26: Night of Dark Magics
Merasmus leaned back in his La-Z-Boy in his home, a deep frown on his face. It was once more Halloween, which meant once more his peace and tranquility would be disrupted by rambunctious children. It would either be Trick or Treaters who mistook his frightening behavior for being in 'the spirit of the holiday', or it would be adolescents daring each other to approach the 'creepy old mansion'. He was never very fond of this holiday, as all the effort he went to year round to ensure he was left alone for his studies backfired on him full force. That wasn't the worst of it, though. The worst of it was, if he reacted as he wanted to the interruptions, the various parents would sue him, and win. He'd lost two houses over the past seven years like that.
Then again, that was a better record than what it used to be. It once was he lost a home every six months due to Soldier's meddling. His ex-roommate who never acknowledged being kicked out - or the fact that the shared residence in question no longer existed - was constantly showing up for one reason or another and was completely oblivious to anything Merasmus did to try and chase him off or destroy him. Even when he summoned the hosts from the Bombnomicon, Soldier and his ragtag bunch of crazies greeted it as 'a fun change of pace'.
But for the past seven years, he hadn't heard so much as a peep from Soldier, and had seen neither hide nor helm of him. While at first he had been overjoyed to finally be free of his primary interruption, it didn't take long for him to realize something rather significant. Soldier's near continuous interruptions had been a constant goad to Merasmus to continue his studies, to learn and master as much new as he could before Soldier would arrive and destroy everything again. With no sign of such an interruption, the Magician found he lacked the desire to push himself in his studies, spending more and more time lounging in his chair and snacking, listening to old radio dramas and reading novels. It almost felt as though he were retired, as much as the notion unnerved him.
Though he would never admit it, not even to himself, he found he missed his one time friend.
There was a heavy, official sounding knock on his door. Groaning, Merasmus rose from his chair and stalked to the door. Peering through the peephole, he was surprised to find himself greeted with the face of the very being he had been contemplating. Grinning widely, he through open his door. "So!" he proclaimed, briefly thrown off by the fact that Soldier was dressed up as George Washington in military garb - General Washington, perhaps? - he recovered gamely. "Again you would darken my doorstep-"
"Merasmus," Soldier interrupted, throwing his arm around the Magician's neck and tightening his grip. "We need to talk real quick."
Merasmus stared in shock. Soldier actually sounded serious for once. He nodded, waiting to see what could have caused such a change.
"See that little pony dressed up as a bumblebee?" Soldier asked, pointing.
Merasmus followed his point.
"That's my little girl," Soldier explained. "Our little girl, really, me and the others. This is her very first Halloween, and we want her to enjoy herself. So I immediately thought of bringing her here to introduce her to you, since we're such old friends."
Merasmus growled a bit, but couldn't help but smirk. What a perfect way to get back at Soldier for all these years of-
"Now," Soldier interrupted his thoughts, "she's just a little one, and doesn't fully understand adult interactions. Something you or I might shrug off as a harmless prank she might take personally, and could really hurt her." His grip tightened. "Now I'm sure you wouldn't dream of really hurting someone's feelings like that, especially someone so young, you're a rambunctious sort, so I felt you deserved this warning, since we're such old friends."
Merasmus was suddenly pulled up to meet Soldier's eyes, and he was surprised to find genuine hostility there.
"If you do anything that makes her afraid of this holiday, or hurts her feelings, or makes her afraid to trust the kindness of those who participate - such as giving her harmful candy or anything like that - then I will hang you from a noose of your own entrails, feed you your own still beating heart, use your own dark magic to bind your soul to your skull, and then use it as a chamber pot. Do you understand me?"
Merasmus nodded rapidly. This wasn't the Soldier he had once known. This was an overprotective Papa Bear who had no fear save for his child, and would stop at nothing to protect her where she needed it. There were many things Merasmus would willingly do in the pursuit of magic, or vengeance, or anything else...but right now he would sooner break an oath to Nyarlathotepe than risk Soldier's wrath.
Soldier grinned widely. "Good!" he said, setting Merasmus down and sounding like his old self again. He clapped the magician on his back. "Now, how about you step back inside, and then when she knocks you can open the door and give her some tasty candy. How's that sound?" He then pushed the Scotsman back into his house before slamming the door.
