Private Styre walked back into the ruined castle's courtyard, alone.
He glanced back to the forest. The stench of that creature clung to his nose, a combination of what he presumed to be sweat and oiled metal. There was something about it, something terrifying and yet pitiful. The way it panicked at Flash Bang's magic tricks wasn't normal fear, not to run shrieking in a single, unbroken pitch. Styre remembered that noise all too well.
He turned back to the camp. From the looks of things, Colonel Purple Dart had picked up from where Celestia left off. His fellow E.U.P guards had already fallen into formation behind him. From the looks of their shiny armour, they were all ready to go in after her.
Styre paused. Ah, right, best get back into uniform. He pulled his mirror-sheen helmet from a hook on his barding and planted it back onto his head. He pressed the blue star on his chest and within an instant, his red coat, yellow eyes and black mane turned white, blue and yellow.
"Private Styre!" The Colonel belted out at him. "Where is Celestia and the creature?"
"The Princess dismissed me, sir," said Styre, gesturing back to the forest and silently thanking Harmony that the Colonel didn't seem to notice. "She's handling it personally."
"Hmmm," the Colonel glanced away, worry etched on his face. "That's what I'm afraid of. I know that she's an alicorn but I'm not sure she knows what she's doing with--"
"SIR!" Styre winced as Flash Bang screamed at the top of his lungs, pointing wildly at the forest. "She's back, sir! Celestia is back! An-… a-and."
The entire unit stared at the treeline, some of their mouths flopped open. Styre frowned, turning to look.
Celestia and the creature walked side-by-side towards them.
Styre mirrored their stunned assessment.
Murmuring immediately broke out among the unit. Some looked ready to rush to Celestia's side, Flash Bang in particular.
"Hold up," said Styre, raising a forehoof, "He don't look like a dangerous lad."
"Yeah and what would an earth-grubber like you know, Styre?" Flash Bang spat.
Styre turned back. "More about animals than you'll ever forget, sparkles. Look at its head, it’s taken off its helmet, see it hanging off its belt? That thing is flesh and blood underneath."
"Uh, I kinda see it?" one of the guards said, squinting at the thing. "Is any other pony having a hard time looking at that thing?"
"Alright colts, simmer down and let them approach, I wanna hear this," said the Colonel.
After three minutes of watching in silence, Celestia and the creature had approached the edge of the unit. Immediately the guards began to grow rigid, lining up in combat formation. The Colonel stepped forward, spreading his wings. His green eyes stared down the brown-eyed creature.
Styre thought that it was just the distance, but he had to admit, there was something extremely off about it. He remembered his mother telling him about 'blind spots' in your eyes. That there was a part of the nerve that light wouldn't work in. Normally you wouldn't notice, your other eye filled in the detail, but if you closed one and looked just right, things just… vanished.
That's what the thing next to Celestia looked like, drifting into and out of reality itself.
Styre glanced back to the unit; perhaps they were idiots, but they seemed to be having even more trouble as he was. They tried to keep their attention on it, but their eyes kept slipping off. Still, by the second they were getting better at focusing near or just past it.
The thing glared at the Colonel, or at least Styre thought it was glaring. He could barely see its fleshy, yet hairy face. What was clear was the sound of a multitude of small joints popping as the end of its right appendage reached up to its belt.
Celestia spared a worried glance to the creature next to her. She cleared her throat into her forehoof, gesturing to the hole in reality.
There was a shuffle of feet and hooves as everypony's gaze snapped to her, including the creature.
"Now that I have your attention, allow me to introduce my--" Celestia froze mid-sentence, her eyes widening as if suddenly remembering something. "My uh--"
Styre frowned, there was something more to that. Ain't nopony could call him a genius but he wasn't an idiot.
Celestia cleared her throat again, padding her neck with an apologetic smile. "Pardon me; I am still not quite used to the old equipment. This is Sir Gareth Fletcher," she finished.
The thing tilted its head at Celestia's mention of that… last garble of speech. Styre's eyes narrowed, it understood her.
The unit immediately blinked in confusion. A few worked their mouths, trying to mimic the noise that Celestia just made underneath their breath. Styre found himself trying to do it, (Gar-eth Flaeetcher).
"As many of you suspect," Celestia continued, "Gareth is from the other side of the Mirror. I assure you, he is quite alive and quite safe if treated kindly. He is one of the beings from the other side: a 'human'. He has made the decision, an extremely serious one I might add, to remain here, as Prince-Consort of Equestria."
Styre's head pulled back, his eyes wide and face twisted in utter bafflement. All the while, the unit sucked in a collected breath, glancing at each other in varying levels of disbelief and disgust. Even the Colonel looked like he was about to explode into a tirade.
