• Member Since 9th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen Dec 2nd, 2016

TheUndiscoveredPony


I'm getting around to posting. I'm really trying guys. Thanks for sticking around for so long though... Thank you.

T

Soarin has finally settled down with Spitfire but as a memory resurfaces, feelings are uncovered. Feeling as confused as ever, Soarin sets out to make things right but everything goes spiralling. Fleetfoot has been acting strange for the past week and Soarin doesn't know why. As a new emotion passes her face, Soarin is determined figure things out and make things right.


This is my first one shot and I hope it goes well. I also hope you enjoy it. This is also here to make up for my lack of chapter posting for my other story, Left in the Darkness.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 7 )

This story was VERY good. However, there were a few things that held it back immensely and kept it from achieving mind-blowing status.

For one, you followed up every quote with an exposition. An example would be: ["X?" asked y. "Y..." replied Z. "Well, q." reponded Y.] You want to cut some of those expositions out, shooting for more of a: ["X?" asked y. "Y..." "Well, q."] ect cedera. Hope that made sense.

Also, you went way too into detail with a few of the descriptions of flying manuevers.

Best story ever it reminded me of my girlfriend in middle school
We both like ponies we watched every season and episode, and her favorite pony is soarin, compared to me spitfire.
Besides thx 4 listening.
Thx u
Spitfire sad 12:pinkiesad2:

4454092 Aww, thats cute! :twilightsmile:

And thank you so much for the comment! You made my day! :pinkiesmile:

Your welcome,
TheUndiscoveredPony
Ps- I personally like both Soarin and Spitfire. I also adore Fleetfoot even though she doesn't appear as much as I want to in the show... :fluttershysad: But then again, I still love the show :pinkiehappy:

Oooo, the feels man, the feels

Nice story although there were a couple errors: In the sentence fragment, 'She blushes red but they tears our...' would probably be better if the words 'but they' were replaced with 'and.' Also it should be '...and stopped pressuring...' Hope I helped. Keep up the good work. :raritywink:

4713690 I only saw this comment now because I've been gone for quite awhile but thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the story and I will review my story again to correct the errors that you have brought up :twilightsmile: Thank you again! :pinkiehappy:

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