• Published 26th May 2014
  • 73,969 Views, 2,897 Comments

How many friends have you made today?! - Sarcastic Brony



Anon likes to keep to himself, but Celestia thinks he should make friends.

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Really?

Anon sits on his couch with a book he borrowed from the local library. The sound of glass breaking can be heard deep within the house. With a long tired sigh, Anon puts his book down and gets ready for the inevitable. You see, when Anon first arrived in Equestria, everything was rather hectic. The ponies were in an epic battle with a god of chaos at the time, and they thought he was part of Discord’s plan. Anon didn't care when they shot him with a rainbow, and he didn't care when they apologized afterward when it didn't disintegrate him. No, Anon just didn't really seem to care about anything that was happening.

After some time passed, Anon found a job working with a local candy maker by the name of Bonbon. It’s said that the reason her business grew as large as it did is because Anon was working there. Ponies were cautious about what he made, but there was just something special about the candy Bonbon put in her storefront every day.

No pony is really sure about what goes on in Anon’s mind. For the past year, he has stuck to a schedule. He wakes up early, and heads to work. Afterward, he sometimes checks a book out at the library and then he just reads alone in his home. Many ponies have never see Anon out with another pony since his arrival. He just likes to keep to himself, and most just think it's a human thing.

Why has Anon kept his distance from these ponies, you ask? To be honest, he was interested in making friends for the first month of his arrival. However, a few things happened within his first few months that lead to his isolation. It was not considered a big loss to him, in all honesty. He found that, every so often, these ponies would somehow get themselves into trouble anyway. Whether it was some wayward colt or filly gallivanting into the Everfree, or even one of the adults getting into some kind of epic battle.

Anon just wants his peace and quiet, to be left alone. He found that being friends with these creatures would make his life more than a bit complicated. He doesn't like complicated. So Anon just sits alone in his home most of the time with a good book in hand. Some ponies would say that his life is unfulfilled, but Anon is content. That brings us back to the present, though, somepony is breaking into his house and he knows all too well who it is.

You see, even Anon couldn't have a normal life in Equestria. There is one pony that always wants him to get out and make some friends. He puts up with her, but he would be lying if he didn't admit that it’s starting to get on his last nerve. With a long sigh, Anon gets up to make some tea for his guest and himself. Anon can hear the sounds of a pony rolling around upstairs. She must have had a bad landing this time.

Anon sets a pot onto the stove to boil and brings out his best tea set. While he avoided ponies, for the most part, if they chose to come and visit, then he would be a good host. Not like he ever expects a pony to visit him anyways, with the exception of Pinkie, perhaps. Again, Anon just doesn't want friends, but he wasn't going to be mean to any of the ponies because of that. The sound of hooves can be heard coming down the stairs.

Anon is putting the finishing touches onto the two cups of tea. He takes his seat and waits for her arrival. The door opens widely as the Princess of Equestria, herself, strolls right in and takes her usual seat. Anon glances over to a clock that is hanging on the wall. She’s on time, as usual. Celestia smiles upon Anon with that motherly look of hers.

“Hello, Anon,” she says with that smooth, angelic voice of hers.

“Celestia,” he answers back.

She looks down to her cup of tea and picks it up with her magic. With a single sip, she gives it a nod and sets it back onto its saucer.

“You know me too well, Anon,” she compliments.

He does know her too well. Within a few months of his arrival, Celestia showed up to meet with him. After that day, she kept coming around for some reason. Always asking him the same question, over and over again. It annoys him to no end, but it is something he accepts as part of his routine now. Celestia comes crashing through one of his windows and then they talk over some tea. She likes a little drizzle of honey over adding sugar. Something about not mixing well with the taste.

“I’ve gotten more practice, recently,” Anon answers in a neutral tone.

That’s true. Celestia’s visits have become more frequent over the past few weeks. It feels as if she visits almost every day.

“It definitely shows.” She takes another sip of her tea just before getting to the next part of the routine. “So, Anon.” She pauses so she can set her cup down. “How many friends have you made today?” she asks innocently.

Anon lets out a long and tired sigh. There’s the question. She asks it every time she comes here. She knows as well as him that he has not made any friends since his arrival. This has been his routine. Celestia comes crashing through a window and she always asks that question.

“None,” he answers with his usual tone.

Her face never falls at his answer. She just gives a curt nod and takes another sip of her tea.

“Very well. May I ask how your day has been?” she asks.

Another thing Celestia liked to do. Always asking him about how his day was, or even about his past. He usually keeps to himself, but sometimes he shares stuff just to shut her up.

“Can’t complain. I helped Bonbon make another candy from my world.”

“Really?” she asks, genuinely interested.

He nods while rising from his seat. He walks over to a cupboard and pulls out a bowl. He takes his seat once again while setting the bowl onto the counter for her. Celestia looks into the bowl with a raised brow. What she sees in the bowl she can't really explain. They look like little colorful worms of some kind. She has never seen a creature such as these before. Anon picks one out, and without hesitation, pops it into his mouth.

The Princess' will is strong, unswayed by many things in this world. Great evils that whisper sweet nothings fall on deaf ears to her. Threatening royals that try to push her around get a taste of why she is the Princess of this nation. But there is always one thing Celestia couldn't handle very well: icky things. It’s one of her well-guarded secrets. She can't help herself as she turns a bit green at the idea of eating a worm, a colorful one, no less!

“Try one.” Anon offers her one of the worms.

