This story is a sequel to TiM: Best of Intentions, Worst of Results
Story number five of the Twilight is Magic series. See author notes in first chapter for link to read order.
Ataxia is the daughter of Spike and Rarity. Shimmering Night is the daughter of Rainbow and Twilight. Together they team up to take on Lord Tirek in an attempt to rid Equestria of his evil once and for all. However, does he know something they do not? As two ponies that should not exist, Tirek may know something important about their future. But can they believe anything the silver tongue Tirek has to say?
Cover image Tirek Tastes the Rainbow by Deviant artist Ghostwalker 2061
Thanks to Detoxicity for help on post edits.
Chapters (3)
@Twidashforever...
Your cover picture source is Tirek Tastes the Rainbow, by DeviantArt(ist) Ghostwalker2061, it is a CrossOver fan-artwork between MLP:FiM and World of Warcraft (the dragon is raid-boss Neltharion/Deathwing).
As a general future reference, 90% of fan-artwork images used as cover images are from DeviantArt.
4480487
Updated, thanks for letting me know
despite prereading it i read it again anyway. yep still loving it
Oh, God.
Ok, I really need to finish BoI now.
4480820
I love the logic here, 8 down votes...
So people finished all of TiM, A life lived, and BoI. Got to this and said: Wow this sucks...
Or people skipped to my fourth book in the story, have no idea what's going on, and said: Wow this sucks... - seems to be the prevailing theme here, why am I not surprised?
4480866 Or people saw 'dragacorn', said 'oh god shitty self inserts ahoy' and said: wow this sucks.
4480880
So spending 7 chapters in BoI establishing what that is and continuing it into the next story. Somehow creates a 'shitty self insert?'
I do this odd thing when stories have concepts and ideas i don't like and can't get behind. I skip over them.
4480880 Or people saw that this author wanted them to read SIX GODDAM FICS BEFORE IT and went "wow this sucks"
4480892 Well, when you spend 7 chapters creating a shitty self insert?
Yeah. Yeah, it kinda does.
4480904
So in a universe where we have:
tiger/goat/snake hybrids
Wolfs made out of timber
Changelings
Small creatures that have to gather pollen, but can be killed by everything
earth pony/unicorn/pegasus hybrids
A dragon/pony hybrid is too much for you?
just want to know where you draw the line is all.
And by that logic, you literally went to this story to hate on it...
Nice one.
4480898
TL;DR?
Ok. yet you felt the need to comment?
i don't know why people are bitching, this is good, and heartbreaking.
4480904
4480898
that's the point of sequel's, i'm fairly certain in saying no one has been able to watch star wars: return of the jedi before a new hope and the empire strikes back and still somehow understood EVERYTHING that was going on. and is there really even a need to bitch about it
4481043 and discord, can't forget discord
4481347
Yes thank you, a creature made up of all sorts of different animals that is largely omnipotent.
Thats fine.
But a Dragon/pony offspring (who btw is a creation of said creature) thats too far...
Obvious Trolls are obvious.
4481354 to them, personally i like it.
4481237
thanks, I never expected this sort of issue myself(why would anyone start with the last story?). I appreciate comments from people who actually read the other stories.
Is it imparitant that I read commander firestars report before I read this ?
4483316
It's not, that is more of a side off story that took place during Best of Intentions. (Each chapter occurs at a different moment during BoI) it was simply easer to put it at the end then try and explain when it occurred.
You should read it though (It's really good and funny, It details what happened to Tsunami from Firestar's perspective)
4483330 I've always ment to read it, even had a tab on my tablet with it up but never got around to reading it I'll give a go tomorrow.
no problem, i really enjoy your work
1. Always glad to help out in that regard (cover image source). Giving proper credit to where it is due is how one gains Respect, as much as to give it.
2. I also see very little basis for pseudo-controversy over this fan-fiction. You have had an overall series for build-up, and it is your fan-fiction, you are allowed to add OCs.
The counter-balance to that argument, of course, is treading carefully with use of OCs. This comes from the now almost-comedic tendency of OCs being too much for the reader audience to accept.
