Chapter 10
“Rainbow Dash, I really don’t think I have the time for this—” Twilight tried to protest once again, but quailed under Rainbow’s piercing glare. To use Dinky’s analogy, it had been like herding cats to get all of her friends to the bachelorette party. They had all grumbled and fussed and mentioned how very busy they all were. It made Rainbow consider bringing them all in on leashes, but she abandoned that plan. She didn’t want to give Cloud Kicker any ideas.
“Twilight…” Rainbow none-too gently placed her hooves on Twilight’s rear and pushed her forward. “I’ve already gone over this five times today and am not in the mood to do it twice with you. You are going to the bachelorette party, you will relax and have a nice time, and that is final.”
Twilight turned her head back to face Rainbow. “But—my schedule!” She magicked her wedding schedule scroll up and waved it about. “The wedding!”
“Don’t care!” Rainbow shrugged. “This is no time to think about weddings—it’s the bachelorette party and everypony is waiting!”
A pain filled groan escaped from Twilight’s lips. “Please tell me this is going to be a civilized party for royalty?”
“You could say that.” Rainbow allowed as she opened the door to the club she’d rented. Almost immediately, Rainbow and Twilight were assaulted by a loud pulsing beat of music that made their hearts beat louder in their chests.
Vinyl Scratch had one hoof up to her ear while flipping through records, her horn flaring almost as brightly as some of the glowsticks around her neck. She threw Dash a salute and pumped her free hoof in the air. Derpy was walking about with a tray of muffins on her back, offering them to Rainbow’s other friends. Cadance was talking to Cloud Kicker, which made Rainbow fidget with worry. Cadance spotted her and waved her to join the two of them. Fortunately, Dash was saved by the intervention of her friends.
Pinkie Pie hopped around the club, looking and acting a lot more like herself. “Woohoo! Party!”
“Ah don' think this is th'typical one yew go for, Pinkie...” Applejack drawled as she and others clustered around a table. She cast a critical look around. “You neither, Rainbow.”
Pinkie stuck her tongue out at Applejack. “Why not? It's got 'party' right in the name, right? And it has games, and food, and guests--ooh, and surprises!”
“A party's a party, I guess.” Dash shrugged as she led Twilight to her seat. “Besides, Derpy and Cloud did help a little.” She grinned toothily at her friends as she waved a hoof at the celebrations. “Now, who's ready to get their party on, Dash style?”
Twilight’s face lit up in a monster blush as Fluttershy hid behind Rarity, mumbling. “Um, well, that is...”
Deciding to take pity on Fluttershy, Rarity cleared her throat. “‘Dash style?’ What precisely did you have in mind?”
“Is that like some kinda flyin' Missionary Style?” Applejack snerked, a tell-tale blush on her cheeks indicating that she’d been rather generous in helping herself to the drinks while waiting for Rainbow to fetch Twilight.
Pinkie Pie giggled while Rarity let out a huff that was one-part scandalized and another part-offended. “Applejack! Must you be so crude?”
“Whut?” Applejack hiccupped. “Ain' no point in dancin' around the issue with fancy talk an' yew-phamisms.”
“Still, you could at least try to act like a proper lady, for once in your life.” Rarity draped a hoof over her face despairingly.
Applejack’s rolled her eyes in response. “Already tried it once back when Ah was a filly. Ah didn't much care for it. Way Ah sees it, you gotta let them stuffed shirts know yew won’t take any of their horseapples if you don’t want ‘em to walk all over you. Like that Ramsay idjit.”
Rarity sniffed. “That’s easy for somepony whose business doesn’t rely on actual interactions with other ponies, much less their input.”
“I get input all the time,” Applejack snorted derisively. “S'just that I happen to be right most times than not. Ah got customers askin’ fer apples at odd seasons and have to explain why y'cant rush sweetness. At least I know how t'put mah blood, sweat n' tears int’ ma produce.”
“That would explain the taste,” Rarity drawled. “And for your information, I’ve pricked my hooves many a time creating my designs.”
Applejack grunted as she pulled another swig of her drink. “Sounds like ya need a different kind of prick, if’n you ask me…”
“Well, I most certainly did not!” Rarity snapped irritably, her face flushing in anger. “And for all your blood, sweat and tears you seem to making very little headway in your wedding duties.” She sniffed again. “Perhaps if you were to resolve your issues with Chef Ramsay, you might get somewhere. I think you’re the one feeling a touch ‘pent up’ and do for a roll in the hay, as you might put it?”
