Chapter 1: Ways of a Pony
*****
“I, uh…” Lauren stuttered, still staring at her cutie mark. What does this mean? A quill? A bottle of ink? Does it mean… The answer was quite obvious now.
“Um... Writing. I got my cutie mark at writing. I guess you could call me a storyteller,” she softly answered Twilight, who gave her a big smile. Writing, I see now. She placed a hoof to her chin. After all, she was the creator of the world she was in. It would be only natural for a writer as herself to get a cutie mark like that.
“Oh my Celestia! Writing? That’s amazing!” Twilight suddenly squealed in front of Lauren and bounced up and down lightly on her hooves in excitement. “Have you written any books? I’m sure I’d have them somewhere in here!” She looked around at her bookshelves.
Not really, I'm pretty sure you don't have any books written by humans. She didn't want to say something unnecessary. “Um, I doubt it,” she answered with a soft voice, placing a hoof on her head. “I haven't actually published anything yet.”
“Oh, I see,” Twilight sighed. Her excitement dropped back to managable levels. There was a pause before Twilight turned to her assistant, on an attempt to lighten the suddenly awkward mood. She finally opened her mouth to talk. “Spike, could you get us some tea, please?”
“Of course, no problem.” Spike stood up, walking towards to the kitchen, leaving the two ponies alone.
“Thanks, Spike.” Twilight nodded as she stared back to Lauren. She was still looking a bit stunned, but Twilight was unable to see any reason why.
A lightning bolt struck again, reminding everypony about the dreadful storm outside. At least the hail had stopped, the worst of the storm seemed to be over.
There was an awkward silence at the library. Lauren took the chance to examine her suroundings. On the floor, next to her, was Twilight's dripping wet deep blue blanket, the white moon and stars standing out clearly from the background. The shelves and walls were covered with books, and a few personal items Twilight had used to add a bit of color to the room. Spike's small bed, right next to Twilight's own larger one. It was all exactly the way she had drawn it. Sure she had seen it before, but she never expected to actually see it in person.
“So Lauren, where are you from?” Twilight finally broke the silence, staring at Lauren who stared back at her.
Maryland. She was about to say it, but she didn’t. She realized her own cartoon wouldn’t know what a ‘Maryland’ was. After all, many city names at the show were puns of actual cities of the United States.
“From, a very distant place,” Lauren finally answered. Twilight stared at her, unsure if she was saying the truth. She was not expecting such a vague answer..
“Well I sort of guessed you weren't a local. Care to be a bit more specific?” Twilight asked, blinking.
Lauren wasn’t sure what to say, she wasn’t even sure why she was in Equestria in the first place. “I… I don’t remember,” she said. Twilight only gave her a weird stare.
“What do you mean you don’t remember? Did you lose your memory?” Twilight asked, placing a hoof on her chin and staring deeply into Lauren's eyes.
No, I remember everything, I just can’t tell you. She couldn’t say she was from some planet named ‘Earth’, and that she animated cartoons for a living. “I, don’t remember many things from before I woke up here,” she replied, trying to stand up from the bed at last.
“Oh, please, don’t strain yourself!” Twilight approached her as she noticed Lauren could hardly raise her forelegs from the bed. She helped her to sit down on the bed. It was weird for Lauren to sit down like a pony. She had her hind legs bent just like any other animal that sits down, with her forelegs straight to balance herself. But it was somehow… comfortable.
Spike came back with two cups of tea with plates below them. One of them was enveloped in a pink, glowing aura, and Twilight grabbed it with a hoof. “Thank you, Spike,” she said, giving her number one assistant a warm smile.
“No problem, Twilight,” he replied, returning the smile. He turned to Lauren. “Um, don’t you want some tea?” he added, expecting her to take the cup with her magic, but no magical aura appeared around the cup.
“Uh, yeah, I do.” She nodded, stretching her arms to grab the cup and the plate. It was her first time holding something with her hooves. Naturally, after grabbing the cup, she dropped it, breaking both the cup and the plate, spilling the tea all over the floor.
“Oh I’m so sorry!” she apologized, ashamed of breaking Twilight’s cup.
