• Member Since 16th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 38 minutes ago

PaulAsaran


Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords, and reviews both independently and for Seattle's Angels. New reviews posted every Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"

Sequels1

Comments ( 662 )

Well, this has been a long time coming. I have only one thing to say: :yay:

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Correction: HALLELUJAH!!!

Oh, this is going to be a painful ride. Knowing Twilight's ultimate fate from Trixie Vs Equestria is going to make this all the more tragic.

Still, I'm willing to go through with this. Let's see just how far the rabbit hole goes!

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It's a deep hole.

Still, I hope you enjoy the ride... so to speak. It will be nice to get some input from someone whose already read TvE.

I aim to update once a day at around 7PM or so (CST). There are 11 chapters, not including the epilogue.

As excited as I am to see this story FINALLY in the light of day, I don't know how hard it will be to read about best pony being tortured to near death...

I may not like the primary subject, but damn, is it (like all your other stories) well written...
Poor Twilight...

You monster!

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A monster, you say? Well, I did break new ground for my writing with this story, so maybe. In a way, this story was an experiment into moving beyond my usual limits. What really makes me a monster is that I enjoyed writing it. :fluttershyouch:

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Agreed... I know I had mentioned previously about being hesitant to read this story (not being keen on stories with "gore" tags in general, plus the reasons stated above), but after loving TvE & the NH stories, I hafta at least give it a try. :twilightoops:

Plus the cover pic, especially (presumably) Reddux, is bad@$$! :moustache:

Nothing else to do but strap on my goggles & dive in! :rainbowdetermined2:

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Plus the cover pic, especially (presumably) Reddux, is bad@$$!

Why thank you, it wasn't cheap. :raritywink:

Good news: it takes time to get to the 'mature' part. By then you'll be locked into my trap and unable to stop reading, BWAHAHAHA! :trollestia:

With this chapter, the prelude ends, and Twilight's Inferno begins.

So then Twilight will be badass in this story?

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There is a moment of badassery... but as my stories trend towards realism and making it hard for the characters, you may be disappointed overall in that regard.

Unless your definition of badassery means surviving seemingly impossible odds. In that case, sure. But if you're looking for explosions and epic duels and bad guys getting thoroughly trounced by an OP alicorn princess, then sorry but this isn't for you. I'm entering the contest based more on the 'exiled and forgotten' part than the 'badass' part.

This feels just like the first time I read Dante's Inferno, except the character is a lot more personal. I feel like going back to that story now to refresh my memory would spoil the sense of wonder I am getting from this one, so I will wait until it's done. You hinted a ways back that there would be familiar faces showing up for each level or vice and I can't wait to get started.
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Sorry I didn't respond to you on the Gdoc earlier, Beans. It's nice to meet you and this story is an impressive introduction so far. I'm loving it and am very happy for the chance to help a bit with the next one.

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This feels just like the first time I read Dante's Inferno, except the character is a lot more personal.

That right there is what I call 'high praise.' You make me :pinkiehappy:. I'm sure El Beano is thinking the same thing.

You hinted a ways back that there would be familiar faces showing up for each level or vice and I can't wait to get started.

Then rejoice, for the familiar faces begin with this evening's update! One of which I bet most people won't be expecting...

Getting into the mood here...
It's been a long time since I last heard these and I forgot just how expressive they are.

I'm hoping that your cover art, as awesome as it is, doesn't spoil too much of what's coming up.

Haven't read Dante's Inferno, so anything coming up is going to be a surprise.

Ew, a tomb of chaos spirits and a well of tortured, psychotic souls. Lovely start.

It's a testimate to Discord's character that I feel as bad for him as Twilight does. He's an evil douche, but a lovable evil douche.

New poni? New poni!

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It's a testimate to Discord's character that I feel as bad for him as Twilight does. He's an evil douche, but a lovable evil douche.