Her response was a blistering stream of apple-flavored invective. “That’s the most ree-diculous idea Ah ever heard! Ah cain’t stands that varmint! Anyways, between Ramsay, Fluttershy giving mah food to her little critters and Pinkie Pie’s lollygagging, it’s a wonder I’m as far along as I am!”
“Hey!” Pinkie frowned. “I have to keep changing all my party plans because the fancy ponies weren’t happy--and Rarity wasn’t helping!”
“Well, it’s hardly my fault if your normal parties are hardly in vogue with the latest noble trends!” Rarity huffed. “I might have had more time to win them over if I wasn’t drowning in half-finished dresses because Fluttershy was too busy with her animals friends to help with the sewing like she promised!”
Fluttershy twitched her wings. “T-that’s not fair, Rarity! Making friends with animals take a lot of work, especially when they’re so hungry and starving and Applejack won’t share any food with them!”
Applejack stomped a hoof. “I’m catering for a wedding! Buy some animal chow from--from--wherever you buy animal chow from and leave mah food alone!”
Twilight groaned and brought out her checklist. “So behind schedule…”
“ENOUGH!” Rainbow Dash took to the air so she could look down on all of them. “This is why we need tonight! We’re getting all stressed out and lame and we’re supposed to be helping Cadance, not making everything all complicated for her.” She rubbed her face. “How about we all take a deep breath, have some drinks and just chill? Otherwise, I’ll bring in some clouds and have it snow on all of you.”
Cadance made her way over, flanked by Derpy and Cloud. “Girls, I know things are tough. A wedding, especially a royal wedding for the Grand Galloping Gala—is stressful. Shining Armor and I have been so busy talking to dignitaries and reintegrating the Crystal Empire into the rest of the world that we haven’t been able to spend as much time with you as we would have liked. I want to thank you all for all the hard work you’re doing. That’s why we’re here.” She looked around, smiling kindly. “This is my gift to you, for all that you’ve done for me. Now please, relax and enjoy yourselves. Everything will work out. I know it will.”
The tension seemed to dissipate as the group offered their thanks to Cadance, and broke up into ones and twos to sample the refreshments or simply walk around and investigate the party.
Rainbow Dash looked over to Fluttershy and Twilight, who had remained nearby. “So how’re you ladies doing? Hanging in there?”
Fluttershy was doing her best to remain as small and unnoticeable as possible. “I'm ... fine.” Twilight nodded in agreement, smiling rather unconvincingly. Rainbow noticed the two of them looking rather tense.
Twilight paced back and forth, fretting nervously. “This is the most important day of my brother and sister-in-law-to-be's lives. and you are all just sitting around to music drinking fermented beverages. Have you all forgotten the plan?!” Rainbow’s eyebrow rose slightly at that, but Twilight’s next words made her sigh. “It all needs to be storybook perfect!”
“Twi, y'need to calm down. Relax.” Rainbow encouraged, the irony of her anypony to relax apparently lost on her. “It’s a party.”
Cloud Kicker nodded as she guided Twilight over to a table. “I think somepony needs a stallion massage. I can show you a few—”
“Oh no you don’t.” Applejack quickly moved to intercept them and give Cloud Kicker the stink eye. “Still, she has a point, Twilight. Never gonna do no pony no good to wind up that tight. Have a drink.”
Rarity nodded as she stepped up, sipping a Manehattan. “Well I must agree. Isn't this also a part of the tradition?”
“Yeah!” Pinkie Pie scarfed down a cupcake and bounced over, giving each of her friends additional confections. “Shiny’s also having a super duper special party too. We can’t be left out, riiiight?”
Twilight’s face went stone rigid for a moment. Then with lightning fast speed she grabbed the nearest drink off the table and downed it. “I don’t wanna think about it!” She wheezed, coughing slightly.
Making her way over, Princess Cadance smiled. “There you are! We were waiting for you, Twilight. Now we get to see what Rainbow Dash has planned.” She paused, looking to the pegasus in question and blushing at the wicked grin on her face. “I’d really be more comfortable if you were with me, Twilight. We’re going to be sisters-in-law after all.”
“But--the wedding plans!” Twilight’s hooves danced up and down. “I can’t just--the list!”
Cadance stuck out her lip in a pout and put on the saddest face she could make. “Please, Twilight, for me? Just try and enjoy yourself. I know you’re nervous--I am too--but this party is supposed to help everypony relax. I don’t think I could relax if you weren’t here with me.”
Pinkie nodded in agreement. “Parties are serious business.”