Merasmus struggled to catch his breath as he leaned against the front door. "That was...different," he finally managed to say. Hearing a timid knock on the door, he gathered himself and threw it open, conjuring a lightning flash behind his back, silhouetting himself for effect.
The tiny filly looked up at him, an orange jack-o-lantern candy bucket hanging half full from her mouth. "Twick-o-Tee?" she asked around the handle, looking up at him with huge blue eyes.
Merasmus silently thanked his quasi-immortal state for making him immune to cardiac arrest. "Well, little one," he proclaimed loudly, "are you having a good Halloween?"
"Yessir," she said, setting her bucket down. "It's so much fun!"
He grinned widely. "I am Merasmus, ancient Magician of the Dark Arts! Who might you be?"
"I'm Fluttershy," she replied happily.
Smiling, Merasmus dropped some harmless, non-magical chocolate bars into her bucket. "Is there anything I can do to make your Halloween even more enjoyable?" he asked.
She tilted her head and rubbed her chin in thought. "Well...Daddy Sir says you can summon monsters?" she asked.
"Daddy Sir?" he asked in confusion.
"That's me," Soldier supplied, his voice swelling with love and pride.
Merasmus chuckled. "I suppose I can," he said. "Why don't you all come in, and I'll see what I can do about giving you some monsters to fight."
"Yay!" Fluttershy cried happily, scooping up her bucket and bouncing in, followed by a grinning Soldier.
Seeing that the entire team was there, he let them in one at a time, asking about their costumes as he did so. Seeing far more of Scout than he really wanted to, he guessed, "He-Man?"
Scout grinned widely, holding Eyelander out before him across his body. "I HAVE THE POWAH!" he bellowed.
A groan came from the sword. "You are so paying for talking me into this later, Bomb Boy," it growled at Demoman.
Demoman chuckled. "I gave him all she's got, Captain!" he said jokingly, his Star Fleet uniform crisp and clean, showing no signs of his usual drunkenness.
Merasmus turned to Heavy, seeing him in a pink tutu, wearing the pink unicorn hat, a set of white wings, and an incredibly long rainbow colored wig with matching tail. "And...you are?" he asked.
"I AM PRETTY PONY PRINCESS!" Heavy bellowed, prancing into the house.
Merasmus groaned as he turned to the Medic, pausing at the costume. "I'd be careful if I were you," he said. "I know the vampire lord you're dressed up as, and he doesn't take kindly to pretenders."
"If he shows up," Medic replied, "I will tell him it is a tribute." He calmly walked into the house, his red trench coat sweeping behind him.
Merasmus stared at Engineer's pointy hat, his tattered robes, and his rather noisy makeshift sandals, along with the animatronic trunk behind him. "When did you meet Rincewind?" Merasmus asked.
"When did you?" Engineer replied. After neither answered for a long time, Engineer walked into the house.
"Live long and prosper, mate," Sniper commented as he swept in with his long white robe. The effect was ruined when Merasmus had to pick up one of his pointed ears off the floor.
"Don't let the costume fool you," Spy commented as he walked by. "I'm nobody's henchman."
"Except the filly's, right Oddjob?" Merasmus countered.
"That's different!" Spy insisted primly, much to the amusement of Scout.
Merasmus carefully examined Pyro. He had stuck waving tentacles to the front of his gas mask and taped black wings to his back. "...Cthulu?" Merasmus asked.
Pyro shook his head, pointing to his red suit.
Merasmus thought for a bit. "...RED Cthulu?"
Pyro nodded happily.
"Are those tentacles...alive?" Merasmus asked in horror. Pyro ignored the question as he leapt into the house.
Shaking his head, Merasmus retrieved the Bombnomicon. "So," he said to Fluttershy, "are you ready to face monsters the likes of which you have never seen?"
"Can we play outside?" she asked. "So Chompy can play, too?"
Merasmus blinked. "I suppose we could adjourn to my back yard...but who is Chompy?"
"My doggy!" Fluttershy replied happily.
