25 years old! Extreme mood swings! Weird! Doesn't finish his stories! Likes fruit, vegetables and meat!
I fell through a hole and I can't get back up.
The cave is deep and dark. I hear noises coming from the cracks in the walls, and I swear there are eyes watching my every step.
The cave trembles. Debris falls from above and I sense something heavy getting closer.
The tunnels are big and wide. Anything could live in here.
My heart shrinks at sight of emerald flames at the end of the tunnel.
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Sigh...
this is rather disappointing.
I thought people would like this story.
4602497
Hey, don't give up so soon, it takes time for people to notice and read it.
4602585
You know what? You are completely right.
It's kind of silly to wait for your story to suddenly become popular and have over a thousand comments in a single night!
How did you embed the music in the story like that? Very creative. But really how did you do that??
4603254
Well, there is a button that lets you add a youtube video.
It's right next to the one that lets you add images.
I for one quite like this.
Spoilers! Don't read until you've read Story!!!
..... wow this story was amazing! I cant even think where to begin!
...... okay maybe i can. First off, the story itself is awesome and the grammar is very good. That's the simple part.
Now i can get into detail how great it was. I really like how you wrote the OC's and Spike in this story. At the start, I was completely lost on this story. I couldn't make heads or tails of it until I got a good grasp on the main OC: Tome. Great guy by the way. Spike can agree
Anyways, you're description of him was great. You explained enough about him where we could visualize him in action as he proceeded in this story. His background was good enough but i was still slightly lost on the whole town business.
..... good point. Anyways. I like how Tome was displayed as a real pony and not a hollow one with simple minded goals. How he deeply care about history and even was willing to believe Spike's words was great. I also liked how he wasn't one to just go out and run his muzzle about everything. I did hate that he told Cardinal (I prefer calling him that) but it was understandable that he did and good he realized his mistake and wanted to correct it by any means necessary.
Indeed. I Also really liked Wild Rose. The image i had of her was a sexii one-eyed beauty that looked tough with faint scars. her dialogue was nice and Her actions are awesome!
Yeah, didn't expect that but really glad you put it in there. However that along with many other things mentioned in a sec really makes me hope for a sequel.
So, next I will Talk about Spike. Awesome job on his character. You did that part perfectly. The part that got me to liking it most is because most readers might have made him completely different over time, but I really like the fact that you just made him a larger child version of himself but still showed he has matured in important aspects. Those are well hidden and most wouldn't notice unless they are true Spike fans.
..... Ahem, anyways great job with him. I also want to say that I hope this story is unfinished because I really hope i can read more of this: what happens to both Tome and Cardinal(not too concerned with the latter), what happens when they all wake up and how they will react to the changed world and Spike, How Spike will react after not talking to them for so long, How equestria(if its even called that anymore) will react to the return of all their princesses, and others.
I will say that this story was definitely worth the read and I'm sure most will agree.
9 out of 10 for Sad
10 out of 10 for AU
10 out of 10 for Adventure
10 out of 10 for grammar
10 out of 10 for overall story.
Thanks alot for the good read and hope to see more great works from you! A like and a fave your way!
Nice. Just nice. Glad to see you took this route. A nice little compromise. Still if you want my opinion look to 4603537 on my thoughts.
P.S. It's only been 8 hours. Even I just woke up 2 hours ago. If you really want more views. Take this to the descendant. If he ever recommends anything I read it. He's got excellent tastes.
so... what about the evil? Surely Theodore's actions would awaken/release the real evil and see the error of his ways in the deaths of many more like the war of old... but I guess I'm being too logical, all I can hope is that the princesses torture him ruthlessly for attacking Spike after they fully wake up...
4603704
Glad you liked it.
As you know at first the story was supposed to be a sad one, but after thinking about it a lot I decided to give it an alternative many seem to like.
Also...who is the descendant?
4605465
You don't know The Descendant? He's an author on a lot of fanfiction sites. He recommends some pretty good stories. Yours is defiantly one of them.
4604523
The unnamed evil is gone forever. The fact that the princesses and Canterlot returned is proof of it.
I have to say that even I didn't have a clear idea of what the evil was supposed to be.
It was like a shapeless corruption of everything that was good.
I won't say anything about Theodore's punishment. Mostly because I'm not clear about it myself.
In one of the endings I imagined him and his army marching full of pride towards the princesses. Claiming they had slain the unnamed evil when all they actually did was murder Spike.
I am 100% sure none of the princesses would be very happy about it.
In the other ending, Theodore saw the extent of his own fanatic madness. I was thinking that maybe he would work hard to make amends for his actions.
4603537
Woah...I am really glad you liked my story that much.
Actually, after reading your comment I came up with an idea for a next chapter.
I don't want to say too much, but I'll give you a musical hint:
Wow, that was fantastic! Had some interesting characters, especially Tomb considering he managed to get a good deal of character development in a 15,000 word story. And Spike, he was characterized pretty well, I like the idea of him keeping his 'chldlikeness' even after 2000(?) years.
Though I gotta say, that was a heck of deus ex machina at the end there, but it worked somewhat. Give it a 8/10 for the good length, great back story, and of course Spike, but the good ending was a bit, sudden and even though I hate downer ending... yeah, it felt strange. Good story either way!
Signed,
--Pyro The Faithful Reader
4605534
.... that gave me all the hint i needed.
good intentions go awry, as fools move forward to peril blinded by petty glory.
I had the impression that tome was a girl? Did it ever say before that she was a he?
4605534 marcamos.com/ha/this-is-gonna-be-good.gif 4606654
Fudge Yeah It Is!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/295/561/d99
4864771
I'm glad you liked it.
The sequel is password locked? :(
4868768 Why is the sequel password locked?
Loved it but how does one access the sewuel?
4605534
I wanna read the sequel how can do that i wanna know what happens next
This story is amazing, you should be proud. I have read over a thousand stories, and yours is one of the best.
Looking through the oldest stories in my read it later, and I came across this gem! Thanks for the wonderful story!
Given how difficult it would be to write an entertaining sequel I can guess why it's locked. Still, you've done some fantastic world building in this piece, and kept my interest throughout this whole story! You've done a fantastic job with this and it's a shame you haven't written new stories since this one (at least at the time of my posting). I really do hope you come back and write some more for us, even if it isn't a sequel to this story I'm sure you could make another world just as entertaining and fleshed out as this one.