“No no, don’t worry, it’s okay, really,” Twilight chuckled, waving a hoof. She enveloped the broken pieces of the cup and plate. With a flash from her horn, they were fixed again. “See? Don’t worry,” she added, handing the fixed dishes to Spike, who left them over the table.
“Forgive me, I’m not used to hold things with my... hooves,” she apologized, staring at her hooves. She was about to say ‘hands’, but it was better if she said hooves for now.
“Why didn’t you use your magic? You've got a horn after all,” Spike commented, grabbing a towel from his bed. He crouched and started wiping the spilled tea with it.
Use her magic? Sure, she was an alicorn, she had a horn. But magic? How could she use magic? She knew unicorns used magic thanks to their horns, but she wasn’t sure about the ‘activation’ method to use magic. All those thoughts were running inside Lauren’s head, who was only staring at Twilight with a confused look.
“I…” Lauren softly spoke with a faint tone. “I can’t use magic.”
“Oh, I’m sure it’s because you woke up from being out there in that terrible storm,” Twilight commented, hovering the cup to her mouth, drinking some of her tea.
“No, I mean, I don’t know how to use magic,” Lauren replied, lowering her head.
Spike, who was done cleaning the tea, turned his head to Lauren. Twilight almost choked on her tea, but she swallowed it. She cleared her throat, placing the cup of tea on a table.
“You don’t know how to use magic?” Twilight asked, confused about the matter. She placed one hoof on her head.
Lauren didn’t know, she woke up as a pony after all. She couldn’t figure out how to use magic. She didn’t even have the slightest idea of how to do it.
“Perhaps you forgot how to use magic as well?” Twilight replied, referring to Lauren’s memory loss after waking up. Maybe she forgot something else than her hometown. She moved the hoof from her head to her chin.
No, I didn’t forget, I just don’t know how to. Lauren found herself answering to Twilight with her mind more than with her own voice. She didn’t like to lie, but she had no choice. “I bet that’s what happened,” she answered, with a confident tone.
“Well, don’t worry. We will help you get your memories back!” Twilight cheerfully replied and stared at Spike, who was only listening to the conversation.
“Yeah, uh, it will be okay,” Spike added, giving Lauren a quick smile.
Lauren couldn’t believe how kind and sweet her characters were. Maybe Twilight was not the Element of Kindness, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be kind at all, in fact, she was looking at a new Twilight Sparkle. Very different from the Twilight she was used to watch at her show. This Twilight cared a lot about her. Lauren couldn’t believe she actually developed a character like her.
“Thank you so very much, Twilight Sparkle,” Lauren said with a big smile on her face. “And you too, Spike!” She turning her head to the small dragon, who began to blush and grabbed his tail. Lauren chuckled a little, placing a hoof on her mouth.
The storm at the exterior was still vicious. Although lightning bolts seemed to have stopped, the wind was still blowing hard. It was around three of the morning already.
“So Lauren, I guess you don’t have a place to stay, right?” Twilight commented, placing her cold cup of tea on her desk, with her magic.
She’s right, I don’t have a place to stay. I only appeared here, I don’t have a place to go. She lowered her head, staring at Twilight’s bed. She had nowhere to go. That didn’t concern her as much as the most important thing: finding a way back home.
“You can stay with me, as long as you need to,” Twilight added with a smile on her face. She didn’t need to hear an answer from Lauren, she knew only with her face that she was lost and had nowhere to go.
“Twilight, I…” Lauren raised her head. She tried to climb out from the bed, carefully placing her hooves on the floor. She was standing still as a pony for the first time.
She moved her forelegs, at the same time as she moved her hind legs. She stood up and began walking towards Twilight, trying not to lose balance. Feels weird walking as a pony, but somehow, it’s not that hard. She approached Twilight, as she raised a hoof and placed it on her shoulder. “Thank you, Twilight!”
“You’re very welcome, Lauren,” Twilight giggled.
She could feel Twilight’s coat, it was not like a simple plush doll, not at all. Her fur was just like a real life pony, soft and very short. She could also feel her body heat. She then, released her hoof from her shoulder, placing it back on the floor.