Ignoring her, Cadance pressed her hooves together pleadingly. “Pleeease? Just one night with no lists, just fun with your old foalsitter before her big wedding?”
“Well…” Twilight fidgeted. “Can I still hold onto it? Just in case?” She cradled her checklist against her like a mother with her foal.
“Of course.” Cadance nuzzled her. “Come on, let’s go get our party on!”
Rainbow Dash rubbed her face, grateful for Cadance’s assistance. I need to get my friends to relax or—if they’re the changeling—at least have to pretend to relax so they’ll lower their guard. Remembering some of her own experiences at past parties, she quickly remembered the best way to do that. “C’mon and relax, everypony. Have a drink!” She quickly grabbed two glasses of…something off the table and held them out.
“Oh, um, well, thank you Rainbow Dash but I don’t know—” Fluttershy took a half-step behind Twilight. “I wouldn’t want to get, um, you know...”
“Drunk?” Rainbow snorted. “Come on, you don’t have to go all Applejack on us,” she jerked her head towards the farmpony as she refilled her cup. “Just enough to loosen up a little.” She smiled when she saw Twilight took a fresh glass from the table with her magic and take a sip. “See, Twilight’s getting into it!”
Twilight coughed, sputtering as finished her sip. “Oh my Celestia....”
“Oh goodness. Are you alright, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked. “How many hooves am I holding up?”
Applejack chuckled, as she walked over, clapping Twilight on the back. “This here's a proper fer this party--careful yew don't overdo it, it ain't as watered down as some stuff.”
“Maybe I'll just ... not have that.” Twilight wheezed as she gave her drink another sniff. “Ooh, no, not that one again.”
Applejack gave the drink a sample sniff and taste herself. “Hooey, there's yer problem, startin' off with high-proof applejack.” She grabbed another drink, pouring Twilight a cup. “Mah namesake's got almost as much a kick as ah do.”
“Yet it lacks the enormous backside.” Rainbow snarked as she tried the drink herself … and instantly regretted it.
“It also don’t make boasts it can’t keep,” Applejack shot back with a smirk.
“Right…” Twilight said slowly as she swirled her drink. “I'll just ... sip this. Slowly. And keep a watch on the clock, so I can get a rough estimate for how much time my liver would need to process the alcohol.” Pinkie Pie then took her glass and replaced it with a sippy cup. Twilight’s expression was equal parts amusement and annoyance—a common reaction to Pinkie Pie. “Really?”
Pinkie seemed to miss the subtext. “What? These are GREAT for parties! You can get as smashed as you like and never lose a drop!” She rubbed her muzzle. “Hmm, maybe I should replace all the glasses at the wedding reception with these…”
If that’s not Pinkie Pie, then they must picked the most random changeling ever to replace her, Rainbow thought.
“Maybe it would be best if she was a bit more careful than that?” Fluttershy offered. “I mean, I’m sure you can handle yourself Twilight, but—”
Applejack snorted. “Ah think ol' Twi knows what she's doin'. An' a big part o' that's startin' off knowin' yer limits, like havin' th' weaker stuff fer beginners.”
“You could be a little more considerate of Twilight's history...” Rarity hissed softly, but not so low that she couldn’t be heard by everypony nearby.
That threw Applejack for a moment. “What're yew goin—” she blinked as she remembered, shuffling her hooves awkwardly.
“It's fine!” Twilight blurted out quickly. “I've already got a rough estimate going for how much of which drinks I can try, with a large margin of error.” She took another sip to prove it. “Really, it's okay.”
That made Applejack relax. “S’long as yer havin’ fun, that’s what matters.”
“And I think it is better to be safe than sorry,” Rarity countered, daintily sipping at her own drink.
The half-lidded stare Applejack gave Rarity said it all. “Ain’t that your third glass?”
“Have you been counting?” Rarity replied in a challenging tone.
“Somepony’s gotta make sure y’all don’t hornswaggle all the best stuff.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Speaking of…” She looked to Fluttershy. “C’mon, it’s a party! We can all relax and have some fun for a change! I mean, we've all been so tense this week, it's about time we all got to relax and enjoy ourselves, amiright?”
“Exactly!” Twilight nodded. “Nice, safe, enjoyable and un-stressful fun.”
Whatever Fluttershy was about to say was lost when Applejack whinnied. “Eeeexactly!” She nodded. “See, even Rainbow’s talkin’ sense for a change!” Rainbow made a mental note to prank Applejack for that later. And if that was the changeling, to punch it extra hard. Applejack hip bumped Fluttershy. “G’on! S’one thing Ah cain’t stand at a party, it’s an empty hoof that needs a mug!” Don' worry none--if this were any more watered down, Ah could pack it in Apple Bloom's lunch.”