He is lovable, isn't he? Still can't believe Celestia and Co. sent him after Tirek without any 'moral' support from, say, Fluttershy. :facehoof:

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Likewise I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Sir Hopeless. I look forward to working with you in the future. :twilightsmile:

Twilight's naivete is really heart-wrenching. She's setting herself up for such a soul crushing disappointment.

Ooh, Twilight Prime (what I'll call Trixie Vs Equestria unicorn Twilight Sparkle) is back on my shit list. Yeah, Celestia forced her to do what she did, but damn... that's cold. Trixie has no idea just how light she got off...

Ah, back to the seven fights angle, are we? I have a dreading feeling that these will not be as "playful" as Trixie's fights were.

Ha! Steve is always a great cameo to have. But, how did Twilight know his name? Did she read the TV captions or sumthin'? Or does Rarity make frequent trips to trim up his mane and mustache?

Ah, and the big dragon Trixie pulled her bullshit win over. THAT will be an encounter.

Eh, either way, looking forward to more!

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Battles. Battles, he says. Hah, sure, if that's what you want to call them.

As for Steve, I figure since he lives so close to Ponyville and is a rather unique character that he'd probably be known by name to the locals. But meh, that's just my headcanon.

And so, we meet Virgil Sunset Shimmer, whose purpose is to deliver exposition on Tartarus to a hapless Dante Twilight Sparkle.

Sunset Shimmer is starting to regain her old self. Can't say if that's a good or bad thing.

Welp, the caverns of insanity were dull and mind numbing, but things are really getting heated now. I wonder why some of these damned don't just end their lives to escape their suffering, but I suppose that's the magic at work of Tartarus. Taking the easy way out would defeat the purpose.

And Twilight gains her first set of injuries. And an ominous foreshadowing injury from Sunset...

Judging by the affects of the tornado and your cover art, I think I know who's going to be the next lord. Let's see if I'm right.

Till then!

I wonder why some of these damned don't just end their lives to escape their suffering, but I suppose that's the magic at work of Tartarus. Taking the easy way out would defeat the purpose.

This topic will actually be addressed in an offhand sorta way, and soon.

Whew! I forgot just how long some of these are.

Sombra was always my biggest peeve during season 3. They took badass villain design and gave him the personality of "Head Goon."

I like your interpretation a lot better.

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I wish I could do more with the character, actually. There's a lot of potential in him. Unfortunately this is all we see of him in the TvE universe, and in No Heroes he doesn't stick around for very long before going kaput.

Maybe I could do an origin story... although that's been done to death and I hate being unoriginal.

You know, you could probably rate this story TEEN until the actually mature content is visible. Ive seen ongoing stories uprate themselves before when authors want to explore more mature stuff.

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Hmm, I dunno. Going 'Teen' for the first few chapters might earn me a larger audience, but at the same time I'm never sure what qualifies. I could change it over for a little while, at least until I get to the chapter that I'm fairly certain would be of a 'mature' level.

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What do you think of ^this^ idea?

If these two ever reach the point where they unashamedly share gallows humor, I'd like to see Sunset say "I'll be your wingmare."

This is a prequel set before Trixie met Twilicorn, right? So, no happy ending for her or Sunset :raritydespair:

Starswirl is unique amongst the lower Lords, in that he is not much of a threat, it's his servant, Ne'er, that you have to worry about.

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You got it. It's got the tragedy tag for a reason. :fluttershyouch:

The aged mage gave a derogatory sniff. “Morality has nothing to do with it.”

So Twilight has to face this one eventually. Everything she's gonna see would have no place in a truly just world. Though, I gotta ask: is that because of the one 'currently in power', or is Tartarus like this in Twilight's own world too?

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I think of Tartarus as a prison in both universes, although I think the TvE version is much, much more sinister a place (especially if you consider the small glimpse we got of the show-canon Tartarus). Regarding the No Heroes version... I have yet to decide just how similar they are, but I can't imagine the NH version would be anywhere near as heavily populated or brimming with corruption.