The thing's head flicked up, letting out a few chirping sounds. Its legs buckled, both half bending, while it swang its bag off one shoulder. Its hands reached down in the flaps, after a few seconds of rummaging he came back with what Styre recognised as parchment, quill and ink.
It flattened the parchment on one knee, dipped the quill and began scribbling.
Styre made an intrigued noise in his throat, squinting down at the human's rapid yet delicate appendages. Celestia smiled. The rest of the guards feigned disinterest.
The creature looked up to Celestia, opening its mouth as it raised an index finger.
Styre's ear twitched as the Human spoke to Celestia in its strange mother tongue. The sound was unlike anything he had ever heard. He expected it to make ape-like hooting or screeching noises, instead its language had this low, pleasing timbre. He hesitated to call them 'groans' but it was the best comparison he had, even then, it was lilting, almost bird-like.
It... no, Gareth lay the parchment on the ground, stepping away. He turned to them, pointing down at it, barking something at them in Humanish.
Styre responded by blinking in confusion and trying to refocus his attention on him.
Celestia's gaze traced down Gareth's arm, to the note on the ground. Her face fell, giving him a sad expression. Gareth just smiled back, nodding.
"Colonel Purple Dart?" The Colonel perked up as Celestia spoke. "Gareth needs a message to be delivered to the other side of the Mirror. This is a note that will both allay his friends’ suspicions and ensure that they do not attempt to enter through."
Purple Dart glared suspiciously over to Gareth. Gareth returned it.
"Very well… Princess. I'll ensure it is delivered once the ink is dried," the Colonel said, working his jaw. He immediately glanced over to Styre, raising a brow.
Styre felt his ears flop. Of course, it'll be his job.
Celestia sighed in relief. She turned to Gareth and pointed him towards the royal chariot.
Gareth frowned at it; his eyes looked over the empty front braces. He grunted back, face twisting in what the Styre was beginning to recognise as confusion.
Celestia bobbed her head, pointing at her wings.
Gareth looked to her, then to the chariot, then up to the sky. His face paled. Gareth turned back to her, waving his hands, palms out, and shaking his head.
Celestia let out a burst of somewhat annoyed-sounding Humanish. Gareth just shook his head even more vigorously, protesting loudly.
"What's the hold up, ma'am?" The Colonel asked, the sides of his mouth twitching. He looked like he was trying not to smile at the human's expense.
"Gareth is being a baby, excuse me," said Celestia, "I think I can appeal to his masculinity."
Celestia stepped forward, her long foreleg reaching up to his cheek. She spoke in the most honey-dipped voice that Styre had ever heard. He glanced over the rest of the unit to see that, yes, they were also looking quite interested in what she had to say.
Gareth looked deeply into Celestia's eyes. His hand reached up to wrap around her forehoof.
He opened his mouth.
"Fuck. No."
Celestia and Gareth walked through the thick woods of the Everfree, as they have been doing since they had awoken that day.
She suppressed a frustrated sigh, glancing back at her dirt soiled wings and legs.
They needed to camp out in the Castle courtyard that night. Gareth hid it well, but he was close to collapse. Even Celestia was a bit worn out by the day's events. They both slept like the dead in one of the guard's tents.
Then this morning they set out. On hoof. To Canterlot. From the Everfree.
Celestia glared at out the corner of her eye at Gareth. He walked alongside, using his precious boar spear as a walking staff. He glanced around the woods with barely constrained interest and a near-face splitting grin. Everything about the Everfree intrigued him. She had occasionally needed to nudge him away from following some of the smaller fauna, but he was the one to hurry on when they saw the footprints of some of the larger beasts.
"Gareth?"
Her husband glanced back, turning away from a remarkably gnarled tree.
"What exactly was in that letter you sent to Lord Fletcher? What about your oath to him?" Celestia said, her voice dipping.
Gareth frowned, equipment clinking as he shrugged his backpack.
"Well… Uncle said that I was to bring you back and nothing more," Gareth replied. "I'm still not sure what kind of miasma or other diseases are here. What if I accidently brought back some new variant of the plague? England can't afford something like that, especially not so soon after the civil war. So… I told Uncle to wait for my letter to come at the end of 2 and a half years."
"Two years, four months, dear."
"Right, right," Gareth said, waving her off. "The way I reason, I'll either be fine and there isn't any disease that's particularly lethal… or… I'll be dead. Either way, they'll be fine."
"That's not funny," Celestia muttered. "Are you sure about this, Gareth? You still have time to make it back. You... you don't need to do this."
Gareth stared. A moment later, Cecilia realised that he wasn't looking at her eyes, he was looking at her wings.