“Ok then, Spike!” Twilight turned her head to Spike. “I need you to bring the mattress we use for guests.”
“Got it, Twilight.” Spike stood up and ran down to the first floor, heading into one of the rooms.
“Extra mattress? Oh it must be…” Lauren remembered. It had to be the bed Rarity and Applejack used back then at Twilight’s first slumber party.
“Here it is!” Shouted Spike with a loud voice, while pulling out a mattress from the room. “Uh, a little help?”
“Of course, sorry, Spike,” Twilight chuckled. Her horn began to glow as she hovered the mattress close to her own bed, placing it carefully on the floor.
Spike went back upstairs with a pillow and blanket. With her magic, Twilight placed them above the mattress.
“You can sleep here for the time being,” Twilight said, looking at Lauren who only nodded with a smile. “It’s already very late, so let’s go to sleep. This morning, I’ll introduce you to my friends.”
“Sounds lovely,” Lauren replied, with a grin. She knew which friends Twilight was referring to. She walked towards her bed.
Spike yawned. He climbed up to his bed and covered himself with his blanket. Twilight did the same, as she cast a spell to turn the lights off. Lauren lay down on her bed as well, trying to get a comfortable position with her new pony body. Oddly enough, she found herself at a very awkward position. She kept moving from side to side, trying to get a more comfortable position.
“Good night, girls,” Spike said with a great yawn.
“Night, Spike…” added Twilight. “And good night, Lauren.”
“Good night,” Lauren finally added, before closing her eyes.
The storm was now a soft drizzle. It was most likely to stop soon, maybe early in the morning.
I don’t know what’s going on. Her thoughts couldn’t let her sleep. How can I be inside this world? How did it happen? One hour had passed since Twilight, Spike and herself went to bed. Is this a dream? Or an illusion? The soft rain was starting to fade away. How… how am I supposed to go back to my world? So tired, I guess I’ll sleep for now...
*****
The rain had stopped. Early in the morning, some pegasi from the Weather Ponies moved the clouds out from Ponyville. Celestia, as usual, raised the sun above Equestria. The giant puddles of water that had formed on the streets of Ponyville were slowly drying, as well as the muddy land at Sweet Apple Acres. Some ponies finally got out of their homes. They had to run their daily labors after all. Some others were checking their houses for any damage the storm could have caused.
Ugh, my head. Is it, morning already? Lauren muttered, opening her eyes and closing them instantly. Too… early, I’m still tired, she mumbled, moving around her bed.
“Lauren?” Twilight whispered.
What the? Lauren opened her eyes and stood up. She shook her head, looking around until she saw Twilight, sitting next to her.
“Good morning! How did you sleep?” Twilight asked with her usual smile.
“Uh, good, thanks,” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes with her hooves. It was a shame. She was convinced it was all a bad dream and she would wake up at her office, or anywhere else, back at her world.
“I’m glad you slept well,” Twilight said to the half-asleep alicorn. “Come downstairs, Spike made us breakfast before he left,” she added, standing up and trotting downstairs. She was happy and full of energy as usual. “Oh, and if you need to brush your mane, feel free to use my brush. It’s right there on my makeup table.” She pointing a hoof towards the makeup table, near her bed. She lowered her hoof and began walking into the kitchen.
Lauren stood up, yawning, and stretching her arms. She finally got up from bed and walked towards Twilight’s makeup table. There was a mirror above it. She realized this was the first time she was going to see herself as a pony. She took a deep breath and walked in front of the mirror.
She stared at her new self for several seconds, examining each part of her body. The color of her eyes was different, instead of her brown color, they were now a light blue. Her red hair turned into a messy, straight mane, it needed a brush. She also checked her horn, it was like Twilight’s. And finally but not least, her faint cream-colored coat. She had enough looking at her face. She tried to grab the brush on the table, with her hooves.
Alright, I can do this. She tried grabbing the brush with her hooves, but she dropped it almost immediately. Darn, this is harder than it looks. She tried to pick up the brush from the floor, but she wasn’t sure how to grab it.
