White hooves in golden shoes raised up in front of her.
She held them up to her face, flexing, turning.
Gilded metal twisted from the shoes, underneath and up, covering her shins-- uh, 'cannons' was the right term, wasn't it? The priceless metal gleamed, faultless and clean, faultless despite walking through the dirt outside.
They were her hooves. Cecilia tried her best to remember that. She placed them back down as she nervously walked through the immaculate white and gold room. Glancing up at the white tapestries hung overhead.
Who could possibly afford such affluence? Cecilia paused in front of a balcony entrance, covered over by a heavy red curtain. Just nudging it with her forehoof told her that it must have been weighted down.
With a swipe of a foreleg, it clicked aside.
The view stole her breath.
Before her was the visual masterpiece that was Equestria. Long, verdant meadows stretching as far as the eye could see, occasionally interspersed by forest and rimmed with distant mountains. A cloudless blue sky stretched out above like a dome. The light and hue of the day glowed with a seemingly innate energy and joy.
She inched onto the tiny balcony wishing, not for the first time that day, for hands to clutch it with.
Then she looked down.
Just over six hundred feet below was a bustling city. Peop-- ponies went about their business with a calm eagerness and joy. The buildings were as bright and colourful as their inhabitants. Most roofs and structures were wooden, but some were metal, topped with gold and purple spirals that reached up like cake icing. The sheer rush of foot traffic reminded her of London, only its natives seemed to live with each other instead of in spite of each other. This was Canterlot; the city of Cecilia's dreams.
No, that wasn't entirely true. Things were different from what she remembered. There were new buildings on the exterior of city. She recalled that she didn't want them to build outside the city limits. Didn't she?
Her pink eyes glanced over the buildings once more. They all seemed so happy. Why did they need her at all? Maybe they didn't. Maybe they were just looking for answers. Maybe she could go back to-
"Princess Celestia!" The shrill girl squeaked from behind her.
Cecilia's wings splayed up in fright, feathers flicking out as her head whipped around.
A young white-coated unicorn stood behind Cecilia. Her braided red mane tied up around her head, a pair of white ears stuck out of the horizontal wrapping. Despite her position, she wore a relatively humble gown, her fore-legs went through the sleeves, with the dress ending near her flank and hind-legs.
Cecilia's ears folded back. Goodness, that action alone felt strange. Ears weren't meant to move. "Gleaming Horizon," said Cecilia, trying to recall how she addressed... well, anyone here. "You'd note that I've yet to leap off the balcony. Presumably you're not too disappointed as you seemed to given it your best effort to scare me out of my skin."
Gleaming's face fell, red eyes casting downwards.
Cecilia immediately regretted opening her mouth.
"I-- I'm sorry, your majesty." Gleaming anxiously rubbed her foreleg. "It's just... it's you! Princess Celestia!"
"It's... me?"
Gleaming stepped forward, grinning widely. "Yes! You defeated Discord, banished Nightmare Moon, kept the three races together and never, ever gave up. When I stepped forward to be your lady-in-waiting two years ago... I-I never thought I'd actually get to BE your lady-in-waiting," tears began to well up in her eyes. "I-I never thought..."
Hero worship then. Cecilia sighed. Best play the role, there was no reason to hurt Gleaming's feelings more than she already had. Cecilia walked over to the mare, wrapping a foreleg around her.
"Now, now, none of that," Cecilia said, smiling down at her. "I'm not nearly as important as ponies make me out to be. I know that it all seems amazing in story and song but I guarantee you, if it were not me, then another would have taken my place. Besides, things have gotten on well despite me not being here, haven't they?"
"Begging your pardon, your majesty," a gruff, male voice said, "but I wouldn't quite put it like that."
Cecilia looked up, frowning as she held Gleaming a bit closer.