Cecilia nervously shifted them, stepping to the side to conceal them from view. She quickly realised that it did nothing to help matters.
Gareth approached. His gloved hand reached out, gently touching her feathers. Fine leather fingers found where the bone of her wing was. He frowned in curiosity, right hand reaching up to his mouth. His canines bit the tip of his middle finger, pulled the glove off, and then stuffed it into his belt.
A chill went up Celestia's spine as Gareth's warm, bare hand began to feel around the base where feather met fur. She turned away the moment she felt herself blush.
Gareth looked up, his expression the pinnacle of clinical curiosity. His right hand reached up, touching the tip of her horn, trailing down to the base. He started playing with her ears, gently pressing and tugging. Celestia quickly folded them back out of reach.
Celestia's blush deepened; a foreleg reached up and swiped his hands away from her. She backed off and pinned him with a glare.
"Are you quite done?" said Celestia, privately thanking Harmony that nopony was around to see that.
An impish grin swept over Gareth's features.
"Can I ride you?" He asked.
Celestia's head pulled back in shock.
"Wh-what? Most certainly not!" She yelped.
"Oh c'mon, no one is around!" said Gareth, spreading his arms out.
"You'd remember," Celestia said, jabbing a forehoof at him and then to herself, "and I could never forget!" She shook her head. "Honestly, a wife bearing her husband on her back!"
"You know I'm going to keep asking," said Gareth, grin widening.
Celestia snorted. "Fine then! I'll let you ride me on one condition; that I get to ride you first!"
Gareth blinked.
"I can't even believe this," said Celestia, now suddenly taller atop her mighty steed.
Gareth marched forward out of the Everfree and into Equestria's verdant fields. Each struggling step punctuated by a groaning huff from his bright red face after carrying Celestia on his back for the past twenty metres. His arms trembled as they hooked up underneath Celestia's hindlegs while her forelegs wrapped over his shoulders.
There was a glint of blue and yellow in the sky as a Pegasus dipped down towards them. Celestia's chest seized as she recognised Colonel Purple Dart.
The Colonel's hooves hit the grass. His face quickly mirrored hers: flat disbelief.
"Princess Celestia… with all due respect, what the buck is going on?" He said, watching a groaning Gareth sway side-to-side as Celestia's weight slowly overcame him.
"Losing a bet," Celestia deadpanned.
Gareth halted, struggling in place. He looked up at the burden on his back, then to the Pegasus in front of him. At once, he made a most curiously squeaking noise before collapsing. Celestia yelped to the ground with him, both flopping into a heap of flapping feathers and clinking metal.
Celestia stood first, untangling herself from his limbs and carefully stepping away.
Gareth let out a groan, still trying to get his wind back. He twisted in place in the grass, huffing and looking up at Celestia with a red-faced, triumphant grin.
The Colonel simply shook his head. "Your majesty? Noble Era 'humbly' requests your presence back at Canterlot," he said, his tone bitter. The sides of his mouth twitched angrily. "You're naturally free to ignore the request. I personally despise the idea that he has been using my Wonderbolts as messenger-mares and stallions, least of all myself. Unfortunately, he's gotten quite good at pulling bureaucratic strings that even I can't override."
"Noble Era?" Celestia asked.
"Ah, quite," the Colonel nodded, his face becoming neutral. "He's the 'leader' of the unicorn noble houses. He is sly, smug and reliable for only one thing; that he will look after the interests of his own 'kind' first, second and third. Remember, he has no special authority over you ma'am, but no-doubt he'll try to impress that idea upon you."
Celestia glanced down at Gareth. Gareth looked back, his face shifted from happy to concerned.
"I don't like leaving Gareth alone like this," Celestia said, turning to the Colonel. "There's still a long ways to walk to Canterlot."
"I understand ma'am. I'll have Private Styre keep an eye on him. He seems to be rather good at that."
Celestia lowered herself down to Gareth's level, her head craning in as her legs folded up. "Gareth?" she switched to English, "I need to leave for a while. I'm a princess here and… well, over two years without me has not made administration any easier. Will you be okay here by yourself?"
Gareth tilted his head to one side before nodding and smiling. He reached forward, patting her on the neck. "Don't worry, love, I understand. Besides, I'm a gamekeeper, I think I can somehow survive on a verdant meadow. Frankly, I'm just glad that I was able to trick you into paying me as much attention as I did."
Celestia paused, the gears ticking in her head. Then she couldn't help it, she laughed, a clear, delighted, noise. She turned to the Colonel, changing back to Equestrian, "Gareth said that he understands."
The Colonel seemed to smile despite himself, "Of course, ma'am."
