Hello! I am an armature author that is trying to get back into what i used love to do. Which is writing! My twitter is @jack_rabbit74 and my discord is Blasting Cap#7187
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War is always going to happen, weather we like it or not. It comes when we least expect it and takes as many ponies as possible. War caught Jack Rabbit and it may not let him go.
Here is a nice song to listen too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76RbWuFll0Y we must stand together
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Thanks for the comment and i worked hard on it so thanks. i'm working on the next chapter right now. Hope you like it.
Hello! Someone linked me to your story. I noticed it actually had more votes than views when I clicked on it, which was pretty sad, so I thought I'd give you a little bit of advice on how to get more eyes on your story.
First off, the title of a story is almost always capitalized, not just on the first word, but throughout the title. So, rather than "The end, is just the beginning" it should be "The End is Just the Beginning".
In addition, putting a punctuation mark in your title is almost always a mistake, and here, it isn't even necessary; it reads much more cleanly without the comma.
While this may seem pedantic, the truth is that the first thing people are going to see is the title of your story - indeed, it may well be the ONLY thing that people really see. "The End is Just the Beginning" is an alright title as far as such things go; it is a bit cliche, but it sets up reader expectation to some extent. When they see a title with lowercase letters and punctuation marks in it, most people will just pass over the story and look at something else.
Secondly, your summary is not very good. It is very rambly. You want your summary to be clear, concise, and to the point. The goal of the summary is not actually to summarize the story, but to make people want to read your story - it should work to get them interested. If you clean up your summary, you'll get a lot more attention; the summary, along with the title and the cover image, is what determines if someone clicks on your story or passes it over. Make it good, and keep it short.
Thirdly, generally speaking, putting "Prologue." at the top of the prologue looks silly. If you're going to include in-text titles (which is acceptable, but unnecessary as the chapter title shows up at the top of the screen anyway), it is generally best to set it off with a full blank space between it and the story proper, not to put a period after it, and to bold it (and generally center it) to make it look cleaner. Personally, I'd lose it entirely; the chapter title is already right there on the page above the story, and repeating it is... well, repetitive.
The fourth thing is that, generally speaking, in stories you don't really want to offset actions with asterisks; in prose, you will almost always want to leave them bare. There are exceptions to this rule, but generally speaking it is better to just have the story narrate the action. If you ARE doing something crazy like that, where the chapter is basically an audio recording, you can't use narration at all. It has to be whole hog.
Generally speaking, however, you don't want to do things this way; audio recording type chapters aren't an awful idea, and CAN be done well, but they are almost always done poorly; when the very first thing the audience sees is a *click* in the first chapter, a lot of them are going to be put off your story and just not bother to read any further into it because they assume you have no idea how to write.
Fifth, every time a different person speaks, you need a paragraph break. This is an inviolable rule. If anyone ever fails to do this, it means they screwed up. This is, again, a really good way to put people off from reading your story at all. You seem to follow this rule in the rest of your story, but in the prologue, you don't. You always want the very first thing that people see to be as perfect as possible, because they will make their judgement on whether or not to read the rest of your story based on that little bit of text.
Once you get past the prologue, the actual story has much more normal prose, and it is clear that you actually understand how to write correctly - you just kind of shot yourself in the foot at the very start.
One other note - I noticed this story isn't in any groups at all. Generally speaking, groups are an excellent way to advertise your story to interested people. At the very least, you should add the story to the groups which you have tagged - there is a group for every single tag, and adding your story to each of those groups is a good idea at a minimum. If there are other relevant groups - for instance, if there is some group for war stories - you might want to add it there as well.
All of these things will help you get more eyes on your stories. And that's a good thing - after all, the goal is, in the end, to have your stories be read, so helping people find your stories is good.
Finally, on an unrelated note: there is an author's note box. If you have author's notes, like you do at the end of your first chapter, I'd use the box for that. It helps keep the story looking clean.
4443872 Thank you every much for you input and i'm glad you caught onto the prolouge but, the reason that i repeat the chapter titles is that i usually don't have internet access so i type it down so i remember where i am in the story. But, yes i will fix the prologue. Actually, for a while i completely forgot about the groups.
Thank you again for your input and i will apply it.
Hey I'm going to post my next chapter tomorrow when I get the chance. Hope y'all like.
I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHIT!!!!
There seems to be a missing bit at the end:" And when it exploded it She asked you what you doing in there", it what? Exploded, went off, killed the Zebra, what?
"Zebras were repealing down" I think you mean rappelling, and "why do I have to have consensus" I think you meant "a conscience", "Well, he is defenseless?", I believe you meant while not well, "she winched and she stopped." I think you meant winced.
5232268 I'm not the greatest at writing. Far from it. I appreciate your criticism. I just need some help. Ive been looking for an editor but it's hard to find an editor that I can easily keep in contact with.
Hey! I was wondering if I can Read and record this for a you tube channel?
5328329 Wait what
5328329 You gotta be kidding me
5328329 Fuck it I'll do it. I give ya permission
Lol awesome
Two things.
#1: How many times is JR going to be treated like he can't shoot despite repeatedly demonstrating that he can?
#2: JR really takes getting shot extremely well.
5806882 Well yeah but, this story is old and it really wasn't thought out as much as the story i'm writing. It's supposed to be on hiatus but, oh well