But in the overall? Unless someone actually has something constructive to comment (even negative comments can be constructive, if the Commentor actually has something worthwhile to say other than "wtf this sucks"), then ignore them.
.
3. Also...three (3) Dislikes for my initial comment? Really...? For a neutral comment pointing out the source of cover image for this fan-fiction when it was ASKED BY the Author? This only continues to show the shadows-skulking trolls too cowardly to even counter-comment "why" they disliked the point-out.
This also reinforces my point that you should ignore the non-critique/-constructive comments towards your fan-fiction.
(Thanks to those who did Like, though.
)
.
4. While I am not inclined to go reading through your overall fan-fiction series (no malice intended, just no inclination), I can offer a bit of advice in that you can use a series-consistent title to show...well...a consistent series. This may help defray some of the negativity in showing you have an overall vision/direction for your fan-fiction writing.
4486132 thank you.
I think I might add (TiM: ......) to each title...
I have no idea why this got so much hate. It still amazes/upsets me.
It would be like picking up Harry potter book 3 then bitching cause you think quddich is stuped... Dafuq?
As far as OC's go. Yes there is a large amount but that's due to a 46 year time jump on the story line.
I have no idea why people hated on your comment, I welcomed it.
When an author writes a story within a predefined universe, ie MLP: FiM, and they bring in originality with fresh new characters and wholly new plots based still within predefined lore/cannon within said universe... how can this be a bad thing? it is adding to the universe yet still maintaining the original idea of the universe. Twidashforever based the initial work off the idea that greek/roman gods were involved in Equestria. this came from the cannon given to us in the episode 'its about time' Season 2 Episode 20.
grabbing onto that cannon then running into a new direction, with it created a vibrant new story. as such bringing in new characters and new creatures, yet all of it is still based within the predefined bounds of MLP: FiM.
I don't get all the hate here. fresh new ideas stepping into a new universe that still holds true to the old. if you want the stagnation of the same old all the time then don't read anything fresh and new.
not like some crazy combination creatures don't exist within Equestria already. at least this OC one has a very plausible background as to why it even exists at all..... if those complaining even bothered to read it.
sorry I am a day late with this guys.
4486194 makes me wonder, do they hate on EVERY fanfic with OC's in it.
4487195 Maybe just with anything original in it... (I guess that would included fanfics with OC's wouldn't it?)
4487165 Who would want to read a story with an original idea?
I guess it's also too mainstream to start a continuity from book 1...
Ok, I am done ranting about haters now...
Haters gonna hate, its what they do....
(its a bad place to be writing from. However, I now have no idea when the next part will be out, I need to calm down first.)
4487247
Take ya time. I'll be here if ya need me
4486194...
I might also suggest a numerical ordering to the overall series as well.
examples:
TiM (#1): The Truth in Meanings
TiM (#2): A life lived for others
TiM (#3): Best of Intentions, Worst of Results
etc.
4487354
I don't like the idea of adding numbers to the titles. (it feels tacky to me...)
I did add them to the short description though.
I never thought a read order list would be too complicated for people to understand. (or that they would get mad about it...)
4483350 did you read this chapter yet?
4490955 nope I've been busy with my avid finals haven't got a chance to, and dealing with some family problems right now so I don't know if I'll get to it by the weekend.
4491228
sorry to hear that, I hope everything goes better for you.
I 'might' have the next chapter out by then. (I am doing slightly better now)
4491228 good luck with all that.
4492443
4491431 thank you to the both of you and me to.
Not sure how I'm pre-reading when it's already posted, but oh well.
Period needs to be a comma. This doesn't flow well as two sentences, and the 2nd one isn't a complete sentence with the way it's phrased. While it could be rephrased as "this allowed her to..." I really don't like it here.
Colon is unnecessary, IMO. You're not hurting anything by keeping it, but I wouldn't.
This doesn't need to be in parenthesis. Just separate it from the other part of the sentence with a comma.