The two of them stood, Gareth finally had his breath back.
She turned to him, smiling as she did, then leaned and licked his cheek.
Gareth flinched away.
Celestia's blood froze. "Gareth?"
Horror filled Gareth's face as he swiped away at his cheek. He stared at the saliva on his hand, then to her, eyes trembling.
She took a step forward.
He took several steps back.
Celestia's eyes widened. She looked him up and down, trying to think what she just did wrong.
"I, Gareth? I-… g-goodbye," said Celestia in a rather clipped tone. She turned away, an uncertain expression on her face as she opened her wings.
With a single beat, she took to the skies. Flying as far and as hard as she could to forget about what she just felt and saw.
Celestia's hooves hit Canterlot castle's landing balcony.
She retracted her wings, breathing deeply, trying to get her breath back under control.
Celestia felt numb, from her head to her legs. The scene played over in her head. She hovered to the side, watching her lick her husband's face. What possessed her to do that? She could see the discomfort on his face. She knew that this… transformation of hers, couldn't be pleasant for him. Yet it seemed to natural to...
Ever since they were married, when they were near each other, it was often physical. He'd hug her, tug at her, play with her hair. She'd nudge him, stroke his arms and occasionally pinch him when he wasn't looking. It was different now. Celestia knew that in the forest, that was Gareth trying in his own way to come to process it.
A series of hooves hit the balcony floor behind her.
An entire wing of Wonderbolts flanked her. They had escorted her in all the way from the edges of Canterlot. She didn't get a good look at their faces, but she was certain they were the same ones who 'rescued' her from Rockingham.
Celestia shook her head, she couldn'y think about this right now. There was far too much to attend to, even her filth-covered hoofs meant little; she needed to regain control as soon as possible. Then she could decide what to do next.
Celestia trotted forward into the depths of the castle.
The interior had changed little from what she remembered. Guards remained at their positions, servants still served, and tapestries depicting the rotating twin-alicorn flag still hung high on the walls.
However, the shouts and screams of infuriated nobles echoing down from the hall, were new.
The Wonderbolts surged forward, announcing her to the guards on either side of the massive purple doors that lead into the court. With a harried salute, the two unicorns telekinetically gripped the centre of the doors and pushed them open.
The throne room was in a state of utter pandemonium. Ponies from all tribes, Earth, Unicorn and Pegasus, verbally tore into one another with heartless abandon. Some were noble, some were common, but all were in utter disharmony.
A sickening pit weighed in Celestia's stomach, her muzzle twisted in indignation. Celestia unfurled her wings with a loud flick of feathers and wind. There was an echoing 'thump' as a pulse of golden energy spread throughout the room.
She stood high as everypony in the room stopped and slowly craned their head to her.
Celestia couldn't help but take a small amount of pleasure in seeing their eyes widen and their heads bow. She unflinching strode past them, directly to her throne.
Her throne was likewise as she remembered. It lay at the end of a long, red carpet, raised upon a gentle, stepless incline and ending into an oval chair fit for an alicorn. Once again, there was something new. Something even more unpleasant. The throne was currently occupied by somepony else.
Celestia's muzzle twitched in barely concealed ire.
The golden-coated unicorn sat up in her throne, turning away from directing a squad of Royal Guard. His smoothed-down, silver mane befit a unicorn of his stature. Dark brown eyes widened at Celestia's approach, immediately standing. The moment he did Celestia could spy his cutie mark, an open book with blank pages.
Celestia walked up the incline, stopping a yard away from him. "You're in my chair."
Noble Era immediately stood, stepped aside and respectfully gestured to her rightful place, all in one motion.
"Tis' an honour to see you again, your majesty," said Noble Era in a cultured Canterlot accent, his tone was infused with an effortless kindness. "I humbly abdicate the throne."
Celestia glared as she walked past. She turned and sat, gazing out to the circus that her court had become. She couldn't help but think on Noble's tone and his actions. She glanced down at the positions of the Royal Guards, they looked prepared to start to arrest the more… violent dissenters. Painful as it was to admit, she would have done the same in the event of such a riot.
"You are Noble Era?"
He nodded.
"Why did you take my throne?"
"A formality, your majesty," Noble Era said. "My line descended from the original line of unicorn monarchy before Equestria’s reformation. We have always been ready to take on your burden should... something unfortunate happen."
"Ah, thank you," Celestia frowned in confusion. "Wait, why did you just explain--"
"About succession?" Noble Era smiled. "Rumours travel at the speed of sound, m'lady. With all due respect, you've just confirmed your amnesia."
She could have heard a pin drop. Everypony in the room stared, twisting their ears towards them.