“Well … maybe I’ll get something nice and, um, safe.” She examined the list of drinks on the board. “Oh, Honey Bunny! That sounds nice!” Fluttershy timidly accepted the cup and took the tiniest of tiny sips. “Oh my. This tastes really … good.” She took another, slightly larger drink.
Rainbow Dash stepped back and watched her friends. I’ve been going about this the wrong way. Instead of investigating my friends one at a time, I need to watch them interact with each other—see who the others think is acting off. And so far…nopony seemed to stand out. Twilight and Fluttershy were slowly getting coaxed into joining the party by Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Rarity were bickering in their weird, half-friendly way.
I have to figure this out tonight—the wedding’s the day after tomorrow! Rainbow looked around.
The lights in the club dimmed and all attention was directed to the still-lit stage. “Guess the show’s about to start.” Rainbow called to her friends. Twilight and Fluttershy fidgeted, obviously very keen to watch while not wanting to make it obvious that they were interested. Rarity elegantly arched her brow as she moved closer, her own excitement betrayed by the slight swishing of her elegantly coifed tail. Pinkie Pie … was munching on a bag of popcorn that she had acquired in the last minute, despite there being no popcorn at the party. Rainbow didn’t even question it, except to note that if Pinkie was the fake, it was a very good fake.
Applejack walked up to Rainbow and nudged her. “This oughta be good…”
Dash just grinned. “Oh you have no idea. Me and Cloud made sure to find some great ponies to, ah, entertain Cadance.” Rainbow waved to the bachelorette, who waved back from her place of honor at the foot of the stage.
“Oh dear.” Twilight mumbled, blushing as she buried her snout into her drink, not able to resist taking the occasional glance up. Fluttershy’s own expression was one to match Twilight’s.
“Well, this should certainly be interesting...” A gleam in Rarity’s eyes belied her even tone. Music began to play as movement appeared behind the stage’s curtains. There was a hushed silence…and then Big Macintosh stepped out, dressed in a sweater-vest and bowtie, the standard attire of the Ponytones Quartet.
Applejack’s jaw dropped so quickly Rainbow was afraid it would become detached. She opened her mouth—no doubt to cry out her brother’s name in shocked disbelief—but all that emerged was a tiny noise that sounded not unlike a mouse being trod on by a manticore as her cheeks exploded into a bright blush.
Rainbow bit her lip, trying to suppress her laughter. That lasted for all of five seconds. “BWAHAHA!” She flopped over on her back, holding herself and howling with laughter at the look on AJ’s face. When Big Macintosh spotted his sister—and noticed the surroundings he was in—he started blushing just as hard.
“Oh dear…” Rarity snerked in amusement as their other friends started giggling at the agog expression on the Apple siblings faces.
Applejack found her voice first. “....eenope!” She grabbed the nearest drink to her and chugged it down. “Ah'm still too sober fer this horseapples.” She proceeded to steal every drink at the table and down them in record time before trotting off to find more.
“Aww, don't go! Don't you wanna see your brother shake his groove thing for Cadance?” Rainbow laughed, holding her aching sides.
Applejack finished another glass of her namesake. “Shuddup RD! Jes--shut it!” She grabbed a drink out of another pony’s hooves and downed it. “Hoo, that one tasted like toothpaste.” She gagged as she retreated further from the stage.
The grin on Dash’s face only got wider as Applejack withdrew. “He’s not here like that,” she explained to the rest of her friends. “I just asked him to come by and sing. Of course, I maaay have forgotten to tell him what kind of party this was.”
“Oh, that was ingenious.” Rarity chortled, appreciative of a good joke—that wasn’t on her.
Twilight shook her head at Rainbow, trying to look angry but failing. “Rainbow? You're evil. Totally. Evil.”
“Aww, you say the nicest things, Twi.” Rainbow smirked as she bumped her hip playfully against Twilight’s. “Oh geeze, the look on Applejack's face—”
Pinkie Pie bounced up, holding a camera that dangled down from a curl in her mane. “I got a picture. That'll last us for years.”
“It was pretty funny...” Fluttershy admitted, a warm flush on her cheeks as she giggled.
That seemed to be the straw that broke Twilight’s resolve as her hard-maintained frown turned into a full-on laugh. “BAH-hahahahaha! Oh, I shouldn't laugh but I can't help it!”