Twilight came back from the kitchen, hovering two plates with daisy sandwiches using her magic. She walked upstairs and noticed Lauren was having trouble with the brush. “Is something wrong?” Twilight asked, placing the plates with the sandwiches on the floor.
“Um, I-I’m not sure how to grab this,” Lauren mumbled, lowering her head.
“Oh, I forgot, you don’t remember how to use your magic. Here let me help you.” Twilight enveloped the brush with her magic, and gently began to brush Lauren’s mane. “Meanwhile, have some daisy sandwiches, please.” One of the plates was enveloped with magic as well, hovering near to Lauren.
“Oh my, I’m not sure if I will like it,” she mumbled, with a very shy voice. She was a guest in Twilight’s house. She couldn’t be picky about the food, but daisies? The sandwiches of her world had cheese, ham and maybe other stuff, but not daisies.
“Just try it. Spike makes really good daisy sandwiches,” Twilight commented as she kept brushing the alicorn’s mane. “If you don’t like them, I could make you something else.”
“No, don’t worry, I’ll trust you,” Lauren responded, while raising the sandwich with her hooves, making sure it wouldn’t fall. She stared at the two slices of bread with daisy flowers between them. She opened her mouth and gave it a tiny nibble.
The sandwich wasn't as bad as she thought. The daisies had a slight, honey-like flavor. They were a bit dry and sweet. She could relate the flavor to an egg salad sandwich, somehow.
“Well, what do you think?” Twilight asked her, staring at her face for the slightest reaction.
Oh my, this is… “Delicious!” Lauren exclaimed and took a bigger bite to the sandwich this time.
Twilight couldn't help but laugh. “I’m glad you like them! I told you Spike makes very good sandwiches. Even if he doesn't like them as much as ponies do.” She smiled at her, focusing back on the alicorn's mane.
Maybe, they don’t taste as bad as I thought. Or maybe, it’s because I’m a pony now. Oh well. She gave another bite to the daisy sandwich. She hadn’t eaten anything since she woke up as a pony. She didn’t even get to drink from the tea she spilled last night.
Lauren finished her sandwich as soon as Twilight was finished brushing her mane. The unicorn placed the brush back on the table.
“It was delicious! Thanks, Twilight!” She smiled, as she checked her brushed mane at the mirror. It certainly looked better than before when it was all messy.
“You’re welcome.” Twilight returned the smile. “Oh right, I almost forgot. I told you I wanted to introduce you my friends.”
Lauren remembered what Twilight said last night. She wanted her to meet the other main characters. Why not? I guess it will be fun.
“But…” Twilight stared at her. “If you go out like this, you would cause an uproar.”
Uproar? Oh that’s right. “Because I’m an alicorn, right?” Lauren asked, looking at the wings on her back.
Twilight only nodded. “I mean, it’s not bad, really, in fact, it’s wonderful,” she added, “but if everypony sees an alicorn other than the Princesses, they will surely start to inquire and gossip about it.”
Lauren understood, she remembered what happened with Zecora. The entire town thought she was an evil enchantress because they judged the book by its cover.
“We will have to hide either your horn or your wings, I’m afraid,” Twilight sighed, finally taking one bite on her daisy sandwich. She quickly placed it back on the plate.
“Don’t worry. It would be easier to hide my wings. I’d only have to wear some dress or something. Way more comfortable than wearing a weird hat to hide my horn,” Lauren commented with a small chuckle.
“Alright, I’ll see what can I get you. Wait right here,” Twilight replied as she went downstairs, trotting across the main library floor. Finally, she opened a door and went inside a room.
Lauren was sitting there. She took a chance to gaze upon Twilight’s library once again. She could recognize most of the library thanks to the scenes in the show. Well, she has a kitchen that I’ve never seen in the show, along with some other rooms. I guess this place has some off-camera places as well. She was getting bored of waiting.