Celestia flushed in embarrssment. "Tis' true," said Celestia in a dark tone, "but that does not make me any less the rightful ruler of Equestria. Some monarchs might have thought that you were attempting to take the throne from them. That would be an… inadvisable course of action."
"Nothing of the sort, m'lady. We-- I have always seen you as my rightful ruler," Noble Era said, his voice softening. "Just look at what you've done. The Throneroom was in utter chaos, an you calmed it in an instant. It is you who should bear the Equestria's crown, not mortals such as I. Yet… even the divine can need help at times," Noble Era smiled warmly at her, bowing deeply. "Should you ever need such assistance, be it getting up-to-date on political matters, a messenger or perhaps even just a sympathetic ear to talk to, I would be honoured to help in these troubled times."
The noble unicorn bowed once more, stepping backwards. A second later, he turned and left down the red carpet, never flinching once.
Celestia knew that he was playing his own game. Any fool could tell that. Yet, despite herself, she couldn't help but feel intrigued concerning the nature of this 'Noble Era'.
OFF WITH HIS HEAD!
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Why, how positively MERCIFUL
I would have thought that hung-drawn-and-quatering is a far more suitable death.
4490509
No, you cut off the head, then remove the genitals and shove them in his mouth. THEN you mount the head on a pike and put it in a public place, like a park, where all can see.
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Yes, but before all that, why don't we geld him, then hang him upside down by his scrotum for a few days and skewer his testicles on his horn, for all the public to see?
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Gladly, my beta seems to have gone AWOL. Hence the rather shabby condition of this chapter.
I've taken a quick double check over it, fixed portions that I could, but it's ultimately not what it could be.
or remove his title and make him lord gareths trusted stead.
This chapter wasn't quite what I was expecting. A lot of the first section was pretty fast, and Celestia seems overly casual throughout. I like the idea of her being hesitant to being ridden - it could easily be seen as demeaning - but I'm not sold on her solution. That whole scene seems unusually casual given who they both are (a princess of Equestria and a medieval knight).
The interplay was still a lot of fun. I do think the two should be pretty casual in certain situations. I also like that Gareth was adamant about not flying. Very reasonable precaution for someone from a time when nobody went higher than the highest floor of a building would take them.
While I'm assuming that Gareth is speaking in late Middle English which is translated for the reader's benefit, there's something rather odd and jarring about a knight using phrases like "c'mon".
There are also a lot of spelling errors, enough that I regularly notice them, and that's saying something.
Why is this in square brackets? You only use this when modifying a quote from someone else, and this is something Celestia is actually saying in her dialogue (as confirmed by Gareth's reaction to his name being mentioned).
Either put this on the same line or use proper paragraph spacing.
Could not be.
How does this follow on? Equestrian royalty is Equestrian royalty. Celestia a little later announces he's Prince Consort which would indeed be the correct formal title for someone married to a princess (though they'd usually be referred to as just "Prince ..."). What the hell does "true husband" mean? As opposed to being her fake husband who's nevertheless her consort?
Again with the square brackets. It's already implicit that Celestia's dialogue is being modified here from the Equestrian language into English for the reader... so what is she saying? And why not actually say what she's saying? And it's also inconsistent since when describing the Colonel's reaction, the term 'human' is quoted. So if that's not what was being said, how can that term be used in the narration?
Celestia has two wings on her left side?!
The use of single quotes reads awkwardly here. The reader would already be aware of the disconnect between the narration and events even without it.
Huh? This reads like the stirring of romance, which is bizarre when she has a husband who she seems to care for quite considerably. What is trying to be said here?
I assume this is meant to be "m'lady". And thank you weird fedora/neckbeard shite for utterly destroying that phrase for me.
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Thank you for the extremely unintended beta-ing. I swear, this is never happening again.
I again apologize to everyone for the roughness of this chapter. I got wa~y over confident and I'm paying for it.
I guess it speaks volumes of the kind of ruler i'd be if the punishment dealt if i returned to someone in my throne, was death...
Celestia was too lenient with him.He pretty much announced to the world that he wants the throne.And his "I'm warming it up for you" excuse was really dumb.I would have stripped him of his titles and placed him under secret observation at the least.
What do you think Noble Era´s cutie mark represent?
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It's the Late Medieval Era theme, gets people in the blood thirsty move. And I'm honestly inclined to agree with them. If Noble Era had done something else to set himself up as presumptive that would be one thing, but sitting on the throne? While court is in session? I'm honestly surprised Celestia didn't order him arrested right then and there while scheduling his execution because he literally usurped her throne. There's some some stuff you just don't do, and that's one of them.
