- Member Since 31st Oct, 2013
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Doctor Fluffy
struggling new hampshire college student.
Doctor Fluffy
Joined 31st Oct, 2013 ·
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I think the title... is a bit much....
4450664
Yeah, it needs to be shorten: 'TCB: Spectrum: Side Story: Calm Before The Storm'. Might be a good title.
4450670 ....
that looks worse.
How about Calm Before The Storm.
Just link it to Spectrum in the description.
4450664 ...Yeah, we do take a lot of flak for all those colons.
I'll see what I can do.
4450678 This better?
4450757 Yes
4450765 Oh, that's good
W00T W00T!! It's finally posted! About time too!
I also realize I should have added Zedd to the list of artists Vinyl likes. Esp since he did a remix of "In the Hall of the Mountain King" once.
Also, little note - I watched "The Monuments Men" last night, and I can't help but want to apply some quotes from that movie to the arts saviors. I might put a scene like that into my story.
As always love it, and I am so glad we all get to work with each other!
4450845 Go ahead! I ain't gonna stop you cause that'd be so fun to write
Hell... please. Let me in on that scene :)
Imma admit it. I ain't gonna lie, I have nobody to blame for it other than me. I got kinda lazy.
Sorry for having this take so damn long...
P.S I love working with all of you so much too... :)
4450897
Indeed! And we really have to get rolling on the 7th chapter. I'm kinda at a brick wall right now.
4451019 Well, as someone once said in One Piece: "I'll do what you can't do. And you do what I can't do!"
Cool story bro!!
4452254 thanks!
4453853 Thanks! =D
ok, I don't cry often, but the exhibition left me in tears. Bravo good sir.
4465856 You can thank Rush and Kizuna for that. I might have started it, I might have tried to write its devastation... but they just made it so much more personal
You know that somebody crossed the line when Fluttershy of all ponies wants to bring them down, HARD.
And the character of Catseye has made me think about a disturbing fact.
All the characters in the story are supposing that ALL the TCB!Equestria has been brainwashed but, what if some ponies are deliberately helping Queen Celestia without some sort of brainwashing out of genuine hatred of humankind? That's some fridge horror there.
It could be a bitter surprise for the Equestrians, the fact that some ponies did this on their own volition, without the influence of the bag.
4468115
Oh no, there totally are. Like the equivalent of Catseye, who may or may not be dead because Kraber tried to reenact a 2000-point skillshot from Bulletstorm on her (And if she's not, I'm gonna write that in later). And it's not like the Tyrant Sun would have to change much about Lightning Dust for this to happen...
4468158
Don't make Krabe hog all the kills, let him share something for the others.
Because something tells me that Fluttershy and Pinkie would LOVE to have a nice chat with her.
4468191 I said "May or may not." Besides, the image of Kraber actively trying to reenact something as gloriously sadistic as something from Bulletstorm amuses me.
4468208
Indeed.
"Devastating victory in Canterlot?" Is every little thing gonna be alright? Would you kindly tell me? Ahhhh!
Also, caught the Night Vale reference. The Tyrant would be a perfect Strexcorp avatar. Good connection.
Damn, that expo made me tear up. Humanity can be a bunch of dicks sometimes, but when we pull through, we pull through well. Maybe Equestria will help with the rebuilding?
'Oy. Can't believe it took gettin' on the TV Tropes page for me ta find this! Since I just finished getting caught up with my other stuffs, looks like I found something else good to read...
... Oh gawddamnit this is good. Really good. Makes me wanna do something like this, honestly.
Though I'm not too good with actually writting stuff, hmm...
4474464 To be honest, I don't actually know what happens in Canterlot. Only that there will be a big climactic battle. AND IT WILL BE AWESOME
4474838 Thanks so much! Though... if you were gonna make a side-story, what would it be about?
This chapter can rot in the deepest pits of hell!
The days of edits. My eyes.
They'll never grow back.
(Just in case people are too thick, it was a joke, my eyes already grew back.
)
4491865 ...well, I'm glad your eyes grew back.
4491865 And I'm... really sorry about how long this took. Not only did I have finals, I got damned lazy about it too.
4492025
Dude, no worries, you did what you could, when you could, I mean, this is you, writing, because you want to.
Don't make me slap you.