Merasmus chuckled. "Your doggy can play too." He headed out to his back yard, followed by the entire group. "But why not bring him inside?"
"He wouldn't fit!" Fluttershy pointed out calmly.
Merasmus blinked for a bit, then shook his head. Once outside, he opened the book. "Prepare to face the greatest foes you have ever seen!" he proclaimed, summoning up a host of bomb ghosts which proceeded to attack the team.
Each of the mercs pulled out their weapons as they proceeded to fight back against the spirits, and Fluttershy pulled out her frying pan, whacking the ghosts in the face and knocking them backwards. Merasmus watched in interest at how coordinated the team was with Fluttershy, and around her.
Eventually, however, Fluttershy started to get tired. At that point, Scout spoke up. "Ya know, Shy, Chompy's costume is rather appropriate for this fight."
Grinning widely, Fluttershy let out a shrill whistle.
A massive metal sphere leaped into the yard. Merasmus could see that the chain coming off the back was black, but the sphere itself had been painted yellow. "Waka waka!" it proclaimed as it proceeded to move about the yard, gobbling up the bomb spirits.
"...Pac Man?" Merasmus asked, confused.
"Also the reason I didn't come as Jumpman," Demoman commented. "Every time I came out of my room in the outfit, he charged me. No idea why."
Before long, Chompy had devoured all the bomb spirits. Heavy laughed. "Heavy think Chompy scarier than anything Bomb Mage summon!"
"I seriously doubt that your overgrown beach ball can do anything to truly frighten me," Merasmus replied hotly.
Chompy turned to face Merasmus and licked his lips. Merasmus saw the Chain Chomp's tongue.
An hour later, Soldier finally talked the Magician out from under his bed.
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this needs a tvtropes page.
Engineer: Did anyone get the number of that Donkey Cart?!
4846366
If someone makes it, I'd happily link it.
Roflmao
Black "Scotty"-ish Cyclops.
Pure genius.
...If intentional.
Probably.
(light chuckle) Aw. What a wonderful family time.
1 hour it took to get the wizard out from under the bed XD
I think my favourite part is the last line
Hmm, I was hoping scouts head would turn into a bomb. But I guess that can pass given how much his costume made me laugh
I honestly don't get the tongue thing.
Is it because it's really large, or just oddly shaped, or creepy?
Haha... Subtle humor.
Isn't Celestia's mane color... er, closer to sherbet?
4846547
It's a running joke that Chompy's tongue is absolutely terrifying, but the exact reason for that is never explained as it is never described.
4836137
AWESOME! I'll give it a read 
4846851 So basically a Noodle Incident just waiting to happen?
4847051
More along the lines of a noodle incident that's always happening.
A pity none of my suggestions made it. Nonetheless, yet another adorable chapter
Chompy as Pac Man was clever, and it made me think of Wreck-it Ralph. 
Alucard! Do NOT murder innocent people because one dressed like you!
Next chapter should have the conga taunt.
Nuuuu i was kinda hoping one of them would be discord
Well, the unicorn hat, fairy wings and tutu are in the game. Just I still wonder why the unicorn hat is not in pyrovision...
I'm liking the comedy, but I honestly don't know where this is going anymore. These last two seem more of bonus chapters than actual plot lines. Just saiyan.
Also
BY THE POWER OF EYELANDER!
IIII HAVE THE POWERR!
Also I can't seem to stop laughing at everything you make Heavy say, unless he's reading a book to Fluttershy.
4847100 I'm seriously considering making a TVTropes page for this story. What say you?
4847610
Please do, and give me the link.
Also... Rincewind. I know I've heard that name before, but I can't recall where. Nor can I recall what he's from. Oh well. Anywho, this was just so fun a chapter. Keep up the awesome work, buddy!
4847683
As bad as Sniper's other option, "Piss Daddy"?
4847722
He is the Wizzard from the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchet.
Dat Pac Man
4847129 PAC MAN! They invited PAC MAN! That cherry chasing dot MUNCHER isn't even a part of this GAME!
I'm sorry I had to, you just had to bring it up didn't you?
4848370 That was the intention
Oh my gosh, this was fantastic!