That said, I did enjoy this chapter a lot. Even though I am wondering how long it'll be before Gareth gets to Canterlot. Even if the Everfree and Canterlot are within 20 miles of each other that mountain is steep. You gotta imagine that at some point Gareth's going to reach the base and find a giant staircase that seems to stretch on forever, but he walks up it anyway because he insists it builds character and is better than flying.
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I think it was pretty clear at that point that they were acting as husband and wife, not noble and Princess. They're clearly going to be more casual when it's just each other.
This is amazing! I love how you've breathed a new breath of life into romance HiE!
I shall fav this eagerly, and watch my inbox with joy!
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Remember, she is suffering a bit of amnesia, and she is a rather benevolent princess. As such her instincts are to watch and wait, rather than overreact and punish a pony when she is not sure if they are breaking the rules or not.
Best line so far: "YOU'RE IN MY CHAIR", and if she was any other monarch (or goddess) he would have been smited on the spot.
4490758 Empty lies?
4490758 Um a pile of shit?
4490605 It's in the brackets because they are speaking different languages. Se was speaking equestrian and then inserted his name. Which probably sounded wierd too the ponies, but for Gareth, was the only word he recognized, and realized they were talking about him.
Amazing chapter I look forward to more.
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It doesn't matter that they're speaking a different language. Square brackets are used when a quotation is modified by someone else, and it's not being modified (beyond being translated for the reader by the omniscient narration, obviously, and you don't normally put that in square brackets). His name is not being translated, so there is no grounds whatsoever for including it in brackets. Out of all the text in that you could justifiably enclose in in brackets, that would be the one thing you could not do.
It's ugly, grammatically wrong, and implies that she is saying something else entirely instead of his name.
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The amount of casual in "let me randomly start feeling you up" and piggy-backing a horse (which would be just as uncomfortable for the horse) seemed a bit much.
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You're all a bunch of idiots. Killing him is too easy, and going straight for the genitals is distasteful, not for him, or the public, I just wouldn't want to see that shit.
You gotta get Ceaser on his ass.
First, you have to get on his good side, and give the public outlook that he's on your side. After some time, you "decide" to send him on a diplomatic mission for him to oversee. And when the time is right, you send him on his merry way. Afterwards, during his travel period, you have the guards assigned to him, and what mercenaries that are accompanying them, basically kidnap him, and take him to somewhere very much removed from sociiety, so that if he manages to escape before you are finished, he won't survive.
Then you start torturing him. You start out with your primitive and yet brutal, Victorian/Vatican Crusades era torture methods. I'm talking water boarding, walking on coals, whipping, shit like that. It's not too harsh, but softens him up.
And remember, we're breaking him, not trying to kill him, and you can't break a man (or in this case a pony,) like you break a dog or a horse, because the more you cut him, the more you beat him, the taller he will stand. In order to break him, you need to break his soul, his mind. See, he's going to have preconceptions about what it is to be civil and uncivil, and no doubt he's got ideas, and unconscious thoughts concerning ideas of what would happen to him were he to be captured and tortured, because he's taking a gamble right now, and everybody who knows how to gamble, knows the exact risks if he rolls snake eyes. So you must break his preconceptions of this. Every. Single. One.
Take what he loves, and make him believe that you've destroyed it before his very eyes. Remind him of this fact, every single day he's alive. But leave one or two things for him, let him have hope, because sometimes hope cuts you a lot more than reality.
You beat him, make it inconsistent. He talks back or out of place, break a rib, he tries to escape and fails, when you bring him back, give him a hard slap. Punishment is far more cruel when you can't account for it's severity and cruelty correlating proportionally to your crime. That unpredictable, chaotic element will make him fear you.
Have him destroy his own morals and beliefs to survive. Have him take innocent lives, wildlife would work best. Have him kill them, old and young, regardless. Punish him when he does take their lives, but do it far worse if he doesn't, to the point where he is almost dead. Them feed him that of which he killed, and make sure it's done in such a way that he enjoys it. Change his body if you need to, give him a carnivores taste buds without him knowing, and when you reveal this fact to him, let him wonder just how much has been changed about him.
Take his memories, let the days slide into one. Give the illusion of age and time progression by putting him into deep bouts of sleep, so that you can let his mind create the illusion that a great amount of time has passed. Enhance this by having guards that interact with him, work on 1 month long posts, have a new post of guards come in, and when he's asleep, swap them out for new ones, giving the illusion that he became accustomed to it all for a very long time. Take this even further by healing his wounds and letting them scar, and creating new ones, his mind will have no choice but to believe that time has passed.
And in the end when you know he's well and truly broken, you finish him the best way he deserves.