Suddenly, her stomach growled, indicating she wasn’t satisfied with just one daisy sandwich. Oh, I really liked that sandwich. I wish I could have another one. She stared at Twilight’s sandwich, right in front of her. It only had one bite at the corner. It looked delicious anyways. No no no! That’s Twilight’s sandwich. It would be impolite to eat it. She thought to herself, but she was hungry. She was craving for some more daisy sandwiches made by Spike.
Ow alright, just a tiny nibble. Lauren stared at the room where Twilight went in and then grabbed the sandwich with her hooves. It wasn’t so hard to hold as before. She was getting how to hold stuff with hooves. I mean, after all I created the daisy sandwiches... sort of. She gave the sandwich the tiniest nibble possible, and she placed it back on the plate. Ah, that was delicious. She wanted more. She grabbed the sandwich again, with only one hoof, and gave it a bigger bite. She hummed with pleasure, placing the sandwich back on the plate.
*****
Too pink, too black, too long, too short. Twilight was checking every dress she had. Their designs were no match for any of Rarity’s dresses, but still, any dress would work. “Aha, here it is!” she exclaimed, pulling out a simple yellow dress with a pink ribbon on it. It was the same, simple dress Twilight used at her birthday party at Canterlot.
Twilight took the dress and left the room. “Hey Lauren, I think I found a good dress for-” She stopped talking as she saw Lauren with the daisy sandwich in her mouth. “Are you… eating my daisy sandwich?” Twilight asked, with a smile on her face.
Lauren rapidly put down the sandwich back on its plate. “Oh, I'm sorry Twilight, I-”
Twilight began to laugh. “Oh, Lauren! If you were still hungry, you should have told me! There are plenty more of daisy sandwiches in the kitchen!”
“Really?” She stood up and noticed the dress Twilight was carrying. “Oh is that your…” She glared at the simple yellow dress. She recognized it right away.
“Do you like it? My friend Rarity made it for me at my birthday.” She dragged the dress with her magic, hovering closer to Lauren so she could have a better look.
“Yes, it’s pretty, and so… simple!” she exclaimed while looking at the dress. And to think that I thought that dress was plain and dull. It looks cuter now. Nevertheless, that dress would surely hide her wings.
“Plus, thanks to an important unicorn named Fancypants, this dress is a hit in Canterlot. You’ll hide those wings while being in style!” Twilight chuckled along with Lauren.
“Well, thanks, Twilight, I really appreciate this. Let me try the dress!” Lauren requested, receiving a nod from Twilight, who handed her the dress. She wasn’t sure how to put it on. She never wore any pony clothes before.
“Wait, wait, you’re doing it wrong,” Twilight said, looking at the alicorn who was sticking a hoof through the neck hole. “Just slide your hooves from the bottom of the dress, stick them into the sleeves and just pull yourself all the way in, until you can stick your head out of the dress through the neck hole,” she instructed the clumsy alicorn.
Lauren did as instructed. She slid her hooves through the dress sleeves and pulled herself in. Meanwhile, Twilight was holding the dress, so Lauren could pull herself in. Finally, she adjusted the dress and Twilight helped her to pull her tail through the hole the dress had. With her magic, she pulled her tail, lock by lock, until the whole tail was perfectly stuck outside.
“It really suits you!” Twilight gazed at Lauren from all the angles she could, bouncing a little.
Wow, these pony clothes sure are comfortable. She wasn’t wrong. The dress was comfortable, at least for a pony. “It looks great! Thanks again, Twilight.” She began trotting in circles, trying to get used to the dress.
“I’m glad you like it, and it hides your wings perfectly.” Twilight pointed a hoof at Lauren's back. She looked like an ordinary unicorn with a dress. It was good enough to go out. “Well, are you ready to come out with me? I can’t wait for you to meet my friends!” she squealed.
“Yes, okay. But before we go…” Lauren turned her head towards the kitchen.
“Take as many as you want,” Twilight laughed while Lauren dashed to the kitchen.
Oh, so this is the kitchen, it looks nice. Twilight sure has a good taste. Oh, there they are! She noticed the plate with daisy sandwiches on a table. There were more than five, but she couldn’t carry that much. She took one sandwich with one hoof, and grabbed another with her mouth.