A middle-aged pegasus in military dress stood in the doorway. The bizarre, white bushy moustache on his muzzle, swished around in thought. He wore more clothing than most ponies Cecilia had seen, with a blue jacket and peaked hat, both adorned with campaign ribbons. His grey, speckled mane was was neatly trimmed, in keeping with standards, if Cecilia recalled, with a salt-and-peppered yellow coat.
"I'm sorry, who are you?" Cecilia asked.
"O-oh, right!" Gleaming squirmed out from underneath Cecila's foreleg, bolting ahead. She turned turning on the spot and waving a nervous forehoof at the pegasus. "Ahem, Princess Celestia, I present to you, Colonel Purple Dart of the Wonder Bolts!" She said, grinning as though hoping she'd gotten that right.
"Colonel Purple Dart?" Cecilia asked, raising a brow.
"Indeed, ma'am," the Colonel said, "We've met in passing before your... rather abrupt sojourn. Of course, it was just 'Captain' Purple Dart back then. Uh, apologies for your extraction. I understand that it got a little rough with your rescuers being so... anxious in their new forms."
Cecilia nostrils flared, willing her temper back under control. The memories of what happened earlier today came all too harshly. The terror and indignity of it all. "I'm not sure I would call 'grabbing a civilian as she went to fetch some water, then ignoring her kicks and screams as you dragged her into a statue' as being simply a 'little rough'."
"Indeed," the Colonel averted his eyes, coughing into his forehoof. "Regardless, you're back now. I respect that you might need some time off after your rather horrible experience, but times have changed my liege. Equestria needs you to re-establish order and all your work to stop it from spinning apart is in jeopardy.
"Before you left, the Earth ponies were already toeing the line regarding over-settling, but now they've gone and done it. They've far over-extended the lines of protection that Cloudsdale can provide. While we've done our best to pull them in... we can't protect, or stop, all of them forever. Don't even get me started on the unicorns!"
"What about the unicorns?" Cecilia asked.
Gleaming spasmed, suddenly gesturing to herself. "Oh-! Uh, please allow me, colonel," she said, smiling nervously at Cecilia. "You see, princess, the unicorn houses are-- uh-- almost in active revolt."
Cecilia stared down at Gleaming, who was looking increasingly like she wanted to merge with the carpet.
"Th-th-they saw your absence as a failure of leadership! Word of your return hasn't quelled things either, if anything, I-I think it's gotten worse! They don't just want to rule themselves, they want to rule ALL ponies!" Gleaming said.
A bead of sweat rolled down Cecilia's brow. Play the role, Cecilia, play the role. "Is... this true?"
"Hmph," the Colonel grunted, "Of course it is. The Unicorn nobles always saw themselves as being superior. That's not happening, of course, not while Cloudsdale stands strong!"
"Then you can keep the peace?"
"Well..." Colonel Purple Dart sighed, his facade of control began to fall away. "As much as I regret to say it, Cloudsdale is beginning to fray. The Equestrian Guard is becoming increasingly factionalised and I've become Cloudsdale's leader in all but name." He trotted up to Cecilia, brows furrowed in desperation. “Your majesty, we need the centuries of guidance you can provide. Please... give us your orders,"
Cecilia's mind raced. How... how could she possibly handle this? She could remember a time when her memories were clear of her past, but now they were just memories of memories. Now she needed to lead them all again? They looked at her with such desperation and hope. She remembered those looks. Her ponies needed her.
She plumbed the depths of her memories, but they came only in slowly increasing bursts. Every minute that passed she could recall more, but the well of her mind was right now only giving up naught but a few droplets. Yet, they expected her to lead them? But even if she wanted to, how could she just forget about--
"Your majesty?" Gleaming murmured.
There was a clatter of hooves on stone. Cecilia only narrowly registered that she was backing away from the two of them with what must be a look of fear on her face. Slowly she saw the confusion increase on their faces. Expressions that would no-doubt soon be followed by looks of betrayal.