Anon never really shows much emotion, but he has to admit that he knows Celestia’s secret of avoiding the gross stuff. So he tries to exploit it as much as he can. He would never admit it, but it makes Celestia seem more human in many ways. She is usually viewed as a goddess of this land, so to see a side of her that nopony else knows about kinda makes him feel happy. The small grin on his face makes that apparent.

“I’m not eating that creature!” she shouts, appalled.

Anon chuckles a bit as he eats another, savoring the cringe Celestia gives him.

“This isn't a creature, Celestia. It’s candy.” He pops another one into his mouth.

Celestia feels her brow rise as she looks into the bowl again. Now that he mentions it, they aren't moving as if they’re alive. She picks one up with her magic and brings it close to her muzzle. Taking in its scent, she can smell the various flavors at each color. Red seems to be strawberry while the blue smells of blueberry. It definitely smells delicious. Hesitantly, she pops one into her mouth and chews it a bit. She’s pleasantly surprised. It‘s odd that the texture has given and yet still holds its form unless you really gnawed on it.

It’s sweet and the different flavors mixing together really throw her for a loop. After savoring it for a bit, she swallows it. She knows Anon has talent, and ever since his arrival, he's been recreating treats from his world quite often. But this is different. His usual work has been just variations of former candies that can be found in Equestria. This, this is new. This is something she has never experienced in her long life. This is going to become the next big thing.

“Anon, this is amazing,” she praises him, breaking from her stoic attitude.

Anon shrugs. “They aren't that hard to make, but thanks for the compliment.”

That is always something odd about Anon. Usually, ponies take joy in basking in another ponies’ praise. Anon was always different. He seems to demean himself, just before he accepts the praise or even passes the praise off by stating what he did wasn't special. Almost like he is trying to lessen the value of it. It’s something that Celestia knows well; she does it quite often. She looks down to the bowl again and takes another out, popping it into her mouth.

“What do you call them?” she asks between chews.

“Gummy worms,” he answers.

“Why worms?” she asks.

He shrugs again. “Human kids are kinda weird. Usually, the cool kids are the ones that do the grossest stuff. The grossest thing you can do is eat a live worm.” He can see Celestia has turned green again as he chuckles to himself. “It’s actually more common than you think. Anyways, I guess someone just took that idea and made it into candy. The foals will probably get a kick out of the idea of eating a worm, even if it is candy.”

Celestia couldn't deny that fact. The younger generation does seem to enjoy some rather rambunctious activities. To simply play off that idea and to even deter them with a more practical means is genius. Foals all around would come to candy stores to eat a candy worm.

“That is rather ingenious, Anon,” Celestia admits. “How much have you made?”

“A few pounds today. I had to teach Bonbon how they are made, minus the secret ingredient.” He grins at the end.

Celestia rolls her eyes. She knows that her little ponies would never stab Anon in the back and deny him his pay for something he created, but he always kept a single thing secret from all his recipes. Something that makes them come together. She couldn't blame him. She still remembers the stories he had told her about his world. A place where more times than not, someone's kindness is taken and used up. She shakes those thoughts away. Anon is here now and that’s alright by her.

“You never did tell me the secret ingredient,” Celestia asks with a grin, popping another worm into her mouth.

“Do you really want to know, Celestia?” Anon asks.

She nods some and leans forwards a bit, offering him an ear. He gets the gesture and leans in as well, placing his mouth next to her ear. Whispering just enough for only her to hear.

“Nothing.”

Celestia feels her ear flick a bit as they retake their positions. Her face shows confusion as she looks at his ever present grin, but soon her confusion turns to a knowing smile.

“I see.” She gives a nod. “You never held back an ingredient, did you?”

Anon laughs at that. “Yup, I just told Bonbon that it was missing one thing that was my secret ingredient. I never did add anything. She had everything all along.”

Celestia shakes her head some in amusement.

“Very clever,” she admits.

He shrugs. “Not really, but I do have my moments.”

Celestia finds her gaze wandering over to the clock on the wall. They have been talking for a few hours now. She lets out a little disappointed sigh as she looks back to Anon.

“I need to head back to Canterlot.”

Anon looks over to the clock and gives a nod. “Looks about that time.”

Anon and Celestia both rise from their seats and make their way to the front room. Anon opens the front door for Celestia as she steps out into the yard. Anon closes the door behind himself as she looks towards Canterlot. She comes trotting up to him and gives a bow.

“As always, thank you for allowing me into your home,” she says with grace.

“Well, unless I invest in that giant net for my house, I don't think I could stop you from coming by,” he says jokingly.

Celestia giggles a bit at that joke. “Remember what I said, Anon. Try to make some friends. I’ll be back tomorrow to check on your progress.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Get going before Luna freaks out.”

With one last smile, Celestia spreads her wings and flies off towards Canterlot. Anon has been here for over a year now and never made a single friend. Celestia has been the only pony that comes around regularly. They talk for hours and they share memories with each other. They never need to worry about the other judging them. Ideas are exchanged, jokes are made, and they have fun with each other.

Anon feels his smile fade some as he thinks things over a bit. A knowing smile slowly returns as a small chuckle builds inside of him. He just shakes his head as he looks into the sky and watches Celestia fly.

“Today, I didn't make a friend,” he says. “Then again, I had one all along.”

While he couldn't see it himself. Celestia’s smile grew a little more as she kept her gaze on Canterlot castle.

“See you tomorrow, Anonymous.”

Author's Note:

Just a cute idea I had after seeing the image I used for this story. I also play a bit with the 3rd person aspect in writing. Hope you guys enjoyed the read!

PS: This was meant to be a one shot. Due to popular demand, I decided to continue it. Proceed with caution!