Twilight really frustrated the Hell out of me this time around. Her funny quirks are quickly becoming her biggest weaknesses. The residence of Tartarus are going to take full advantage of that.

I admit, I thought Miss Cadey was next. Tease.

A really tense, atmospheric arc. I got Alien flashbacks with this one.

One does not simply walk out of Tartarus.

Now you're just messing with us.

Keep it up!

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Twilight really frustrated the Hell out of me this time around.

You may approve of her behavior a touch more in this next chapter. Maybe.

A really tense, atmospheric arc. I got Alien flashbacks with this one.

A comparison to Alien? I call that high praise.

What? You accuse me of foreshadowing? Why, I'd never! :trollestia:

Yeah, KBP did particularly well with Chrysalis' appearance. This is probably my third favorite chapter. I really like the whole, "abominations made out of ponies" thing she's got going.

Well, same time tomorrow!

Doth my eyes deceive me? A pony story inspired by Dante's Inferno?

One... reward to you good sir/and or madam! From a Dante fanboy

HEY! I noticed you changed the rating! :pinkiegasp:

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...KBP?

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Ah yes, all the suffering and pain is worth it for just one Fluttersquee!

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Only for a couple days. Tomorrow it goes back to Mature... by necessity.

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Just finished the chapter.

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Interesting...

I actually have a theme song in mind for this story. I'll be posting a link to it in the last chapter as a 'if this were a movie, this would play over the credits' thing. You might like.

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Oooooh, I knew that. Yeah, uh-huh. :twilightblush:

I don't have much to say about this one. A more disturbing journey than a dangerous one.

Some interesting world building around Tartarus itself. I can see why so many are trapped in there now.

So, things get ramped up to the tenth level next time, huh? We shall see how this all goes down.

When you told me you had not one, but two OC villains planned for this story, I'll admit I was skeptical. Even once I started the chapter, my first impression was that she was a female Discord.

But as I progressed through the chapter, I realized that while Tazel is just as whimsical as Discord on the surface, underneath there's something . . . demented about her, even without Tartarus' influence. She stands out amongst the other Lords.

This is my second favorite chapter.

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Although it was never my intention to create a female Discord, that's exactly the sentiment I feared would be thrown her way. I just hope others agree with you that her underlying personality – let's call them flaws – would help her to stand out as a bit more unique than that.

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Would it be safe to assume that tomorrow's chapter is your favorite?

While I admit that Fine Crime was towing a fine line in terms of his characterization, I thought Tazel was a little more well defined. And I haven't read the story she's originally from. I got her deal pretty well here, though some of that is knowing that this is Tartarus and everyone here is a touch crazy.

Yikes, psychological torment is even more crippling than physical injuries. Poor Twilight.

Nice role reversals with Sunset here. I'm certain she wouldn't have bet a single bit that she'd end up in this situation.

If Twilight only knew what this world's Trixie would be capable of further down the line...

Till next time!

0.o wow, you weren't kidding about that cover image..

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Daily updates!

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I know, right?

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I wanted Tazel to be the breaking point for Twilight, a pivotal impact that finally hammers home the grim realization that failure is a definite possibility. Going into her dreams and slaughtering the friends she was so desperate to see? Perfect tool. Which is another major reason I picked Tazel; Luna couldn't be the one to do that (given TvE) and in my headcanon Tazel was the only (known) alternative.

Regarding Sunset, the role reversal was something I heavily debated with myself on prior to writing this chapter, but in the end it felt inevitable. For myself, I never saw Sunset as a bad pony, just a misguided pony with poor priorities. I'd like to believe that seeing the ever-confident and hopeful Twilight reduced to a trembling, terrified mess would actually bring out her good side.

As for Twilight's comment on Trixie, note that she doesn't say Trixie is weak or a poor mage or anything like that, just that she thinks Trixie is the jealous type. It's an important distinction to make, though why isn't obvious yet.

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