"COLONEL!" Cecilia mentally thanked the Pega-guard in the doorway for his timely arrival. She recognised the elaborate golden barding, wings and white coat. That was a sight she couldn't forget.
"What is the meaning of this?! Pega-guard, report!" The Colonel barked.
The guard's wings splayed out in a nervous bow. "Colonel, the platoon around the Castle of the Two Sisters encountered something. They said that it was some kind of bipedal golem of 'iron and leather'. They tried to herd it back into the Mirror b-but it attacked them with a spear!"
A golem of 'iron and leather'? Biped-- Cecilia's eyes widened, barely registering the Colonel's next words.
""What?!" He snapped an angry forehoof to the solider. "I want a full lock-down, immediately! NOTHING gets out of that castle, is that understood?"
Cecilia stepped forward, a familiar sense of control swept over her. "Guardspony."
"Uh, y-yes, your majesty?"
Cecilia narrowed her eyes. "What did this 'golem' look like?"
Because Cecilia had a horrible, wonderful, feeling that she knew exactly what it was...
Cecilia stepped off the golden chariot, walking side-by-side with colonel Purple Dart towards the Castle of the Two Sisters, nestled deep in the heart of the Everfree Forest.
She could feel the wind blow through her ethereal hair on the flight over. She remembered that. Cecilia used a simple magic spell on herself, both for practicality and for practice, so her naturally pink mane wouldn't drag along the ground.
The dilapidated castle stood before. Its outline fitted into Cecilia's recollection like a pane of stained-glass popping into a frame. Nothing had changed. Even the dawning sun's warm light couldn't pretend that it had anything approaching life. The dead structure remained every bit the tombstone that it ever was, a testament to mistakes made long ago, and a somber reminder of her sister’s continued imprisonment.
Cecilia shook her head, looking down to the colonel. "Remind me, that method is new, isn't it?"
"Ah, the 'Pegasus Express'?" The Colonel's chest swelled with pride. "Yes, ma'am, we've set it up in the past year, attempt to trial some rapid transportation of key Uni-guards. Although I must admit, we've never used it to get to the Everfree before."
"There's a first time for everything, I suppose," Cecilia said.
It didn't take them long to reach the overgrown castle grounds. A handful of tents were pitched along the few patches of clear grass. There was a symbol on the side of one of the tents. Two alicorns, one blue and the other white, circling around a sun and a moon. The Equestrian flag.
Her... no, their flag.
The pegasus in golden barding kicked up dirt as he ground to a halt in front of them. He gave Cecilia a brief, almost goofy smile.
"Guardspony, report," the colonel said, glancing at Cecilia out the corner of his eye.
The guard's head snapped back, his back straightening as he snapped up a salute. "Colonel, I take full responsibility for what happened. I should have had my forces lock the mirror down immediately."
The Colonel trotted forward until his face was only a few inches away. "Did I stutter, lieutenant? I wanted a report, now!"
"Sir, yes, sir!" The Pega-guard returned, saluting once more. "We attempted to corner the golem and drive it back into the Mirror, sir! Uni-guard Flash Bang tried scaring it back with some non-lethal flashes and crackles. That creature was on guard before, but those noises seemed to make it go-- well, berserk, sir! It stabbed Flash Bang in the neck and ran past!"
A pang of guilt erupted in Cecilia's gut. "How is the Uni-guard?" She asked.
The guardspony smiled in appreciation. “He's fine, your majesty. The spear didn't get past the chain coif, but it did rip up his skin a bit." He turned back to the Colonel. "The creature ran off into the Everfree, but we just can't track it magically. I can't explain it, but I think it's got some kind of 'notice-me-not' spell or something on it. It just sorta... 'snuck up' on us. Even when it was there, it was hard to focus on, like it wasn't even alive."
The Colonel face-hoofed, growling into it. "So... you have a creature that you can't track, that tried to kill one of you, alive, in the Everfree, right now."
The guardspony shook his head. "Not quite sir, Private Styre has gone after it. He's got a nose unlike any pony alive."