Unrelated, but I hate how it wouldn't let me exclude the period without shift-right-ing. *lazy*
Yknow, I know that Luna is probably the one pony right now who could move both the sun and the moon, but couldn't Shimmering Night help with that?
Was
change the period to a comma, and add "which" after it.
Also, I'd imagine dragons could harm each other with their breath, though it wouldn't be easy.
Gah! Period abuse! Protest! Protest!
"however, she had operation command of all hunts, a task appointed to her by Princesses Rainbow, Luna, and Night. While all hunts were two-pony teams, she was the de facto[/I ] leader of each one."
Put a coma after "distracted"
Comma should be a period.
And lol. All hail Bright Dawn, King Asshole!
participated.
Catching present/past tense usage is a bitch, though.
This made me lol for no discernible reason.
Is this the next interspecies romance?
Aurora got the small fry, methinks.
The problem with reading so much is when there's a chance that whatever you read can be used against you.
Comma needs to be a period.
That's not even close to Dayspring Gleam's name, you ass!
At least Bright's captor used part of his name
Probably should be an exclamation mark.
Twi was only a match because her power level with three alicorns was a match for a Tirek who had taken the magic of practically EVERY PONY IN EQUESTRIA AND DISCORD'S MAGIC.
Dayspring may have been powerful and knowledgable, but he wasn't an alicorn. No amount of dark magic can really overcome that.
Overconfident little...
Keep being adorkable, Twi. Even when you're amnesiac.
comma after "tight"
Comma after "thanks"
hrrmmmhmmm....
Was
Poor Night. So unappreciated...
I have no idea what you're trying to say here.
comma after nothing.
So he knows about it?
Comma should be a period.
Darth Bloodvader?
4480898 Not our fault you decided to jump into the middle of the story without any context whatsoever and didn't bother to figure things out.
Easy solution? Read the damn fic from the beginning, or don't read it at all. Simple. And if you really can't find the time to read TiM and BoI (even if it takes you a few months), then we can't help you.
4487687 Out of curiosity, do you have stories listed as sequels to each other (BoI and A Life Lived listed as sequels to TiM, This as a sequel to BoI)?
4480805 Thus spoke someone who started on this story and not the ones before it
4480904 Where'd you get the idea this was a self-insert, anyways?
4497847
Changes posted, thanks!
Sorry about the whole pre-read thing, I didn't know you would be off all weekend lol.
To answer your questions.
Yes Night is helping, but as most of the work is done during the day (political BS is normally a 9-5 job) Luna is taking the 'Day shift' until Night is ready for it.
They bathe in lava. Ya they probably can, eventually. But Ataxia's fire is heavily augmented due to her form.
Obviously discords magic is off the table this time around lol. (plus Grim Night is augmented by the Night Revenant. (A force stronger then the one that turned Luna into Nightmare moon))
/agreed
she figured Ataxia would not know the definition of ominous so she was defining it for her.
either that or he knows enough to tell a convincing lie. Which one?
I have this linked as a sequel to BoI, BoI to A life lived, and A life lived to TiM.... I also changed the names of all the stories to have TiM:____ in front of them and added the # story number to the short description.
you know, cause a read order list was too complicated to figure out...
4497847 You would be correct...I'm sorry, but there are WAY too many stories in this arc for me to read. Maybe sometime when I have 40 hours of free time.
4498086 Fine, you didn't have the time. I can understand that, since TiM and BoI combined are roughly 200K words (hell, I'm a fast reader and it still took me roughly 3-4 days, cumulatively, to read both of those stories and A Life Lived, though I got to BoI at about Chapter 17-ish).
Doesn't really do anything to excuse that reaction.
Oh, sorry, that's my bad. I was kinda not looking at Fimfiction all weekend, so I missed the PM.
Apparantly...
4498253 Think what you may. But when I see "dragacorn," I think terrible, bland OC fic. Not saying this is one of those, but that's my first thought.
4498278 You know, i had actually given you the benefit of the doubt. Thinking maybe he didn't say it in a purely negative way, but now?