“Oh, that was a wonderful trick on Applejack.” Rarity chuckled.
Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Twilight letting in her inner prankster out? Rarity developing a ‘low-brow’ sense of humor? Who are you two and what’ve you done with my friends?” She kept her tone light, but watched both their faces for any reaction.
Twilight just chuckled and rubbed her face. “That was … I should feel bad, but that was hilarious.”
“The look on Applejack's face...” Rarity agreed, closing her eyes and smiling. She was going to never let Applejack forget this. “Which way did she go?”
“I think Applejack went that way.” Pinkie offered, pointing a hoof towards the door. “Or else that way.” She pointed a second hoof towards the bar. “Or else maybe that way.” Yet another hoof rose and pointed to the mare’s room. “I kinda didn't notice since I was watching the show.”
Rainbow Dash quickly looked down to check that Pinkie was still balancing on her hindlegs. So where did that third foreleg come from? She wondered, idly wondering if she had been drinking too much. Or possibly not enough.
She was shaken out of her thoughts by applause as Big Macintosh finished singing. The large pony bowed his head, looking flustered as Cadance blew him a kiss. He quickly made his way off stage as quickly as he could, shooting a glance at Rainbow. Her response was to smile cheekily and crack up all over again.
While thinking about going over to needle Big Mac some more, Rainbow found herself victim of a surprise hug from Cadance. “Dashie, this party is wonderful!” Cadance giggled, her pink cheeks glowing brighter. “You and your friends have done an amazing job!”
“It’s what I do,” Dash hugged her back. “You doing okay?” She felt guilty for not having spent more time with her old foalsitter before the big day, even though she had her investigation and wedding preparations to take care of.
“Well,” Cadance looked around, making sure they had some privacy. “I was feeling just the tiniest-tinyest bit nervous. But I feel a lot better now.”
“That’s great!” Rainbow felt herself relax a fraction. At least something was going right. She winked to Cloud Kicker as she made her way over to them. “So enjoying the entertainment, Cadance?” Dash grinned, nodding to the stallions who had come out to dance after Big Macintosh left. She nudged Cloud. “I had Kicker pick up the best dancing talent in Canterlot. Of course she knew most of them…” Cloud’s grin was shameless and unapologetic.
“Er ... yes.” Cadance coughed. “It's nice, though I'm a bit surprised you picked something so ... risque.” She flushed as looked out over the party: pegai stallions gently fluttering their wings, blowing stiff breezes in Fluttershy and Pinkie’s faces. Earth ponies danced around poles and a madly giggling Rarity was draped over the back of a large unicorn stallion.
“Th-this is not how a lady rides!” Rarity shifted herself so that she was sitting side saddle. “Much better!” She reached out and levitated Applejack’s hat over, putting it on at a jaunty angle. “Onward!”
Applejack shook her hoof at Rarity from the back of her own stallion. “Give me mah hat back!” She nudged her ride forward. “Onward, mighty steed! After her!”
The hapless stallion could only blink at her and asked, “How’d you know my name?”
Cloud grinned a little wider. “That's my good influence.”
Rainbow just rolled her eyes. “Hey, it's what you're supposed to do for a bachelorette party, right?” She chuckled, nudging Cadance in the ribs. “And it is funny watching you blush and drool.”
“I was not drooling.” Cadance huffed, tilting her head up imperiously.
That just made Dash laugh. “Oh admit it Cadey, you were eyeing a lot of flank tonight.”
Cadance harumphed. “Sorry, I'm a one-stallion mare.”
“It’s just looking,” Cloud pointed out. “As long as you don't touch you're safe. It’s like window shopping. Only with more muscles.”
“Careful Cade, I think you're speaking a language foreign to Cloud. I don’t think she can understand.” Rainbow snarked. Cloud Kicker nudged her with her wing.
Cadance watched the two of them with a quirked brow. “Though speaking of eyeing flank, I'll note that Cloud Kicker's been rather ... attentive of you.”
The two mares blushed. “Princess!” Cloud squawked.
Rainbow sputtered for a second before getting out, “S-she's just been helping me with the party and stuff!”
“Of course she is,” Cadance smiled understandingly.
“That's dumb. You're being dumb.” Rainbow stomped her hoof. “Stop being dumb, Cadance.”
Cadance winked. “Uh huh. Sure Rainbow…”
Growling to herself, Rainbow threw up her hooves and stomped away. She soon found Cloud Kicker trotting up beside her, draping a wing over her back. “Whoa, calm down, Dash.”