"Great, now he’s missing too." The colonel looked up Cecilia. "Princess Celestia, what are you orders?"
But Celestia was already moving. She stepped away from the camp, spreading her wings. Perhaps she couldn't fully remember everything, but she hadn't forgotten everything, either. She remembered enough for this.
Princess Celestia glanced back over her shoulder. "Stay here, wait for me. My little ponies are in danger, and I know exactly how to handle it."
With a single beat of her majestic white wings, she took off up into the morning sky. Within moments, she was but a white dot in the sky, flying low over the Everfree.
Colonel Purple Dart remembered that sight from when he was but a colt. A white alicorn flying high in the sky, doing everything she could to help her people.
He lifted a forehoof in a silent salute, a genuine smile twisting his moustache upwards. "It's good to have you back, Princess."
Gareth's lungs and muscles burned as he rushed forward. He splashed through the thick mud and leaves underfoot. He didn't look back.
The trees of forest streaked past on either side. They looked like nothing more than green smears through his glass-covered visor.
He skidded to a halt, doubling over and willing himself not to heave his guts through his helmet. This had to be far enough.
The forest was quiet. The braying faded into the distance.
Damn it. God damn it all. Those barded creatures, whatever they were, they were obviously sent to stop him. They tried to corral him, force him back, but he couldn't go. Not without Cecilia.
Then one of them conjured up some foul magics that sounded just like... j-just like...
Gareth coughed violently, spitting sweat out of his mouth which splattered across his leather mask.
He pulled up a trembling hand. He remembered it being drenched in blood: Jobasha's blood. The thundering cannons and the explos-
"No--" Gareth groaned, cradling his head.
He immediately regretted that, as now half of his glass visor was covered in mud from his glove.
"Oh Gareth you id--" Gareth shook his head once more. "NO! Concentrate! You're not a coward, Gareth, you're not! You've just got to find Cecilia. Got to find..." he trailed off, looking around himself.
The forest was dark, darker than one would expect for daytime. Only a few specks of the blue-orange sky could be seen though the foliage. How much brighter would it be without this mud-smeared helmet? The lavender petals suffocated him as much as they protected him.
A flicker of white passed overhead. White wings.
Gareth's eyes widened; they were looking for him. He quickly looked about.
A deep ditch lay just a few metres away.
Gareth rushed to one side, skidding into the muddy crevice. His suit of armour was undeniably going to be clay encrusted after this, but that was worry for another time. He stopped to listen.
Silence. Only the sound of his huffing breath and thudding heart filled his ears. Seconds turned to minutes as he waited.
A trembling hand reached up to his visor, trying to wipe the mud from it.
He only succeeded in further smearing it.
Damn it, he needed a cloth--
There was a clatter of hooves on mud. A large nose sniffed against the ground, walking forward a few steps then sniffing again.
Gareth felt a spike of confusion at the sound. The hoof-falls indicated a smaller animal; the sniffing suggested a dog. What there a hunting dog mounted on a horse or... Damn it. He'd have to take a look. Gareth peeked out of the ditch.
A barded creature stared back.
"Guh-ah!" Gareth yelped and flopped back. His hand went for his boar sp-- wait, where was his spear?! Grabbing to his waist, his left hand drew the dagger from his belt, stabbing it out to the creature in trembling hands.
The beast cocked it head to the side, giving him a better view of its crimson coat and black mane. This one seemed to have disposed of the elegant silver helmet of its fellows, instead allowing it to hang by its side by a strap in its barding. A pair of yellow eyes watched him with an almost... bored look in its eyes.
"Stay back!" Gareth grunted, shuffling away.
It's eyes widened. The creature's mouth parted in shock, looking up. A series of cracking branches and rustling leaves rumbled from above as a white horse crashed into the ground.
"Jesus!" Gareth swore, backpedling further. "Wings? These things can fly now?"