“Come on, are you ready?” Twilight asked her hungry friend.
The alicorn finished munching the sandwich she had in her mouth. She swallowed it and walked towards Twilight. “Certainly, let’s go.”
“Very well then.” Twilight opened the door with her magic. Both ponies stepped out of the library.
*****
“Um, excuse me, sir. How much does this cherry cost?” A timid, female voice squeaked.
“Ah, for you, my friend, only 1 bit,” somepony answered.
“Okay, I-I’ll take it,” The pegasus replied and opened her left saddlebag with her wing, withdrawing a coin from it. She gave the it to the big, gray Earth Pony who was standing behind a stall.
“Here, it’s all yours! Have a good day, lady.” The pegasus accepted the cherry with her wing and placed it her right saddlebag.
“T-thank you very much,” Fluttershy muttered with a smile, as she trotted slowly towards to Twilight’s library.
*****
Lauren couldn’t believe it. She was really in Ponyville. The houses, trees, streets. Everything was so familiar for her. She even noticed the ponies who were passing by. She couldn’t recognize some of them. She thought they were background ponies randomly animated.
But as she kept looking around, she could notice Lyra and Colgate talking near a tree. Caramel and Doctor Whooves were fixing a hole on a house roof, probably due last night’s storm. Well, at least she named them like that because those were their popular, non-official names.
“Uh, she said she would be here around this time,” Twilight commented, turning her head at all directions, looking for somepony.
“Who?” Lauren asked, biting on the sandwich she had on her hoof.
“Oh, there she is.” Twilight pointed out. A yellow pegasus with a long, pink mane was walking towards them.
Naturally, Lauren immediatly recognized who she was. Whoa, it's Fluttershy.
“Oh, Twilight, I-I’m so sorry for making you wait, you see I had to-” The pegasus stopped talking when she noticed the unicorn who was standing next to Twilight, holding a daisy sandwich with her hoof.
“Don't worry, Fluttershy, it's okay. Listen, this is my friend Lauren.” Twilight pointed her hoof at Lauren. “Why don’t you introduce yourself?” She turned her head, asking the ‘unicorn’.
“Hi, I’m Lauren. It’s so nice to meet you!” She smiled. “What’s your name?”
Fluttershy gently began to stroke her hoof to the ground. She lowered her head a little. “My… my name is, Fluttershy,” she whispered, with a very faint voice.
FIRST!
awesomeness! Keep up the good work.
Very entertaining so far.
hind legs bended - should be bent
she casted a spell - should be cast
Only two typos I noticed.
cool keep on writing
WHEN WILL SHE MEET CELESTIA AND LUNA
423335
Thanks! Already corrected!
423352
Soon enough, be patient.
423354 patience is not my virtue
very nice chapter.
also was released with good timing as i had just got off of the Celestia Radio broad cast of Doctor Whooves Adventures (Season 1) Episode Two: Number Twelve Part 2 and the Follow up Interview with Squeak and the rest of the cast and crew minus Flootershy. Props for that, whether intentional or not.
NOOOOO!
SO CLOSE.
Now I have to wait for next chapter.
STILL GOOD.
I just commented on the first chapter, saying how I couldn't wait for more... Then you update... Are you a wi-(No! I'm gonna do my own take on it) a unicorn?... Not the shockeffect I was going for
Good chapter!
-Glassed
2 chapters and it hasn't dropped into a boring cliche yet! Surprising considering how most HiE work out. Keep it up!
This story is awesome! Nicely written, interesting, and over-all a great read. Good job!
But as she kept looking around, he could notice Lyra and Colgate talking near a tree.
It should be "she could notice".
You know...
Other than that, that was a great chapter!
WOO-HOO
i need more its so goood it feeds my brain with awsome
Hehehe... Just portrayed myself Celestia and Luna realizing Lauren created them all... it will be interesting to see how that works out!
Still a few mistakes here and there, misusing at when it should be in, etc etc. Nothing that disrupts the flow of the story, really. Keep it up!
I wonder if Lauren will eventually reveal her Godhood?
This is great! I can't wait for more! I wonder how the mane 6 will react?