She hastily shrugged Cloud’s wing off, not wanting to give Cadance any more ammunition. “I am calm!” She snapped at Cloud.
Cloud Kicker winced, looking stung. “Rainbow…” her voice faltered. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Are you okay? You’re … pretty tense.”
“Yeah, the end of the world tends to make me a bit tense,” Rainbow’s voice practically dripped with sarcasm. “I'm kinda weird like that.” She sighed when she caught sight of the hurt look on her friend’s face. “Sorry. I’m just … really not in the mood to deal with Cadance playing matchmaker when we've got a changeling on the loose, pretending to be one of my friends. I mean, facing Nightmare Moon and King Sombra was different. I had my friends with beside me for almost the entire time, and I knew I could trust them to help me out. Now I can’t. I don’t know who to trust, where the bad guys are. Just point me at something to punch and I’m set. This--this cloak-and-dagger stuff is driving me nuts!”
“I know, but being stressed out won’t help.” Cloud reached out to put a hoof on her shoulder.
“No. The only thing that will help is finding out which of them's the fake. Anything else that isn't helping--isn't.”
Cloud sighed, slumping back a little. “Yeah, okay.”
Rainbow didn’t notice, already occupied in looking around, trying to keep track of everypony. “I'm gonna see how the others are behaving. You touch base with Derpy.”
“Yeah, sure.” Cloud closed her eyes and took a deep breath, focusing herself. “Okay, I'll get to work on that. Good luck.”
“Thanks. I'll need it,” Dash grunted as she trotted her way over to Twilight, who was sitting at a table furiously scribbling something on a notepad.
Rainbow approached the table without Twilight so much as looking in her direction. She cleared her throat. “Twilight? What're you doing?”
“Making sure I'm not drunk.” Twilight’s response was so casual that it took Rainbow a minute to realize that she had heard that correctly.
When she did, she fought the urge to facehoof. “So, you’re making sure you aren’t drunk … by doing math.”
“Exactly!” Twilight beamed, proud of herself. “I just need to calculate how much alcohol I've had against my weight and BMI…”
Rainbow waved a hoof to interrupt her. “Okay, first off: if you're doing math to see if you're drunk, that's a pretty good sign that you already are drunk. Second … lemme see that.” She snatched the notepad away to see what diabolical plans she might’ve been planning and--huh. So that was Twilight’s weight? “Twi, I think you need to start exercising with me.”
“Give me that!” Twilight grabbed her pad back. “My weight is perfectly fine and within the acceptable range for a pony of my size, age, gender and breed. What’s more, I’m sure I have a higher tolerance for alcohol than you do.” She looked Rainbow over. “I'd bet your body fat is at one percent or lower. You must be a real lightweight.”
“I'm no lightweight!” Rainbow protested indignantly.
Missing her tone, Twilight asked, “How much alcohol does it take to get you drunk? Cloud Kicker did mention you were always the first one in your Canterlot group to pass out.”
That set Rainbow’s ears on fire. “I was not! Cloud's a lying liar who--lies.” She blinked. “Wait, when were you talking with Cloud?”
“Oh, she mentioned it during the whole Trixie thing.” Twilighted paused, glanced at Rainbow and flushed. “She talks about you a lot.”
“Huh? Cloud?” Rainbow’s face flushed too as she thought of Cadance’s remarks. “We're not--whatever you’re thinking, it's nothing.”
Twilight giggled tipsily at Rainbow’s reddened cheeks. “Cloud told me that--” she paused, stuffing her hooves in her mouth.
“She told you what?” Rainbow asked, leaning in.
Twilight opened her mouth--only for Pinkie Pie’s head to emerge from under the table with a shout of “FOREVER!”
“Gyah! Pinkie!” Dash yelped in surprise. Twilight took one look at Pinkie, to her math, then reached for her drink again. “Pinkie what are--what're you---oh never mind.” Rainbow rubbed her face.
Pinkie gently led Rainbow Dash around from the thoroughly confused Twilight as she returned to her drink. “Nothing to see here. These aren't the ponies you're looking for, move along.” Dash frowned at Pinkie’s nonsensical ramblings, not sure if she should be suspicious or just confused. Or both. Pinkie frowned at her. “No finding out secrets,” she insisted, looking serious.
“What secrets?” Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “What're you hiding?”
“I'm not hiding anything, but Twi's terrible at keeping secrets!” Pinkie explained. “...or was that a secret?” She gasped and took a cupcake out of her mane and smushed it in her eye. Ignoring the confused/appalled expression on Rainbow’s face, she went on. “Anyway, no trying to get them! Secrets are serious business!”