First off, I learned in grade school never to judge a book by its cover.
Secondly, the concept of a pony/dragon hybrid is not even new to this site. (I have a few stories saved where Spike and Rarity have a kid) the only thing I did different was naming it.
Third, It's a character I introduced back in the SECOND book. (One who has been expanded upon and enjoyed by my readers.
Why are you even on this site? The entire purpose of Fan-fictions is to take the Original characters and expand upon them, add to the world, build upon what is given, and create something new.
In terms of everything else the show has given us, such as:
tiger/goat/snake hybrids (chimeras)
Wolfs made out of timber (Timberwolves)
Changelings
Small creatures that have to gather pollen, but can be killed by everything
earth pony/unicorn/pegasus hybrids (Alicorns)
etc...
A dragon/pony hybrid is tame...
(I will laugh my ass of if they do give us one in a season coming up)
Also, why would you even go to this story? for a Fandom about a show thats literally 'The magic of Friendship' It seems like a lot of people came to this story simply to HATE on it. without knowing anything about who these characters are and what they went through (Something I spent 243,000 words building up) Hate for the sake of hate? really?
On avg, a 5,000 word chapter can take me 10+ hours to write (not counting time spend with editors). As this is a continuation I expect those who read it to know what came before (Who would pick up book 4 of Harry potter and bitch that Quddich sounds stupid?) But way to shit upon someone else work and idea cause you think it sounds stupid...
IDK man, you got some thinking to do cause thats messed up...
You know. much like when I pick up a book at a library and it contains something I don't want to read, I simply put it back I don't write a blog about book x has a dumb idea that I know nothing about. When I see a story on here that has an idea I don't like, I DONT GO TO IT. I don't comment. I don't read it, and I don't down vote something I have no idea about. Its the bare minimum respect you can give a writer.
Noone is saying you can't hate a story (god knows I don't like every story I have read on this site) But if you don't read it (And you know, learn why he did what he did.) adding that hate to the story is simply Trollish...
4498454 Look, pal, I'm not trying to hate. I'm sure your story is f
ing AMAZING, and I regret my first comment, alright? Now, since I don't like to waste time, why don't you just stop putting words in my mouth.
4498489 How is he (or are we, if you including me in this) putting words in your mouth? You came to this story with no knowledge of the previous ones, saw the word "dragacorn", and felt that you had to leave an "oh god" comment and presumably downvote the story as well (I'm assuming you did the latter as well, given the tone of your first comment; correct me if I'm wrong).
You weren't forced to read those words. You weren't forced to start at this story and ignore the ones before it. You came here on your own and decided that, instead of simply walking away from the thread or posting a more neutral statement about dragacorns, you would make a comment that essentially said/implied "Why in the world is this in this story? It's dumb!"
I will grant you that there are probably a great number of stories with RarityxSpike (or whatever pairing of ponyxdragon) having a foal and doing terribly with the story and/or character. You are also more than welcome to your opinion that such hybrids and bland, terrible OCs. But when you have that opinion, voice it out loud, and have no knowledge or context in the story to properly support your statement--all of which is entirely your words, not ours--you don't get to be defensive, especially since Twidash didn't truly get angry at you in particular until his most recent comment.
tl;dr: Next time, keep it to yourself unless you know enough about the OC in particular to say it sucks, and don't claim we're "putting words in your mouth" when you yourself admitted that you knew nothing and from our PoV came here just to disparage the choice and potentially have downvoted the story as well.
Should be a comma instead of a semi-colon. If you feel like it's too many commas in this compound sentence, I suggest adding something to the end, maybe to the effect of noting the effectiveness of the joint training.
Was
Pesky tenses.
"'forget'"?
I suggest rephrasing it to "Of course, they would hate it at the start"
There needs to be a comma between "in it" and "the training". "As the Crystal Empire's forces did not have a large number of pegasi in it" is...well, it some kind of sentence, but I'm drawing a blank on the exact name. Point is, since you start it it off with a comma, it needs to be closed off with a comma.
comma, not semi-colon.
ooooo, she caaauuuuught yoouuuuuuu...