During the duration of the stay, have information leaked that it was suspected that Noble defected, and betrayed the crown, by appealing to one of Equestria's enemies by attempting to sell state secrets. Let the wound fester and take hold, let the public come to dispise and hate him, along with his family. Take him back to Canterlot, have him shunned by the public, show him all that of which he lost. But don't execute him, take him to the center of the town, brandish him a traitor to the crown, remove him from the history books, treat the utterance of his name as a crime against the crown, and cut the very silver tongue he supposedly sought to use to betray Equestria ann his People. Condemn him to a fate worse than death. Let him travel, let him be hated, never let him see a speck of generosity. When he is at his lowest, take him from the eyes of the public, run him through, and burn his body. And as hit heart ebbs into the nether, and death takes hold, stare into his eyes, command it with all that you must, so that he does so. And smile. Smile so that in his last broken moments of his broken life, he dies even without peace, he dies with fear, he dies knowing in the heart of his soul, that you relished in every single second.
Then you would have killed him. You would have destroyed his preconceptions of what it means to be a pony. You destroyed his foolish and flawed belief that your kindness was weakness, and not a reminder that to every coin, there are two very opposite sides.
4490605
4490636
I had figured that "Prince Consort" vs. "King" was a weird Equestrian thing, probably relating specifically to Celestia's past, which will be revealed later. It would have to do with the nature or circumstances of her rulership. If that is very much off target, then there may be a problem.
As for the brackets, how would you suggest the author indicate words from another language being inserted into the sentence? Complaining about that sort of thing without any suggestion of how to improve it is pretty half-baked criticism, in my opinion. But you're absolutely right about needing to do it consistently. If there are not too many words being introduced into dialogue in this way, the author could deal with it by working something into the narration about how weird the human words sounded to the ponies, and avoid using weird notation. But if there are going to be a lot of such words flying around in pony speech, notation may be justified. Actually, in that case, the author might even consider putting ALL human speech in such notation, although I don't know if that common fanfic convention is considered a bad habit in other circles.
I would add that I don't think Celestia's mention of the word "human" ought to be capitalized, but if it is, then every time a pony thinks about the word it ought to be consistently capitalized. It was actually used quite inconsistently: [Human], 'human', Human, human.
4491367
Perhaps. As it stands though, it's confusing because it's not explained what a "true husband" is. Words have defined meanings, so you can't really use them in non-standard ways without explaining them.
Making readers ask questions is not itself a bad thing. Making it so readers struggle to understand what you've written and get confused by seemingly contradictory terms is.
If you're going to be constantly swapping between the languages and turn on the translation convention for the reader, it's not easy, and there's no single correct answer. The aim ultimately it to get the point across to the reader in a clear manner, with aesthetics being a secondary concern.
Also, grammatical convention for the insertion of words from another language into a sentence is to italicise them. For example, "there was a certain je ne sais quoi about her". This doesn't apply with names, and has no bearing on my point.
Further, it doesn't matter if the pony word for "human" is completely different because the dialogue is already being translated for me. Unless it's important to know, it's useless and distracting.
I think that's kind of unfair, considering my post was predominantly concerned with pointing out grammatical errors I'd noticed, not explaining them, and the issue of using multiple languages in-story was outside the scope of my comment. The issue was "this is wrong, don't do it". In fact, regardless of the method used to distinguish languages, it shouldn't be done.
Politics is an all too easy game to play; however, the stakes are raised constantly and you will always lose more than you have gained. And as easy as it is to play, it is even more so easy to lose. I'd advise that "Celestia" watch closely and carefully, so that such a thing might not happen to her.
This combination of tags normally gives me cancer but it looks like you've found a way to make it work. Good job.
4491514
I understood perfectly what the writer was trying to do with those square brackets.
The particular situation of multiple languages in dialogue here has no fixed convention; so the best thing to use would be something that hasn't any other use in this context. Bolding/italicizing/underlining text is used for emphasis already; using it to indicate that particular words were not in English/Equestrian would have been confusing. Though square brackets are usually used for quotation used without modification, but that is not the only use that they can be put to; they are in fact a better option, since they obviously aren't being used for their intended purpose, it's easier for the readers to see their meaning from context.
At the end of the day, punctuation signs are only arbitrary symbols, not religious heiroglyphs that will profane the gods if not used according to specific regulations. Grammar is not meant to be a straightjacket for English, but only an aide to understanding. In this case, the brackets aided me just fine.