Rainbow leaned in. “But are friends supposed to keep secrets from each other? What if it's important?” She tried to stay cool, but this could be what she was looking for!
Pinkie shook her head. “Breaking promises to your friends is the fastest way to lose your friends forever!”
“But--”
“FOREVER!” Pinkie shouted.
“Grr! This is important!” Rainbow yelled back, grabbing Pinkie Pie’s shoulders and shaking her a little. “You have to tell me everything you know!”
Pinke shrugged her hooves off. “No, Rainbow Dash! You can't break promises! No destroying our friendship, Dashie!”
“You're the one destroying our friendship with your secrets and lies!” Rainbow shouted at her. “That's all it is with you ponies!” Growling angrily, Pinkie stomped off, making Dash realize that she’d pushed too hard. “Hold up, Pinkie--!”
However, she soon found her path blocked by Fluttershy. “Is everything alright here?”
Rainbow grumbled as she tried, unsuccessfully, to step around her. “It's fine 'Shy, just go enjoy the party…”
“I am enjoying it,” Fluttershy smiled, a tipsy look on her face. “These Honey Bunnies are ... nice.” She leaned against Rainbow Dash. “So, I was thinking…”
“Yeah? About what?”
Fluttershy took a breath and hurriedly blurted out. “If you don't want Cloud Kicker can I have her?”
Rainbow blinked. “What.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” Fluttershy hiccuped. “I had a huuuge crush on her back in Flight Camp.” She giggled drunkenly. “Huuuge. I like that word. Huuuge.”
Rainbow Dash brought a hoof up to her face. “Fluttershy, are you drunk?”
“Oh no, not at all,” Fluttershy waved her off, sloshing her drink over Rainbow. “Well, except yes. Maybe. A little.” Rainbow planted her face in both her hooves. Fluttershy giggled. “Huuuuge crush.”
“That's … really something, Fluttershy.” Rainbow sighed.
Fluttershy giggled drunkenly, her ears perking up when she heard the music start up again. “Oooh dancers! Come on, Rainbow!” She grabbed her friend and hauled her over to the seats in front of the stage. “I want to see!”
Sighing, Rainbow let herself get dragged over, sitting beside Applejack and Rarity as the dancers came on stage. Fluttershy leaned forward, eyes wide as several large, muscular stallions dressed as a train crew began to shake and writhe in front of a madly blushing Cadance.
“Oooh hello.” Twilight quirked her brow appraisingly from her own seat.
Rainbow grinned and murmured just loud enough for her friends to hear. “Twi likes big flanks, and she cannot lie...”
Twilight sprayed out her drink with a loud squeak. “Rainbow! I do not!” The blush on her cheeks undercut her denial.
Fluttershy let out a quiet giggle. “I think they have very nice cabooses too…” she gasped. “Did I really just say ‘caboose’?”
Cloud Kicker blinked as a pony in a guard uniform began dancing. “Huh. I guess now I know why he’s called ‘Flash’ Sentry … and here I always thought he was a prude.”
Rarity was practically hanging off of Applejack, using her to prop herself up as she gushed over the dancers. “Did you see that one crystal pony? Did you see the cut of his flank?” she tittered, clearly plastered.
“S-s’long as Ah don’t have to see no kin of mine up there,” Applejack hiccupped, swaying slightly. “Ah’m happy. As fer me, he looked like one of those fra-gee-ley glasses that break the moment ya try to drink from one.”
Rarity waved a hoof dismissively. “Oh goodness, Fluttershy, support me here.” When the timid yellow pegasus didn’t speak up, Rarity blinked and looked around. “Fluttershy? Has anypony seen where she is?”
“Um…” Twilight pointed to the stage. The others looked up to see Fluttershy draping herself across the shoulders of a panicked looking stallion, clinging to the straps of his overalls.”
“You’re going to LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” She loudly proclaimed, rivaling the infamous Canterlot Royal Voice.
Cloud Kicker winced and nodded to Derpy. She nodded back as they climbed up on stage to extract the poor stallion from Fluttershy’s grip. Fluttershy flung her hooves out and moved to hug Cloud. “Huuuge!” However, in her inebriated state she tripped and fell against Derpy, hugging and nuzzling her--much to Derpy’s chagrin.
“Ooookay, hello,” Derpy murmured. “I think it’s time to get off the stage and let other ponies have their fun, mm?”