I literally laughed outloud when Heavy announced his costume, my god, that's priceless!
Anyway. The way Merasmus was displayed is authentical, I can see this as a real piece of the official comics.
His reactions fit too, especially... well, everything! You caught the spirit of the old magician! Hah, all I need now is a filly Twilight Sparkle asking him questions about magic... hey, that actually sounds good!
Anyways, Jump Man, eh? That's the original name of Mario, if I'm not mistaken. Subtle, eheheheh...
Well, great job, great chapter, well done!
Continue please!
-Zeph
fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/348/e/b/largeposterpreview_by_kirbywithamasamune-d6xw691.jpg
HAHHAHAHHAHAH XD
4848454
D-did you just make that?
4848454 Oh my god that pic looks so awesome!
4848502 I friggen wish I did. Maybe I should do something of every chapter
4848628 Didn't make it....now I feel like shit
4848717 Aw, don't let that get you down. But it's still an awesome pic even if you didn't make it
I think people differently brought out the best in these costumes. I also like soldiers threat to merasmus.
I love the fact of how regularly this is updated.
Also the general concept of mlptf2 is just awesome
THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE EYELANDER! >:D
He Man Scout. And Red Cthulhu. AND Pac-Man Eating Ghosts.
Gold,
Pure Gold.
You Win This Year, Mercs!
But Next Year Shall Be Different!
-Runs to his study,
grabbing a stack of books before tripping over Chompy's chain,
landing in his mouth-
seriously though I can't wait to see what happens next to our Rag-Tag group of Fathers,
and one "Flamin" Mom.
.... HOW IS IT THAT YOU GET THESE CHARACTER'S SO BUCKING RIGHT?!
You don't play the game- yet you almost PERFECTLY get the Jist of these characters! My god- Now if ONLY you had an ENTIRE Chapter Dedicated to Fluttershy meeting Tavish DeGroot's (DemoMan- incase you didn't know (but you probably did)) Mother. I would probably go blind from the sheer Comedy of DemoMan havin' to explain why he never let her meet Fluttershy for the past 7 years.
4853711
Unfortunately, I don't have a real handle on any of the mercs extended families - or even on who all has an extended family - so none of them will be playing a role in this story. Sorry.
4853865
)
Ah. Well- that's alright. She only appears in Like Two Comics. And that's not Surprising really- since it's not said who actually DOES have a family.
But here's a List of who I know that Does: (Sorry- just thought I'd Clarify. X3 I get carried away.)
Sniper- His Parents- Never seen, barely heard in his 'Meet the Sniper' Video
Scout- His Mom, and 7 OLDER brothers.
Soldier- N/A
Engi- His Grandfather (Dead- but this is TF2 we're talking about here- so who knows.)
Spy- (Scout's Mom) N/A
Demo- His mum, who lives with him in his mansion somewhere in Arizona. She has possibly 2 (and a half) comic appearences. His Sword- 'Eyelander', considered friend- can have a personality of his own at times.
Heavy- 3 younger sisters, and a mother up in Russian Arctic Wilderness. Heavy is overprotective of them- as he is like with Fluttershy (I'm assuming you already got that though.
Pryo- N/A (like everything else- (Unless you count Balloonicorn))
Medic- An 'EX'-Wife. Still on good terms with her.
... Sorry- I'm not meaning to seem like a know it all. I just have a knack for informing people about the things I know- and I like to be as helpful as possible at times. Do forgive me if I come off as rude or something.
4853921
Yes, Heavy's instant overprotectiveness and paternal behavior towards Fluttershy back in Chapter 1 was based on his interactions with his family in that one Mann v Machine comic where we saw him with them,
As for the rest...all I got of Demo's mother is "Overbearing, Unreasonable, and possibly Senile", and no one else has ever appeared in the comics, so I can do nothing.
And thanks for the information.
4854027 these are great but need to be longer
4859064 actually I meant when your covered in jarate, mad milk, on fire, bleeding, and when your wet it shows your silhouette any other time your totally invisable
4863793 oh yeah… right… I forgot XD
BEST. HALLOWEEN. EVER!!
This was an especially entertaining chapter!