The white horse stood, looking down at the barded creature in front of it, who looked back, just as surprised as Gareth was. Then the white horse said... something.
Gareth knew that it was speaking. There was no way that was a typical horse whinny or knicker or... any other kind of sound. Instead it sounded like so many things. The closest he could describe it would be as a whinny with a pleasing, consistent undertone. There was a certain dignity in it as well. In a way it reminded him a language from the mainlands... well, only as spoken by a horse.
Gareth growled, trying to get a closer look through his visor whilst also keeping his distance.
The barded creature let out a single groaning bray, then walked away.
Then they were alone.
The white horse turned to him.
Gareth reversed the grip on his dagger, steadying his stance. If he was going to die, then he was going to be taking one of them with him.
"You should not be here," the white horse spoke in a soft voice.
Gareth throat dried. He knew that voice. Cecilia. It was Cecilia. No, it couldn't be her. It-- no! Words tumbled from his lips, nothing more than confused mewlings.
The horse's head tilted. "What did you say?" Once more, in his wife's voice.
That was it.
Gareth roared in frustration, jabbing the dagger back into his belt.
His hands lifted up, finding the clips at the base and sides of his helmet. A few clicks and clatters sounded as he unlached and pulled the helmet pulled away.
Petals of lavender drifted down by his face. His burnt nostrils cleared, only to be filled by the smell of recent rainfall, mud and heavy forest.
With a metallic clatter, he threw the helmet against the ground, huffing in barely contained fury. Gareth looked up at the white horse with burning tears in his eyes. He'd failed.
Celestia's heart froze at the sight of him. She could never forget that face.
The face of an Englishman in his late twenties with the start of lines on either side of his cheeks. Medium-length blonde hair that swayed in the breeze. A dusty-yellow beard, short trimmed and well maintained, just as she liked it. A pair of brown eyes that effortlessly switched between being so distant and so very close, eyes that now stared at her in defiance. It was Gareth.
She didn't want him to see her like this.
He looked her up and down. Slowly, his rage quietened as he began to understand.
"Th-this is not a place for humans. You must leave," Celestia said.
Gareth locked eyes with her. His jaw locked, face contorting into a grimace.
Damn it, Gareth, couldn't you just listen for once?
"I'm not leaving without my wife," Gareth growled.
"What if your wife can't go?"
Gareth balled his fists. Tears welled up out the corners of his eyes.
"Then I will stay with her!"
Celestia's eyes widened.
"I..." Gareth paused, looking over her form. A grim determination swept over his face. He stepped over his helmet, trotting on the scattered petals. With a heaving knee, he stepped out of the ditch and walked towards her. "If I can't take Cecilia back, then I'm staying with her."
Celestia stifled a gasp. There was a clatter of hooves on mud, the clay splattering up the sides of her ankles as she backpedaled rapidly.
Gareth didn't stop.
Celestia couldn't help but notice just how tall he was. In the ditch he was no higher than Private Styre, now his head was on level with hers. Each step was deceptively long, and each one taking him closer and closer into making a terrible mistake.
"You don't belong here!" she said, increasingly desperate.
"I belong at my spouse's side," Gareth said, utterly calm. "That is my decision. Accept me, or destroy me."
"I-I'm not human, Gareth! Only the Mirror's magic can make me that way; it's not possible on this side!"
Before Celestia knew it, a pair of muddy gloves clapped on either side of her neck. She flinched at the touch, unable to mask the fear on her face.
Yet, Gareth just smiled. He pulled her into his strong, clinking chest. Arms folded around her, resting his chin on her head.
"I know, Cecilia, but we'll work this out. We always have," Gareth sighed in relief.
Celestia's ears twitched as his smell filled her nose. At once the complexity of his scent never felt stronger. It calmed her. They were only ever this close in a warm bed or in a meadow on a sunny day.
Celestia forced herself to try to pull away, as far as his firm but yielding grip would let her, looking at him with anguish on her face.