I can't believe you missed a perfectly good Maryland pun. She could have been from Baltimare, or from Anappleos, or even from Mareyland.
Morshu reference?
423447 According to SCIENCE, that realization will cause panic, chaos, and the collapse of Equestrian society. OH WELL!
422927 i don't know, legal issue BS. LF actually said if she could, she would. But it is illegal for her to read or stuff. They can listen to the music, but they can't use it.
Can you write more please? I mean... If that's okay with you...
Anyone know how to contact Lauren? Somebody should send this to her.
423554
Unfortunately, she can't read it.
But I think the only way to contact her (for fans like us) is via her Deviantart page.
422314 That sounds like a good idea!...
To bad i'm to chuck full of other stories and such
...Now i wanna start a wonka musical number,
< IIIIFFFF you want to view, Paradise! Simply look around, and view it!
423577 What do you mean "can't read it"?
423582
Read comments above, she isn't legally allowed to read fanfiction, also she says she wouldn't have time anyways.
I-I....I WAS SO CLOSE!, nevermid, in part it was almost like I said earlier, this is getting good, just because is a slow progresion story doesn't mean that it will get boring fast, quite contrary, Keep building the suspense buddy!.
I also suspect that Fluttershy will obiously notice the hidden wings in the dress, as a Pegasi (and part-time/retired model for the matter) she can obiously notice when somepony is hidding its wings under the clotches because in part she could claim doing that before... that and being Rarity friend plus her "outstanding stiching knowlodge" would mean that she's dettect the wings easily, but since this is Fluttershy we're talking about, she won't bring the topic in front to Twilight or Lauren.... I mean... she doesn't want to impose... or be rude... specially with a new friend.... is this is ok with any of you....*sqweak*
423590 I don't think the legal part would apply here. But that still sucks. I can't claim to know her, but I think she would like this.
I DEMAND MORE! ...please?
"But as she kept looking around, HE could notice Lyra and Colgate talking near a tree." You forgot the "S".
Anyways, this is really, REALLY entertaining. Love the story so far.
theuniblog.evilspacerobot.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/tumblr_lk6m6tpnTG1qjuaqio1_400.gif
pyro loves this story
img.ponibooru.org/_images/8a234a42b326afefa578250792eccefc/98687%20-%20crossover%20meme%20pyro%20rainbow_dash%20Team_Fortress_2.jpg
I'm really liking the story so far, definitely looking forward to more.
423582 anyone associated with the show can't read any fan fictions since many of the ideas that are posted could influence the canon in some way or form that as an end produce could end the show(I think). Lauren being the most important person to the show can only hear about the fan's works not read them. This is my own opinion on this matter, I have no clue if I'm right or wrong.
423577Great story by the way
Hold on. Aren't daisies nasty-tasting? I read that even deer don't like them. Or was that daffodils I was thinking about?
Also, too bad Lauren doesn't read fanfiction.
423751 Wouldn't this not apply, though, since it's Lauren herself put into the episode? I don't think they would actually do that, so this would be okay, right?
This is great *munches on popcorn* I love this fanfic, Lauren Faust would be proud of you!
423766 As I said I don't know, I myself would love it if lauren read this or even knows about it but what can we do?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGG SO GOOD!!!!
ERROR:
“Well, thanks Twilight, I really appreciate this. Let me try the dress!” Twilight nodded and handed her the dress. She wasn’t sure how to put it in
Did you mean "Put it on"?
By the way, I am loving this story! The characters' emotions make it feel so real. Lauren's thoughts are very well written and give her a lot of character. I couldn't find any grammatical or spelling errors (Obviously apart from that tiny one) and the plot is amazing. I can't wait to see where this goes. By the way, wtf Lauren, why wouldn't you choose wings over horn? I'm pretty sure every human has wanted to fly at some point in their life. Oh well.. I'm not the writer.
You and your spell checking team did a great job, make sure to thank them again; their eye for mistakes and your talent with words couples to make a beautiful story.
Without a doubt, this is a 10/10 story. Take all the time you want before your next chapter. As long as it keeps this quality, I can tough out the wait.
