rarity that was 'love struck.' Fluttershy was just enthused by another species, she is an animal caretaker and reacted almost exactly the same way with baby dragon Spike. Still, I've been wrong before. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
This.....pleases me. You may proceed.
5842874
I found it to be especially appropriate. Prettier mares than her have probably tried, and failed, to seduce Spike in the past. Not to mention he spends most of his time with some of the most beautiful mares in Equestria. It's going to take a lot more than Rarity's usual game to 'wow' him.
As for Fluttershy, I think it's perhaps just a touch of her xenophilia shining through. He's familiar enough to be non-threatening, not to mention attractive, but at the same time different enough to seem 'exotic,' that said, I don't she's going to be working up the courage to pursue him anytime soon.
Loved the update and look forward to more!
Kinda fun. Interesting.
I still don't get why you're making this anthro, it hardly seems necessary. But it's good in spite of that.
A few things though. You have a bad habit of making small mistakes, like writing "worked" when you meant "work" and such. In general the kind of small mistakes where you almost have the right word and end up with a variation of it that the spell check fails to catch but which is wrong in the context you use it. Also, another specific example: "We need some time to study without any crazy ponies trying to make friends all the time! Not to mention these dang mares who seem to think they can just waltz in on you like that!" The last sentence here is in italics, but it is still within the borders that indicate speech, so it seems like she actually says all that to Spike instead of just thinking the latter. And I think Spike would comment on Twilight saying "these dang mares". If nothing else, then with confusion.
Also, be careful with Spike. I'm really worried that you're going to turn him into a stu, which is always a really big risk whenever someone has a winged Spike with magic. The fact that he has several mares interested in him already only makes it more worrying. Not that I dislike the multiple mares thing, but please don't make Spike a stu. He needs flaws, every character does.
Still, all things considered, this was pretty good.
5843325 I think anthro is just personal preference for the author
5843419 Shhh, don't ruin my griping with basic understanding of human motivation.
Huh, this Spike doesn't really react to crushing mares. Either he just doesn't notice it or is used to odd attention.
thick headed Spike (when it come to romance) with several mares gunning for him
LET THE FIREWORKS BEGIN¡¡
5843325 Actually, it's just Rarity and Fluttershy right now. Dash's comment was mostly along the lines "Cool, a new flier in town." and after AJ, Twilight is still just a teeny bit paranoid.
And I guess I should've added a notice in the AN, but the italics indicate when they're thinking it.
Old habit of mine that carried over from FFN.
Love the spin you put on the canon. Much better feel!
i like it and MrWriterWriter are you going to do where Spike the kirin meets nightmare moon/princess luna plus what is princess luna to spike because princess Celestia is his mother
5845763 Me and DragonPony have something planned.
5845792 okay
5845853 *Reads your comment...
And promptly starts cackling like an idiot*
5846319 hmm..that could work for a later one.
5844469 Alright. Piece of advice: If you have to explain it, you're doing it wrong. Same goes for if you have to explain what is speech and what is thought for people to be able to understand your writing. I've read enough fanfic to know that it is a general bad sign if it opens with "I write speech like this, thoughts like this, super special telepathy like this". If it doesn't naturally appear from the text what the parts are, you're doing it wrong.
My suggestion is, at the very least going "Bla, bla, bla." Think, think think. As in "You should do it this way." I'm trying to be nice here, but I'm not sure it's coming out properly. That way, there is a very clear break between speech and thought. At the very least, the quotation marks needs to border the speech and separate it from everything else. So, with your sentence as another example, it should at the very least be: "We need some time to study without any crazy ponies trying to make friends all the time!" Not to mention these dang mares who seem to think they can just waltz in on you like that!".
I will also suggest the old gem: "Bla, bla bla," she said. Thought, she added silently.
So you could get: "We need some time to study without any crazy ponies trying to make friends all the time!" Not to mention these dang mares who seem to think they can just waltz in on you like that, she added silently.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but I've always found it is easier to get the point across by being blunt. Keep in mind that it is a sign that I like the story that I have the impulse to comment. The scale goes: "I don't comment on crap, I comment very briefly on the mildly amusing or that which I find funny but which I still can't really think of anything to comment on and I give criticism to that which I like enough to want to see even better and which I can actually help with.
Happy writing.
SPIKE GETS ALL THE GIRLS!
Tbh, I'd prefer flutter shy over twilight. But heh heh...spike can have any women he wants...so why not both.
5850882 yeah it did too many fillers just to make less sense on what the f**k is going on and also just for comedic none sense like that Naruto must not laugh mission
Awesome story! can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter (update soon Plz)
5842756
Honestly, this is better than I expected. A three-way confrontation with Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy!!! This is gonna be fun. .
5845792
Hmm...it could be something like this in the near future:
NMM: Your sun-loving princess is now imprisoned. The night....shall last.....FOREVER!!!!!
Spike: I don't know who the hell you are, but what have you done to my mother???
NMM: .....your mother?!
Spike: Are you deaf, dumb or both?? My mother is none other than Princess Celestia, who raised my from my hatching. Who you have taken away from us. Give us back!!!
NMM: Thou does not recognize your own Aunt right in front of thine eyes?
Spike: My Aunt?! You lying tramp!!! Celestia never had other siblings.
NMM: For shame, young discovered nephew. Thou hasn't been adequetely learned about your mother's history. Much has been lost to the sands of time. But I assure you, young whelp. I am not a sceptre of long ago.....
This could be something you and DragonPony probably could use.
5856711 Wait till the others get in on it.
5856767 Yeah, something along that line.
Ah what wonderful immersion of feels. Great job. No more short chapter!
Looking forward to more
5842959
Take a look at this line in the story:
Fluttershy isn't just enamored with what Spike was, she's got a little bit Rarity in there as well, just much more reserved. At the same time Twilight gets greener with envy because there are more mares that has shown interest in the Kirin Prince (according to her thoughts, HER Kirin Prince).
5879579 Then allow me to reword it. Fluttershy was mostly just enthused by another species. In any case, we'll find out for sure in the next few chapters.
Cliché as fuck!
Pretty much the same problem as the last chapter, boring retread of introductions we have seen a hundred times already. That said points for the interaction between Rarity and Spike. Shaking up the dynamic between those characters is just whats needed.
Personal taste I suppose, but normally in a situation like this you would italicize the word good to draw emphasis on it rather than capitalizing.
in*
Its seems Spike is totally oblivious to the attention he is receiving. Thank goodness he is not a love sick puppy. I do wonder what would happen if he meets ember? Twilight would probably pop a vein... and burst into a flaming pony.
Well, now it looks like it could be a Twilight/Rarity/Fluttershy fight for Spike's affection.