4491514 "Human" isn't a name. Your point about the fact that pony language is "already translated" is meaningless; the word the author wrote as "[Human]" isn't some pony equivalent but rather the actual English word inserted into an otherwise pony language sentence. (Your objection that the issue of language was outside the "scope" of your comment could only be true if you somehow failed to grasp that point. Was that really the case?) There are two different languages being rendered to us, and it is more than reasonable for the author to find some way to indicate that a character's speech is intermingling words from both.
In fact, regardless of the method used to distinguish languages, it shouldn't be done.
I don't even know what this means, considering you've already shown us you believe there are legitimate ways to mark parts of a sentence as being in a different language.
As for using the same markings on the character's name, I admit you have some justification there; still, the author did it to show that the sounds of his name, as with the English language in general, are completely alien to the ponies. I mentioned in my comment that the author might do better to show that through narration.
Ths fic just keeps getting more and more interesting.
If she wants to get rid of him she's going to need to create an officer corps or something like that from scratch with absolute loyalty, built it up and then destroy the nobility, he is their leader after all.
4491701
Well, yes, but it really was quite a dire insult, and Celestia has to start reestablishing her authority quickly. That bloke was in her chair. Her. Chair. Something needs to be done about him, something negative.
4492679 Quite. But that still begs the question: what would you do with this sniveling low-life?
4491343
Ah, but that is a long-term plan, and you run the risk of him actually escaping (whether because of friends in court, or simple artifice).
While that would be useful as a message to send, simply showing them what happens to the overly-ambitious would send an equally powerful message.
aww poor celestia, she lapsed and forgot that gareth isnt familiar with pony courtship. they need to have a serious talk!
While rough, this story is quite the interesting take on HiE, especially since it was in reverse for three years prior. If you could patch up the POV and formatting issues, this could quite easily be the best HiE story I've read in a long time.
I'm not sure if this was answered already or not, why do the ponies have a hard time focusing on Gareth? Is it because of his armor or is it an effect of coming through the mirror?
4493145 I'm guessing that it's a take on the "human is immune to magic" scenario, where he's so alien to magical creatures that it's difficult for their minds to even register him. Just a wild guess, though.
4491273 Well, she sort-of is saying something else. For the benefit of the reader, the Equestrian sections are translated, which means that if the author had put those words directly, it would seem as though she were somehow using the (non-existant) Equestrian equivalent. The brackets make it clear to the reader that the words are spoken in another language, without breaking the flow with unnecessary "and this bit was in English" waffle. Clarity is the whole point of grammar, so why not introduce a simple, obvious convention like this?
4493145 Well humans have forward facing eyes like a predator. Helps focus and gives a better depth perception. Ponies have eyes on the side giving the a wider view range. Maybe his height along with the lack of depth to his being like a long pony is tricky to see for them. Plus he is a new creature to them.
4493602
Err, MLP ponies have forward facing eyes, just like humans.
4493971 True. But what if the author still gave them a herbivore outlook and created a flaw? Forward facing eyes but they can't focus well on certain objects/shapes? I've seen errors like that before.
I have one solution for he Noble Era problem. Remove all of his assets and position then shut up any noble house to make an example...
Tyrant or not, sometimes you will have to take the iron glove and slam it down on the table then use other hand to facepalm.
I love this ship; long may it sail!
4491343
Wow... That just might be the cruelest thing I've ever heard. It kind of scares me a little bit.
Wow, that was a really confusing chapter, and kind of sad and frustrating at times.
The language barrier here really sucks sometimes. It confuses the reader a little when Celestia is talking using both languages, and it felt like some parts were lacking to me. You just seem to skip so many important details, because we can't understand Gareth 50% of the time.
I also really wanted to know what Gareth said when Celestia wanted him to get on the chariot. It sounded like a lot of important dialogue/information was completely missed, because we had to read it from Purple Dart's view point, which was a bunch of strange grunting. Then you have them walking through the Everfree with no real explanation. Why is Gareth afraid of flying, why is he randomly feeling all of Celestia's body? What does Gareth say to Celestia before she flies away? It looks like you're trying to build up this relationship with Celestia and Gareth, but that's only a guess, because you left the readers behind with confused glances and a bunch of questions.
I can sum up my reaction to this chapter in one sentence. What the hell is going on in this story ? My brain honestly hurts a little bit.
Celly is afraid to be Queen? I wonder why...
*reads chapter
Alright. Establishing Noble Era as 'suspicious'. Time to read comments.
... Seriously? Skewering testicles and torture? That's a bit much, considering he was just introduced.
4491701
But this is medieval Equestria, killing him publicly (and in front of all the supporters for his coup), would send a message that Celestia is not to be trifled with. Yes, it would cause instability for a little bit, but between the Equestrian Army, the loyal nobles, and the SUN-MOVING power of Celestia, any rebels would be made into mince-meat.