4492030 Nah, the whole "lazy" thing isn't you, it's just something that's been eating at me a little. Not much now, cause it's been like three weeks since finals.
...I'm so glad that's over!
Incredible... Never thought this would pop up.
I looked forward if you are able to (eventually) post more reaction chapters.
Those are probably ones that I won't be able to get enough of.
But this should do for some time. Quality better than quantity after all.
The first part where the contrasts between the Uptime and "Normal" versions was quite powerful.
But the Exhibition of Humanity is astoundingly powerful in its darkness.You can see it celebrating Humanity's art, culture and technology. But at the same time, it tells of their anguish as their ancestral lands are taken away from them and they are systematically slaughtered. It's like the Smithsonian combined with the Library of Congress combined with the Louvrè combined with the memorial at Auschwitz.
Excellent work. You've managed to draw out powerful emotions from your readers.
4493456 I'm happy to see someone liked the Exhibition
I was a little worried it might be... kind of cheesy
But now I am VERY happy
4493712 I do have some tid bits to offer.
Though overall a fantastic chapter, some of the scenes could have been exemplified by the using of some more showing in key areas.
Clue in with details on more how she physically reacts. Give us an inner insight into their thoughts. I am not exactly the best when it comes to showing, but I will try to give you a general idea of what I have in mind.
I.E: Twilight Sparkle paled as she looked at the video before her. The video description itself stated that it was footage from one of the attack on some forsaken Port in Europe, with the first encounter of the crippling blows that the Tyrant's minions could inflict upon the defenseless populace.
Twilight watched as the video began, weary of witnessing live footage of such a thing in action. If her mentor Princess Celestia, who had been driven into such a mad frenzy after Marcus's memories made her...
Twilight shook her head.
"Focus Twilight. Concentrate on the present filly!" With that, she resumed watching the video. As the video flickered on to show a CTV recording, she grimaced as she realized she was looking upon a wounded man in a ruins, crawling to what appeared to be an armory of a sorts. Twilight flinched when a the door leading inside the room was shattered with a loud bang. When the dust cleared, her heart stopped.
"Well, well, well? It would appear that not all of you humans have foolishly offed yourselves after all." A familiar voice chimed in. Out of the dust walked in Twilight Sparkle, who trotted over the man and sized him with her magic.
"Oh God no! Please no! Don't make me- AUGH!"
What happened next caused Twilight to let out a scream.
"This- this is... Oh my Celestia!" *Note: Here I would insert some detailed scene of how 'Twilight' would give "reassurances" as she saved the man, all while giving all the details of the transformation, the aftermath, the actions of the newfoal inflicting the same fate on his peers, and most of all, Twilight's own reactions and emotions in intensity. I am not well versed doing such a thing, so my apologies for the lack luster scene that follows, though it should give you a general idea of what I mean to convey. Hopefully.*
The transformation took all of forty five seconds in all. But she would never forget the horrible screaming. Oh Luna, the horrible screams as the sounds of bone and flesh crunched, limbs shifting and rearranging themselves as the man's form shifted into that of a pony. As the transformation nearly finished and began warping the man's head into that of an equine, she saw the last glint of pure terror escape from the man's eye before it winked out of existence. Then the newly born pony smiled, eyes opening as he bowed down to his 'savior".
"Oh Twilight Sparkle, thank you for granting me this most glorious gift from our beloved Goddess. Are we to share this generosity to the others?"
The Upstart Twilight smiled in return, lending a hoof to help the newfoal up.
"Yes. In fact, I believe there are children not too far from here that are in need of rescuing. Assist me in helping bring salvation to them."
The next few minutes caused Twilight to physically wretch and sob as her counterpart led a mass of newfoals into a school compound. She could only watch as the manic unicorn forced the potion down the throats of defenseless children, who soon rose up and did the same to the others around them. By the end of it, there was nothing left but the masses of smiling newfoals, staring straight at her.
When the video cut off, Twilight collapsed into a fetal position and began to weep.
"Why? Oh dear Celestia, why?"
--------------------------------------
Like I said, I am poor when it comes to showing, but I hope this has given you at least a vague idea of what I meant.
Fully explore the physical and mental tramua that the characters sustain as they watch their own counterparts committing such atrocities live.
Pictures are one thing, videos are another. Draw upon the Spectrum's chapters where Celestia dives into the depths of Marcus's memories and her reaction to them. Tap into it, and it could help the story gain a little higher in terms of the feelings department.