"Gareth... neither of us knew for certain. Y-you don't have to do this. The marriage isn't binding," said Celestia.
Gareth paused at that. He closed his eyes, sighing. "Cecilia... do you remember when Father Clemens married us? I was asked if I would take you in 'sickness and in health'. I-" he glanced away, "I didn't realise that we wed upon the former and not the latter."
A dam of emotion threatened to break in Cecilia's chest. The harrowing events of the day rushed through her mind while tears welled at the corners of her eyes. She grit her teeth, willing herself stop crying.
Then Gareth looked to her with those sympathetic eyes. He shook his head. A hand pressed on the back of her head, pushing it forward onto his shoulder.
"G-Gareth?" She murmured.
"It's okay," he whispered
That was it. Cecilia choked, the dam shattered. It was okay. A choke turned to a sob, which turned to crying, which quickly became out-right bawling on her husband's shoulder.
"Now, now, none of that," Gareth said, stroking her neck. "Besides Cecilia, I'm English. You should well know just how belligerent we lot are by now."
So they stayed like that. Celestia crying, and Gareth doing his best not to join in.
All the while trying to shake the feeling that he'd just made a horrible mistake...
Hmm. Some minor capitalization errors and a few oddly phrased bits, but overall, I like it. Poor Gareth.
This is sweet.
Very interesting take on HiE stories, can't say I've read any like it so far. It's earned a like from me for being unique and well written. I'm also giving it a tentative fave in order to keep up on updates, really can't wait to see where does story goes.
I'll say this once and only once. This is probably one of the Celestia-Damn best love fic I have ever read!!! I absolutely love it and how it's going. I applause you my good person for creating such a fic.
Grats on the feature! I'm liking this!
I wonder how it will continue....
I REALLY like this fic, a very interesting storythat i have yet to hve read in any HIE fic so far.
I love how visceral all the little details made this. Small errors aside fantastic work can't wait for more.
I have to admit this is an interesting take on the HiE, PoE, and Human/Pony romance, though to be honest it was the shipping of Gareth and Celestia that got me, I'm a sucker for Celestia romance.
This is definitely a very interesting take on HiE. I like it!
4470804
And I will gladly accept. I've got a couple of betas that... kinda aren't.
Duh duh duhhhh...
I don´t need to watch "The Last Unicorn" again to know this is going to end in tears.
4470875
Quite right! Forgive my provincialism, there's bound to be a few goofs like this.
If anyone else should spot mistakes like these, please PM me. This story isn't perfect, but I want it to be as close as possible.
4470830
Friends. Nice and all, and oftentimes will gladly look over your work, but not as great (usually) as editing editors that'd rather bitchslap you in the face with every mistake in structure and pacing and content that they can find.
I find this to be a rather intriguing story for a few reasons. You bring in the mirror that facilitated Equestria Girls (Or so I presume, given the 30 moons phrase) and use it in a time that almost no one ever writes in. By putting the story in a period that appears to be shortly following the banishment of Nightmare Moon, and Celestia using the mirror to simply escape for awhile (as that is the impression that I received from the story) and getting stranded on Earth in England, well... you've already got one hell of a plot there. Add in the fact that she apparently suffered a head wound accompanied with some form of memory loss / amnesia, and was forcibly extracted by her ponies come the next window of the mirror, and things really are taken up a level.
Sounds like you've got someone willing to go through the story though and help clean it up, which is always a plus. The only thing that really bugged me is that you are spacing your paragraphs inconsistently, I'd suggest picking one style and sticking to it. Either consistently give us that blank space, or none at all. I understand that you're trying to add emphasis or make a point, but you would probably be better off rephrasing stuff and tossing around some italics. After all, they serve to emphasize those pesky spots you want to stand out.