That was awesome! More!
I have to say, this entire story is a real big missed opportunity. Not only did you manage to make Lauren Faust a very typical and boring protagonist when in many interviews she's seen as incredibly humble and energetic, but you also managed to get many facts wrong about the extent of her involvement in the show, such as claiming that she was the one that came up with Twilight's bland dress in "Sweet and Elite" when her involvement in the second season was actually minimized.
Not to mention that it was Cindy Morrow who wrote that episode.
Another thing that confuses me is that you've made her the same size as Twilight for seemingly no specific reasons, when making her the same size as Celestia and Luna could have actually provided for more entertaining and endearing moments. Like Twilight and Spike looking at her in awe or her hitting her head on one of the doorways like Gandulf did in Bilbo's home in the Shire.
I will admit that you did almost manage to make some entertaining moments with her inability to use magic, but you should have exaggerated it to a much greater extent to make it funny. Which is what this story needs, a bit more exaggeration in some of the actions of the characters. Give Lauren a bit more "UMF!" to her character, watch more of her interviews and see how she acts, read her Deviantart comments, if you're going to try and write about a person you've never met and don't personality know, you might as well try your hardest to get her mannerisms right.
As for the writing, it could be much more detailed in a few places, along with more detailed reactions of the characters. Not to mention that the pacing was much too fast as Lauren was immediately flung into the world of Equestria, along with Studio B's office being very minimally described and felt very plain. Add more description to some of the locations, but don't be too over baring, but enough for it to actually be established, because all I imaged was the most boring office space in existence.
As another tip, maybe also take a look at "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends" and the character of Frankie, who was actually based directly on Faust. Maybe even rip some mannerisms directly from her.
P.S
Why do people keep forgetting that Lauren has a husband, a husband who created "The Powerpuff Girls"? All the "Lauren Faust in Equestria" fics I read and not one of them includes or mentioned Craig, I mean, that could really provided for a lot of comedic relief.
Enter...Fluttershy! And now we wait for the incoming reaction. Good chapter! Also, have you thought of my little request? (Selfish question is just selfish). I say keep on writing! Also, maybe the smile on Twilight's face could be taken out and instead put on a confused face, then laughter. For some reason, a smile in that moment, even though it is Twilight we're talking sounds a bit...odd. But I could be wrong. Let me see you on the next chapter!
423897
Thanks for that, I wasn't sure until I remembered Sweet and Elite is an episode from season 2. I'll have to modify that detail.
As for her body size, I might or not create a plot about it, I'll have to see as the story goes on.
As for the pace, I think it's to avoid the reader to become bored. Many are waiting for her to meet Celestia and Luna, but I'm just at chapter 1, give it a while.
I've seen Foster's Home a lot, I know how Frankie is kinda rebel and outgoing. And yeah, I will watch some interviews to pay close attention to her personality.
And about Craig, I will mention him in future chapters.
Thanks again for your review.
This is glorious.
Some daisies are actually edible, but it's a limited part of it. The petals are the main edible part... but you have to be careful and KNOW the provenance of the daisies, or else you could wind up with toxic fertilizers or junk in your Gastrointestinal Tract. And, if I recall correctly, Carrots are part of the same family of plants a daisies.
In other matters: Wouldn't Lauren-the-character be worried about her husband, Craig? Or at the very least, how worried he must be, etc.
the worst of the storm seemed to be over."
Nopony is talking.
Maybe she forgot something else than her hometown.
Should be: Maybe she forgot more than just her hometown.
“So Lauren, I think you don’t have a place to stay, right?”
This sentence feels weird.
One hour had passed since Twilight, Spike and herself went to sleep.
Bed. Went to bed. She hasn't gone to sleep yet because she's still awake.
Spike made us breakfast before leaving.
Where did he go? or did you mean 'Spike made us breakfast for before we leave.' ?
It wouldn’t be polite to eat it.
I would have said that it would be Impolite, but whatever.
LE GODS. Le squee!
SQUEEEEEEEEE!
423404 should've gone with alicorn
want moar