Hope I wasn't being pretentious in this comment.
So, you're handling the relationships between the TCB!Earth and Equestria that the main story will miss or sometimes gloss over?
4507166 Pretty much!
...And gonna try and write something set in TCB!Equestria. It is... pretty depressing.
4507481
Is it going to be switching between those three worlds in each chapter or just focus on what's happening in Equestria after the three are introduce?
I am kinda interested in the other races of Equestria handling the humans in their world.
4507643 It was going to be three stories per chapter but I'm starting to wonder if that isn't enough.
And somehow I don't feel qualified to write a story taking place in Zebrafica.
I find this one to be one of the best side-stories in the "Spectrum"-verse, since it actually gives the Mane 6 something to do, since they are annoyingly out of focus in the main story (which I hope changes soon). The one thing I still hope for is a meeting between the Spike we know and the TCB Spike (as soon as he is well enough to talk). Poor guy always get so little screentime otherwise.
Biwak is indeed German for a military camp in the wilderness, I was in one myself as I'm German. If you need help with adding more German sentences, or make Stephan act more German, I'm eager to help out. (Btw. his name actually is spelled wrong, in German the spelling would be "Stefan")
4546816 Thanks so much!
4546816 Working on it.
Bastogne?
For some reason, I found this paragraph the supreme irony about the Empire, they claim that humanity destroyed his world, and they are doing exactly the same.
Hypocrites...
I see what you did there...and I love it.
emotibot.net/pix/1553.jpg
Manly tears had been shed.
I sincerely hope there will be explosions...lots of explosions...
4590574
Yes. Yes it was
Their hypocrisy is something of a major theme here :)
Just doing my job, pointing out absurdities of Conversion Bureau stories...
Well, somebody will probably get kicked in the face so hard their head explodes, there will be lots of violence, and hopefully at least one explosion to put Hiroyuki Imaishi to shame
oh god.
Now this was proof that the expression "calm before the storm" belies all the turmoil brewing beneath a seemingly clear surface.
While I can't say this chapter surprised me or provoked quite as strong an emotional response in me as the last one did with TCB!Vinyl telling the story of her Octavia's death, I was still engaged from start to finish.
All three parts did well at conveying the experience of the ponies who've held onto enough free will to be capable of doubting the Solar Empire. What I like most is how, in my opinion, you successfully pulled off giving each part its own distinct feel, from Big Mac's down-to-earth inner monologue to the horror story trappings of Inkwell's tale and the swashbuckling adventure vibe of Fancy's last stand.
Considering both Spectrum's main story and its side-fics do suffer from moments of repetition (there are really only so many ways you can say "humans may be bad but the TCB!ponies are far worse", "Newfoals are truly freaky" or "Queen Celestia is a bitch" before it gets old), I think you deserve credit for managing to keep things fresh in this chapter, mostly thanks to the writing style being less flabby and better paced than in the main story; I don't know how much of that credit should also go to editors, but either way, nice job y'all.
Ironically, Perdido Street Station happens to be the only China Mieville novel I've ever read (though I hope to find time for The City and the City someday), so it was fun trying to pick up on which bits were influenced by that book, especially in Inkwell's part.
Speaking of shout-outs, let me say that given how the Spectrum stories haven't been shy of referring to sex, I find it amusing that you would take a line by Alan Moore and employ it in a completely different, though equally appropriate context.
If I had to point to those moments that stood out most for me, I'd say it was... when the Tyrant failed to break the bottle against her mighty new ship, and when Fleur realised this wasn't a problem that could be solved after a short time and with a simple Aesop. Sure, the Newfoals destroying human effigies or Fancy going down like a gentleman may be a chapter's highlights, but it's these little details that add flavour to make it memorable.
The only thing I felt to be missing from this was a scene in which the native-born Equestrians vent their own underlying anger and hatred on Saturdays during a "Disharmony Half-Hour" that extols the bountifulness of the land of Equestria while vilifying Lyra as a Great Betrayer in the vein of Emmanuel Goldstein.
P.S.
Yep, long reviews are kind of a thing for me.
So many secrets unraveled.
Quite the spectacle I must say.
I cried when we had to write Fancy's death.
Inkwell is definitely Wrong Genre Savvy here too haha.
Can't wait for the next part!