Besides that, everything seems to be flowing well enough. It does appear on the surface that Equestrian and English are two entirely different languages, which will only add to the complications and trials that our English protagonist will have to deal with once he realizes just what sort of rabbit hole he has truly fallen into. Plus the political situation within Canterlot and the surrounding areas sounds to be at a boiling point, so it is promising. I just urge you to be cautious and take your time writing and planning, I'm certain you know why though.
Best of luck, you've got a rather solid first go at posting fanfiction here.
4470892
YES. This is the kind of feedback I need. Thank you, Spacecowboy.
If you're open to it (I certainly don't want to wear out my welcome), I'd like to ask you to do me a favour and point out some examples of my pacing issues. While I think it's okay, that probably isn't the case. You know the old saying though; if you're satisfied with your skills, then you're stagnating.
4470892 THIS! THIS IS HOW YOU FEEDBACK GUYS
4470921
Your paragraph spacing is highly inconsistent. From the 1st chapter...
If you look in the above section, this is an exact copy and paste of a segment a little over halfway through the chapter. Looking through the chapter a bit more, it's almost as if you are using the [Enter] key in lieu of semi-colons or commas or periods.
I did a few other changes, but notice how easy it was to condense the paragraphs there. Since someone has offered to help clean things up, I'll skip mentioning the capitalization errors and other grammar related stuff.
4470982
Hmm, very nice points. The paragraphs you've written do flow better. While I probably won't go back and change all these, I will try my best to be aware of this for future chapters.
Thanks again, Spacecowboy. You're one of the good ones.
Bah! A fiction involving effeminate and womanly englishmen!
But it has ponies I suppose, and ponies make everything better.
Faved
i like this story, keep it up and be careful not to rush it
I have a great need...... for MOAR!!!
Seriously though this story is awesome!
4470892 I would also add that the author should keep in mind whether or not this story is going to feature an Equestria that eventually becomes the canon world, or if it is meant to be a very different parallel world.
The story must maintain a particular tone and flow if Equestria is meant to be the same Equestria as the show in the future, otherwise events will ripple down through their history and induce radical alterations.
Cause and effect must always be kept in mind.
And that's where taking the time to create an event timeline and thorough outline comes into the worldbuilding. One must always be sure that the direction a story takes is one that leads where it needs to go in a plausible manner, otherwise simple common sense on the reader's part breaks the willing suspension of disbelief.
4471139
Terrible spell checking, that's what.
*sigh*, thought I cleared all those up.
I noticed one oddity:
This is written as if it was her thoughts, but if that is the case then it should be "listen to me". And probably in italics or something.
I am definitely enjoying this story of yours. You've managed to create a believable atmosphere and background for what we've seen of Equestria thus far. And as a History Major, I can say that you seem to know your stuff pretty well, which is always good. Looking forward to seeing more of this story.
4470863
As a noble in the 1400's, Gareth's life expectancy is probably somewhere around 60-70 years, baring him having suffered any serious injuries on the battlefield or while hunting boar or some other dangerous beast of that nature. Given how he seemed to have experienced no major difficulties running around the Everfree, I'd say that either seems like it would be unlikely, despite his obvious PTSD symptoms manifesting from the stun-grenade spell. Now on the other hand, healthier eating from a diet lacking in much in the way of meat might extend that a bit. Alternatively, his lifespan might also be extended by some form of weird magical side effect or spells on Celestia's part. But at any rate, given the massive discrepancy between Gareth's and Celestia's probable lifespans, this ending tragically kind of goes without saying.
4470126 Right time period, but if you're going to post a Simon and Garfunkel song, how can you NOT post this one?!?:
Damn... now I have another awesome story to wait for an update.
BUT IT'S WORTH IT!
The action, feelings and describtions are wonderful.
A Song of Ice and Fire: Friendship is Magic?
Game of Ponies?
You have all my with this story please please please do not let it die!
Faved
Upvoted
Watch
this. this is legit. I eagerly await more
This is the first featured story I've seen in days that I felt deserved the slot. Well done. Extremely well done.