I suggest changing the first comma to a semi-colon
You are good, Firestar.
I suggest rewording this as "Prince Radiant Star, Commander of the Crystal Empire's military, counted the next two hours as the hardest in his life."
Both the semicolon and comma are unnecessary.
(coma, wtf am I writing?
)
I suggest adding ", though:" after "credit".
What, you think that's ominous? Nonsense!
...oh wait, the "you're welcome". Derp.
1. Period needs to be a comma.
2. "now", not "know".
Threatened.
(I don't think "threated" is even a word. How the hell does autocorrect not catch that?)
Still nonsense.
Change the semicolon to a comma, and add a "but" after it.
I'd say a colon works better here.
Also, Death by a Thousand Cuts, much?
Sending. You used "hunting" earlier, and given the fact that there weren't any tense shifts inherent in his next words, the next verb needs to match.
(if that wasn't clear, I mean he didn't say "I hunted you down, now I'm hunting down your wife" or something like that.)
Serves ya right, ya cocky little freak.
First comma is unnecessary, and needs to be replaced with a 'that"
semicolon needs to be a period. I can see why you'd think the semicolon would be okay, but a period works better.
Clasp? I'm not sure I understand the word usage here.
"or perhaps unlucky" should probably be surrounded by commas.
Seems like you mixed up the comma before "however" and the period after "legs". Switch them around.
Move the comma to be after was.
word.
2nd comma is unnecessary.
Pretty sure "He" is supposed to be "The"
Comma after "stairs". These kind of sentence beginnings, as well as starting with prepositions, usually need to have commas if they go for more than 3-4 words (normally four, but phrases like "in the end" need the comma).
Comma after suddenly. When words like that start a sentence, there needs to be a comma after it. (e.g. "oh, I know!" "However, he's too strong." "But, I know this can work", etc etc.)
Comma after "Disharmony", and another one after "well".
Comma should be a period, and a comma should be after "see"
I'm not sure what this is here for.
4506512 This will be my last comment on this story, as it seems pretty clear that you all would rather have me gone. I didn't downvote this story, and am in the process of reading the whole series, though it will take a long time due to the fact I don't get much free time. Anyway, see y'all never.
4506941 Well then, apologies for assuming you did.
To be clear, it's not that I "want you gone", necessarily. The one that I'd "want gone" is la barata, since he/she seems dead-set on the idea that Ataxia is an OC (and in to him/her, bad) and AFAIK hasn't tried to read the story to see if that's really true. The fact that you're making the attempt to read the story and find out if Ataxia matches your perception or not makes you a much better person, in fact, and when you at least finish BoI and still believe she's a "bland, terrible OC" then I won't begrudge your opinion because you've read her and can actually make an informed observation about her instead of just assuming she's the same as every other you've seen.
I really just hope you got the lesson to at least leave such negative opinions to yourself until you can properly speak about them. It avoids these kinds of situations and it really helps you avoid looking like an ignorant ass. I've been there before, and you don't want to feel like that.
4506911
Changes posted, thanks!
Those were not Celestia and Luna, they are two that came before. (Much more vicious then they are, and more powerful.) (Its head cannon, but they are the ones who 'won' the land for the ponies, before the three tribes even came into existence.)
I have to say, I really miss writing for discord lol.
4507144 when writing discord, add chaos and multiply by cake.
4506941
Sorry that you feel like that, (We don't want you gone.)
After the 'events' of posting (apparently the river of trolls is VERY active sunday mornings…) It was painful seeing this story gather in four hours what normally takes three months on my other stories (In four hours it got 12 down votes from people who didn't read the story and have no idea about the story…)
I do not want you gone and look forward to any comments that you actually have about the story. (even negative constructive feedback is helpful)
I do want to thank you for at least responding to these messages and for the apology, as well as give one of my own if you feel like we have been attacking you.
If i don't hear from you again, thanks for at least talking about it. (unlike the other two who simply trolled the story and left.)