Fluttershy mumbled something in her ear that, while inaudible to the rest of the establishment, made Derpy’s cheeks flush as red as the apples on AJ’s … er, cheeks. She hoisted her friend onto her back without another word, although she did squeak a little as Fluttershy kept talking to her.
Once they were off the stage, it was time for the main event. “All right everypony, time for the cake!” Pinkie Pie whooped as she wheele in truly mammoth cake. “Princess Cadance, I think you know what comes next...”
Cadance blushed brilliantly, but was still smiling as the cake came to a halt in front of her. “Oh goodness, I wonder whatever you could mean.” Her horn shimmered as a cake knife floated up. “We better dig in!”
Everypony cheered--just as Pinkie Pie exploded out of the cake. “Whoa!” she gasped, shaking the icing out of her mane. “Aww, I thought it was supposed to be bigger on the inside!”
“Wait, Pinkie Pie?” Cadance blinked. “But you--how did--when did you get in there?! And--what are you wearing?”
Pinkie nodded, her head encased in an oversized outfit made to look like a goofy version of Shining Armor’s head. “What? I thought you were supposed to like the pony who pops out of the cake? And I figured, who better than the pony you’re marrying? Except not really him, because that’d just make the party awkwaaard.”
“Too late…” Twilight moaned. She looked at her drink and then slowly spilled it out on the floor. “I think I’ve had enough.”
Rarity agreed. “Perhaps we should all … partake a little less.”
“Woo hoo…” Fluttershy softly exclaimed, propped up against Applejack.
Rainbow Dash just shook her head. Her friends. There wasn’t anypony else like them in all of Equestria. The way they acted, how they worked off of each other. You couldn’t recreate that chemistry: the ties that bond them, the spark that emerged when all of them were together. Even if it was something as silly as a party.
That’s when she came to a decision. She was going to see Princess Celestia tomorrow and give a report of her findings.
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Unfortunately, it is Celestia who is the changeling.
This was hilarious while still having that underlying tension. So good. And drunk Fluttershy is incredible.
I will laugh my ass off if she tells Celestia they all must be changelings.
Congratulations, Cloud Kicker. You're the new Spike.
I am laughing so hard I can't type a sane comment! Good job!
Great
Who want's to bet CELESTIA is the changeling?
Celestia is changeling, I am convinced. Excellent chapter as always. Can't wait to see what happens at the wedding.
Shame on you, Rarity! Applejack's rump isn't enormous!
It's clearly titanic.
Drunk ponies are hilarious!!! I have to wonder, if a pony was really a Changeling and still wanted to be friends with ponies, could they??
delete " mark.
__________________________
I can't wait to see what happens to Dashie when she gets trapped in the underground caverns and finds Tia beaten and worn out and has to save her + save the wedding.
5155152
Of course all sapient creatures are capable of friendship. After all most dragons are greedy, brutish, murder-for-fun, creatures of graft. But Spike is a friendly dragon. It all depends on the Ling, and the ponies that changeling wants to be friends with.
5155564 then I hope that if Cloud Kicker is a changeling she sides with Dash and helps her. On the other hoof, I can see a Changeling trying to escape from Cloud's bedroom only to be pulled back in and force fed more love via banging.
5155670
Force fed till it explodes ... twice, and in more ways than one. Although I doubt it's Kicky who's the Ling, but even then I think Kicky would befriend the Ling and make it switch sides with her tight flank, although Kicky and Dashie deserve to be together. But yeah, I don't know if we'll get a friendly Ling in this series, but I do know that Tri does a good job with his/her villains. Although I'm sad we haven't gotten Dissy yet.
5155692 Yeah, we all know Kicky could turn anybeing she finds attractive with repetive banging sessions.
That was a fairly hilarious chapter.
I'm definitely betting that the report will be that none of the girls are changelings.
5153886 Or RAINBOW is the Changeling, and this was all a trap.
Next chapter will end with Rainbow-ling begging for mercy as her disguise drops.
5166637
That would be WAY too obvious...which exactly why Rainbow is going to do it and accuse Celestia of being a paranoid old hen
And they all dread the moment. That moment when Fluttershy uttered the most horrible words Cloud or Rainbow ever thought they'd hear from Fluttershy's mouth...
"KING'S GAME!!!"
I saw the doctor who joke it was funny because his tardis is bigger in the inside
I'm not sure if I was laughing harder at the idea of Big Mac secretly moonlighting as a stripper, or at him being hired to work at a party where Applejack is present, or even at Rainbow's explanation of her double prank, which somehow did not make the situation less funny.
Well done, sir.
5523593
i don't get it?