I'm going to follow the hell out of this.
Also, I swear to everything that's holy, if you end up attaching a "Dark" or "Tragedy" tag to this...
OH MY GOD I NEED MORE OF THIS!!! this is so engaging and it's only just begun. I can't wait for the next chapter!
Keep this up PLEASE. I have never seen this angle of a HIE before and i want more of this breath of fresh air.
brilliant, absolutely brilliant
Hey, an interesting and rather original premise. You're going on my "Read Later" list, so I don't forget to check this out.
4471616 You'll love it even more.
A Human X Celestia romance directly approved by Celestia's Paladin? Color me intrigued.
A good Christian medieval Englishman visiting Equestria, a land full of myths and magic, and being married to a "horse?" Heh. Now I'm really intrigued.
Well, I admit that I didn't particularly enjoyed the story, and I could just leave without saying anything at all, but...well, it does deserve a comment.
Don't get me wrong - the story is well written, it really is, and it is an interesting story twist to it, which is enough to get me to press the 'like' button. It is, however, not quite my cup of tea. I do hope you keep on writing though! You do have a good style, so keep at it.
I think I've seen this on SB recently.
Nice to find it here.
This seems very interesting, and full of potential well done.
Here's looking forward to more.
4472017
>A good Christian medieval Englishman visiting Equestria, a land full of myths and magic, and being married to a "horse?" Heh. Now I'm really intrigued.
It didn't seem all that odd to me.
We must remember that the English split off from conventional Christianity and formed their offshoot Anglican thing, so that they could indulge in all sorts of debauchery and sin. Er, not that I'm a Christian, so don't take that as me proselytizing.
Now, what you're looking for is a Knight from the Order of Brothers of the German House of Saint Mary in Jerusalem..better known as the fearsome TEUTONIC ORDER. They're the hardline Christian Knights you desire to read about.
Infamous for waging a war so brutal, so devastating, and so atrocious that even The Pope In Vatican City condemned their action, a Teutonic Brother would have had Celestia's head lopped off and mounted on a spike, since that apparently seems to be more your thing.
Gott mit uns!
Refreshingly new concept, at least for me. You sir just got another follower for this story.
4472254
I don't know where you got the idea that I was interested in the extreme levels of drama that a Teutonic Knight might bring. All I meant was that any good period Christian is going to face some difficulties reconciling the things they've been taught with the things they'd encounter in Equestria. I don't expect stark, raving fanaticism, but I would be disappointed if there isn't some crisis of faith.
I've actually done that kind of thing before while playing a character in White Wolf's Dark Ages version of Vampire: the Masquerade - a Christian vampire had to come to terms with some werewolves doing some good and just things in the name of "Gaia," not "God."
This is really good.
I'm sorry... What?
In my opinion this sentence needs rewording, since not only does it feel clunky and confusing but it almost stopped me from deciding to read the first chapter. Which I will do momentarily.
4472343
You're right. It's mostly my own perverse desire to see a Teutonic Brother 'cleanse' the land. Better still? A complete transplant of the Baltic Crusades into Equestria, with the Ponies taking the place of the Lithuanian pagans who were on the receiving end of the Teutonic Order.
I could easily see how it would go down, being as I spent some hours studying the history of the German Order's bloody swathe through the dark forests of the Baltic region.
However, there are enough Grim-darque War Stories on this website, in my opinion, and I have no desire to create yet another one. Maybe someone else with a firm grasp on the history of the Teutonic Order could do it.
4472384 "touched in the head" is an old phrase that means that she was eccentric or a little bit crazy
4472393
yeah, I understood what it was trying to tell me pretty quickly, but the way the sentence read made me cringe and almost stopped me from reading any more, but I gave it the benefit of the doubt and read the rest of the description.
specifically
The 'who' being placed there just sounds weird to me. I feel like 'who was touched in the head, believing herself to be an alicorn' or something to that extent would fit better.