• Member Since 16th May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 25th, 2023

Rotul


Comments ( 13 )

eh a bit dark but enjoyable
grammar great
no spelling errors
good pacing
little more work on telling not showing
score 8/10

good work for a first fanfic

I like there was an error due to multiple commas before a period which I think was a pause

Spikes a dragon, dragons will never let another dominate it, male or female, even if spike was raised by ponies he's still a dragon and his instincts most likely would come out as soon as he got a good whiff of her mare hood

4443509

Much appreciated. I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

No more weird shit and your golden, try writing a simple Spilight (no clop needed) and work from there.

......Different yet interesting.

Not a bad fic.

This was like a dog trying to be a cat. Weird but adorable in a way. This is like a romance trying to be something... Else? Besides the point though. It's too early for clop from you son. Try a straight up romance. Or drama. Play your strength and practice in there. Some comma and period usage and grammatical errors out the end, no pun intended. I'm gonna follow you but I won't favorite or like this story. Not yet anyways. Get a few chapters of fanfics under your belt and if/when you come back to this story, tell me.

it was best one I ever read but I skimmed through it.it count for me. but it was the best one ever.

Oh, my. Sorry, but this is not good. I have no idea what the person who said "grammar great" is thinking. The grammar is actually pretty lousy. Punctuation is quite bad, as well. Also:

Spike holding his stomach, gurgling noises ensure as he looked with embarrassment, and blushing with the dramatic irony relented in a position with his tail end up.

I don't mean to be too harsh, but look at that mess. This story would benefit from some heavy-handed editing.

As for the content of the story, there are definite consent issues with what Twi is doing to Spike, no matter how often it's mentioned that she doesn't want to hurt him. The way Twi just up and decides to fulfill her fantasy is not believable, and the attempt at giving her the motivation and the required build-up is just not sufficient for what she does. Basically, it all comes out of nowhere and it's weird.

A semen-cider enema followed by pegging? I admire the audacity of the concept, but it needs to be done better. As a suggestion, fall back on Twi's natural eggheaded tendencies. At least have her grab a book that talks about enemas and skim it briefly, and tell Spike that's what she's doing to help him. Make that the focus and keep Twi's fantasy in the background for a while. Have her work up to the main event more gradually, after exploring other options.

I mean, at least have the pretense of reluctance, instead of Twilight just deciding, "I've always wanted to try pegging! Imma rape Spike now!"

So, while I can appreciate the effort, dear author, this story is just... not good. Hence my downvote.

In future writing, try to remember the characters and how they act, and try to write smoother lead-ins to crazy premises. Also, focus on making sentence structure logical and understandable. You don't have to make it fancy just for fancy's sake; clarity is the most important thing.

4928171

I see. Welp sorry you weren't able to enjoy it, but thanks for your critique nonetheless I guess.:twilightblush:

I honestly thought that it would be kind of a downvotes galore with the context, but I'm pretty satisfied with the ratings. Peeps like that freaky mess, which what I was thinking when I was writing this.:derpytongue2:

Oh well you read it, gave your reasons for downvoting it, and stuff. So thanks for that. :twilightsmile:

Yea I haven't found an editor for my first writing , which I might go back to and refurbish this if time permits. Who knows. :rainbowhuh:

Welp...for a first jaunt, not bad. Mind you, I can see a few people have pointed out where you could improve, so I'll not just repeat them and say that taking those ideas and thoughts into account would be a wise choice.

Now having said that, I very much enjoyed this! Maybe it's just me being a bit eccentric myself, but I think I felt the enthusiasm behind this fic, and found myself with that Smarty Pants Incident smile on my face the whole way through! ...yeah...don't ask how I know that's the smile I had...

Anyway, like I said, good first shot, and I think over time, we can expect great things from you good sir/mam. Also...your profile picture is GIR...anyone who has that character as an avatar is at least worth a like and a fav from me.

DOOM!!!

Best of luck and happy writing!

Ah, my ship's gotten some decent fuel!:pinkiehappy:

4445023 so, can we get a sequel of the two in a relationship?

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